3 Ways to Truly Be Seen

Ep. 125 ft. Coach Lee Hopkins

“Prioritize like what is most important to you.”

Coach Lee Hopkins

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Bio
My name is Coach Lee. I help people create lasting friendships and… I’m also transgender. For several years, l didn’t have supportive people who knew the real me in my life. I always thought that I knew what to do when it comes to making friends BUT many times, even though I had friends, I found myself very lonely. That’s because when it comes to making friends – I mean really building meaningful friendships and relationships, I was doing more damage than I realized.
Show Notes

Selfish isn’t a bad word, selfish could be taking time to discover who you are so that you can show up in other areas of your life, including your friendships. Today’s guest joins the conversation to help individuals recognize and change past patterns that are keeping them from forming meaningful connections. Coach Lee Hopkins finally has an answer to help you feel seen and create long-lasting friendships.

If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]. Or leave a comment below!

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

  • Hiding your truth that keeps you stagnant
  • How you allow rejection to grow you
  • The difficulty of finding support if you’re hiding
  • 3 steps to be truly seen
  • Law of Attraction
  • Learn & reflect on your history, hobbies, habits

References/Links:

Transcript

INTRODUCTION

Lesley Logan
Hey Be It babe, what’s up? Okay, I am on a freakin high, this interview I just got off up with Coach Lee Hopkins is going to change your life. And if you are like saying, yes, yes, yes. If you are talking with us, if you’re answering the questions with us, if you feel like you’re having a conversation with us, yes, we want to know, because I could have had that whole interview could have lasted hours. It was is way too much fun. So I’m going to tell you right now, you can you can see yourself in the story. And if you can’t see yourself in the story, I want you to try. Because I, I think a lot of us think that the things that we are frustrated with in our lives or in our in our experience, what’s going on with us that they like the mess that is going on in our lives. We get frustrated. We want it to go away. We want it to be over. We don’t want to deal with it. Why are we going through this? Why is this happening to me? And it’s happening for you. I, pause on purpose, it is happening for you. I know it sucks. When you’re going through it, it blows in fact, and it stings, and it hurts. And as you hear my guest Coach Lee’s story, you’re gonna be like, “What?” And then you’ll be excited like, “What?” Like, that’s your life, too. Okay? We have to stop trying to push away the things that are that feel like pain. And we have to really start to see like, how, how is this going? Like, what can I glean from this? What is this trying to teach me? Why, why do I keep having this experience? What can I get from this? And then pay attention to how you want to feel in your life. Because what is going on that you’re like, “Oh, this keeps happening.” It’s happening for you. And then you will use that thing. All those lessons you learn from that and put it together with how you want to feel and be in this world. And you can then manifest, you can take the next steps to it, you can really truly be it till you see it. And so I’m just going to stop because we’re going a little long on this interview and you won’t even notice time will fly because it flew for us. I really enjoy this person so much. I really can’t wait to have them back. And if you have any any questions for us or anything, please tag the @be_it_pod, send it in. Make sure you’re following Coach Lee. I think that you’re really going to enjoy their energy and have an amazing day. Here’s the interview.

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

EPISODE

Lesley Logan
All right, Be It babe. I have someone super special for you. Like, I read about this person. And I was like, “Yes, yes.” All the things ‘yes’ have to have this person on because, well, well you’ll hear, he just emulates what Be It Till You See It is. And I am really excited for you to hear, not only his story of how he got started, but also some other tips he has to help you be it till you see it. So Coach Lee Hopkins, thank you for being here. Can you tell everyone who you are, what you’re rockin at? And let’s go also go with how you got started?

Coach Lee Hopkins
Wow, I love that energy. Thank you so much, Lesley. That’s wonderful. Yeah, my name is Coach Lee Hopkins, and I help people create lasting friendships and meaningful relationships. And I got started by, I feel like there was another question in there. But I’m so excited to share, (Lesley: Go into it.) without me getting started. So I just …

Lesley Logan
No. (Coach Lee: I’m sure we’ll get back to it.) You’re perfectly on point.

Coach Lee Hopkins
We’ll get back to that. (Lesley: Yeah) But but yeah, so I’m really excited to be here. And I share with you that I am a coach that helps people make lasting friendships. And I got into that, because I had zero friendships. I suffered from loneliness when a very long time. And I’ve been chasing that truth or chasing that feeling of connection for years upon years. And I started because I thought that making connections was about being in the right place, you know, finding your tribe. And when I grew up, I was disconnected from people. I saw a lot of people making friends, but I just thought, “Well, I have to find my tribe.” So I had an opportunity to move to to college when I turned 18. And I could connect with people who were from different countries, different walks of life and everything, but I still felt lonely. So then again, I thought, “Well, geez, man, I just hadn’t found my tribe.” That’s what it was. And so I moved from Ohio, to California, where …

Lesley Logan
Where everyone finds their tribe. Everyone just saying and I’m kidding … (Lesley and Coach Lee laughs) California goal, it’s the friendships. (Coach Lee: Yes) Sorry, I was …

Coach Lee Hopkins
And it was around the time Katy Perry came out with the, ‘California girls were so incredible’, you know. So …

Lesley Logan
Yeah, I’m born and raised California girl. So I’m, sorry, I interrupted, but I just had a shout out that’s probably not where everyone find the tribe. But you can. (Lesley and Coach Lee laughs)

Coach Lee Hopkins
You can, you can, but I did learn a whole lot of things there. So I started to connect with more people and I felt more like I was in the karaoke scene. A lot of people were like high fived me it was like a little mini celebrity but this was in the Central Valley, okay. So it wasn’t like in …

Lesley Logan
Where in the Central Valley? Hold on. Where in the Central Valley? (Coach Lee: in the Central Valley.) I’m from Central Valley. (Coach Lee: Modesto) Stop. Okay, I used to cruise McHenry. (Coach Lee: What?) We’re just having a little pause moment. (Coach Lee: Oh, get out of here.) Yes. When I the only couple of years in high school where I had like a friend not a tribe, but a friend. (Coach Lee laughs) Like my bestie we had the same name. We had the same middle name, our dads have the same name, our brothers that we like we like (Coach Lee: What?) we met on the cross country chain because hello I was also trying to find a friend. And then I met her and we became besties and we would tell our parents we were gonna go get some Carl’s Jr. and we would somehow no one noticed that we drove 30 minutes to Modesto for Krispy Kreme doughnuts when the hot light was on. (Coach Lee and Lesley laughs) (Coach Lee: Oh my God. Wow, it was a small world.) Yeah, I’m from Lodi not Modesto. But anyways …

Coach Lee Hopkins
Lodi? Okay. Okay. Yeah, I know where …

Lesley Logan
So anyway, so back to you. Mini celebrities doing karaoke (Coach Lee: karaoke) in Modesto. No one knows where that is. It’s okay everyone’s Central Valley is broad enough. (Lesley and Coach Lee laughs)

Coach Lee Hopkins
Absolutely. So oh man, so I was like trying to connect with people. But I wasn’t able to really make the kind of connection that I wanted. So I thought, well, California is messed up. And I had an opportunity to move to Chicago where I am now. And that’s where I transitioned. So as you hear me now, I’m a trans man. I didn’t say that in the introduction. But I’m a trans man. And I moved to Chicago and just about as soon as I hit the ground running, I transitioned from female to male, that and I connected with the queer community that helped me through this process. And I thought that we were going to be best friends. And we’re gonna be really well connected because we had this shared experience. But that wasn’t true. And I still felt disconnected from the people. And it just happened to be because I was hiding something. I was hiding my truth. And I didn’t know that I was doing that until I got a new perspective on it. And so when I learned that I was hiding my truth, I learned how to figure that out and fix it up. Then I wanted to share that with everybody because it feels good to make friends. It feels good to share an experience with them. And so I want to help everybody do that.

Lesley Logan
This is so … there’s so many things to talk about. Coach Lee there’s just so many. (Lesley and Coach Lee laughs) So first of all, what I what I really find interesting is that like, I think you’re not alone in this. You kept moving thinking that’s going to be the answer. And I and whether or not you’re moving and looking for friends, y’all listen to this, like see yourself in the story. How often are you like, “Oh, when I get there that I will have. When this happens, and I will have.” And like, that’s why the show is Be It Till You See It because like, we have to stop waiting, waiting for or thinking that the thing we the thing that’s gonna change our life or make us who we are want to be is over there. It’s actually where we are right now. (Coach Lee: Yeah) And it’s you said it, it’s like you are hiding something. And you are hiding something from you.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yeah. You’re the first person to say it like that. That rocks my world.That rocks my world. Yeah.

Lesley Logan
This is on recorded, you’ll get … you can re listen. (Lesley and Coach Lee laughs) This is so good. Coach Lee, okay, so, so I think like, what you were looking for, is something that everybody is whether it has it, whether it whatever you subscribe to, or whatever how you identify, we are all looking for connection. We are all looking for friends. And my husband and I moved to Vegas in 2020, during the pandemic, so I moved from California. So we’re like, everything should be locked down. And so we were, we stayed inside for a year. And then we went out to make friends. And we were like, “When did you move here? Like a year ago?” Oh, who do you know, no one. We know zero people.(Coach Lee laughs) Because we’ve been in lockdown. (Coach Lee: Yes) And so so we had to like as adult, find a tri… find a tribe and air quotes or like find our community here. And you know what, I had never had had to do that for 14 years, like, I lived in LA for so long. But like you keep making new friends. But like, you always have like someone or like a group of people or community you could go to and ever had to like start fresh, like fresh, fresh. And so so I resonate with your story when I was reading about what you do, because I think so many people are wanting lasting relationships and friendships and genuine ones and like, so how did you do that? So then you figure this you like, there’s all these realizations came, you are stepping into who you are, you’re owning what your truth is. And then how did you make the lasting relationships and make that a job?

Coach Lee Hopkins
Well, definitely, I had to figure out what I was hiding from myself. And I really liked how you put it. So I’m gonna keep that and share that with people just like that from now on, because I didn’t realize I was hiding something for myself. So in order to figure that out, I had someone helped me with therapy. With therapy, I had a little bit of self reflection from another point of view, because it all it is, is that someone else is sharing the perspective on how you are behaving. And you get to consume that perspective, you get to see it as your own. And sure enough, it was like, “Wow, is that how other people are seeing me? I trust this person who’s telling me that I’m acting this way. So maybe that’s how other people were seeing me? What if I adjust it up and see what happens? And so that’s what I did.” They essentially talked about a mindset change and going out to meet friends because I was just down the dumps. I was like, maybe two years into being in Chicago. I was like, “Oh, I can’t make any friends. I don’t know what’s going on. It’s it’s definitely not me.” So, I go out, and I learned about this mindset, and I get an idea that I’m going to connect with somebody and I’m going to make a friend, this was me manifesting this whole thing. I’m just like thinking about it. So I go to this club. No, comedy club. This comedy club, it had an opportunity to talk. So I met a cool person, because I said, I’m gonna make a friend. We’re having a conversation, having a drink and everything. And I steer the conversation towards LGBT stuff, because I want to see how they’re feeling about this. And they mentioned to me that they have never seen a trans person before, don’t understand the process. And why anyone would ever want to do that. And so …

Lesley Logan
Oh, my God. Like, that’s the first friend that you’re trying to make. And it’s like, all the opposites of what you’re probably hoping they would say.

Coach Lee Hopkins
But I didn’t even think about that. Actually, this is interesting, because I’d love to hear your take on this because I was thinking that, wow, I’m gonna fill in this knowledge gap for you. And we’re gonna be best friends. I’m going to reveal my truth that I had been terrified to share with people, and we’re going to be best of friends. And sure enough, I reveal myself. I’m like, “I’m a trans person, trans man,” and they just freeze and they stop talking. And they leave. They don’t say anything else to me. They’re just gone. They’re just gone …

Lesley Logan
How brave are you? Cuz like, I love how you handled it way more mature than what I just said. (Coach Lee: Oh, no …) But like, you know what I mean, but like, because you could have you could have just been like, oh my God, there’s like everything I don’t want and you could have just been like, oh, and just like move the conversation and like found a way to leave like walk away from this …

Coach Lee Hopkins
… the thing is that Lesley, I didn’t understand that. That wasn’t what I wanted until years later. Because if they had said anything else to me, my desperate self would have latched on to that and try to explain why trans people are amazing and why I’m also amazing, and why you should like me and we should be friends. I read …

Lesley Logan
Right you would have put everything in this person, and this person may be your only friend like, like, like …

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yes. (Lesley: Yeah, I speak. Yeah) And the universe will give me what, gives you what you need. All right, gives you what you need.

Lesley Logan
Oh they just did. The universe just gave you what you need at that moment. Woo!

Coach Lee Hopkins
Boom! And I didn’t understand that at that time. But when I reflect back on it, I’m like, “Oh, okay, great.” So you get it. Lesley it’s like, I didn’t need that friendship with him. And they didn’t want to be friends with me it was wasted energy and time to go be with people who are interested in who you are and what you really want. And I had to learn that I’m hiding my truth and running around the world, hiding who I am afraid of rejection. But as soon as I show myself, what’s going to happen, isn’t that I’ll die. I will learn from it, I will be okay. And that’s what the universe was setting me up for. It felt like very painful in the moment. But man now at this point, I can understand that. This is why I help people go through this process because you are going to get rejected. But what you’re going to do is you’re going to learn from that, we will learn that this isn’t the kind of person that you’re going to be connected with. That’s how you’re going to learn. And you, luckily, are going to learn sooner. Because in the past, I would just grab onto them and be like, “For years hiding who I am. Be my friend, be my friend, my friend.” And they don’t really know me or they will like me.

Lesley Logan
Right. Because your hiding, your hiding. (Coach Lee: Yeah) Yeah, so they can only go so deep in the relationship with you. You know, it’s interesting, you said that because um, my husband when I met him, a friend introduced us to like, “You need to date this guy. He’s great friend.” I’m like, “Oh, his jeans are skinnier than mine.” (Coach Lee laughs) But I’m dating, I’m trying on new gene styles. So that was a blog I wrote. I had a dating blog back when I was single. And I like was like dating, you need to date like, you need to go to a jeans bar. And you need to turn all the jeans because you think you look good in high waisted but maybe you look good and boyfriend and like let’s and maybe high waisted look good on you then but it doesn’t go on you now like that kind of thing, right? So I was like, “Well, I’m trying on different jeans. Let’s go try on some skinny ones.” And so she like it’s a super loose for a long story. This fast story is she thinks he’s great for me. He I think I’m on a date with him. He doesn’t that he doesn’t know he’s on. But like we’re together. And I’m like, it was like a range thing. It was a little bit of manipulation in his words, but not mine. Anyways, it was a range. We’re sitting there on this couch at a bar. And I’m like, “Yes, we’re on this date. It’s gonna be amazing. He’s gonna ask me out for real.” And then he goes, “… I’m married.” And I was like, (Coach Lee: What?) “What? What? Does our mutual friend know that you’re married, because she just set me up on a date with you.” And like, my brain is go on other things. He’s like, “We’ll actually I’m getting divorced.” And he had hid that he was going through divorce for over a year from everybody. No one knew what he was going through. I’m telling his story for him and he’s gonna listen to us and go, “I can tell the story.” But anyway, he did this, because he didn’t want people to know, he didn’t want people to have a judgment or reject him. Because like, here he is 30 like, he grew up, like, you get married, and you’re married to the person forever. And here he is like going through a divorce. And he was embarrassed and all these things. And so he thought by not telling people that no one would reject them. But then, but now he’s in a different situation. And (Coach Lee: Yeah) it’s just so interesting, because so many people are hiding. What makes what makes them them, right? (Coach Lee: Right) Like, divorce is like his title. But like, it’ll it once he shared with me. And then like, all this weight came off, we could connect on a different level, because I was going through my own breakup. And we could actually, like, be real humans having a conversation going through something. And so instead of like, and what do you do? And what do you do? You know, like when we have a meaningful relationship. Like what …

Coach Lee Hopkins
Right, exactly, exactly. And I resonate with that story so much, I’m so glad that you shared it just like that, because I made a friend with a person who I didn’t share that I was trans. And so when I was dating people, I was getting rejected, but I couldn’t share with them why it was getting rejected. And so they couldn’t support me, they didn’t even know that there was a problem. And the the advice or information that they would share with me would, just keep trying, it’s but you don’t understand. That’s because I’m not telling you. You don’t understand because I’m not telling you and I can’t have support and you can’t support me because if you want to, and so that just didn’t make anything lasting or it doesn’t make you feel like you’re any less lonely than just being alone.

Lesley Logan
Oh, my God. It makes you feel more lonely. I felt lonely for you. I also like this question that came up to those who are listening like what are you not telling like somebody will consider your best friend that like, you know, like, what are we not talking about. I don’t know but (Coach Lee: Exactly) anyways, that’s for the person listening not for you. Okay, so Coach Lee, so, you you’re discovering this and you’re going on this journey and like first of all the fact that what you coach on is like the struggle that was the most the beginning majority of your years on this earth so far. I love because like, I find it interesting when like, if somebody has like, so easy at making friends growing up and they’re like, “I’m gonna help you make relationships” and they never I had to struggle like I find like, you know, they say ‘your mess your message’. And so, so I love that this is your thing. How did you decide like, “Okay, I’m going to coach people on this though.” Like, where where was that trans… like, what was that switch thought like?

Coach Lee Hopkins
Wow, well the thought process was that it feels so good for me to do it that I want to help other people connected. But if I would be absolutely honest with you, Lesley, I believe in doing things for the very selfish reasons of just being me and everybody who is connected to me operate in the selfish mode of they’re doing what’s best for them. And what’s best for them just happens to also be good for me, because we’re friends and we we share a similar vibe. So …

Lesley Logan
How we, how are we just now meeting? You and I like (Lesley and Coach Lee laughs) I feel like I feel like we’re best friends. And that be like, you’re a stalker.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Because you get it, you get it. I’m so glad. But you understand. It’s like well, the reason why I want to do this coaching is because I had such a terrible time making friendships and stuff. And I want to go big on this. So I figured if I live my truth, then I can make friends with people. But if I keep running into people who are hiding the truth from themselves, or hiding the truth from other people, and aren’t comfortable with it, I’m going to run into those people. And with those people, I’m not going to be able to be friends with them, we’re gonna have to work through it with them. And I don’t have time for that on a on an Lee level, as far as me being selfish about myself and trying to build intimate connections for me. So I’m just like, instead of trying to just coach people that I meet randomly, why not tell as many people as possible, because this feels good. The more people who feel in tune with themselves, the more people who feel connected to themselves can be easier to connect easier to me, if they so desire. They have the knowledge of themselves to say, “Lee, I’m great hanging out with you.” Or “Lee, no, I’m not interested in you.” And I appreciate it either way, what I hope not to happen. And what I want to not happen is people to say, “I don’t know. I don’t know.” You know?

Lesley Logan
Okay. Also, I know everyone’s listening to this. And this is like, oh, super, super self help right now, everyone, but there’s a little business thing in here that he’s pointing out, I have to just say. You don’t want lukewarm fans. You want people who love you or don’t love you. You don’t want these lukewarm people. It’s like a wet blanket. You don’t want them. They don’t buy from you. They don’t support you. And they’re just like, “Yeah, that’s cool.” But you want people who are like, “Yeah, I’m into it. I’m into being a friend with you. And like, let’s share on this level.” I love it so much anyways, so sorry. I keep interrupting.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Absolutely, absolutely well, I feel like I must be doing something here. I must be doing something that’s excitable, because hey, I’m feeling it too. I’m feeling it. So, yeah, it’s like that. So I started to being the coach, I wanted to coach but on the very, very selfish level reason is that man, it feels good to be connected, it feels good to know yourself to be grounded and connected with yourself. And the more people who can do that for themselves and see themselves as and live their truth. They can decide whether they want to connect with me or not. And I can find my friendships and intimacy quicker than I would if I just kind of be myself work a regular five, nine to five. And that’s like a bigger selfish kind of reason. But also, man, it just feels really good to know yourself …

Lesley Logan
I want another word for selfish. I want, I want there to be this a selfish that’s a negative. And then a word for selfish, as a positive. Do you know what I mean? Because like, I actually think that selfish, has gotten needs a rebrand.

Coach Lee Hopkins
I agree with you there because it’s hard to say it too. Because I think that when people hear selfish, they’re like, “Lee, you’re bad.” Like don’t qualify it that way. (Lesley: Yeah) I don’t know. Yeah.

Lesley Logan
Like people who are like selfish negatively, probably qualify, sometimes in the narcissist category. So I don’t know, like, I’m just there. I don’t know who Webster is or where they were who makes words up, but I felt like I feel like we need another word. That’s a positive selfish. (Coach Lee: Yes, absolutely.) Anyways, we’ll work on that together. I’m on a mission.

Coach Lee Hopkins
I think that’s a great idea. We should do that for sure. But that’s that’s where it came from is to connect with people and to feel more connected. And overall, I think that, I believe that that’s all we want to do is to be understood, and to be connected with each other.

Lesley Logan
Everybody wants to feel seen and not seen, like I looked at you like seeing like, inside you see me, you get me like that’s what everybody wants. And it’s and it’s and so few people know how to actually make lasting friendships that like, I think a lot of people are surrounded with a lot of friends or a tribe. And they still feel really lonely.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yeah. And to your point, I want to say that being seen, I can give you actionable steps. I guess the way I look at being seen and the way we connect with what I connect to people is that when we’re talking, we I search for three things or I make sure to validate to look at three things. Okay. There’s the data. There’s the information that you’re telling me, there’s facts of the situation. And then there’s the feeling behind what you’re saying to me. And then finally, the thing that really makes us feel seen is the validation. And the validation is what you are based on what you were saying to me. So based on the data, and the feeling that you have you are absolutely justified and righteous in feeling the way you do based on everything you’ve said to me, reflecting that back to them, letting you know that I understand what you just said, how you feel about what you just said, and why you’re right about that. It’s not my personal belief, but is a reflection of how you feel. And when I do that for people, it lights them up, because we will do it for me. It lights me up too, because I’m like, “Oh, get me. You understand.”

Lesley Logan
Right. So you’re saying because that third part, I think is where people miss it. (Coach Lee: Yeah) You’re saying instead of me going, “Oh, Lee, that’s not what they meant.” You’re, you’re instead the being seen part is like, “Oh, Lee, I’m, like, you felt like this,” like, I’m restating or re affirming (Coach Lee: Yeah) your feelings around the thing, as opposed to like denying your feelings around the thing.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yeah, exactly. So like saying, for example, I had a bad day at work. And I’m angry about that. And I go on and on until you get bad. I had a bad day at work. I’m so angry. And that’s what I say. And then if you were reflecting, and you really wanted me to be seen and heard and understood, you would say something like, and yeah, I hear your boss was terrible today. You spill, you spilled coffee on your shirt. And your coworkers are talking about you all the time. Of course you feel angry about that, because that’s just a frustrating situation to be in. And you’ve told me several times that you don’t even like your job. So that makes you feel seen, like I understand exactly how you feel in that situation. Just saying something back to you like, “Oh, I hear you had a bad day.” Of course, I know what bad days feel like because (Lesley: Yeah) I’ve had the too … (Lesley: I had a bad day today, too.) Doesn’t make me feel seen. Yeah.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. Oh, this is good. Everyone can use that. That’s so good. Okay. (Coach Lee: Absolutely) Okay, we can, obviously, you’re coming back because I could talk for hours on this, but I want to go to a couple of things. (Coach Lee: Okay) While we have you on this amazing day. Um, so I know that you’re pretty, like, I know that you’re a pretty good manifester. And I find that a lot of people either think manifestation is like a double woo. It’s a woowoo thing. Or they, they have their vision, but they don’t know how to take the next steps. And like they’re not they’re not actually thinking about it. And manifestation to me, like, visualizing over again, there’s all these things. But can you tell people maybe a couple or one or two of your favorite manifestation stories from yourself? And then can we get some tips on like, how we can be better manifesters?

Coach Lee Hopkins
All right. Sure, absolutely. So the story that I like to tell most is about The Secret. Watching The Secret. When I was in Modesto. I had a girlfriend and she sat me down. And she was like, “Hey, let’s watch The Secret together.” And that was like, “Okay, blah, blah, blah.” And then we broke up. And I was absolutely devastated and I’m so sad. But I remember that The Secret said, “just to try something, just anything, I just just put what it is what you imagine it’s going to be.” And so at this time was working in the warehouse, and I decided that I would use the Law of Attraction, which is, you know, what I understand the Law of Attraction is visualizing it and then telling everybody about it. Because when you tell people about it, you either get it to come to you or people who is going to help you, come in your life and people who (Lesley: Yeah) aren’t going to help you they move out of your life. And so …

Lesley Logan
It’s why I kept telling everyone on almost every episode that I can’t wait to have a G Wagon. Because I’m every listener is like a compounding, like getting my direction …

Coach Lee Hopkins
We’re making that consciously happen for you.

Lesley Logan
We are. I believe it. Yeah.

Coach Lee Hopkins
But yeah, so I was working in a warehouse. And I decided that I was bored. And I wanted to change and people around me wasn’t enough and all this and I thought, well, the Law of Attraction is what’s going to do it for me. I found a business card on the ground, and scratched some their name out, scratched their name out, put my name on it. I scratched out their title. And I put a title that I thought I could have on it a specialist/analyst. And then I scratched out some other details and wrote my own and put it on my door, my door for work from. So every day I left and I would see it, I would see it as I leave. And I was looking at it. (Lesley: That’s so cool.) Yeah. And I would see it every day. And then I start hearing things about getting better with it like, so I wanted to. I was working in the warehouse, and I wanted to have some kind of corporate job using computers. And that was all the idea that I had. But I had this really specific card, though I had that really specific card. And so I looked at it every day and then things just I started to hear about things I started to talk about things and I got I did some work with Excel. I learned about Excel and I learned about Microsoft Access Programs. And then I learned that I can get a certificate for it. I heard these things on the radio, and I feel like I’ve never heard them before. But I learned that you could do that on the radio then do it start researching and I started putting more hours into it. And I started asking people, would they give me a mock interview? Because in my company, they were like, sure, we believe in you growing. So I asked supervisors getting mock interview and one day I sat down with the head of HR at the company. And she had looked through it, and by then I’d had some certificates. So it’s been about a year, but it has some certificates. And I didn’t notice time fla, flew, and she flipped through, and she was like, “Oh, that’s interesting. Do you think you would move to Chicago?” And I was like, “Yeah, I guess I have nothing else going on here.” And she said, “Yeah, cuz we got a brand new position opening up.” And it was, this is what blew me away, I didn’t realize that it was Law of Attraction. But when I got there, it’s a reporting analyst position. And it was a logistics specialist, situation, logistics specialists, team. And I was like, “Wow,” because on my card, my job that I had wrote was analysts/specialists. (Lesley: Yeah) And slash logistics. And I have a picture of that on my website, because I was like, blown away by that. I’m like, “ahhh.” It was …

Lesley Logan
You made that happen.

Coach Lee Hopkins
I made that happen. I believe that I made that happen because it was a brand new team that they were reorgani… reorganizing.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. You didn’t even know you, you didn’t even know this job could be anything or (Coach: Did even know.) even within the company you’re already working for. This is I hope everyone’s listening to this because I’m currently in a situation and not manifesting it. But it is like thing dropped in my lap. And it’s like, doesn’t fit the way it is packaged. And I’m like, the universe doesn’t bring you things that like just to like taunt you like there’s like it’s here to help. There’s something about this thing, right that like, it’s neither be part of the story or it’s gonna teach me something and I want to reject the package the way it is, but it also might well, why are you rejecting it hasn’t even like arrived yet. So let’s just like, hang on, and to see what we learned from it. But I love your story so much, because I think like, so many people are stopping themselves from because like, oh, my job doesn’t have that, that thing, or, or I’d have to move to get that job, or I’d have to like do this, they started to get caught up in all the half twos that are around the logistics that are around it. And instead you’re like, “Nope, I’m gonna put this job, I’m gonna look at it.” And then because you were like, had it there, you had this Law of Attraction style of manifesting around it, you’re hearing things on the radio that were already there. But now your brains like, “Oh, that’s the thing that I need for this thing. Go get that thing.” (Coach Lee: Yeah) Right. And so and then it just so I think all of us are stopping ourselves too soon or rejecting the thing before it’s like, like, we’re rejecting things before they even happen, and they’re gonna happen where you’re supposed to this is really fun. I love it. I love stories like this.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it’s so amazing. I like the way you package it like that, too. It’s like, that’s exactly what happened. I feel so proud of that. And if I could tell a super, super, super quick story (Lesley: Yeah, tell them.) about another one, another one (Lesley: Yeah) about how I became a coach now. So I’m in corporate, and I decided that I’m still not making the kind of friendships and connections that I want. And that was like, I guess that was the thing. That was the calling. That was the purpose of my existence. Now, that’s what I believe. Because I because the next kind of manifestation happened. It’s like, I was at this job. And I tried to do with a record to succeed and be successful, but it ended up leaving the company, hoping to make better connections with people. So I worked downtown, and I was trying to make more connections with people like friendships and stuff like that. But that wasn’t working out either. And when the pandemic hit, I wanted to lean into coaching a little more. And somewhere I had wrote that I’m going to start coaching full time in 2022. Somewhere, I had wrote that and I was connecting with people. And I didn’t realize that things are going on in the background of the universe, right? I’m, I’m connecting with people, I’m talking to other coaches, thinking that I need their help and support to get me to the next level, because they are certified in some way. And I could learn something from them. But no, I couldn’t really learn too much from them. I just kept moving on and trying new things and connecting with other people trying new things. And I have this written down, they used to have a giant board and have it written down coaching and 2022. And sure enough, I had this overwhelming feeling of anxiety at the end of 2021. It was overwhelming that I felt like well, the universe was showing me that my job wasn’t as important to me as the idea that I wanted to make connections with people. Because essentially, in my job, I was an analyst and I was pretty siloed. I wasn’t really able to talk to people on a day to day basis. And I was like, “I’m lonely.” And the universe is like, “Hey, hey, coaching, remember coaching.”

Lesley Logan
The thing you want to do over here. We got you to Chicago so you can have this thing over here.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yeah, exactly. And so one day I got, I was so siloed that essentially I could work all day and nobody would message me or anything. So one day I got a message from someone saying that it’s an emergency, I need you to hurry up and go make this change. And I go to this thing and I’m looking at a ticket and it’s supposed to be a high priority ticket and I look at it and it’s old stated, and there’s no priority on it. So I’m like, “Isn’t that the universe telling me that, nobody, I’m not making any kind of difference or impacts here, that I’m doing the thing that’s not impactful.” And so I ended up quitting my job, ended up quitting my job. And this was a couple of weeks later, but I actually … (Lesley: You just quit, you just quit.) You know what? That’s that’s not fair to say. (Lesley: Okay.) Okay, so a couple of weeks, a couple of weeks had gone by, and I thought, well, this is a time for an experiment. Does anybody really care about the work that I do? I was able to automate a lot of my work. I’m just going to move away from my computer and not do anything for a week. Nobody noticed I was gone. (Lesley and Coach Lee laughs)

Lesley Logan
That sucks so much. I also, it’s, it’s also the best gift probably as well. But …

Coach Lee Hopkins
It was like, “hey, hey, hey.” And yeah and now I’m all lonely. And so …

Lesley Logan
Isn’t it so interesting, like you want to leave? And yet it’s like, no, one noticed your gone.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yeah. But I ended up quitting, though, I ended up quitting, because I realized that well, this is was super clear to me that what I’m doing doesn’t really sit right with my soul, sit right with my spirit. And so I need to make connections with people, because that’s what I said I wanted from the beginning of time, I’ve been searching for that all this time. They didn’t set me up to sit be in Chicago, to sit at home in front of a computer where I’m not talking to anybody, and no one cares if I do the work or not. That’s not what I’m here for. (Lesley: Right) So that really was like, “Oh, well, then now I’m going to put all my energy into coaching, because they basically said that this is a distraction for you. (Lesley: Yeah) And we’ve cleared the way for you.” And when I quit my job, I was able to I wasn’t actually like super prepared for it either. I liquidated some things. And they were just it was just like, This is what you need to do. Essentially, that’s what I felt what was right for me. And it has always been, that always feels right for me. And I keep going, I keep going. And I keep creating, and I keep connecting with people. And that’s how I got to talk to you. Otherwise, I’d be at work right now. (Lesley: Yeah, you’ve be …) Yeah.

Lesley Logan
doing some tickets and you know. I never read The Secret but I read a book called E-Squared. And it it’s Pam, something. Anyways, y’all can Google it. It’s, I got to get the author on because I love her so much. And I also attribute her to my husband actually texting me, because it was one of the one of the assignments was to write down two people’s names, who have your information. You don’t have like you haven’t seen them where they’re like, “Oh, I’ll give you a call,” like, you’re not expecting a call, they have no reason to contact you. But you want them to contact you, it’s very specific. So I wrote down my now husband, we hadn’t seen each other in three months. And so I wrote his name down. And I wrote down this woman at work, who actually I worked in, in West Hollywood, she actually was out of the New York office at the company I was working for, and I really I worked with her on a shoot and I wanted to be on another shoot with her. But I there’s no there’s no … there’s nothing to do. There’s but I just wanted, I just wanted to have a talk with her. So she wouldn’t remember me. So I could be another commercial shoot. And so I wrote those names down. And I like it said like, “In 48 hours or whatever, it’s gonna, one of those two names is going to contact you.” And I was like, “Okay.” So I am at work and I’m about to leave for the day. And my phone has a text message from Brad. And I’m like … (Coach Lee: Wow) And he’s like, he’s like, “Dang these back bends. I like I can’t get them.” He’s he was into yoga. And he knows that he knew I taught Pilates but so that was his like, “Hi. How it’s going?” Right. And I was like, “Oh my God.” And I’m walking down the stairs out what this West Hollywood club. And by the way, when I knew this woman when we actually met it was at a different location. And she lived in New York, and I was in a different location in LA. So she didn’t know that I was transferred. So I’m walking down the stairs and who’s walking up the stairs, this woman (Coach Lee: Wow.) on the other piece of paper, and she’s like, “Oh my God, I’ve been I was so hoping I’d find it find you when I was in town this week. Do you have time to talk?” And I was like, (Coach Lee: Wow!) Yes. Yes. In fact, I just think I’m gonna reread this book because it was so good. Anyway … (Coach Lee: E-Squared) E-Squared. You know, if you’re if you’re someone who is like, like unsure of how to manifest, it really teaches you different ways you can bring in the Law of Attraction. I don’t think she uses those words. But like, basically bring in what you’re asking for and bring it and let the universe bring you what you’re wanting. So anyway, Coach Lee, I could talk to you forever. (Coach Lee: Yes, we could. We have to be careful about that.) There’s so many things we need to like dive into it. Maybe we’ll start a book club for E-Squared. I don’t know. We’re gonna take a brief moment and we’re gonna come back and find out how people can find you, coach with you and get to know you.

All right, Coach Lee, where do you hang out? Where, what socials can people find you, follow you? And how can people work with you if they’re like, “Please help me have lasting meaningful relationships.”?

Coach Lee Hopkins
Or you can find me at patternsofpossibility.com and you can find me on all social media on Patterns of Possibility. Right now, I have a five day challenge to help you make lasting friendships. It’s free to sign up for it. So you can find that at patternsofpossibility.com.

Lesley Logan
That’s so cool. That’s so great. I also love alliteration like that. So good job. (Lesley and Coach Lee laughs) It just rolls off the tongue Patterns of Possibility. Okay, we ask everybody and I can’t wait to hear yours because you’re just awesome. BE IT action items – bold, executable, targeted, intrinsic steps people can take to be it till they see it.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Well, definitely, if you’re looking for friendships, the best thing you can do is learn about yourself. And so I have three things that I want you to learn to think about when learning about yourself, learning more about your history, your hobbies, and your habits, that alliteration, I love it myself. The day your history, your hobbies and your habits, and rank the top three of each that you have, and make sure that you’re able to know what those are. Put yourself in places, see yourself in places with your history and hobbies and habits so you can connect with the right people.

Lesley Logan
Oh, I like that. That’s so awesome. I’ve had so many people go, “Oh, yeah, get to know yourself.” And like, “How do I do that?” What if someone like recovering perfectionist overachiever over here is really wanting to know the how to do that. And you just explain that. History, habit …

Coach Lee Hopkins
Hobby and … Yeah, history, hobbies and habits.

Lesley Logan
History, hobbies and habits. And then you write those things down. And then now you’ve got things either talk about or to, like, (Coach Lee: Yes, what …) … this person is on my same level with this thing over here.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yes. And you have to the key to this, though, is that you have to have those prioritize like what is most important to you. Don’t go and look at, don’t go to a thing that’s not really a great hobby and expect to find someone you’re going to make a genuine connection with over that hobby. Because if you really don’t like the run, and they’re gung ho about running every day, you’re not going to feel better connected with them.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, it’s like getting on a, it’s like a lying about something that you’d like to do with on a beginning of a relationship. And then yeah, like you said, you like hiking, I liked it for the first date … (Coach Lee laughs) (Coach Lee: Exactly) Yeah okay, I actually, thank you for that extra tip. Because I think, like, if you think about your history, I can think of like a bunch of things that I could resonate with someone on, but I don’t actually want to talk about those things all the time, or I want that to be like the thing that we like, connect on. So I would probably want to focus on things in my history that like, I’m like, yeah, this is like, I want to attract more of this more of this kind of understand. Yeah, that kind of thing. Okay. And (Coach Lee: Absolutey) that’s hobbies. Yeah, hobbies are things you actually like to do. Which is (Coach Lee: Yes) and then habits. I, you’re …

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yeah because habits or I mean habits, we will tell you a whole lot about a person. I know we’re not going to talk that much longer. But if you’re getting up at 5am, you probably have a different life than somebody who’s getting up at noon. And so there’s your habits are different. And you are going to find a little bit of disconnect if you try and connect on that.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. Oh, that’s so good. That’s also very helpful for the person going, “Okay, my habit is like, I brush my teeth twice a day.” And it’s like, no, like, what are your, like, habitual things. Like, again, the morning thing, it’s very strange. I wake up at five and my husband does go to bed at two in the morning. And so we really see each other in the middle of the day. (Coach Lee: Wow) It’s like, “Oh, hey, you want to have lunch?”

Coach Lee Hopkins
But you didn’t start out that way? Did you?

Lesley Logan
You know, what? We here’s this because this is like an anomaly, right? So we those aren’t the things that connected us together. So those are like the things that don’t matter. Like why we connected was because we’re both very entrepreneurial. And and, and we there’s like the history like of heartbreak ups was very similar. And it wasn’t the negative part. But it was like how we left and how, who we wanted to be when we’re outside of that. Dogs, music, a couple other things like so the things that we stayed on, we kind of ignored the fact that he went to bed at two. And I woke up at five, those didn’t really matter, because it was like the at the time in between. And then you know, and then yeah …

Coach Lee Hopkins
Yeah, this is kind of validates my point. It’s like, if it’s not really that important to you, then don’t put it on there. Because that’s not going to be a thing that connects you but if it’s detrimental, that you have to spend all the time together in the world and you’re working on different schedules should not gonna be ….

Lesley Logan
You, you are 100% correct. Like I don’t need in fact, I prefer that he is not up in the morning with me and he’s listening, he’s gonna listen to this because we do a recap episode. So I do like when he walks the dogs with me in the morning, Brad. But I, but I liked even when he did that for a brief moment I really liked I would get up still earlier than that. Then the dog would always get up before I walked the dog to do my morning pages and my red light therapy. And so I still did that part and then he would join me on the walk. So I actually it wasn’t a priority for me to have a person having coffee with me and breakfast with me. It was more like no I actually like the middle the day dinnertime like those are the important meals. Those are, now I’ve had my time to charge up and now (Coach Lee: Yeah) I actually show up for any conversation.

Coach Lee Hopkins
Oh yeah, you were like you were like definitely an anomaly because you’re like, “I want my self care. And this is important to me and no matter what it is, I’m gonna get it and make sure that happens.” Did you can be that kind of person. (Lesley: Yeah, I’m…) That you want to be.

Lesley Logan
I am trying 100% for this podcast to get people to understand that like, you have to take prioritize your self care, otherwise you cannot. This is why selfish needs a different word, because (Coach Lee: Exactly) because you cannot be anybody. I cannot be a best friend and a wife to my husband. I cannot take care of these dogs without yelling at them. I cannot coach people or do this podcast if I didn’t take care of me first.

Coach Lee Hopkins
That’s so true. That’s true. That’s the truth. Yeah.

Lesley Logan
Okay. All right. Well, y’all, I obviously found my new best friend and Coach Lee, I hope you enjoyed this episode. How are you going to use these tips in your life? Let us know, tag at the @be_it_pod, tag Coach Lee @patternsofpossibilities, all the things are in the show notes below if I got any of that wrong. And let us know how you are going to use these. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast! One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram! I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of ‘As The Crows Fly Media’.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan
Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell
And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

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