Lauren Zoeller is a 7-figure entrepreneur, host of The Aligned Love podcast, speaker, and author. As the Founder of The Aligned Love Experience™, Lauren is an expert practitioner in reparenting, generational healing and Somatic Experiencing. Through her work, she created the proprietary Voice Activation Method™ that has been used to help thousands of men and women heal from past trauma and take ownership of their future. She is a certified dating & relationship coach and her insights have been featured on The Drew Barrymore Show, The NY Post, Business Insider, Medium, NBC News, Goal Cast, SHAPE magazine and other international media outlets. Lauren is a featured contributor for Ask Us Beauty, a unique magazine and membership platform that redefines beauty by helping women choose what beauty means to them both inside and out. She often speaks on topics such as Embodiment, Attachment Theory, Somatic Experiencing and Leadership. Her business endeavors are dedicated to helping build schools for underprivileged children in Honduras with The Boundless Foundation, a philanthropic organization whose mission is to end generational cycles of scarcity and poverty.

In this episode, Lesley Logan interviews Lauren Zoeller, a dating and relationship expert specializing in Somatic work. Lauren explains the importance of understanding the language of the nervous system and recognizing trauma responses for effective healing. She discusses the dangers of codependency and the necessity of active participation in the healing journey. Discover how to break free from survival patterns and transform your relationships with the help of her upcoming book and her actionable tools for trauma recovery, especially for those in their late 40s.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co.

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The benefits of somatic therapy over traditional therapy.
• Identifying four survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
• Understanding somatics as the language of the nervous system.
• Recognizing and addressing codependency in therapy.
• Healing from trauma and understanding trauma responses.
• Breaking free from constant mental loops in trauma recovery.

Episode References/Links:

• Lauren Zoeller Website – https://laurenzoeller.com
• Lauren Zoeller Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/laurenzoeller/
• Lauren Zoeller TikTok – https://www.tiktok.com/@coachlaurenzoeller
• The Aligned Love Podcast – https://beitpod.com/alignedlovepodcast
• The Rise of the Reader by Nick Hutchison – https://a.co/d/hJ4c8oQ
• Nick Hutchison Episode 373 – https://beitpod.com/ep373
• A Little Bit Culty Podcast – https://alittlebitculty.com/
• Will Rēzin Episode 16 – https://beitpod.com/ep16
• Dr. Bender Episode 183 – https://beitpod.com/ep183

Lauren Zoeller 0:00
I always say that Cymatics, it’s the language of the nervous system, and it’s a language that many of us were never taught to speak. We never learned it. You don’t learn how to listen to your emotions and sensations when you’re in middle school, grade school or high school. We were never taught that. So in a lot of ways, there’s a learning curve in understanding the language.

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INTRODUCTION

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

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Lesley Logan 1:03
All right, be it babe, I’m so excited to have you here for this episode. I’m obsessed with the woman we’re about to listen to, it was just on the show before, we are going to talk about Cymatics you’re in relationships and love and how we respond to things in our lives. So I know it’s how you’re gonna respond to everything, whether it’s relationships, business money, like little sneak peek. But I think this is a really important episode to listen to. Because being until you see it, it’s gonna require us to get us outside of our comfort zone to do things that are different. And our bodies are going to respond to those differences to be outside of our comfort zone. And those responses are actually going to let you know how you’re feeling how you’re reacting to something. And we need to know how to manage that and understand that so that we can do all the things we’re supposed to do on this planet, you are the most amazing person. You’re the only person who can do what you do the way that you do it. And so understanding how your body is reacting to things is actually going to be a superpower that you will need in all things in your life. So without further ado, here is Lauren Zahler. Oh my god, this is so fun. Okay, this is also the strangest. I’m gonna leave this all in. You guys. We’re doing to be a pod in real life with one of my dearest best friends I absolutely adore which has been on the bigger pot before it Lauren’s all you’re here. Can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock get in case they haven’t heard your first episode?

Lauren Zoeller 2:21
Oh my gosh, what do I rock at? So I am, I’m a somatic dating and relationship expert. And first of all, I’m just so excited that we’re getting to do this in real life.

Lesley Logan 2:30
I know, maybe we should have done this, got excited about doing this before. But it’s really fun.

Lauren Zoeller 2:35
Yeah, it is fun. So I’m a somatic dating and relationship expert. I help both men and women really heal their relational trauma so that they can find healthy partnership. So I kind of geek out on relationships, but I do it through the lens of the nervous system, which a lot of people are used to traditional talk therapy. And I really get into the body and work with the nervous system so that you can heal some of these relational patterns that feel like you just do the patterns that you just can’t seem to get over when it comes to relationships.

Lesley Logan 3:02
Yes, you mean like your, you date the same person over and over again expecting it to go better?

Lauren Zoeller 3:06
Yeah, yeah. Or you get in the same relationship dynamics and you find yourself sabotaging in the same way over and over, maybe you find someone that’s really healthy, but it feels boring. And so you just

Lauren Zoeller 3:18
We all remember that episode with Keri. Yes. Exactly. So it just you keep imploding these relationships, that could be really good for you. So it shows up in different ways. And also, it’s more than just romantic relationships, too. It’s like we have a relationship to money, we have a relationship to ourselves, to our health. And so how we do one thing is how we do everything. And it’s all based in whether you feel safe, or whether you’re in survival and your nervous system. So it’s looking at that and regulating it.

Lesley Logan 3:45
Yeah, I love this. I know in, the first time I had you on you kind of explained the difference between like what somatic work can look like, just in case anyone hasn’t, can we get like a little 101 definition of it so everyone’s on the same page?

Lauren Zoeller 3:56
So somatic work is it’s therapy of the nervous system. So most people when they go to traditional talk therapy, or even if they work with a mindset coach, they’re looking at, cognitively, how can I put patterns together and try to shift what my mind thinks about when it’s triggered or when it experiences something traumatic. What somatic work does is it looks at where did your body go into a survival response, when it experienced something that was too fast, too much or too soon, to properly get to safety. And these responses, they get stuck, they get stuck in your body. You don’t look at them, and you don’t regulate them, then you’re going to continue to trip over the same wire and you’re going to feel it in your nervous system. So an example of this, right, and I kind of like to give my own example here, I dated, I go to in relationships with alcoholics and loved them because they were projects and I felt like if I could save them if I could lead them to coming home to themselves and getting sober than I would be worthy of love. Right? I learned that at a very young age, because I grew up in a whole long line of Polish women, my mom taught me that you don’t get to sit down and eat your dinner until everyone in the room has eaten first. So I was taught that my happiness was dependent on other people being happy first, and this, this survival response that my happiness was dependent on other people, it was alive in my nervous system, because that’s the only thing that was familiar. It was the only thing I learned. So fast forward to becoming an adult, I then just started to continue to attract these types of men that reiterated that survival response because it felt familiar. So somatic work, taught me to go into my body, recognize that survival response and get it to safety so that I can break that survival pattern.

Lesley Logan 5:54
So then you can, you actually can make changes to things whereas, if, not that talk therapy can’t do that, but I feel like it’s longer and/or you’re kind of having to do things as it’s happening.

Lauren Zoeller 6:00
Exactly. Yeah. Well, and I had been in talk therapy for almost 10 years, like I had a whole team of therapists and mindset coaches and I had spent almost six figures in trying to break the cycles. But when we talk about our trauma, we are actually re-traumatizing ourselves, in a lot of ways, because we’re not getting to what actually happened in the body when that survival response first set in, and most of the time, it’s generational, we look at relationships. So it’s just looking at trauma in a different way. It’s a whole body approach versus just hanging out in the brain.

Lesley Logan 6:44
So as far as like how the body’s responding, can you give us some examples? Because I do think that I’m like, like thinking about some of my like, perfectionist overachievers, who are amazing, but also like, not always as in tune with how their body is interpreting things like what are some of those things they’re feeling as I remember, I had an amazing therapist. She did somatics. And she was going, where are you feeling that I’m like, where should I feel it? Yeah, where am I? Where should I feel it? I feel it there. Yeah, yeah.

Lauren Zoeller 7:10
So if I heard that, I would be like, ah, this is very much a freeze response. So you may not be able, it can be two things, right? You are either frozen and you have no sensation whatsoever. You feel kind of flighty or you feel disassociated. We’ve all been in that space where we know we need to do something, right? Like we have this crazy long list as an entrepreneur of all these things that we need to check off. And what do we end up doing? We end up scrolling on social media and we don’t get to any of it. That is a sign of disassociation, that is a sign of freeze in the system. And so until you start to look at and know those survival responses, because there’s four of them, there’s fight, which is how it sounds, there’s flight, which again, is how it sounds, freeze, which is what I just described, and then there’s fun, which is people-pleasing. It’s shutting down your voice in, let’s say, you’re on a sales call and you know, what you’re worth. And next thing, you know, you’re like giving away the house. Right? Because you feel like I need to be accepted. I just need this person to work with me as a survival response. So it’s like looking at those different responses in the system like I’m curious about them.

Lesley Logan 8:20
Okay, this is really cool. I love the way you’re describing this because, again, as the (inaudible) like, I’m like, oh, I just need to have the right answer. So what’s the, what’s the? What’s the right answer for you? You know, I feel like, it’s an easier way to kind of understand. Oh, right now I want to run away. Okay, so that is a survival response. And so we, we talk therapy be like, why do I want to run away? And somatics would be like, where am I feeling running away in my body? Is that the how are…?

Lauren Zoeller 8:20
Yep. Yeah, so talk therapy would be okay, where did this pattern come from? How can I connect it cognitively to something that I experienced in the past? I get it working in the body through somatics would be okay, what are the sensations and the emotions that are associated with me wanting to run away? And can I be with that and as a somatic practitioner, I’m then allowing my clients to be with that sensation. And we give it space to renegotiate in the body. So the next time that you come up to an event that’s similar to the one you want to run away from your body goes, Oh, I’m actually not in threat right now. I don’t have to run away. I can stay here because I feel safe. And that’s what somatic experiencing does it, renegotiates those survival responses.

Lesley Logan 9:29
I think it’s if this sounds so awesome, because it gives people part of their life back. And it allows people to have new experiences in even same relationships because I do feel like not that not that I want anyone to like renegotiate a bad relationship that they’re in. But if you have, like a (inaudible) with your parents, and they’re still alive, you actually don’t have to continue to repeat the same behaviors because you can change how your body is going to feel in those situations.

Lauren Zoeller 9:57
Exactly. Yeah, and It’s, it gives people hope, because I can’t tell you how many leaders I have worked with. And really just women that come in through, you know, my programs that they’re frustrated, they’re like, gosh, I have been I’ve been in therapy, I’ve been doing all the things that I people tell me I need to be doing. But I can’t seem to move the needle here. And I always get, I never wanted to be like my mom, I never wanted to be like my dad. But here I am as an adult. And like, I’m just like my parents, and I don’t understand why and how this happened. And looking at your relationships from the lens of somatics gives you a very clear picture as to why it’s happening. Because the only thing you ever learned in your body, it’s what feels safe, even though it’s a false sense of safety.

Lauren Zoeller 9:59
Yeah, you got into this, because of your own experience. And you have now helped so many women, what are you looking forward to helping people with now? And like, how are you kind of working your business to do that? Because I know that you’ve you, you’ve helped so many, what’s the next step?

Lauren Zoeller 11:03
Yeah. So I do have a book coming out next year. It’s really exciting. I know, I’m so excited about it. So hopefully, that will reach more people and get this work into more hands. Because I feel like, you know, I just own it, it’s expensive to work with me long term. And, but I also have this really big mission on my heart that I want to get this work into as many hands as possible. So hopefully, the book will be able to do that. But I work, I really like to say that if you are struggling in relationship to anything in your life, that’s where you would come and absorb the work that I teach. So really, for next year, I have the book, and I’m getting ready to launch a membership, a really affordable membership, so you can get your hands on some of this work. So that’s what’s coming in the future.

Lesley Logan 11:50
I think that’s really exciting. Because I think like when you have the tools, and you have these keys, and you can see how it’s affected your own life, but then also the women that you’re working with. It is like how do I get this to help more people but also not water it down? And sometimes it’s just exposure? Like, I think, especially if you’re going, I’m 41, right? So anyone who’s listening, a lot of them are in their 40s and 50s. You get to a point, it’s almost kinda like, is it too late for me like, I feel like I should have done this a lot, a lot sooner. And so I think it’s really cool that you could have different ways of people becoming aware, because I don’t actually think that many people a lot more people are talking about somatics. And maybe it’s just because my algorithm is showing me that but I don’t think as many people are aware of this work. And so sometimes it’s just getting them into awareness for them to have that impact.

Lauren Zoeller 12:36
Yeah, I always say that somatics, it’s the language of the nervous system. And it’s a language that many of us were never taught to speak, we never learned it, you don’t learn how to listen to your emotions and sensations when you’re in middle school grade school, high school, we were never taught that. So in a lot of ways, there’s a learning curve in understanding the language. And it’s just like, you know, learning to speak Mandarin, or Chinese or any other language, you’re not, you’re not going to just show up to your first class and be able to speak yeah, like speak Mandarin fluently, you’re going to have to learn the you know, the alphabet and the phrases and put things together. Your nervous system is the same way it is a language. And so my hope with the book is that it will start, it’s called The Missing Language of Love. And my hope is that people can have access to this language because most people don’t have it.

Lesley Logan 13:29
Yeah, I think that’s really cool. I want to go into like, you talked about the missing language of love. And earlier you (inaudible), anything. So you’re known a lot for like, relationships with love and as a partner. But is, is that the only love that this book is towards? Or is, like, for any kind of love?

Lauren Zoeller 13:51
For the love of everything, right? So because again, once you know the language of your nervous system, you can shift the way that you relate to anything in your life. And so a lot of people that I work with, even though they come in for relationships and dating, they’re struggling in their romantic relationships. How you do one thing is how you do everything. Yeah. So if they’re struggling, and they have patterns showing up in their relationship, romantic relationships, they’re also struggling in that same vein, when it comes to their relationship to money, like they’re usually the same patterns. So this book will teach you it’s a, it’s a roadmap. So there are a lot of exercises within the book. And you can use it I tell people go through it for your romantic relationships, and then go back and go through it and look at your relationship to money, your relationship to your health, like it is a roadmap that you can use for all of it.

Lesley Logan 14:39
Okay, I love this. So you guys probably heard the episode already with Nick Hutchison, and he has a book called The Rise of the Reader and his book teaches you like how to absorb more from what you are reading. He’s a big self-development book person. And he said that he puts on a Post-it note on the inside cover like what his intention for the book is, so you guys can just take that lesson and just apply it to this like, okay, my intention first is romantic relationships. And then now I’m rereading it for money. So that and he says, every time you open the book, reread the intention, so you can keep that that’s how he absorbs most. So I’m just like connecting to that, so, you guys, because I just think that that’s how I would want to go through the book is like with one idea at a time. So I, my overachievers, you can’t do three ideas at the same time. That’s

Lauren Zoeller 15:23
It won’t work, it won’t work.

Lesley Logan 15:26
Can you tell me what if we don’t work on our somatics? Like, what happens to us? What does our future look like if we just decide not to?

Lauren Zoeller 15:35
Very dark, And I, it’s not, I mean, you’re gonna be fine. But you just have to get you have to have a moment where you say, okay, do I want a different reality for myself? Period. And every person that I know that has not done somatic work, they’re kind of living in the same dynamic that their parents had. And so I’m not saying that that is always going to be the case. But if you don’t look at your healing from the lens of your nervous system, you’re only attacking 20% of the healing puzzle, like the cognitive piece is important to go through talk therapy, and to talk about your problems, you need to make that link cognitively. But it’s 20%. If you think about from your neck down to your toes, that’s like 80% of your body. So and most people don’t ever look at that. So, again, yeah, maybe you’re going to talk therapy, maybe you’re talking to your problems, but you’re really only addressing 20% of the healing puzzle when you do that. So you’re going to stay stuck, where you are, may have a little bit of change. But you’re going to revert back to your old patterns.

Lesley Logan 16:42
Do you find, once you know this language, and once you’ve done work on it and understanding it, is this something that you can continue to work through with yourself? Can you like work through yourself? Or do you have someone you, like how, I’m just wondering, like, what’s, what’s the process of someone who’s going through, learns to work, learns the language and then like, stuff happens? Like you’re known, just like, it’s not like just like life’s squeaky clean?

Lauren Zoeller 17:04
Yeah, yeah. It’s funny, I interviewed Will Rezin on my podcast last week, because episode just came out, and I need to connect you two, by the way, but he was talking about that, because he had, he is also a somatic practitioner. And he had done all of this work for so long. And he studied with Shamans in Peru, and his mother was a therapist, and he kind of like surrounded himself with all of these personal development tools. And it wasn’t until really late in his career, that he found somatic work. And he said, you know, after I was facilitated enough, and I really understood, had somebody else guide me into the language of my nervous system, I can now walk myself through this. And so I tell all my clients, my goal is for you to not meet me anymore. And I think that that’s, we’ve built this really deep codependency in the personal development world. And it’s not healthy, it’s not healthy to need a coach for the rest of your life. It’s not healthy to need a therapist for the rest of your life. We aren’t conditioned to believe that. And I mean, from a business perspective, it’s a really awful business model. For someone to not need me, right. But the truth is, is that you shouldn’t need a therapist for the rest of your life. You shouldn’t really need a coach for the rest of your life or else they’re not doing their job.

Lesley Logan 18:21
Yeah, you know, yeah, no, I was there’s a podcast I was involved, A Little Bit Culty, and they said like, imagine if you went to college, and they just never let you graduate. Like that would never be okay. Like anyone you work with. There should be a point at which you you’ve graduated otherwise, maybe it’s a little I culty.

Lauren Zoeller 18:37
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And we need to normalize that because I think the personal development world has become so you need to be in it forever and ever and ever, and you never get to leave.

Lesley Logan 18:48
Well and also like how is that at all abundance mindset, which is what the personal development world preaches. It’s like you should have an abundance mindset. Well, if you did as the coach, you would be okay with people graduating and you would trust that there’d be more people coming through. So I really love hearing that the goal is like you’ve learned these tools to a point that you can actually use them on your own and you’re not so reliant on other people and I do think it’s true because like, I have people in my life who were raised to be in this codependent relationships and like they have therapists which is really great, but they just develop another codependent relationship, you know?

Lauren Zoeller 19:23
Yeah. It’s funny I was, I was on a call with a client yesterday and she was speaking about this very same thing. You know, her she grew up in a household where her mother went to codependent anonymous. And next thing you know, she was like, my mom was in AA my mom was an alcoholic, but she was going to AA meetings and she was going to like eaters anonymous meetings. She was just conditioned to have this codependency and so I really want to talk about that, right, and put it out into the world because I feel like a lot of people aren’t talking about how bad it is.

Lesley Logan 19:52
Yeah, I know you and I’ve talked to like, offline about, you know, it’s very interesting. I get really disenchanted. Sometimes with what we do, because I’ll go to a conference, I’ll go and hear different speakers, we’ll all be on the same status (inaudible) I’m like, what are they talk, what are they saying? Like, you’re making people find more things. Or you’re making them think that they need all these things, there is not actually a template out there for any business that’s going to always work for everyone all the time. Because the truth is that we’re all very unique individuals, and we have different ways of responding to obstacles in our way that like, even if he did everything the exact same way, it still wouldn’t be the exact same result, because we’re coming out with different strengths, different weaknesses, different ways of seeing things. And I do think that it can be really scary and sometimes dark in the self-development world. How, obviously, we don’t ever want to work with you. But what are some like signs? Or do you have anything that you kind of like us to make sure that you don’t end up working with or studying with anyone this ultimate world that could maybe be like a red flag of like, this might not be a good program?

Lauren Zoeller 20:58
Yeah. I mean, I think, a big thing for me, if someone comes to a, let’s say, a discovery call with me, or someone on my team, and they are, they’re already in defensive mode, they’re like defense, they don’t think that this is going to work. They’ve tried everything, I will just tell them I don’t think that this work, is it’s I don’t think it’s the right time for you to be here. Like, that’s a big one. But also, when people come to me, and they talk about, well, is this gonna heal me? Like, am I going to be healed when I’m done with this? I’m like, that’s a big red flag, right? Because nothing and no one can heal you. Healing is a lifelong journey. But the best thing that you can do is equip yourself with the right tools to be able to facilitate yourself through whatever you need. So that’s a big red flag for me is when somebody shows up and they’re like, or when someone says, this work healed me. Because it’s, it’s there’s so many different factors. Yeah, in order for that to be true.

Lesley Logan 21:53
Yeah, I love that what you’re saying it’s like there’s this goes both ways. Someone who’s coming as a client wanting these, like, like, this has to work, that kind of almost desperation. It’s like, this is probably even like our business coaching for fitness instructors. People are coming like, I need this to work. And I’m like, so here’s the deal. Like, I can’t make the business decisions daily for you. I’m not in the biz I’m not writing to, you have to do all the work. Yeah. So it will work if you do all the work. But is it gonna work tomorrow as it were yesterday, that’s not true. If you’re all out there interviewing different people to work with, they should be honest with you. And they shouldn’t be saying this isn’t the right thing for you, or here’s what is possible. But here’s how long it could take like, there has to be honesty there. And if it’s not transparent, or they’re just telling what you want to hear, like, those are big red flags.

Lauren Zoeller 22:37
Big red flags. Yeah. Well, and also, and this is just a point of curiosity for people to think about the need for something to work. And for it to work right now. That is a trauma response. And so you have to start to get curious around that, because it’s this that is flight in action. That’s what it looks like you’re in this space of feeling like it needs to be urgent. And really, trauma is urgency, its urgency of needing things now, because when we look at the definition of trauma it’s something that happened too fast, too much too soon. It is in that space of urgency. So things happen. And you and I’ve talked about this, like the instant gratification, and the instant, overnight success, that’s very much in the personal development world, can cause a whole myriad of, of trauma. And really, the things that are meant to be savored in life, and that are really beautiful, and make your life robust, are the ones where you slow down. And you were able to build it from a space of true presence and being grounded. And so if you aren’t there, and you’re constantly wanting immediate results, that is a sign that you are in trauma, and you need to work through that.

Lesley Logan 23:50
It’s so interesting. I could be having a trauma response in my business. That’s not necessarily, the trauma wasn’t from business, it could be from something else in my life. And that’s how it’s showing up. (inaudible)

Lauren Zoeller 23:59
Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. And it’s a relationship, you have a relationship to your business. So you have to look at how are you showing up in that relationship? And what from the past has led you to this place where you feel like, oh, my gosh, I need instant results right now, or the house is gonna catch on fire.

Lesley Logan 24:17
See, I think it’s fascinating, cuz I do think I had Dr. Bender on many years ago. And you guys we’ll put her second episode in the show notes. But she talked about, we tend to as humans, try to make a reason to the stress for feelings. I’m having this like any instant gratification. So we’re trying to figure out the reason for that in the head, right? A cognitive reason. And she gave the example of like, whenever I walk into office, I get super, super stressed out. And so it’s my job that’s causing this and she’s always like, try not to create reason, because what you logically will connect might not actually be the thing that it is and you could totally switch a career and actually have the exact same feelings because it’s a trauma response as to something else. We have to do the somatic work to regulate it.

Lauren Zoeller 25:02
Yeah, well, and it’s important to note too, that the nervous system again, it doesn’t speak in story. So going into story and making meaning about something over and over and living in what I call monkey brain, which are like those constant loops. That is the flight response. That’s what it looks like to notice yourself in an actual trauma response, when you have those looping thoughts, like everybody can relate to being broken up with, and then laying in bed at night and trying to sleep and your brain won’t shut off. And you’re like, oh, my gosh, well, what if I would have done this? And what if I would have would have, he would have done this different? What were the you know, you have these like, constant ruminating thought

Lesley Logan 25:39
Replay the conversation in your head over and over.

Lauren Zoeller 25:43
Yeah, that is a trauma response. And it’s usually linked to you not being chosen at some point in your life. And so you went into reasoning, to pacify and to cope with what happened. So if you’re not looking at how your body is responding in a moment-to-moment basis, you’re gonna keep living those loops over and over again, you’re gonna keep, I call it burning the ships in your business because your brain takes over and kind of sabotages what’s actually happening.

Lesley Logan 26:12
Okay, this has been amazing, because I feel like I’ve learned, I feel like fight is an easy one to kind of understand how that response is but having, we’ve gone through real amazing what it looks like for the flight and for the freeze and for the fun. So this has been so educational, obviously, we’re happy to have you back when your book comes out, because I can’t wait to read it, I will have to figure out a way to like, make sure our listeners get their hands on it. We’re gonna take a brief break, we’re gonna find out where people can find you, follow you, work with you.

Lesley Logan 26:37
All right, Lauren, where can people find you, follow you, work with you? Where do you like to hang out? Where’s your favorite place?

Lauren Zoeller 26:44
Okay, so you can find me online at my website, laurenzoeller.com. I’m most active on Instagram. So you can find that, you can find that @LaurenZoeller on Instagram. In Tiktok, @coachLaurenZoeller. And I think that’s all the places that I hang out. I do have a podcast, which you’re about to

Lesley Logan 26:59
I know.

Lauren Zoeller 26:59
So you can listen to that. It’s the Aligned Love podcast.

Lesley Logan 27:02
Yes, you guys, you can listen, wherever you listen to this one, just go find it. We’ll put it in the show notes. But sometimes it’s not easy to go. Just google that. You I think that’s really, it’s really cool that you have your podcast because I think having this we have to hear it a few different times for different ways. So it’s great for people to have you in their ears more often. Yeah. Well, you’ve given us so many amazing bits of information about ourselves. But for our, you know, people who want an action step, what’s a bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted step they can take to be it till they see it?

Lauren Zoeller 27:36
So I would suggest beginning to learn the language of your nervous system. And do this by what’s what I like to call a somatic check in. So if you are a tangible person, get out your phone, try this for a week, get out your phone, set a timer on your phone to go off every three hours. When that timer goes off. All you’re gonna do get out your notes on your, on your iPhone, or your Android, we were talking about that earlier, whatever, you have no judgment here. And I want you to document the sensations and the emotions that are present in your body. And then I want you to write down what you were doing when the timer went off. Note I did not say I want you to write down your sensations, emotions, and tell me why you’re feeling them. All they want you to do is document what sensations what emotions were present and what you were doing. What this does is it starts to give you the language of where your nervous system is in a moment to moment basis. So for instance, if every time your timer goes off, you’re sitting down to write an email. And you notice that you’re sweating, and your heart wants to jump out of your chest. You’re probably in a flight response when you’re sitting down and you’re working. And so once you start to understand this language, then you have the language to be able to shift where you need to go from survival to safety and you can start to take that next step. So awareness, the somatic checking gives you awareness of the language that you’re speaking

Lesley Logan 28:54
Oh, I love this you guys. This is such an easy and free. I love a free tool. Ah, Lauren, I adore you. I’m so happy that we randomly met by an email introduction. Because you’re just one of the favorite people in my life and I love getting to see you in real life. This is just so wonderful. You guys, how are you going to use these tips in your life. We want to know. Tag Lauren Zoeller and tag the Be It Pod, share this with a friend if you are hearing anything like oh my friend is a people pleaser. Oh, my friend is like this. All you have to do is actually send the episode to them, you don’t actually have to tell them you are a pleaser and people-pleasing mode, you can actually send it to them and allow them to go on their own amazing journey. So thank you, Lauren. Thank you everyone for listening. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

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Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

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Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @be_it_pod.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan
It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell
Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.