Take Some Damn
Time for Yourself
Ep. 48 with Lesley & Brad
“If you’re resentful that you said ‘yes’ to the thing – that is a sign you’re over committed.”
How do you know when you’re overcommitted? What should therapy be like? Are you outsourcing your worth? Lesley and Brad cover all of this in today’s recap of Amber Shaw’s episode.
If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]. Or leave a comment below!
And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.
In this episode you will learn about:
- How do you know when you’re overcommitted?
- Xuxa (she’s Brazilian, not Australian like LL mentioned in the show)
- Therapy is like laundry…
- Food is more than just calories
- Stop outsourcing your worth and value to a scale…
- Pop Up Pilates Tour, join our email list – https://offers.lesleylogan.co/email-opt-in
- Xuxa – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xuxa_(American_TV_program)
- The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin – https://amzn.to/2YHA3gR
- Amber’s website – https://ambershaw.com/
Hey, Be It pod listener, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being you. Thanks for watching our podcast here on our YouTube channel. I’m just so grateful for you. I have a big favor, and I’m, I mean, like, let me just say, “It’s not easy for me to ask for help,” but I need your help. I’m on a mission, I really want to change as many lives and help people be it till they see it all over the world, and I need your help. We have been so grateful. The amount of downloads our podcast has had in just a short period of time is, it’s amazing. That’s insane. However, we also need more written reviews. So, and specifically on Apple. So even if you are watching here on YouTube, or you listen on Spotify, or you listen on Google Play, Apple podcast is where everyone looks to see which podcasts they should send people on for interviews. And, so we need lots of reviews to be there like a hundred written reviews. So, big huge favor if you could use the link below, go write a review, rate us, give us all the stars you love and let me know. Screenshot it, send it to me on a @be_it_pod. I just want to thank you for the bottom of my heart. We are truly, truly can’t do this podcast without you. And, I’m just so grateful that these words hit your ears. And if you wouldn’t mind writing us that review that would be amazing. And, I will be so forever grateful. Thank you and now here’s the podcast you wanted to listen to.
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.
Lesley Logan 2:04
Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co hosts in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the infectious convo I have an Amber Shaw (Brad: Oh yeah) (The good kind of infectious by the way.) (Brad laughs) in our last episode. If you haven’t yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause this now and go figure out how to listen to that one on whatever podcast platform you listen to, and then come back and join us. Or, I think sometimes if you listen to this one, and you just keep listening, it will just go through the list. It depends. I actually don’t know how to work my own podcast app. So you know, let us know.
Brad Crowell 2:38
If you’re looking at all episodes of a podcast, they will just go to the next one. (Lesley: That’s true.) Yeah. But if wha… if you’re looking at your (Lesley: Leave it in) what’s going to be played next, then it’s gonna … jump from pod to pod.
Lesley Logan 2:48
This is why we have Brad everyone. That’s why we have him.
Brad Crowell 2:51
It is a party.
Lesley Logan 2:52
Okay, so y’all, we’re actually gearing up to plan our road trip. This is our fourth year road tripping our fifth year road tripping? (Brad: Four) Four, this is the only the fourth time (Brad: Yeah) that we’ve done this nonsense. (Brad: Yeah) Okay, so y’all back in 2018, I was in protest about flying to the East Coast. It’s a long story, but you cannot get a flight to Philly from LAX under $1,000, nonstop. So $1,000 with a stop, usually in a state that has snow storms, and always …
Brad Crowell 3:23
Like Detroit or something like that. Chicago…
Lesley Logan 3:25
Chicago, Denver and always a red eye. We never got one during the day. (Brad: Yeah) And twice, the only times I’ve ever fallen asleep on a plane. There was an emergency, and all the lights turn on. (Brad laughs) And even Brad was like, “Are you kidding me?” So in 2018, I said, “I would not go back unless we drove.” And Brad said, “Okay.” So we rented too small of a vehicle and drove across the country with two dogs. We didn’t have three yet and it was so fun. It was so fun. And the whole time we went I was being DM on Instagram, “Are you teaching classes?” And I thought, “Oh, people people are home during the holiday.” So then the following year, we did a pop-up. And we did eight city tour and it was so fun. And then obviously year number three. Well, we all know what 2020 was. So we’re back, we are road tripping again. We road trip last time but this time we’re going to take more than two and a half days to get across country. (Brad: Yes) And we’re gonna make some stops.
Brad Crowell 4:26
We are, we’re gonna make some stops and they’re they’re not, they’re not locked in just yet. But we’ve got …
Lesley Logan 4:31
No, so there’s still time to get your city on the list.
Brad Crowell 4:34
And we’ve got quite, we’ve got an exciting schedule. (Lesley: Yeah) That’s gonna take us from (Lesley: Here) Vegas up to New York City (Lesley: Yeah) to down to Miami. (Lesley: Yeah) And then (Lesley: Through Texas) coming back across across the country there. So …
Lesley Logan 4:52
What is set in stone is Atlanta on the 28th? (Brad: Right) And somewhere outside of Philly on the 19th and a Miami hot spot. It’s hot on the 30th. But other than that’s all I can say. So if you are excited about that, then you’re gonna want to get on the list. You know, just below there’s a show note, get on the list on our email, we will let our email peeps know exactly when is, when, what is happening and how to snag your spot.
Brad Crowell 5:22
Yeah, yeah, just make sure you’re on our email list. And you’ll find out about it for sure.
Lesley Logan 5:26
I’m so excited you can get on the list. You can get that free class and then you’ll just be automatically on a list and you do the workout, (Brad: It’s work too. Yeah) Yeah that’s that. So um, anyways, okay, so what question do we have this week?
Brad Crowell 5:39
Alright, so this week, the first question we had was, “Wha… How do you know if you are over committed?”
Lesley Logan 5:48
Yeah. So I, I got this question, actually, from our panel we had at the house. We had a pop-up at the house, our first one. (Brad: Oh) And this question was asked to me and the other amazing women on the panel, one who’s been on the podcast, and one who’s gonna be on the podcast. So shout out to Erica and Megan. And they had great answers, but I thought it’d be fun for us to share the answers with all of you. So, how do you know if you’re over committed? This is like a really interesting question. I think sometimes, you know, after you’ve over committed. (Lesley laughs)
Brad Crowell 6:24
Usually, that’s how it happens when things start falling out of the sky, figuratively, you know, meaning plates start dropping, then you start to realize, “Oh, I’m not being effective. I’m actually not serving anyone.” Definitely know how that goes, having had three business partners and a spouse with three different companies and a spouse who had a company too. And I really was kind of spinning, spinning my wheels. I was still making everything.. Like, I was meeting deadlines, generally speaking, but nothing was growing. It wasn’t actually, you know, it was a crazy couple of years of, you know, non-stop all day long, kind of a non-sustainable effort. And by by pulling back and shifting, focusing, suddenly, one thing started to grow. And that was very exciting to see. It also made me kick myself because I didn’t need to wait two years to figure that out.
Lesley Logan 7:28
He means (Brad: Three?) working with me. And (Brad: I do) you know, it made me think of okay, so very few people will remember this. But if you are listening to this, and you remember this show, let me know. So when I was a little girl, there was a show called Xuxa. And it was like a talk show like, I don’t know what you call those shows, variety shows. And she was Australian host and her name was like Xuxu. And somehow that was Xuxa. I don’t know. It’s an Aussie thing maybe I’m wrong. Australian listeners, Jojo I hear I know you’re listening when your dog walk, let me know. If you remember this, it would be 30 years ago. Anyways, she had these tall boots and she had this guest on and he had all these plates on a stick. And he was like, run around the stage. And he would like spin a plate and he’d run around and the whole thing was like, “How long can he keep all the plates spinning before they fell?” And it was thrilling and stressful for nine year old all at the same time. And that’s what came to my mind while you were telling your story… (Lesley laughs)
Brad Crowell 8:28
Wow. Okay, I’m not I’m not gonna look that up. But I’m gonna take your word for for that.
Lesley Logan 8:33
Anyways, I want to know, who knows who Xuxa is. And if you watch the show, and you remember that person. Okay, um, 100% I think what one of the guests at our, at our panel Megan said was like, when you get resentful, like when you’re like when you when you go to do the thing. And you’re resentful that you said “yes” to the thing – that is a sign you over committed. I think crying is a sign you’re over committed.
Brad Crowell 8:58
Right. Overwhelmed that like incredible overwhelm. (Lesley: That overwhelm) Debilitating.
Lesley Logan 9:02
Yeah. Because you know, like, this is exciting and also, you’re so tired. And so for me, I’ve gotten a lot better when I shared with the group who was here at the house. As I said, “I’m so grateful for my husband” because he’s just like, “You could just cancel.” And like he’s a rebel, if you know “The Four Tendencies” someday Gretchen Rubin will come, or will respond to an email (if I send one to her.) And so don’t, don’t shout her out. Like I haven’t actually emailed to ask her – but, she wrote the book, “The Four Tendencies” and Brad’s a rebel and I’m an upholder, which means if I say, “I’m gonna do something. I’m gonna do it whether I told you or not.” And it’s very hard for me to let go of something I said “yes” to and Brad has taught me that it’s okay to cancel something and what I said to the group was like, “We’re not brain surgeons. It’s okay.” If we say, “I’m so sorry. I know I said yes to this but can we do it a different time because it’s it’s not life or death.” So anyways, I loved that question that we got the panel and I wanted to share it with you. So I hope you enjoy I’d love to know your responses.
Brad Crowell 10:01
Yeah. Okay, now let’s talk about Amber Shaw. Amber Shaw who we both know (Lesley: We love Amber) IRL, is on a mission to help women find food freedom by skipping the dieting vortex. She is a mom of two, divorcee and ex corporate saleswoman turn entrepreneur and podcast host. She is a force, her energy is infectious, and you will fall in love with her very straightforward personality and her advice. It was a very fun episode. (Lesley: Did you like it?) I did. I mean, I also know her personality from hanging out with her. And so it was I could I could actually see her, you know, in my mind, like being herself (Lesley: Yeah) together with you. I thought it was great. Or you can watch it on YouTube. (Lesley: Yeah, yeah) I was not producing it from the video, I was producing it from the audio. (Lesley: Yeah) But … (Brad laughs)
Lesley Logan 10:53
As we do. But it is, she is amazing. And I actually, we met her together in person in real life in Austin, Texas earlier this year, and the two of you are like karaoke lovers. So I was so grateful for her because it’s like, “Bye.” (Lesley and Brad laughs) Anyways, one of the things I love that she talked about was therapy and the importance of it, and I, I think I will, every time someone brings up therapy make this a point that I love, because (Brad: Sure) as I tell my therapist, therapy needs to rebrand for whatever reason, we think you go to therapy when you’re broken, but like, therapy is like, laundry, you just, you should just keep doing it. So you, you know, cuz then when you’re in need …
Brad Crowell 11:33
Because then you run out of socks.
Lesley Logan 11:35
Yeah, you otherwise like, maybe some people do therapy. Like they do their laundry like they wait till they’re out of socks, out of underwear, all the things. But if you keep up with the therapy and your laundry at the same time, then it’s kind of nice maintenance. And so I just think that no matter what month it is, I don’t care. It’s Mental Health Awareness Month or regular month. Therapy is something I will always love when when people bring it up. And you too should find a therapist.
Brad Crowell 12:03
That’s a great rebrand.
Lesley Logan 12:05
Yeah, on laundry. (Brad laughs) Therapy is like a laundry. Keep doing it regularly. (Brad: I love that) (Lesley laughs) Do it so you don’t run out of underwear. (Brad and Lesley laughs) What’s another tagline we could go? Therapy, it’s it’s like you’re I don’t know. I’m not good at this. I’m not a marketing person (Brad: Yeah) anyways, it comes out or it doesn’t. Okay, that’s I love. What did you love?
Brad Crowell 12:25
That was really funny. Okay, I I was I was laughing really hard. Well, I was laughing really hard… Well, I was laughing really hard about you about that. But she said something that I really connected with, and I have shared on the pod before. So I’m not going to tell my whole story on that here. But she said it was obvious that she wasn’t eating enough calories. And you know, that’s a it’s, it’s funny, I wonder if that goes hand in hand with, you know, for actually, you know what, for me that happened after I while while I was going through a divor… a divorce for her, that was just the way she grew up. You know, she was basically completely connected with magazines and diets and working out and all the things to the point of obsession where it was detrimental to her and she wasn’t eating enough. But what I wanted to talk about instead was stop looking at food as calories in and calories out, which also something that she she shared. And I think that the that’s not something I ever had to personally tackle. I actually had to do the reverse where I had to start counting calories because I wasn’t eating enough calories. When I got to the point where I felt like I was eating enough calories, then I just kind of stopped doing that. But I I think that the she talks about freedom with food. And she talks about building up your your food experience, your relationship with food to the point where you can splurge on a Thursday night and not freak out about it, you know, not freak out about the calories that you may have consumed because you’re on a regimen for the rest of the week, you know, or whatever, you’re, you’re being consistent about it. And I just wanted to encourage you know, others who are really dealing with that kind of a association with food to connect with Amber. (Lesley: Yeah) Because she, you know, I’m clearly not the spokesperson for that but she is and she has come through quite a journey, a relationship with food to where she can enjoy eating, (Lesley: Yeah) and it became very obvious from listening to her story.
Lesley Logan 12:26
Well, I have brought on a couple we’ve had Giselle before with Amber (Brad: Giselle as well, sure.) We got someone coming up, because ladies, (excuse me, ladies) ladies, we keep outsourcing our worth and value to a scale and we have to stop, like the size your jeans doesn’t determine the amazingness that you are. And being it till you see it, you cannot do that if you’re like, allowing a number on a scale or what’s on your plate to determine if you did a good job today or not. And so I will continue to bring these amazing women on until we have overcome this thing. And it might take us years because I was definitely raised with the magazines and with the with the women and I told Jen Jennifer van Barneveld-Pe, I said, “I grew up with these magazines and I’d rip out the articles and I was trying to be these girls” and and you know what, I actually can’t blame the magazines because I’ll be really honest, I was listening to her and another woman talk on Jenny’s podcast this week, that we actually are sometimes we’re inferring a different thing. Like I was listening, I was looking at fitness magazines and I was inferring a different size on these women than was actually there and so I think we have to take ownership of that and have some more fun in our lives. And and not judge like every meal based on like, whether that was enough because we have bigger things to do than worry about that. So I’m glad that that was your takeaway and yes, reach out to Amber, she’s freaking awesome. (Lesley laughs)
Brad Crowell 16:24
… freaking awesome.
Lesley Logan 16:26
Amber’s freakin’ awesome. Amber’s freakin’ awesome. We will not make fun that right one. (Lesley laughs)
Brad Crowell 16:31
… that just happen. Okay. All right. So finally, let’s talk about the BE IT action items you discussed with Amber Shaw. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items, can we take away from your convo with her? (Lesley: She had so many.) She she did. She actually had quite a list and she and she said, “Consistency is the name of the game with moderation and satisfaction.” And I thought that was awesome. You know, because it’s like a step by step approach. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about, you know, something that I personally have experienced, which was the divorce scen… scenario. And she said, it’s so hard, especially when you’re in it, you know, in life is a mess. And, you know, she said to grow, ask yourself, “Why am I going through this? What lesson can I learn here? What is the purpose of this?” And first off, I just want to say if you can ask yourself that, you know, right away, you are more objective than I.
Lesley Logan 17:40
You’re being it till you see it. You don’t even need this podcast. (Lesley laughs)
Brad Crowell 17:43
Yeah, yeah, because I certainly couldn’t look at it from the a third party perspective. Until I had had actually started to just kind of my life was wearing, my life was beginning to fall apart and my my relationships, my work, my friends, everyone started to see, like me getting frayed. And it wasn’t until that point, which was, you know, six, eight months in that I really started to realize I can’t do this forever, I can’t maintain this lie, that everything’s fine. And nobody needs to know. You know, the, the, my, you know, the, what I was going through with my divorce. And it was only at that time that I began to say, “Alright, what’s, you know, what’s the other side is look like,” you know, “Okay, I am going to get a divorce. There’s no way around that. What does that mean for me? How …”
Lesley Logan 18:37
It means you get to marry me. (Lesleyt laughs) (Brad: Yeah) He didn’t know me yet. Don’t worry, don’t freak out. It wasn’t that …
Brad Crowell 18:42
I did not. But you know, and that was kind of the beginning of the change in in me. And so anyway, I would encourage you if you’re going through something really dark and it’s you know, haunting you, if you can write down, “Why am I going through this?” and then write it down. Because it’s hard to just think about it because I know the thoughts just go in circles and you know, you review every conversation, everything that ever happened around it. But what lesson can I learn here and what is the purpose of this?
Lesley Logan 19:12
I love that you said write it down because it’s true. You’re going to replay everything in your head and that’s actually the worst place to replay it. (Brad: Oh, yeah) Get it. Your pe… cuz your skull is only so big. Get it out and put on paper. You have more paper than you have space.
Brad Crowell 19:23
Yeah. And if you have trouble sleeping, you know, put on some music. And instead of letting your mind wander, focus on the music. Because that was something that my mind. I mean, I could I could lay awake in bed for hours and hours just like thinking. And if you are instead focusing on something else, intentionally focusing on the music, let’s say then you’re not letting your mind dwell on you know, the pain. So
Lesley Logan 19:50
Yeah. I love that takeaway. My biggest takeaway was I love the way she says it too, because she’s got that accent from she’s got that accent. It’s so good. She’s like, take some damn time for yourself. (Brad: Yeah) Did I do it well? … Amber let me know if that was good enough. (Brad laughs) Um, y’all, seriously, of course I would love this as a takeaway. It is so important, especially right now, especially right now, if you’re listening to this in timestamp order. It’s almost Thanksgiving in the States, which means it’s almost Christmas no matter where you live in this planet. And this is when people be crazy. There’s a lot of demands, you feel like there’s all these things you have to do. There’s some traditions, there’s probably some recipes you’re supposed to be making from scratch because who knows what. No. Before you …
Brad Crowell 20:35
Your in-law’s famous apple pie that you somehow got saddled with making and bringing to dinner…
Lesley Logan 20:40
You know what my parents did that I like, have always thought was genius as a kid. They just always signed up to bring bread. So look, listen to me, look … and I’m like look if you’re on the YouTube. Listen, if you’re on the podcast, you must this is the, if you don’t do it any other part of the year, this is a part of the year to take some damn time for yourself! Seriously, you will lose your mind, you do not want to be the person who like lose their mind. If you have seen home for the holidays, I’m telling you it’s a thing I watch every Thanksgiving. If you do not (Brad: She does) take some damn time for yourself. You’re going to be that mean sister who ends up with like Turkey, just, juice all over her pretty dress, crying, we’ll everyone’s laughing. But not but like also they are because it’s just like, no one’s taking time for themselves. And everyone’s like get that’s how I feel on the inside. So that’s my Be It action item. Take some damn time for yourself.
Brad Crowell 21:32
Skip the turkey dressing … (Lesley: Please) Yeah.
Lesley Logan 21:34
Yeah. Just bring some bread. I’m Lesley Logan.
Brad Crowell 21:38
And I’m Brad Crowell.
Lesley Logan 21:39
Thank you so much for joining us today. We are so freaking grateful for you and it’s a month of gratitude. But we are grateful to you all the time. How can you use these tips in your life? What are your favorite takeaways? Screenshot this tag us, tag Amber Shaw. Let us know because it really does mean the world to us. And it’s the best way you could thank us. And we will see you on the next episode.
Brad Crowell 21:57
Bye for now.
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of ‘As The Crows Fly Media’.
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.
Kevin and Bel at Disenyo handle all of our audio editing and some social media content.
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.
Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all the video each week so you can.
And to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.
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