Shownotes

Lesley Logan welcomes back personal coach and former NASA engineer John Mollura for a powerful conversation on confidence, fear, and self-trust. Together they break down why so many high achievers feel stuck—and how it’s not about time management but the fear hiding underneath. John shares how to quiet your inner critic, lean into a curious ‘seeker mindset,’ and rebuild trust in yourself one small promise at a time.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co.

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In this episode you will learn about:

• How fear of failure kept John from setting goals or making plans.
• The “two-by-four” life moments that forced him to realign his purpose.
• Why photography revealed a deeper coaching calling after years in corporate life.
• Why true confidence begins with keeping the promises you make to yourself.
• Why fear drives the “big three” — perfectionism, procrastination, and overthinking.

Episode References/Links:

• John Mollura’s Website – https://www.johnmollura.com
• John Mollura’s Free Resources – https://www.johnmollura.com/free-stuff
• Episode 119: John Mollura – https://beitpod.com/ep119
• The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks – https://a.co/d/0DUsv01
• AmeriCorps – https://americorps.gov
• Brand Builders Group – https://brandbuildersgroup.com

Transcript

John Mollura 0:00
The root of people’s lack of confidence is they’re not showing up for themselves. Because here’s what happens, is we’re lying to ourselves. We say I’m going to wake up and go to the gym, or this is the year I’m going to start eating healthier, or I’m going to floss my teeth every night. Like, pick a commitment you’ve made to yourself. If we continually break these commitments time and time again, well, guess what? Our brain recognizes I can’t trust me.

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INTRODUCTION

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

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Lesley Logan 1:10
Hi, Be It babe. How are you? Oh my gosh. Okay. We have a blast from the past, an amazing person, that every time I hear him speak, I’m just like, yes, yes that, yes this, yes, that, oh, say that one more time. So you guys are gonna want to repeat this. This is an episode on perfectionism, procrastination, overthinking, confidence, fear. It’s really good stuff. And our guest is John Mollura, and I’m really, really excited. And if you haven’t heard from him on episode 120 I highly recommend, after you listen to this one, go listen to that one, and just see how far people come in such a short period of time, we think three years is a long time, and it’s like, you know, like, it isn’t, it happens quite quickly. So anyways, you’re amazing. John’s amazing. This episode is for you. Here you go.

Lesley Logan 1:57
Be It, babe. We have a blast from the past, and like the past, I cannot believe that it’s I can’t believe how long this podcast has been on, because it feels like I just got started, and I’m like, still getting my groove, but John Mollura is our guest today. He was from Episode 120, oh my God, okay. John Mollura, in case people haven’t been with us since Episode 120, can you remind them?

John Mollura 2:16
And you should go back and listen to all those if you have not.

Lesley Logan 2:21
Well, they’re gonna have to. Because I think we’re gonna share, what I’m excited about is to share a journey. Like, whenever I have a guest back on, it’s like, we get to, like, see where you are, and people get to go, oh, wow, behind like, you don’t see behind the scenes very much, and you don’t like, we just think, like, things just happen, and the light switch just turns on, and everything works out. So tell everyone who you are and what you’re rocking at now.

John Mollura 2:45
Hey, everybody. So second time guest here on the Be It Pod with my good friend, Lesley. And fun fact is I actually live right up the road from her hubby’s parents in the first State of Delaware.

Lesley Logan 2:58
It’s really hilarious.

John Mollura 2:59
Right? Small world, small world. So what I am up to? I am a personal coach, and no one is more surprised to see me in that position than me.

Lesley Logan 3:08
I don’t know. I had to be really honest. We’ll go on with your because, but I just want to say, like, your talk, (inaudible) like, three years ago, about imperfection was so good, like, to me, you were like a coach over a photographer. But anyways, tell everyone why you’re more surprised.

John Mollura 3:28
Yeah, and I’m talking like, longer than, like, the time you and I have been buddies, but like, just throughout my entire life, dude, I, like Forrest Gump-ed my way through, like, never really had a plan, and I came to realize the reason why I never had a plan is because if you didn’t have, like, a plan and a target and goals, guess what, you could never fail. And I was so afraid of failure, like I never wanted to, you know, put my name on something, be like, this is what I want to do. So that is why I say I’ve, -like, Forrest Gump-ed my way through. And I I’m surprised I’m here, because it was never the plan, because I never had a plan.

Lesley Logan 4:05
This is so fascinating. I think people just freaking like, were like, caught, like that, like, caught, you know, because you just said, If you don’t have a plan, you can’t fail. And I’m afraid of failure. And I think there’s a lot of people who have been just like, it’s a lot going on, it’s really hard to make decisions in this time, like, you know, and it’s like you can do that for so long, and at some point, like, there’s a calling that you have, the universe is going to force you to do it. Do you feel forced?

John Mollura 4:38
So I like to call them two by four moments, Lesley, and these are those moments in life where the universe, or God or who, whomever you believe, is kind of orchestrating all this. If you’re not paying attention enough, they whack you upside the head with a two by four. And you find yourself in these situations where it’s like you’re just forced into these changes, and you know you don’t have to answer the call, but the price you pay is that you just have this just spiritual discontent with inside of you, and that is such a yucky and exhausting feeling.

Lesley Logan 5:13
Yeah, it really is like, and I think anyone listening like, I can think of times when, like, I feel like I got hit by a back truck, and then you’re like, why didn’t you tell me before the Mack truck came? And then you look back and you’re like, there was a little flashlight right there, and then there was this like thing over here. You ignored those so I had to hit you with a Mack truck to get your attention.

John Mollura 5:37
Yeah, yeah. There is a story that I like to tell when I’m doing like a small group, and it’s like people are like, you know, they they end up at the pearly gates, and they’re like, God, why didn’t you save me? And that is like, what are you talking about? It’s like, I sent, I told you to leave the house before it flooded. I sent you the news report, and you didn’t listen. And then when you climbed on your roof. I sent you a boat, saying, hey, get in the boat. And you said no, and then I sent a helicopter, like, what else do you want? So we don’t, we don’t pay attention to these signs all along the way.

Lesley Logan 6:10
We’re expecting it to say, John, this is for you. Like, Lesley, this is yours. And the truth is, is that, like, you know, we all get choice. That’s what we were given. We were given this choice to listen or to not to listen, and those choices have consequences. So if you choose not to listen, you get hit by a two by four, hopefully before you drown. Hopefully, hopefully you pay attention before you drown. So, tell, can you take us back to some of the two by fours that kind of shoved you this way?

John Mollura 6:40
Yeah. Yeah. So, so my my career again, like starting back with my career after I graduated engineering school from Penn State in like 2001 shout out, Nittany Lions, we are, is I ended up working in the space program. Right?

Lesley Logan 6:58
Yeah, which is so badass. It’s like the, I mean, it’s what every kid grows up to wanting being an astronaut, you got to do that without going to space. But, like.

John Mollura 7:06
Space Cadet, yes, astronaut, no, but I did get to work with them, and the reason why I literally fell into that job was because I lost out on an internship with Disney in college and taught rock climbing for the summer, and that actually was what bubbled me to the top of the guy who hired me, who was former Special Forces and he said, Hey, look, I’m like, why’d you pick me? Like, I had, like, a decent grade, other than my shining personality and, you know, rapier wit, why did you pick me, Skip? And he said, I don’t need another, you know, gosh darn egg head on this team. I need someone I can send out into the field and not get me or themselves killed. He said, you’re smart enough. So again, like, you know, I wasn’t planning on ever being a rock climbing instructor, but I was offered the jobs I know other options. That’s what bubbled me to the top, where I worked in the space and defense industry for 15 years, leading test operations for NASA and working with elite military units, and a big two by four moment came in 2009 right after our first child was born, where, like, I really felt like I wasn’t going to be a good dad, just because, you know, my past trials and traumas. And then right after that, one of my best childhood friends intentionally overdosed and passed away, and I was I was a mess. I was an absolute wreck. And, you know, I can remember thinking, Well, maybe he got it right. Maybe I shouldn’t be here. And for whatever reason, I said the Serenity Prayer like it popped in my head.

Lesley Logan 8:41
Isn’t it funny how we all know that prayer, we all know, like, if that prayer is like, right there, it’s like, so like, like, we’re, I feel like we’re born with it, like it’s so good.

John Mollura 8:49
Yeah, yeah. And for those of you, you know, here’s a variation I love is, you know, accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be, you know. And like, as soon as I finished it, I felt this warm sensation and like, you know that that’s when I found, like, true religion and freedom. But it wasn’t like all unicorns and rainbows and stuff like that. It was quite the opposite. It was where, like the proverbial scales fell from my eyes, and I realized what an a hole I was in life to protect myself. So that started me on this journey of faith and getting my, you know, just seeing how the world saw me, and I built up this like superhero exterior, but really just to protect the wounded person inside. And as I really came to terms with that and started healing, I started realizing that, wow, this job that I have, like you said, which is, like every kid’s dream, like, you know, former 80s kid, like you we grew up watching Star Wars and, you know, all the things like that. I was like, this job isn’t satisfying me. This isn’t this isn’t where I’m supposed to be. I’m good at it. I’m world class at it. But, man, I’m just not happy.

Lesley Logan 9:58
Yeah, yeah, that’s what Gay Hendricks would call from The Big Leap, he would call, like, your zone of excellence, but not your zone of genius. And, like, It’s uncomfortable to be in the zone of excellence for a long time. People think you’re weird, but like, you just don’t like, you’re like, I this, I can do this in my sleep, but it’s not challenging me. It’s not making me feel satisfied.

John Mollura 10:19
Right? Yeah, that’s not bringing life into me. So I went and, you know, did the responsible thing, and as a now father of three, and got another higher paying job in engineering, and was even more miserable and out of alignment.

Lesley Logan 10:32
Just wanted to make sure.

John Mollura 10:34
Yeah, just wanted to make sure this is definitely not for you. So almost, almost eight years ago to the day. We’re recording this in early April, on April 7th of 2017 was when I walked away from corporate life and turned my side hustle photography in my full time gig. And it, you know, it was filled with a lot of ups and downs. You know, I had the opportunity, like National Geographics featured my stuff. I photograph my Grammy winners, like all the cool things, but it never really took off. Right? So here, you know, we’re already up to two, two by four moments. There’s, you know, the death of my friend and my spiritual awakening. You know, realizing this, like, dream career wasn’t serving me. So if you’re counting along, that’s two, two by fours to the head, I don’t catch on real quick. And then, actually, our initial conversation, and I looked it up, was in January of 2022, shout out, Brand Builders.

Lesley Logan 11:34
I know, I know. Oh my God, that is, that is, I mean, we met, I guess, that is crazy. This podcast has been on for a long time.

John Mollura 11:42
Yeah, and it wasn’t even about the podcast that was about a webinar. You had this like, zany idea to be like, Hey, does anybody want to talk about imposter syndrome? I’m like, What’s that? So I, like, Googled. I’m like, Oh my God, that’s what I had even like as I was getting, like, letters of commendation from the military, like I felt like I didn’t deserve it, and I was like, one screw up away from, like, failing and like everyone seeing I was faking it. So during this photography career, as the photography was starting to slow down, that came into my life, that came into my path, and then that turned into a keynote, and then the keynote turned, you know, into another keynote called elite level confidence. And that started getting traction. Meanwhile, my photography business is going down, right?

Lesley Logan 12:30
Yeah, I’m going to challenge you on that second two by four. I think that the second two by four is a door, like a bridge or just like a guide, because I think, like, you would never have been in the room that you were in. So I feel like, maybe there’s a second, two by four. And just like, hey, this photography thing is a beautiful hobby, and you’re really good at it, and it’s another zone of excellence. But like, they’re, we’re calling you over here. But I just think, like, I think, like, the everything happens for a reason, and you were in that room because of photography, you know, or maybe there was something inside you that was like, calling you to go for more, and maybe you knew about this coaching thing sooner. But I think, like, I wonder, like, would you have gone from engineering to elite level coaching? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I.

John Mollura 13:14
Right, I mean, it all falls together. You know, when you’re looking back at the path, it’s like, oh, that makes sense. But yeah, in the moment you’re like, what the heck it’s going on here?

Lesley Logan 13:23
Yeah, so okay, I remember, because I get your emails, I remember when you’re like, oh, I’m not doing this for I’m closing my studio. And I was like, wow, I hope he’s not going back to engineering. I’m so happy you’re not. But you know, like, I was just like, oh, because I’ve been in this world long enough and like, it’s really, it is really difficult to whatever your passion is, whether you’re a photographer, listening or not, like one of my dear friends, like she makes her magic happen as a photographer, but it is you absolutely can get paid for your passion, but you also have to remember, it’s still work, you know? And if it’s not, if it doesn’t serve you and your family, then it’s not serving you, and you have to, like, change it. So, okay, how did you be it till you see it, from photographer to coach, because that I feel like, you know, like, how did you address that? How did you come to terms with your heart? How did you tell your family? How to tell people that I feel like people get stuck on like that, but what are people gonna say? What? How do I explain why I changed again?

John Mollura 14:20
Yeah, and that was a lot of internal dialog when I was like, oh man, I’m starting to feel this, this just spiritual discontent again. And I’m like, I’ve wrestled with it. I’m like, are you kidding me, John, like, like you already had, like, a dream everybody wants. Like, you worked in the space program. You literally worked with astronauts and fighter pilots. Like, how cool is that? And then I did photography again. A lot of people like that. They’re like, my dream is to be a photographer full time. And I’m like, oh, no, this isn’t really filling me up anymore. So that was something I really wrestled with, Lesley, like, like, I didn’t want to tell my wife, who’s been on this, like, roller coaster with me, like, because I was embarrassed. I’m like, what is wrong with me? Why am I just such a like, you know, then all the negative voices start, right? It’s like, you’re a malcontent. You’re never going to be happy, you know, all the things and but what I realized, what I really leaned into, was the truth of the matter, was, especially after Covid, because the photography I did, like headshots, portraits, things like that. So I was always working with people, and I saw such a change in people’s demeanor. Like, I get it. Being photographed is not anyone’s favorite pastime, really. But, like barely.

Lesley Logan 15:31
I love it, but I’m weird.

John Mollura 15:33
Right. Yeah, there’s a very small percentage of people, but you know, every photo shoot would start the same. Good luck getting a good picture of me. And it’s like, okay, yeah, that before, but there was something different, especially after Covid, where people just had this just lack of confidence in themselves. So I started realizing, like I was doing coaching sessions with people, just to get them comfortable being in front of the lens of the photo shoot they paid big money for.

Lesley Logan 16:02
That’s insane. I can totally see that 100%, yes.

John Mollura 16:06
Yeah. So that’s, that’s what I really started leaning into. So my first coaching program that I came up with a couple years ago was called Authentic Men of Action. Because, you know, Rory Vaden, who actually brought us together through his Brand Builders was, he always says, you’re best suited to serve the you that you used to be. And I’m like, God, I was a mess. So I thought, let me create this program to to work with men, to really help them take action and get after what is important to them and best serve people that are in their lives. And again, it kind of took off. But then, like, women started reaching out, like their girlfriends and wives, and they’re like, Hey, can, like, we get in on this? And I’m like, okay, you know, cue all the limiting beliefs, you know, tripping up like, Oh, you gotta know what to say. You’re gonna know how to help people.

John Mollura 16:52
Almost like, you know when to, like, hit the button. You’re like, okay, here they are. Like, just come at me.

John Mollura 17:01
Yeah, yeah. And my wife’s like, she’s like, you know, you’re a father to two daughters, you’re a great husband. Like, why don’t you just see how it goes, John, and quit over thinking this. Like, okay, so yeah. Then I opened the coaching up to the women, and then the keynotes started. Were with which turned into elite level confidence, you know? And it’s just been a beautiful progression of just listening and seeing what the need is, and then answering the call and not letting those limiting beliefs stop me.

Lesley Logan 17:24
Yeah, I think it like it takes, in the ideal world is like each time you get to know yourself and what you want more, and that each time you be it till you see it, like the space between hearing and limiting beliefs and still taking action, ideally, gets shorter. Like, I actually don’t think that you they just go away.

John Mollura 17:55
They never go away.

Lesley Logan 17:56
I think if you’re not a narcissistic, egotistical sociopath, like if you are, they never go away. You just recognize it. You’re like, Oh, I know this station. I can actually just turn it off. Like, thank you. You know, like, I get to, I get to turn that off now, and I think that’s so interesting. I also, like, was want to highlight, like, I do think that there’s a massive confidence problem, and no one is like, you know, the coaches I’ve worked with, because I worked with a lot, since I’m in the fitness world, there’s a lot of people who are like, you are, like, creating fitness programs so women feel confident. And the truth is, as my coach, is correct, no one is actually Googling how to get more confident, right? Like they’re Googling, like, weight loss or whatever, but what they are wanting, the byproduct is confidence. Now that we’ve on the other side of Covid, I do think there’s a lot of people who reckon, who are like, defeated, you know, and, and because, especially people our age who, like, you know, graduated, like, went to college in 2001 graduated to the recessions, you know, then once we started getting our legs under us, then Covid hit. Like, it kind of can feel like, if your evidence is every few years you get knocked down, you may as well stay in a safe place which doesn’t make you more confident, it makes you have some dissonance, and that is where a lack of confidence comes from. So I do think that more and more people are needing it and even more aware, but they’re using the word imposter syndrome and and other things to to describe it. Okay, you’ve done speeches before because, like, you had, like, you’ve had the career with, with space and all that stuff. But like, what was it like to give your first keynote under this, like, this iteration, this, like, next level, this, be it till you see it version of you?

John Mollura 19:40
Yeah, one of my coaches told me something that really resonated with me, and now I share it with with my clients that want to, like, do keynote speaking. They said the best thing you can do to reduce the nerves is not to focus on yourself, because if you go out there with this mindset of, like, Oh my gosh. I need to, I need I need to, I need to not forget any lines. I need to hit my marks on the stage. I need to. I need to just, just, just, just crush this like, that’s when it goes completely sideways, yeah? Because it’s all inward focused. So being switching the mindset of like, okay, I’m gonna go out here. I’m well rehearsed. I’ve done the preparation that I need to do, and I’m doing that not so I look awesome, but so I can best serve everybody that’s out in the audience. So the first time I gave that talk, you know, I did like the rotary thing, where I talked to rotary groups and get my legs under me and refined it. The first official time I gave it was to a group of people that had just completed a year of service with AmeriCorps, and they were transitioning out of that volunteer space. And now, you know, going a lot of them going back into whatever organizations they helped with, but also taking this knowledge and going forward, and they and they’ve changed, during these years of service.

Lesley Logan 21:06
Yeah. Who they were when they started is a very different person, you know.

John Mollura 21:10
Right, right. So I partnered up with AmeriCorps because they were, the leadership realized that when people would leave, they were they they didn’t, they were kind of rudderless, because they weren’t the same person going back to their lives they had before. So they brought me in to speak to them. And is a very beautiful thing about like ways we can sabotage ourselves with, with just, you know, whether it’s it’s perfectionism or having this kind of lone wolf mentality, building walls in our relationship, you know, focusing on, like perfectionism that leads to procrastination and overthinking and all the things it was helping them see and just be aware of these, these things that will pop up.

Lesley Logan 21:55
Yeah, yeah. I sorry to hit you off. I think like understanding how we sabotage ourselves is one of the biggest things we could ever do for ourselves. So you mentioned perfectionism, lone wolf. What are some of the other like ways we can we can sabotage ourselves because we look at it as like it’s happening to us, but really we’re doing it to us.

John Mollura 22:17
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So and that, that’s where you know, my newest free resource that I’ve is on my website for people, it’s The Six Leverage Points for Success, and it talks about, you know, creating legacy for yourself, like, how to honor this future you that is out there. You know, how to build your confidence. And we’ll, we’ll chat about here in a moment, about, like, the like, the real reason, like, why a lot of folks’ confidence is lacking, talking about the ways that we can put more structure into our relationships, because people don’t like to say, I’m going to put boundaries up, because that seems, you know, like they’re keeping everything else. Like, no, it’s not about putting walls up around. It’s about putting walls up, but then putting some gates in with some quality guards that are there.

Lesley Logan 23:05
Yeah, yeah. There’s a lot of freedom in a boundary that people don’t see it like they see it like as a cement wall. And it’s like, well, it’s actually just like, a guideline of how you can treat me in this situation. But okay.

John Mollura 23:16
Yeah and then helping people understand the value of like focus, because so often when we’re on these journeys, like, what are we doing? We’re looking to that person over there, and then we’re looking at their Instagram account, and then we’re, you know, next thing, you know, you’re completely side you know, you’ve spun yourself into the ground because you’re looking at everybody else instead of keeping your eyes ahead. And then then finally, talking about helping people get into action. So that that’s, that’s kind of, those are kind of the ways that I’ve realized people have been sabotaging themselves. Like, okay, this is what they are, heads up, because awareness is so powerful. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 23:52
Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I I think, like, every time I think, like, something is like, not working, I can actually, if I just, like, take a moment after being upset about what’s not working, so, oh, I actually tried to this by myself, or I guided this, like, focusing on, like, where my marks are. Where am I doing this, as opposed to, like, how is this impacting them? Why is this the thing that they need? Like, I can see, like, where I, like, got inwardly focused and sabotaged myself when really, like, I know the answer. And I guess what the cool thing is, you can actually pivot. You can actually just make changes once you’re aware. But you have to be aware of these things to see them, yeah.

John Mollura 24:34
Yeah and there and there’s, there’s, there’s another component to that, which I found is really powerful, is that it’s not just being aware, then it becomes very important that we’re not judging ourselves with our awareness. Because when you’re judging yourself and you’re aware, like, I call that like, that’s where the critic lives. Like, these are the people that have had their hearts stomped on, and they’re like, never, this is never gonna work. This won’t work. No one will want it like that’s being judgmental and aware. Where we want to be is we want to shift into, like, what I call being the seeker mindset, which is where you’re aware, but then you use, I know, one of your favorite words, which is curious. When we’re aware and curious, man, that’s where beautiful things happen, right? Yeah, that’s where, like, we’re a seeker, and we’re like, this is where I want to go. I’m not really sure how I’m going to get there, but I’m going to start embracing this journey and seeing what resources and people I have that can help me get to there. And spoiler alert, that there is probably going to shift a little bit, but at least you’re going towards that with awareness and curiosity.

Lesley Logan 25:34
Oh, I love that you called out the judgment, because I think we can. It’s so easy for us to like then be aware oh, here I am being my lone wolf and like, just like, continue going down the judgment zone, which is not where creativity nor confidence can live, by the way, like, judgment and gratitude can’t live in the same place. Like, so yeah, it’s a whole, it’s a whole, those energies don’t coexist very well. Okay, so can we talk a bit about confidence? Because, like, I do think, like, I find, first of all, I’m always shocked that people think that people like you or I struggle with confidence. And I think, like, it’s really hilarious because, like, I just personally think that they see in us what they want for themselves. And so there’s a projection that’s happening, and us just doing the thing scared shitless. Like, like, it’s what they think is confidence, and really it’s like, well, I’m not going around with a sign on my shirt saying I’m scared shitless while I’m doing this, but also I am doing this because I know that if I do this sooner than I think I’m ready, I’m gonna get feedback, and when I get feedback, I can get better. Like, that’s actually and then confidence is a byproduct, like, can we because I feel like people have a misinterpretation of what true confidence is.

John Mollura 26:51
Right, right. So what confidence is, you know, the definition is a belief in yourself, a belief in your abilities. And I’m going to start this with a question. If I ask you, or most people, I’m sure your listeners are, listeners are all lovely, wonderful people, if I ask you or your listeners, like, when you make a commitment to somebody, like, do you show up to that person you’ve made the commitment to? Right? Like, pretty much 100% right? What if I tweak that question and said, How good are you at showing up when you’ve made a promise just to yourself?

Lesley Logan 27:31
See, this is interesting, because this is where, like, I’m really good with myself, but I also know that, like, the time, I’m the first born, firstborn daughter, first born grandchild. There’s like, the upholder in me is real. Like, if I don’t have to tell anyone to do something, I’m going to do it. But that is also where perfectionism lives, so I have to be very mindful of that. Of like, am I doing it because I’m trying to be perfect, or am I doing it because I, like, I said I would do it so. But I actually know from studies that like the most people listening, they don’t, they don’t keep it to themselves. They keep it for everyone else but themselves.

John Mollura 28:08
Right, and that and that right, there is the root, from all the research I’ve done that’s actually the root of people’s lack of confidence, is they’re not showing up for themselves. Because here’s what happens, is we’re lying to ourselves. We say I’m going to wake up and go to the gym, or, I mean, this is the year I’m going to start eating healthier, or I’m going to floss my teeth every night. Like, pick, pick a commitment you’ve made to yourself. If we continually break these commitments time and time again, well, guess what? Our brain recognizes I can’t trust me.

Lesley Logan 28:44
Oh, there. It’s, that’s it. That’s confidence. It’s the ability to trust yourself.

John Mollura 28:50
Right. Right? Right?

Lesley Logan 28:53
That’s so good, yes.

John Mollura 28:55
Right, and people, when we’re when we get into this headspace of, like, why can’t I just do the thing like, why can’t I start working out? Why can’t I start this business? Why can’t I have this critical conversation with somebody? They’re like, what I don’t understand, what’s wrong with me? I work with them all the time that they say this and I say, what’s causing it is, obviously the root is, you’re not keeping promises to yourself on whatever it is, but because you keep your promise to everybody else, your brain kind of short circuits, because it’s like, wait a minute, I do keep my promises. And it’s like, no, you don’t. So there’s this like, weird dichotomy going on in your head, as they say, the only way to rectify that is just start keeping promises to yourself and start giving your brain a new set of data to work with, instead of this old set of data that that you with these promises that you’ve broken to yourself.

Lesley Logan 29:47
Okay, yes to all that, because we get we allow our phones to get new data all the time. We allow scientists to give us new data. We allow so much grace for people to bring in new data and yet for ourselves were like, no, I’m gonna go on that old operating system, like.

John Mollura 30:04
Yeah, you’re like, working on a Commodore 64.

Lesley Logan 30:06
Yeah, oh, yeah. Wait, so this is a funny example. So we’ve, we got a used car, car of my dreams. It’s used, and it is amazing. It is a 2015 that has more technology than my 2020 does. And we, but we were like, Bluetooth-ing to it, which is kind of amazing for a 2015, car to have Bluetooth, right? Kind of amazing. And we’re like, oh, it’s skipping. I wonder how we update this thing. And it’s got, you guys, it has a DVD player. Okay? Car has a DVD player. I didn’t know. I was like, oh, it’s got a CD player. Were people playing CDs in 2015? No, it doesn’t connect to the internet, so it cannot update its system. Like, cannot. I’m gonna have to find some dude, I’m sure it exists here, who, like, can change an operating system. Well, at least that part of the car, right? I’m sure it exists where I live. But it cannot change. However, if we look at that, like, since 2015 how much has technology changed? How much have you changed? How much have you learned about yourself, and if you’re still operating off the 2015 version of you, that is going to that is not going to be fun and also going to cause a lot of issues, because the whole world has updated 10 years.

John Mollura 31:16
Right. Yeah. And the beautiful thing is, it might sound daunting, like, oh my gosh, I don’t want to have to, like, reinvent myself. And how am I going to keep promises to myself? You know, I haven’t done the thing that I said I was going to do. How am I going to even start doing it now? And I say, the beautiful thing is, about your brain is it doesn’t recognize the magnitude of the promise you keep to yourself, like it doesn’t recognize the difference between the promise of like, I’m going to climb Mount Everest or I’m going to floss my teeth every night. All it’s doing is kicking the block saying, done, done, done, done, and then eventually you’re going to hit, like, a critical mass where you’re like, wait a minute. I’m just kind of doing things that I said I was going to do that’s wild, because that’s the beauty of taking small, consistent actions.

Lesley Logan 32:08
Yeah, yeah. It’s like, I love that you brought that up. We think we need, like, some sort of big goal to get going. And really, if you are not already consistently hitting things you say you were gonna do that is, like, a recipe for disaster. Like that is a self-sabotage in itself. Like it is, like, if you are, like, wanting to, like, just make sure you put another sabotage. You’ll put a goal on. You’ll put a habit on. Like, if you don’t go the gym every day, you’re like, I’m gonna go the gym five days this week. I don’t even need a crystal ball to tell you that you won’t. It is impossible to go from never putting your gym bag in the car, going to the gym, hitting the red lights, getting out, knowing where the equipment is, to get in a decent workout, to get the dopamine high that makes you want to go back again. Like it doesn’t work. If you live in my town, every other day there’s a new construction site. So you don’t even get to go the same route, you know, so like, but you have to make it small so it’s attainable. That’s where you know that perfectionism stuff lies, because then people are like, well, if it’s not, if I don’t do it, if it’s not all or nothing, then it’s not worth doing. Like, how do you talk to yourself about doing a small thing? What did you do?

John Mollura 33:19
Right. And a lot of that comes down to like that, like, you hit the nail on the head, where people are like, well, I don’t have time to get in my hour long workout, so I’m going to do it. I’m going to do it tomorrow, because, you know, I strive for excellence, and I if it’s not done right, it’s not worth doing at all, which I say, time out. Like, what’s better? 45 minutes of exercises, and maybe you don’t do the squats and the overhead press for another set or zero? Like, it’s perfectionism. This, this kind of all or nothing mentality, and I call these the big three, Lesley, there’s perfectionism, there’s procrastination, and then there’s overthinking, right? Those are three big things that just derail us from doing the things that we want to do, or the things we say are so important from us. And the good news is about these three, perfectionism, procrastination and overthinking, is they all have the same root, like we don’t focus on perfectionism because we really care so much about whatever it is. We don’t procrastinate because we suck at time management. That’s the story we tell ourselves. I’m just bad at time management.

Lesley Logan 34:31
Yeah, we’re not, because there’s plenty of proof that you’ve, like, nailed some things on time, like.

John Mollura 34:35
Right, right. We don’t overthink because, you know, it’s just so important to us that we think of every considerable contingency. The root of procrastination, perfectionism and overthinking, it’s fear, and if we get a handle on fear being the root of procrastination, perfectionism and overthinking, now we can get honest with ourselves. We can start telling ourselves the truth of what am I so scared of?

Lesley Logan 35:03
Yeah, yeah. I mean, that’s the question of the day.

John Mollura 35:08
Yeah. And it, and it goes back to when we first started here. I said I never came up with a plan, because if you don’t have a plan, you can never fail, right? You never, you can never miss your target. So it’s the same with procrastination or perfectionism. We find, I bet, if we’re honest with ourselves, a lot of things we procrastinate the most on or get, you know, tangled up in perfectionism and overthinking are the things that are probably the closest to our heart and perfectionism, procrastination, overthinking are so convenient ways to hide because if you procrastinate for long enough, you never do the thing. And you can never fail. You try to keep making it perfect, which, spoiler alert, perfection doesn’t exist, everybody. Excellence does not perfection. We never have to do the thing. And the reason why these are usually so coupled to the things that are so important to us is because one of our greatest fears as humans, I mean, like we’re social creatures, right? One of our deepest fears of everybody is just the way we’re wired, is to be kicked out of the tribe, the village, the clan, whatever it is. So a lot of times we resist most putting the things out that show the most of us, because we don’t want people to reject us, reject what we’re doing, because that taps on a very primal fear.

Lesley Logan 36:37
Yes, oh, I mean, I mean, so much so, like, I remember not wanting to put out a YouTube video. My husband’s like, you should be on YouTube. It’s like, you know, 2014, I was like, no, no no, because people are gonna hate it, and they’re gonna wonder, who they who am I to do this? There’s other people who in my industry who have been teaching longer, and they should have the time. And he goes, I don’t know who those people are. I don’t care. You need to be on YouTube. And I remember being so scared, and I did the thing because I had to do it kicking and screaming with him, and no one actually got mad. And I was like, oh, then what am I actually afraid of? You know, like I was afraid of being kicked out of, like, the industry, like people would think that I’m some narcissist who thinks she knows everything, and really, what I do get instead, because I did it, is that people love how I show things imperfectly. I’m quite honest and candid about where I am. I’m very direct, and I’m I invite them to go there’s actually, like, your body’s gonna look different doing this. And so because, because I was, because I should have as me and focus on like the person viewing it, versus like me, it actually turned out to be the best thing I could ever done, because it’s so much more authentic. And what I was afraid of didn’t happen. In fact, I got brought into the community more, you know, like, and that’s but, you know, here’s the thing, it is true that whatever you want to do, you might get kicked out of your tribe. You might. There are, there are people who are assholes, and then probably, if you ask yourself, like, do I really, like, want to be in this tribe, not being my authentic self the and you know what I mean, like, I so you’re gonna get a two by four to the head, is really what’s gonna happen. But your tribe might come with you. You’d be surprised, like, how many people were like, Whoa, John or Lesley really did the thing. And I’m, I’m inspired by them, they actually might join in.

John Mollura 38:31
Yeah, there’s, there’s a quote by CS Lewis that I absolutely love. You know, the dude who wrote The Chronicles of Narnia is he says friendship is born that moment that someone says, Wait a minute, you too? I thought I was the only one. Right?

Lesley Logan 38:50
Well, John, I could talk to you forever about confidence and imposter syndrome. I really do love this topic. I’m so freaking glad this is what you’re doing, because your journey has brought you here. And one of the reasons I wanted to have you back on the pod is, like, I think people get so hung up on like, well, I said I was going to be the photographer, so I’ve got to be the photographer. I made that switch. And the reality is is like, that could have just been the first next step for you. And so I really wanted people to see, like, what can happen. Look what can happen in three in three years. Like, that’s kind of insane. Like, it sounds like a long time. It’s not a long time. I can’t believe this podcast has been this long. I feel like I just started it. So even though.

John Mollura 39:36
That’s really hitting you deep, isn’t it? It’s like the fifth time you mentioned.

Lesley Logan 39:36
I know I might.

John Mollura 39:36
Let’s unpack that, Lesley.

Lesley Logan 39:36
Well, here’s what it is. The unpacking is, I actually don’t think I’m getting older. I think I’m the same age I was when I moved to Vegas. Like I, actually, we moved here in June of 2020, so in two months, this will have lived here for five years. And It shocks me every day, because I feel like we just moved here. And so when things like this happen, or I meet my friend’s kids I haven’t seen a few years, I’m like, oh I have gotten older, and, like, not that I’m scared of getting older. That’s not it at all. It’s just that I actually haven’t noticed that. I haven’t noticed how much time has flown. And I think one, it’s good to notice it, because you can celebrate all that you have done in the last three years. It’s kind of epic, right? And then two, time is always going and so what are we doing with that time? You know, if you are procrastin on something, I hope that the five times I mentioned, like, how long it’s been, you realize, if you were with us on episode 120 and you still haven’t done the thing you wanted to do, like, this is your sign.

John Mollura 40:37
Yeah, here’s your two by four. Lovingly swung by Lesley and John.

Lesley Logan 40:41
Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I think that’s really the unpacking. It’s like, I hope that people who have have listened from that episode on have either noticed their sabotaging moments or are going, oh my goodness, it has been three years. Okay. What can I do today? You know, like, what can I do to be it till I see it today? Like, that’s what I hope. Let me get this, anyways, we’re gonna take a brief break and we can find out where people can find you, follow you, work with you.

John Mollura 41:08
Super duper.

Lesley Logan 41:10
Hi, John. Where do you hang out? Where can they take your group or your coaching or watch a keynote? Where’s it all happening?

John Mollura 41:18
Yeah, so they can go to johnmollura.com J-O-H-N-M-O-L-L-U-R-A dot com, and there is a fun little button there that says, schedule a free call with John. And it is truly that. It is a free call with me, because I just love to chat with people and see where they’re at. It’s not a sales call. It’s just, I love having conversations with people about that. So johnmollura.com they can also download the free resources, the six leverage points for success that I talked about, and they can also get my Elite Level Confidence Blueprint. So there’s actually two free resources there. They are under the free stuff tab, creatively titled, but yeah. Just love to connect with people. I post regularly on Instagram, little daily things there my thoughts and musings, and sometimes there’s just funny stuff or bloopers. So, John Mollura on Instagram.

Lesley Logan 42:09
I love it. Okay, you have given us so many things. And obviously those freebies sound like a Be It Action Item all in themselves, but what bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps can people take to be it till they see it?

John Mollura 42:19
Right. So when you face these decisions, moment to moment, minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, when you hit those decision points, you need to ask yourself, is what I’m going to do or not do going to cause me to be a hero to the future you? Is it when I meet the future you in the future, is it going to be standing there like downtrodden, tired, disappointed that we didn’t go after it, or when you meet the future you, is it going to just like high five you and give you a big hug and say, thank you for honoring me, thank you for doing the thing in that moment.

Lesley Logan 42:19
Oh, I love that. Oh, that’s so fun.

John Mollura 42:38
Yeah, super deep.

Lesley Logan 42:48
That’s great. I think that’s such an impactful way to explore the fear, too. Yeah, guys, how will you use that tip in your life? Make sure John knows. Make sure you share it with the Be It Pod. Also share this episode with a friend. You know those friends who like keep overthinking the thing or procrastinating send it to them, they will only notice at this moment that why you’re sending it to them. But like, you know, sometimes people need to hear it from someone else in a different word or just a different time, and so that’s how we actually all rise up. We need to do it together. That’s what makes your sandbox with your boundaries a more playful place, because everyone is understanding where that’s coming from. So thank you for listening. John, thank you for being here. Fun to catch up with you. It’s so good. We’ll have to, we have to see each other in real life at some point. But, you guys, you know what to do. Until next time, Be It Till You See It.

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Lesley Logan
That’s all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

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Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @be_it_pod.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan
It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell
Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.