The Truth About People
Pleasing and Control

Ep. 596 with Lesley & Brad

“Confidently move forward knowing you weren’t doing it to hurt them. You were doing it to uphold your own values.”

Brad Crowell

Bio

Shownotes

In this recap, Lesley and Brad reflect on their powerful conversation with Amber Fuhriman—attorney, NLP trainer, and host of Break Your Bullshit Box. Together they unpack how perfectionism and people-pleasing keep high achievers trapped in fear, and how authenticity, though uncomfortable, is freeing. This episode challenges listeners to take responsibility for their choices and trust that staying authentic is better than constantly seeking approval.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co.

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Why people-pleasing is a hidden form of control, not kindness.
• How perfectionism hides behind fear and the need for validation.
• What authentic affirmations sound like without toxic positivity.
• Why creating an “SOS list” can help you act instead of overthink.
• How taking responsibility for choices leads to personal freedom.

Episode References/Links:

• Cambodia Retreat Waitlist – https://lesleylogan.co/retreats
• Winter Tour – https://opc.me/events
• Pilates Journal Expo – https://xxll.co/pilatesjournal
• Agency Mini – https://prfit.biz/mini
• Contrology Pilates Conference in Poland – https://xxll.co/poland
• Contrology Pilates Conference in Brussels – https://xxll.co/brussels
• eLevate – https://lesleylogan.co/elevate
• eLevate Waitlist – https://lesleylogan.co/elevatewaitlist
• Submit your wins or questions – https://beitpod.com/questions
• Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg – https://a.co/d/fNNWEah
• Amber Fuhriman’s Website – https://www.successdevelopmentsolutions.com
• 90 Day Success Jumpstart Training – https://jumpstart.successdevelopmentsolutions.com
• Break Your Bullshit Box Community – https://www.facebook.com/groups/morethancorporate

Transcript

Brad Crowell 0:00
She advocates for affirmations that acknowledge the gap between who I think I am now and who I need to be in order to accomplish this. You know, I want to be this type of person. I will become this type of person, right? I am becoming this type of person.

—-

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

—-

Lesley Logan 0:53
Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the candid convo I had with Amber Fuhriman on our last episode. If you haven’t listened to that one, you are going to need to listen to that one, because I’m stumbling over my words today.

Brad Crowell 1:15
It’s a great episode. It’s a lot of fun.

Lesley Logan 1:12
It’s so good, it’s so fun. And it was nice as local. And I really like being on her podcast, so you’re gonna want to listen to it whether you listen to it first or last, I mean, there’s, it’s really okay, I think, in life to hear the ending and then watch the show. Sometimes I do that with real life TV, because I just want to know if I’m like, falling like, if I’m like, rooting for a villain or not. I just want to know. I gotta, I gotta have that information now.

Brad Crowell 1:15
Yeah, she’s not lying. She literally does this.

Lesley Logan 1:35
Hey, you know what?

Brad Crowell 1:39
Tell me.

Lesley Logan 1:39
Bands would like drop just like a single song, but you’d go buy the whole album without listening to it. So you, in fact, knew there’s one song I’m gonna love on this.

Brad Crowell 1:50
I think there’s a difference between the teaser of something and the ending conclusion.

Lesley Logan 1:54
These are not teasers. The recap episode is teasers. We are taking a talking point each, right? And of the many talking points that they had, so it’s like two things.

Brad Crowell 1:57
I don’t know what that has to do with going and watching the end of a TV show before you start the TV show. That’s the conclusion versus a teaser.

Lesley Logan 2:12
It’s a sample, sampling.

Brad Crowell 2:14
Okay.

Lesley Logan 2:14
Sampling a part.

Brad Crowell 2:16
It just happens to be the ending sample.

Lesley Logan 2:18
Okay. Well, today is October 30th and we decided we want to talk about tomorrow, because tomorrow is Halloween. And I don’t know about you, but I grew up. First of all, I went to some churches where Halloween was, like, just the evilest thing you couldn’t even go trick or treating. Did you ever go to a church like that, like, where, like, they didn’t even?

Brad Crowell 2:41
No.

Lesley Logan 2:41
Okay. Your church has always trick or treated?

Brad Crowell 2:41
Yes.

Lesley Logan 2:38
Okay. So I did not experience that all of my childhood. But then some churches, we could totally trick or treat, and then there were some churches where you could trick or treat, but like people, like whispered, you know.

Brad Crowell 2:41
They whispered about trick or treating?

Lesley Logan 2:49
At any rate, what no one talks about is how this holiday had nothing to do with the churches, and it wasn’t even the Halloween. It was about something else. And we decided to tell you about the true history of Halloween. So.

Brad Crowell 3:04
Yeah, it’s, it’s actually like cultural warfare is, if you, if you want to look at it.

Lesley Logan 3:08
I know, like, it’s like an appropriation.

Brad Crowell 3:10
Yeah. Well, they, yes, they appropriated the time and they renamed it. So we’ll talk about that.

Lesley Logan 3:16
Okay, many, many holidays were done this way. So Halloween originated from the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, right.

Brad Crowell 3:24
Samhain.

Lesley Logan 3:25
No no. In the thing we looked up, it literally said to how to say it pronounced saa
·
wn. So Samhain is pronounced saa
·
wn spelled Samhain, but it’s you say it saa
·
wn, let me go back to my sheet. Okay. A three day celebration held over 2000 years ago that marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of the dark, cold winter. Are you gonna just.

Brad Crowell 3:52
Sorry, just taking over right there. All right, keep going.

Lesley Logan 3:55
Okay. Thank you so much. Okay, so the Celts believed that this was a time when the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead blurred, allowing spirits to roam the earth. To ward off harmful spirits and guide benevolent ones, they lit bonfires, wore costumes and left offerings and food outside their homes. Pause, just so you know, also in October in Cambodia, they do something called Pchum Ben and Pchum Ben, Pchum Ben, it is a almost month long celebration in parts of the country, but for sure, a three day celebration where everyone, no one works, including in the tourist city of Siem Reap we’re only going to find expats working. You’re not going to find a single Cambodian working. And they they don’t get dressed up, but they celebrate and they do all these things so like that is awesome.

Brad Crowell 4:42
Pchum Ben is a Buddhist holiday that is celebrated every year where they believe that the souls of their ancestors are released for 15 days so that they can basically stay with family.

Lesley Logan 4:53
Yeah, it’s really cool. People like will travel on a moto for 11 hours to go with family. It’s freaking crazy. But I just want to say, like, how cool, like, even across the world, the same, similar thing was happening. So to ward off harmful spirits and guide benevolent ones, they, oh, I already said that part, sorry.

Brad Crowell 5:07
They lit bonfires, wore costumes and left offerings, which is actually like it trickles down over the, you know, millennia. And the ancient custom, those ancient customs, kind of evolved into what are now, trick or treating, the costumes, decorations and parties celebrated for modern Halloween. I mean, we don’t light bonfires and, you know that kind of a thing (inaudible).

Lesley Logan 5:30
No because if you did, people are gonna think that you’re a witch. But you can actually just say, no, I’m celebrating. How do you say it? Samhain, I’m celebrating Samhain Okay, so the oh, one more thing on this, the Roman and Christian influence. After the Romans conquered the Celtic lands, Roman festivals like Feralia and Pomona were incorporated into Samhain traditions. Later, the Catholic Church established All Saints Day on November 1st and All Souls Day on November 2nd, making October 31st All Hallows Eves, which means hallowed or holy, right? So they just.

Brad Crowell 6:05
Which then become Halloween. Yup.

Lesley Logan 6:08
.Yeah, So they just stole it.

Brad Crowell 6:10
Yeah. Just just renaming things over here.

Lesley Logan 6:12
So if you don’t like that I’m harping on the church, you know it, sometimes we have to accept the responsibility of people from our past. Every fucking group of people has done something wrong, but it’s more important to be like, educated and understand. And if you love Halloween, I love that for you. I decided to get into Halloween-ish, this year I got witchy nails, which are not done for this recording, but just check out my Instagram. They’re witchy nails for me anyways. And when I because I just, like, remember, when I was why does everybody like, this holiday, but now that I, like, know the history of it and what it was for, I actually can get down with it.

Brad Crowell 6:50
It also marks like, it’s actually the end of a season, going into the next season. So it was the end of harvest. So imagine, yeah, imagine, imagine you just spent all season, like, you know, really digging in on the harvest, and now it’s time to party, and there’s a new season coming. So I feel like it all kind of goes together.

Lesley Logan 7:11
And also, like, I mean, just imagine a couple thousand years ago, like, life was so hard. And I also (inaudible), the more you look at the celebrations that they had, it really was like taking a pause of the hard work of life, and doing some sort of way to celebrate that. And we don’t do that around here. We just, like, keep working through all the things. And like, at least in the States, maybe you take off a couple days for the actual holidays. And so I just, I feel like this is a holiday that has a lot more history to it. And and I, and I kind of like, what that history is. It seems really beautiful. And what a great way to spend time with family and past loved ones. And also, like, let’s not forget, you know, in Mexico, they do Día de Muertos, which is on November 1st, right? Like, the big celebration of the like, there’s a lot of different cultures that celebrate the people that have come before them and spend time together. And there’s all this stuff. So anyways, just think about that. Think about the loved ones you had, and celebrate the harvesting you did, and report back. Okay.

Brad Crowell 8:09
Yeah, Lesley and I’ve been back from Cambodia and Singapore now for a week and a half. And it’s just always so refreshing for us to get back to our second family over there. You know, people that we love, the places that we love to be in. The environment over there is just it’s so magical. And we would love to have you join us next year, but get on the waitlist, because there’s limited amount of spots. We’re going to be going in October of next year, but we’re going to be announcing all of that in January. So go to crowsnestretreats.com to get on the waitlist for information about the upcoming trip for 2026 we’re only going one time next year, only going one time next year. We’re only going one one time next year.

Lesley Logan 8:09
Are you trying to convince yourself or everyone else?

Brad Crowell 8:32
I’m letting everybody know, because a lot of people have said, oh, I’ll come with you in the spring, and we’re not going in the spring. We are only going in the fall next year, so, side note.

Lesley Logan 8:50
And probably the year after that, I just have to say it to you.

Brad Crowell 8:50
October 1st, we already rolled out our tour go to opc.me/events to join us for the OPC winter tour. We’re gonna be driving all around the United States of America. We’re gonna be going from Vegas all the way up to Boston, down to Miami and back. It’s gonna be something like 24, 25 locations. It’s kind of insane. We’re very excited about it. We are going to be even bigger.

Lesley Logan 8:50
We’re going to studios we’ve not been to and have been excited. They’ve been on the list for a while. These are human beings that, like, we have literally been like, how do we make sure we get to see them again?

Brad Crowell 8:53
But you can find out all the specifics where we’re stopping. Go to opc.me/events, chances are high that some locations may already be sold out.

Lesley Logan 8:53
Yeah it’s been out for a month.

Brad Crowell 9:13
Because it’s been out for a month. So but go check it out opc.me/tour. Then in January, where are you teaching?

Lesley Logan 9:15
We’ll be at the Pilates Journal, their first ever event in the U.S. It will be at Huntington Beach. If you go to xxll.co/pilatesjournal, you can get your tickets

Brad Crowell 10:01
Pilates Journal Expo.

Lesley Logan 10:05
Yeah. So Pilates Journal is a Pilates Journal. It’s a magazine, and they.

Brad Crowell 10:10
It’s free, by the way.

Lesley Logan 10:11
Is it?

Brad Crowell 10:11
Yeah. The journal they release is free.

Lesley Logan 10:14
Oh, I love that. I mean, I always just assumed, I just was given it for free. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Pilates Journal, but I just, I don’t know. I just thought maybe they just (inaudible).

Brad Crowell 10:23
I’m like 90% sure.

Lesley Logan 10:25
But they, they do a really, they do events in Australia and.

Brad Crowell 10:29
Yeah, subscribe for free.

Lesley Logan 10:29
You can subscribe for free. I’ve written for articles for them several times. I think it’s really worth looking into. But if you’re a Pilates teacher, you should come. The lineup is amazing. Several of these teachers have taught. We’ve all taught together somewhere, but never taught all together. So like you’re not going to see this line up again, you might as well come and then in February, we’re going to host Agency Mini, that is our business coaching program for Pilates instructors and studio owners. And you’re going to want to go to prfit,biz/mini. So it’s profit without the O dot B-I-Z slash mini, to get on the waitlist. Also probably in January-ish, they’ll be letting the waitlist people get the best discount. So I’m just saying. In March, we’re going to two places in Europe. We’ll be in Poland, at the Pilates Poland Controlology Pilates Conference. So go to xxll.co/poland by the way, I’m doing that with Karen Frischmann. And so if you like me, and you’re gonna like Karen, I’m just gonna tell you right now, she’s like, she’s extremely smart, extremely knowledgeable. And like, I I feel, I feel like, like, you know how there’s like the pop band, and then there’s like the, like, uber rock, like, just has done, been doing music for decades, and like, they’re just like, that’s what it is. And so you, if you don’t know Karen, I promise you’re gonna love Karen. And if you know Karen, then what are you waiting for? The two of us will be together so we can, like, knock it out in one weekend, or go into Brussels, xxll.co/brussels. We’ll be at El’s studio there in Brussels, and we’re very excited about it, different workshops at each event. So, but same teacher. So you’re as long as long as you love Karen and I, or one of us, you’re gonna have a great lineup. Just pick the one that works the best for you, and then we will, Brad is gonna take me on a second honeymoon, and then we are going to land and arrive at P.O.T in London. And I don’t have a link for you, but you could just Google P.O.T., Balanced Bodies P.O.T. London, It will come up. They have amazing SEO. They’re really good at what they do. And you can snag your spot. It is limited, and it sells out every year. So there you go. Before we get into this amazing interview with Amber, what is our question this week?

Brad Crowell 10:30
@marystarpilates asks, hey, Lesley, do you still do your continued education teacher training program? Where can I find information on that? Thank you so much. So I’m assuming she’s talking about eLevate.

Lesley Logan 12:19
Yes, I did clarify. And the answer is yes, she’s talking about my mentorship program for Pilates instructors. So you have to have, you have to have done a comprehensive program in that, like, you should have been trained on the mat, Reformer, Cadillac or Tower and Chair, right? The Wunda Chair. Of course, I’d love it if you (inaudible) on the barrels. But like, I’m not worried about you being overwhelmed by the fifth weekend, but you need and then you have to have access to a mat, a Reformer, a Tower, Cadillac, a Chair and a Barrel. So you don’t have to have a full studio access. It doesn’t have to be classical. In fact, I work with both classically trained and contemporary trained people who are classic, classically curious, classical people who feel like they were like, taught this, like, rigid, you know, culty perfect way of doing Pilates, and they would like to have a little bit more fun. And we just really break down and ditch perfection and get really excited about what Joe gave us and what the intentions were, and free you from thinking you need to have a million fucking cues all the time. And also really help you with your own personal practice. Help you with seeing, help you with patience in your teaching. And so if you go to lesleylogan.co/elevate, you can learn more about it if you do the same exact URL, but add waitlist to it. So lesleylogan.co/elevatewaitlist, you can get on the waitlist for the next one, because this upcoming what year are we in right now? So 2026, is next year is sold out. Sold out. You can reach out to us. You never know what might happen. But 2027 is where we’re already we’re actually already taking people, taking applications, selling spots. The reality is mentorship programs like this. I have friends who have one who are five years booked in the future. I’m not going out that far. I’m kind of a year in advance kind of person, but if you know you want it then you can plan ahead. So that’s what I would say.

Brad Crowell 14:25
Yeah, awesome. Well, stick around. We’ll be, oh, actually.

Lesley Logan 14:25
Go to beitpod you want to send us questions.

Brad Crowell 14:30
Yeah, you have to join us for all these questions. Your participation is required, or we don’t get to ask answer your questions. So 310-905-5534, hit us up or.

Lesley Logan 14:39
And I want some fun questions. I want, I want relationship questions. I want family questions. I want career questions. I want some (inaudible) questions.

Brad Crowell 14:50
She wants some juicy questions.

Lesley Logan 14:52
I want, I want, I want. I also want the gossip that comes with the questions. You could be anonymous.

Brad Crowell 14:58
Go to beitpod.com/questions, where you can leave a win or a question. Thank you for that. Stick around. We’ll be right back. We’re going to talk about Amber Fuhrman. Amber Fuhriman is a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser and an attorney who now works as a coach, human behavior expert and podcaster. As a certified trainer of neuro linguistic programming or NLP, and host of the More Than Corporate Podcast. She blends her legal background with mindset and performance coaching to help high achievers push past limiting beliefs and perfectionism. And after years of believing success was about money and titles, Amber has redefined it as freedom choice and building a life that truly feels fulfilling. A lot of relation like a relatability here with her story and just.

Lesley Logan 15:44
I know, another guest where it’s like, oh, we’re, like, just on the same we’re on the same longitude, you know, just a different latitude. Like, she’s doing something very similar, like it’s, we’re on the same longitude, but a different latitude, you know, like, like, Joe Allen was doing similar things with the orthodontist. And we do what we do for Pilates instructors and studio owners, and she does what she does for like, other professional it’s just very cool. But also I love how our lives can bring a different lens to it, a different focus to what we do. And we I really appreciate her willingness and interest in like, we talk about people pleasing, and we talk about a bunch of stuff, but I just really got excited about talking about people pleasing because, like, how many of our listeners, how many people do we know that are doing things that are people pleasing?

Brad Crowell 16:30
Well, I thought her definition of it was, she said, people pleasing is when you consider other people’s feelings before you consider your own. And I thought that was interesting, especially because, you know, and then y’all talked about how.

Lesley Logan 16:47
Yeah, we talked about see, so, like, I also think that some people pleasers are it’s just another form of control. By the way, you can also be you’re controlling people’s emotions as well, or the outcome of people’s emotions. But we, she clarified that not people pleasing doesn’t mean being an asshole. Just for the purpose of being an asshole, like it’s about instead about being authentic and speaking your truth. So meaning, like a lot of people will go to dinner with a family member on Thursday to people please, rather than which is not authentic, by the way, because you don’t want to be there. You’re gonna be somewhere else. So you’re actually that’s kind of, I think you’re more of an asshole if you’re people pleasing because you’re not being authentic. I think that’s we should re define people pleasing as being an asshole, a non-authentic person.

Brad Crowell 17:28
Not authentic person.

Lesley Logan 17:30
Yeah. So she advised, like, what you can do when you’re not people pleasing is, like, were the actions that I took in alignment with who I want to be as a human So, meaning you decided to not people please. Someone had a reaction that was not something that you liked like all, that they’re upset that you’re not doing the thing for them. And so like, you get to ask yourself, were the actions that I took in alignment with who I want to be as a human being? If the answer is yes, then I will not apologize when I’m 100% in alignment with my actions. And you can understand that and accept me for him, or you don’t accept me and like, that is really hard for a lot of people, because, like, I’m gonna lose people. You guys were allowed to lose people in our life. We just are, and it’s gonna happen. Like, it’s impossible. It’s impossible to keep everyone happy with you all of the time. There’s just not, there’s no way that is going to even be a possibility. And so if you are, if you are actually being authentic in alignment with how you feel and you speak that and someone doesn’t like it, you are not in the wrong. They are also, by the way, there might not even be in the wrong.

Brad Crowell 18:30
I mean, look, you could be in the wrong, but if you are doing this to protect yourself or to stop people pleasing, this is when you have to ask yourself these questions. You know, were the actions I took in alignment with who I want to be as a human? If that’s the case, then, then you can confidently move forward knowing that you weren’t doing it to hurt them. You were doing it to uphold your own values, right? So if you were doing it to hurt them, then don’t be an asshole. But if you’re doing it to uphold your own values, that that’s different.

Lesley Logan 19:00
If you were doing it then hurt them. Sorry. You are being an asshole. But I just think that the more we can understand ourselves, the recovering people pleasers that we are, these are gonna be conversations you have to have with yourself. You’re going to have to chit chat with yourself about like, okay, but give yourself pep talk. I want to be this person who speaks my heart, who shares how I feel, who’s honest with how and will I will spend time with people, and that is going to upset some people who would like me to have more of me or have me at this thing. But I’m not in the wrong. I’m not an asshole. I’m being authentic and like, they will either come around or they won’t.

Brad Crowell 19:34
Yeah, I really liked when she was talking about the like, toxic positivity, like, fake it till you make it. Where she was talking about, she, basically, I just, she was so frustrated about the idea of it, and she, she was like, don’t ever put me in a room with people who believe this, because she’s gonna lose her shit.

Lesley Logan 19:59
Yeah, I want to be in that room. Actually, is that terrible? I like, I would like her to, like, she’s such a good person with words. I would love to and she’s a lawyer, so she’s so good at articulating.

Brad Crowell 20:11
I mean she talked about, she talked about, you can’t lie to yourself and convince you like you can, but there’s dissidence that’s happening when you’re lying yourself in that way. And she said, the brain doesn’t like distance between what is being said and what is truly believed. So, you know, she said, instead of doing that, instead of being like, I’m amazing, I’m beautiful in the mirror every morning, kind of a thing, she said, she advocates for affirmations that acknowledge the gap between who I think I am now and who I need to be in order to accomplish this. You know, I want to be this type of person. I will become this type of person, right? I am becoming this type of person, right? That’s different than, you know, like.

Lesley Logan 20:49
Like people do I am, I am rich. But if you’re, like, barely able to pay your bills, like the brain is, that is not helpful. So I am becoming rich.

Brad Crowell 20:56
Or I make decisions that are going to make me rich.

Lesley Logan 20:58
Yes, I make decisions that are making me rich. I am on my way to abundance. I am, you know?

Brad Crowell 21:05
Yeah, I like that. And so it’s, it’s nuanced. It’s nuanced here, you know, but I, but I actually appreciated that, and I thought, oh, that’s a cool way to to adjust it, because sometimes it does feel fake, and that’s annoying, and that’s not, that’s not. I have a hard time embracing that too, so I get that.

Lesley Logan 21:20
Well, because scientifically, like in behavior science, like the brain, doesn’t like dissonance, right? So, BJ Fogg, his sister, she was talking about how, you know, one of the habits, BJ likes to get people to start with from reading his book, it’s like every day, get out of bed, you put your feet on the floor, like everybody does this. You can literally start a habit. Tomorrow morning, you put your feet on the floor. You say, today is going to be amazing. Or you can say, I’m amazing, but, like, usually he would say, today’s me amazing day. And then you stand up and like, you like, so you want and like, it’s a great first habits, a great way to start the day. And she, like, talked to us just like, yeah, so my husband died, and on the day of his funeral, I’m not going to put my feet on the floor. I go today is an amazing day. Because the brain isn’t like dissonance, and that’s gonna screw the habit up, right? Because it’s gonna be like, oh, this is not real. So what she said is, today is going to be as good as it can be, right? And that’s an honest thing. And so I think where she’s.

Brad Crowell 22:16
And it’s an affirmation, you know, like, still, is putting you on like, a path to see the good in the day.

Lesley Logan 22:22
Without it being toxic positivity. It’s like, it’s an and so I actually really appreciated that because we taught we have a lot of people talk about, like, affirmation and mantras. And hers is like, yeah, so have ones that are that are actually helping you be it till you see it, not that are lying to you about what you are. That’s not gonna be helpful. She’s just super cool. I mean, I listened before I was on her podcast, because I met her in person for the podcast. I listened to several of her episodes, and I was just like, I feel like I’m learning so much.

Brad Crowell 22:44
That’s cool. Love it.

Lesley Logan 22:44
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you don’t have to put her on faster speed, just gonna be really honest, you can put it on a regular speed, because I had it on 1.75 I was like, maybe we’ll take that down a little bit. It’s like listening to me.

Brad Crowell 22:59
That’s hilarious. Well, stick around. We’ll be right back. We’re gonna dig into those into those Be It Action Items
that you have with Amber Fuhriman in just a minute.

Brad Crowell 23:09
All right, welcome back. So finally, what Be It Action Items, can we take away from your convo with Amber? Oh, I said that differently this time. For those of you who say it along with me, say it along with me. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Amber Fuhriman? She said, hey, when you are struggling with overthinking or in or you are struggling with intense emotions, this is really cool y’all. She said, create an SOS list, meaning the list of people that you are flashing the SOS sign to, right? And this list is just two or three trusted people who you can reach out to, and they can be your gauge for you, right, that they can help you when you know you’re spiraling out, like if, if you know, for example, if you are like an overthinker and you can’t put it into action, and you recognize I’m overthinking again. I’m not acting. I need you to actually just get started. You can text your SOS list, you know, but first ask them if that, you know, they’re willing to be on it. But you can develop a specific, predetermined SOS phrase, like Amber said, I’m stuck at the airport, right? And for her, being stuck at the airport is like she’s prepping, she’s prepping, she’s prepping, she’s prepping, but she’s never taken off. She’s never taken off. She’s always stuck at the airport. So she said, explain what the SOS phrase means to you, and clarify that if you send that message to your people on the SOS list, it really means I need somebody to check in on me right now. So for example, you know, I imagine it may change over time. You know, what does your SOS mean, right? Especially when Amber’s partner died, I imagine it was a, you know, a different reason to be reaching out than now where she’s, you know, it’s been a couple of years, and she’s moving on, and she’s running a company and things like that. You know. So she said, it really will help you have somebody check in on you. Who, who you trust to understand like, I need help right now. So when you find yourself in those overwhelm moments, send an SOS to your list. And she said the decision to ask for help actually allows your brain to see solutions. Okay, even if they don’t get back to you instantaneously, it will put you on a different path to see solutions, particularly helpful for recovering perfectionists who find it really hard to say, I actually need some help right now. So really cool idea.

Lesley Logan 25:35
Something has nothing to do with what we’re talking about now, right now. But like my brain went to this person, somebody in China, bought a first class ticket to some Chinese airline, which means that you get to eat in the first class lounge before you take off. And because it’s a first class ticket, it’s like fully refundable and transferable. So for 300 times, 300 meals, this person would check into the airport, check into the first class lounge, eat for free, and then reschedule their ticket. And they did this 300 times before anyone’s like, what is this person doing? So talk about being stuck at the airport, and I just thought, is the food that good? Because the actual like going to an airport, getting into a first class lounge is so annoying.

Brad Crowell 26:21
Even the food at the Centurion lounge, it’s good, but I wouldn’t say it’s great.

Lesley Logan 26:30
And also, not all Centurion lounges are created equal. I like ours, but the L.A. one, you can get it together as can you JFK, just saying, Okay, my big, back on track.

Brad Crowell 26:41
Yeah, how about you over here?

Lesley Logan 26:43
Recognize you have complete control over your daily decisions. You’ve complete control your daily decisions. I think we like to outsource decisions like I can’t do that because x, y and z, but you have complete control over your daily decisions. And if you’re unhappy, you have to dig into the decisions you’re making to create that situation. Are you saying yes to things you should be saying no to? Are you staying up late the night before so you feel like shit in the morning, right? So understand that avoiding a decision is still a decision. Oh, avoiding a decision is still a decision, and make different choices to change your outcomes. She also said.

Brad Crowell 27:22
I think that’s been the biggest thing that has changed my stress level is that I would avoid making a decision, but in the back of my mind, it was still I knew I had to address this thing, whatever this thing would be. It didn’t matter what it was like, I might like just be unwilling to open a text message from somebody because I knew it was going to launch a whole thing. I got to go down this thing and then I would push it off, and then, you know, or it’s like email inbox kind of stuff, too, like, avoid it, avoid it until it’s like an actual problem. Yeah, and that was one of the biggest changes, was making the decision to stop avoiding things and to just hug a cactus, as it were. But I love that. I think, I think acknowledging that avoiding a decision is actually still a decision that was super helpful for me.

Lesley Logan 28:08
And she said, consider her 90 Day Success Jumpstart Training or join her free Break Your Bullshit Box community. So I and that’s on Facebook, if you, if you go there, I mean honest on I went on Facebook the other day, and I was like, oh, wow, look at all these people I can unfollow. Thank you for acknowledging yourself, sir and sir and you so anyways. But I just thought this is such a bright, wonderful, honest and maybe a little maybe you feel called out, maybe you feel called out, and maybe you need to, because you got to break your bullshit. You know. And I just think a lot of us the what’s getting in the way of being it till we see it is people pleasing and telling ourselves that we don’t have control over certain things, some things you do, and we just gotta be honest about that. So, share this with a friend who needs to hear it, especially the people pleasing one, because those people can bother your life too. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 28:56
Bye for now.

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Lesley Logan
That’s all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

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Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @be_it_pod.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan
It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell
Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

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