Why You Keep Dating

the Same Person

Ep. 131 ft. Lauren Zoeller

“Release the trauma from your body so that you can experience what your brain knows.”

Lauren Zoeller

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Bio

Lauren Zoeller is a Somatic Relationship Expert, speaker and podcast host. She has achieved overwhelming success in helping high performing, female executives attract a dream relationship and a life they crave. She is the creator of The Aligned Love Experience™, a cutting edge coaching program that teaches female visionaries how to find aligned love and co-owner of SHIFT with Sanctuary™, an elevated inner circle for the 1% woman who is ready to step into sacred leadership, divine love, energetic longevity and her abundant legacy. Lauren’s own story of overcoming deep shame has led her to advocate for women to own their story, use their voice and step into an aligned, vibrant life. She is now the President and CEO of the Balanced Boss Company, LLC, as well as the founder and host of The Aligned Love Podcast. Lauren has been featured in international publications such as Prevention, Shape, Business Insider, Total Beauty, Thrive Global, Goalcast, Money Inc., Healthline, Greatist and more.

Show Notes

Looking for love but constantly finding yourself in the same repetitive relationships that leave you heartbroken and searching for more? Lauren Zoeller, a Somatic Dating Coach, joins today’s conversation to uncover why we find ourselves dating the same people and how to finally discover secure love.

If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]. Or leave a comment below!

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

  • What is somatic experiencing and how does it play into relationships?
  • The survival response to the loneliness
  • How do you give and receive love & is it keeping you in unhealthy patterns?
  • The energetic vibrational frequency of emotions and how it plays a role in attraction.
  • 3 pillars to break the dating cycle: recognizing the dysregulated nervous system patterns, healing the patterns, and manifestation.
  • Understand how you self-sabotage.
  • The peace found in not questioning life changes.

References/Links:

Transcript

INTRODUCTION

Lesley Logan
Hey, Be It babe. How are you? Oh my goodness. Okay, so I have, she’s just an amazing woman for you right now. So a really, really, this is going to be an episode, I really hope you share with all of your female friends, actually, you can share with your men friends, too. You can share with any friend who is you see them struggling to have just amazing conscious love, and be in relationships that you know, fully meet them and support them. And it’s an it’s mutual. And it’s amazing. And you know, it’s not not that like everything is about who you’re with, because it’s not that you have to love yourself. So even if you’re like, “I don’t want, I’m happily single, I don’t want to be with anybody.” You have to love you. And there are things that we were taught when we were younger, that really affect how we love ourselves and how we seek out love. And I really like you can’t be it till you see it if you don’t love yourself or if the love that you’re in isn’t fully supporting you. You just can’t. If you are a married person and your love and life, I still want you to listen because I think there’s some amazing things, some reminders, some confidence boosters, you’re gonna get some ways to pat yourself on the back. And also, I know you got friends who need to hear this episode. So, I wanted to listen to it so you can give it to them. And then make sure that you’re celebrating you. And you’re being kind to you this week, I think, I think it’d be really easy to forget all that you’ve done, all that you do, and all that you are and only see the things that you’re not doing things so well and what’s not going right. And I just want to remind you that you’re doing an amazing job, and you’re an awesome, awesome person. And so now, here’s Lauren Zoeller.

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

EPISODE

Lesley Logan
Hey, Be It listener. What is up? I have Lauren Zoeller here and this girl and I had a like a zoom date because of mutual friends that we have both who’ve been on the show Amber Shaw and Tori Gordon, you have to go listen to their episodes. And it was really funny becuase one those days I was like, “Who is this call?” But I, like, “Who am I talking to today?” And she came on and we hit it off like kismet like friends from like another life. And I had to have her on because what she does in her life and what she does in her business is something that I know every single person actually wants, they want they want, you want to feel loved, you want to feel like you’re seen and you’re important, and you’re heard. And so anyways, I can’t wait for you to meet her. And so here she is Lauren, can you tell everyone who you are and what you’re up to these days?

Lauren Zoeller
I sure can. I’m so excited to be here. So for those of you who are listening and haven’t met me, my name is Lauren Zoeller. I am a dating and somatic dating and relationship expert. So I really help women and men find conscious partnership and find a way to actually keep it when they do find it. So I work all with the nervous system and how we have all of these patterns that we have been recreating since childhood and they are stuck in our body. And they actually keep us from finding that sense of deep, deep love that we yearn for. (Lesley: Okay) So that’s a little bit what I do.

Lesley Logan
Okay, I love all this dating and relationship coach, I think that people are like, yep, understand, you know, got that. The somatic part that you mean, like do a little deep dive into what that is? And then also I can’t I really do want to make sure we talk about like the keeping it part because a lot of people are good at getting the date. And it’s … (Lauren: It’s like keeping it.) Yeah.

Lauren Zoeller
Yeah, yeah. So I am trained in somatic experiencing, which is looking at the nervous system and the way that the nervous system holds on to trauma in the body, and how that trapped trauma keeps us from deep love for ourselves and deep love for others. So somatic experiencing is just, it’s therapy of the soma, which is therapy of the body. So so often, we’ll go to therapy, and we’ll do a lot of cognitive work. So we’ll do CBT, we’ll do brain spotting, we’ll do EMDR. And it’s very cognitive, which means you can look at a pattern, or you can look at something toxic. And you can say, I know that this isn’t good for me. But your body has a different story. And even though your brain can label something as toxic if your body experienced trauma, which we can talk about trauma and the actual definition of trauma here in just a minute. But if it’s if it experiences trauma over an extended period of time, your body goes into a survival pattern. And it will seek out that survival pattern over and over. Even if your brain is saying wait a second, this isn’t right. Your nervous system will take over and hijack your brain. So if we’re not looking at the body. And if we’re not looking at the nervous system, which is what somatic experiencing does. This is why we continue to create patterns. And we don’t, we can never find a way out …

Lesley Logan
Because this is like … (Lauren: we aren’t looking at the body) you keep dating the same person. Yeah. So sorry. You keep dating the same person. (Lauren: Yeah) Like it’s like when you’re like you keep I know, this is the wrong person, man, just keep doing it. It’s like like, and you get frustrated with yourself like you think it’s you like there’s something wrong with your brain, or there’s no one with you. And it’s really that you just actually have to release that trauma from the body so that you can experience what your brain knows at once.

Lauren Zoeller
Exactly, exactly. And I, the example that I give all the time, and most women can relate to this because they’ve been in this position at one point in their life. It’s the man or woman that you know, is so bad for you. Like it’s one that you gossip with your girlfriends about. And you’re like, “Oh, I know that this person is horrible for me.” But yet, it’s Friday night, and you’re lonely. And you’re feeling a little down on yourself. The next thing you know you wake up in their bed Saturday morning. (Lesley and Lauren laughs) Right. (Lesley: Yeah. Yep, did that.) I know. We all did. We all did. And we’ll continue to do it if we don’t look at the way that the body holds on to that need for someone else to fill that wholeness inside of ourselves. And it comes down to a survival response. It’s actually a trauma pattern. So the body but the brain knows it’s wrong, that the body hijacks the brain and sends you to his bed because you need that hit. You need that high. Your nervous system needs that high. So,

Lesley Logan
Yeah, that’s yeah, so fascinating. And took me down memory lane a little bit. So, (Lesley and Lauren laughs) I tell the story because we brought when people asked like, you know, like, how did I meet Brad and it kind of goes back to like this one time that I was sitting on this couch, in this house that was my house with this partner that I was with for five years, and I’m looking at this 80 inch screen TV, 80 inches y’all, it’s freaking huge. And the living room was one of those long living rooms. But the way the couch was the TV was on the short side. So like you’re like in the screen and it was like 180 degrees of windows in this house. It was like beautiful views, but it’s 111 degrees. So you’re like a lizard in a terrarium.. So, I’m laying on the towel on a leather couch. It’s not mine, looking at an 80 inch stream TV. Watching, He’s Just Not That Into You. And I’m like, “I don’t think he’s that into me.” And it was this weird moment. And then I was like, “Am I into him? Like, what are we doing here? What is happening?” And it was weird thing and I, I didn’t. So my brain figured it out. And I left but it took, it took a lot of therapy and a lot of stuff to get to where I could like, “Stay away.” I had to, I had to, like (Lauren: Yeah) literally go homeless so that I would not live there. Because like, if I live here, I’m gonna end up staying in this relationship.

Lauren Zoeller
Yeah, yeah. And so in your body is conditioned. Right. And it’s, it’s used to finding that safety, in that chaos of this person that isn’t able to fully commit to you. It’s like we our bodies, we call it chaos, and we call it toxic. But it’s actually extremely brilliant. It’s our body’s way of keeping us safe. But it’s a false sense of safety. (Lesley: Yeah.) Right. It’s not security and it’s not, it’s not this stable relationship that you’re really yearning for. It’s this false sense of safety that your body’s seeking. But yet, it’s not what you actually desire for yourself.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, yeah. So okay, how did you get into doing this? (Lauren and Lesley laughs) Because I feel like that, that’s not something that you’re like, “When I grow up, I’m gonna, you know, be a somatic coach for relation…” Like you know what I mean, like, that’s a lot (Lauren: Yeah) for a five year old. So like, what, what started, what started you on this journey?

Lauren Zoeller
Well, to put it nicely, it was my train wreck of a dating history is really what led me here. But it was so much more than that. And I’ll give you kind of the cliff notes version. But I had been, I started coaching about eight and a half years ago. And when I made my way into the coaching world, I was working with other coaches and entrepreneurs, helping them build and scale their businesses with heart. I had this, this company, and I do that kind of like weird voice because it was just my pitch line, right. And I had this company and this program called Balanced Boss Academy. And I had The Balanced Boss Podcast, and I had this whole business that was built around how to balance your entrepreneur life with living an actual life, right? And it looked like if you follow me on social media, it looked like I had the best life in the world, like on the outside, looked like I was traveling the world, I had this perfect relationship with this man who was this big to do man in Nashville looked like I had these incredible friends. It looked like had the picture perfect life. And what people didn’t understand was that on the inside, I was actually a complete train wreck, complete train wreck. And my breakdown, and my rock bottom moment came. It was one day. And it all happened, like everything came crashing down and in less than 24 hours, and I, it consisted of three phone calls. I woke up on Saturday morning, and the first phone call that I received was from my boyfriend at the time, I had been dating for two years from his mother. She was calling to let me know that he was going to rehab for the sixth time in one year.

Lesley Logan
Oh, my God. How … (Lauren: Yeah …)how did he have the time or to do that six times?

Lauren Zoeller
Right. Right. Right. And everybody thought that we had this perfect relationship and nobody knew. Right? Nobody knew that he was an alcoholic. So it was a whole facade in and of itself. The second call that I received was from my accountant, who told me that we were $30,000 in the red. And he was dropping me as a client because he had no, he was like, “I have no idea. Like your business model isn’t sustainable. I have to drop you as a client, because I don’t know how you’re gonna pay this.”

Lesley Logan
Oh, my gosh, what a jerk? (Lesley: Right) Could have told you before you’re 30,000 in the red.

Lauren Zoeller
$10 of the halt, right. So that was call number two, and then call number three and mind you this happened within a 24 hour span. Call number three was from my doctor telling me that I potentially had cancer. They had a biopsy that came back that was cancerous. (Lesley: no) So in a matter of 24 hours, this complete facade that I was trying to uphold, came crashing down. I had no relationship. I had no business really. (Lesley: Yeah) My health was in the shitter (Lesley: Yeah) and I I didn’t know what to do. I was like, what? Excuse my language but like, “What the hell? I am a coach. I’m, like, immersed in all this mindset work. And I’m doing all this therapy. And I was positioning myself as this expert that could help people balanced life and work. And I couldn’t do it.” (Lesley: Yeah.) So I started looking for answers. And I started digging around and really getting real with myself, like, “What is going on? Like, what are these patterns that keep showing up?” And that is when I stumbled into my first somatic session with a somatic therapist. I found somatic therapy, I had a friend that had told me about it. And it was the missing piece for me. So I started to unravel and understand that even though I was just like I spoke about, I was able to recognize that things weren’t right in my life. My body was telling me a different story, and I wasn’t trained in how to listen to it. (Lesley: Yeah.) So somatic experiencing opened everything for me. And the result, after years of working with it, with a trained somatic therapist, and doing a lot of reparenting work, and a lot of the work that I now lead women through. The result of it was I realigned my business and went from $30,000 in debt to making 30k in one month. I found an aligned partner, who was a dream, who was not addicted to anything, and was secure. (Lauren and Lesley laughs) I realigned my business and helping and serving in a way that truly was in alignment with my heart. And I eliminated the cancer scare, which was pretty amazing.

Lesley Logan
That’s amazing. I know everyone’s like, (Lauren: completely limited …) “What happened at the quest?”

Lauren Zoeller
How, how, yeah, yeah. Like it just, it went away. And then I found amazing, amazing women that just started to kind of fall into my life like you, and Amber, and Tori, and Carrie, and just this really supportive, fantastic group of women and friends that are everything that I always wanted, I really stepped into alignment. So it was the missing piece for me.

Lesley Logan
So, thank you for sharing that whole story because I think that people go, “Oh, she went from a coach to being a somatic coach, there’s just a certification.” And like, really, like, all and also, so many people are like, “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry, that happened to you.” And it’s probably and you’re probably like, I don’t know, for me, I’m like, I’m so happy that happened to you. Because like, (Lauren: Yeah) you wouldn’t be who you are right now, you wouldn’t … Like if only you lost was just the boyfriend, you probably would still be doing what you were doing. You know, like, if all your or if all you had was like just the debt, you probably would have kept the other two things like you or you wouldn’t have put the things all together like it all had to come crashing down for you to actually go, “What am I going to do here?”

Lauren Zoeller
Yeah, yeah. Well, because, and I think that this happens often with people when they get into the coaching business. It’s like, “I want to be a coach.” But they haven’t really overcome a lot of what they need to overcome in order to properly coach someone through what they’re going through. And so I really had a wake up call, I think you’re absolutely right, I had to go through that complete rock bottom because I would have kept doing mindset work. I would have kept going to talk therapy, I would have just kept doing what everybody says to do. (Lesley: Yeah) But it wasn’t getting me anywhere. So it’s like it all had to come crashing down in order for that to realign.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, and I, you know, like, if you’re listening to this, and you’re feeling like you’re at your rock bottom, like I’m not like, I’m not like, I’m not saying I’m like, “Whoa, go you.” But I am. But I think if you can accept that, and you look around you instead of going why is this happening? Like so if you’re like, this has all happened to me, well is me. It’s like, why is this happening? Like, go on that curious journey and, and try to figure it out. You, I mean, I didn’t have a cancer scare. But I definitely like left the ex. And so I was homeless. And then a month later, I’m back to the house to pick up something. And when I was leaving, I totaled my car. (Lauren: Oh) So, I like head on collision. I had to call him to get me to the hospital, like all this stuff. And then I found out a week later the place that I rented space closed and I had no place to take my clients, which is like where a majority of my income came. And I was just like, “Okay, well, where are we going to live? And what are we going to drive and where are we going to work?” And all of it led me to like really figuring out like, what are like what are like, like, this is a fuck yes. This is what we’re doing. (Lauren: Yeah) Ditch like, I’m not doing lukewarm things anymore. And so yeah, I think like, I am so grateful for that moment for me. And so when I hear about people, I see the other side. It’s like that was like the best thing could have happened for you, you know. So okay because someone heard at the beginning when you’re like and stay in these relationships. So what what is it about like, what is the thing where we can get into them, but then we can’t always keep them and should we want to keep all of them like what’s how do we decipher that too maybe that’s like 17 questions, but

Lauren Zoeller
Yeah, well, it depends, right? It depends on what the dynamic was that you learned, either in past relationships or as a child in how you give and receive and hold onto love. Right. So I’m just going to give you kind of a high level example. If you were raised in chaos, as a child, if you had helicopter parents who were in and out, like, sometimes they were there, sometimes they weren’t. Sometimes they showed you affection and love. Other times, they were just mad at you, because they were having a bad day. Right. And you have this inconsistency and emotional availability, then what we usually see is that as an adult, if chaos isn’t present, if there’s not fighting are really high highs and really low lows. You feel bored. You feel like relationship, like the relationship doesn’t have any quote unquote, “passion.” But it’s only because and I say this all the time that children raised in chaos, are triggered by peace and safety. Right. So this is one example. There’s so many different ways that trauma (Lesley: Yeah) can show up and recreate itself, right. But most of the time, the reason people can’t hold on to secure love is because they feel like it lacks passion, or it’s boring, and nine times out of 10, that’s because you experienced chaos and your nervous system in printed that love equals chaos. And so when that chaos isn’t present, your nervous system is used to that, to that chaos. And so you feel like it’s boring, when in essence, it’s actually not boring. It’s just that you are used to chaos. So you run from relationship to relationships, and you can feel that high (Lesley: Yeah) all the time. Right.

Lesley Logan
This is, this is so fascinating. I can think of like 17 friends on my whole life that like, I’m like, “Oh, that person needs to hear this. And this person needs hear this. My mom. Hi, mom.” (Lesley laughs) And so um, so that’s, that’s amazing. Because what you’re what you’re saying as a coach is like, it’s not just about us helping you find… And I think this is like relationship coaches that like find people to mate like I when I taught in LA and I had these in person clients, they were like, getting out of these dating coaches are those you know, I don’t know what it’s called anymore, but like just lunch and like then other people (Lauren: Yeah) like, set you up for the dates (Lauren: matchmakers …) matchmakers that’s it. (Lauren: Yeah.) But they’re like, they’re not able to actually help you keep the relationship going. And so what you’re able to do is like, let’s figure out what’s going on inside of you. Let’s unravel that, so that you can actually keep the person that you really did fall in love with for reals, that you’re just (Lauren: Yeah) sabotaging not like on purpose, but because of what your patterns are that are imprinted in you.

Lauren Zoeller
Exactly, exactly. And there’s, and I don’t usually get to this until I’ve worked with someone for a while. But if you follow Dr. Bruce Lipton, he talks all about energetic vibrational frequency of emotions. If you’re living in a heightened trauma response for an extended period of time, chances are you’re living in shame, anger, guilt, fear, which are lower vibrational frequency emotions, which means that if you’ve never looked at your childhood patterns and the way that you love and were taught how to give and receive love, and then there’s a lot of shame and guilt, and fear and anger and sadness around the way that you receive love. If we look at Dr. Bruce Lipton’s work, he says that every emotion has an energetic vibrational frequency associated with that. So, and this goes, this is kind of like leading into manifestation a little bit and (Lesley: Yeah) attraction a little bit. If you’re not looking at those patterns, and you’re not actively doing the work to understand them and heal them, then you’re going to be vibrating at that energetic vibrational frequency, which means you’re going to be attracting people who have your same wounds. Right. So if we just take away even all the patterns, and dissecting the patterns, and we just look at the emotions of associated with some of these trauma instances in our body, of course, you’re not going to find secure love because you’re vibrating at that state. And that’s what you’re going to attract because like, attracts like. (Lesley: Yeah) Right. So you got to be able to do the work so that you can also shift the way that you call people into your life, which is kind of a missing piece a lot of people don’t talk about.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, so you brought up manifestation and I think a lot of people go, “Oh, manifestation. Yeah, I thought about it. I wrote it down. I did the secret like you know, I put it in the universe.” But I, I think that manifestation also can… can also, you can also manifest and also take some action and there can be, it can be a little bit more than this amorphous thing that we do. How does that work in your your work and how does that work in like relationships and attracting and bringing in the person that we want to have?

Lauren Zoeller
Yeah. So I’m a firm believer that man… manifestation work, okay, an I want to put this because it’s so, so deep. I teach manifestation work and I teach attraction work at the end of working with someone. It’s actually the third pillar of my program and what I lead women through. The reason being is because in the first pillar, we understand your patterns. So we get really clear what are your patterns, we go back through your past relationship patterns, what I call your core stories of limitation, which are your trauma moments, your childhood and generational dynamics, it really clear on the dysregulated nervous system patterns that are present for you. And the second pillar, we heal them we go through a lot of somatic experiencing to shift your nervous system. The reason that I don’t go over manifestation and attraction until the end is because if you are manifesting and you’re putting out into the world what you want, and you’re just letting it be, but you don’t actually truly believe at your core level that you are worthy of receiving what you’ve asked for. You will sabotage what it is that you want. (Lesley: Hmm) That that sabotaging comes from your patterns. Right. (Lesley: Right.) So it’s like if you haven’t done that work, the re parenting work to understand how you self sabotage or how your nervous system is dysregulated it doesn’t matter how many things we put out into the universe, you’re gonna hijack those bad boys.

Lesley Logan
Right. So it’s possible that people are out there manifesting and then sabotaging every time the universe is like, “Here’s the thing you wanted. Here’s the thing that you wanted.” (Lesley laughs)

Lauren Zoeller
Yeah. Yeah. And, and you see that cycle of at least it was for me, like, you may manifest it, but it may go away as soon as it shows up. Right? You can’t hold on to it, which is the same thing with love.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. Oh, my goodness, it’s so fascinating how all of this kind of works together. Because I feel like what you do, even if someone listen to this, it’s like, “I’ve got the man I’m with or the person I’m with. The human I want to be with.” But the other stuff isn’t there. Like, it’s like, okay, somehow you made that work. And we still have work to do (Lauren: Yeah) on these other areas. I feel like, I feel like, I don’t know, maybe our life’s work is just getting to know ourselves and re parenting. And then, and then trying to do the best we can with all of that information. So Lauren, you, you now have someone that like, great relationship, you’re loving it, you’re doing this job. How, you know, what were the was there any hesitancy when you’re switching careers? And you’re like, “Okay, this is what I’m going to do now?” Because I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and what I’m thinking but like, I always go, “What if like, but I failed at this. And so I won’t be good.” You know what I mean? Like the history of it, like kind of cloud what you think is your potential? Was it easy for you to make the switch? Was it hard for you? How did you like do that without holding yourself back?

Lauren Zoeller
I would say that I switched. I mean, if we go back back, like before I even started coaching, I owned a yoga studio. And like I’ve had all I feel like I’ve had all these different lives prior to where I am now, which is crazy. And up until this shift, like up until really diving into and understanding somatic work, and stepping into dating and relationships. I was always hesitant. I was like, “Ah, I don’t know if this is gonna work.” Like the thing before it failed. And the thing before it failed and everything else failed. I always had this hesitancy and I will say this and I truly mean this from the bottom of my heart. Since doing this deeper somatic work and really understanding my worth and knowing me really deeply. I’ve never questioned it. It’s the first time that I’ve never questioned it. It’s just felt so right. And that doesn’t mean that it’s it hasn’t shifted and changed and things haven’t fallen apart and rebuilt themselves. But there’s always just this deep knowing that I’m exactly where I need to be which has never been present before.

Lesley Logan
That I totally understand. I totally because I think and maybe hesitancy isn’t what I felt but like I felt like, “Who am I to do it?” I had questions like, “Is it gonna work? What if it doesn’t work?” Like there’s all these things and then and then I would kind of do it anyways but always holding myself back and playing smaller I think than I should like if (Lauren: Yeah) I look back they all worked out because it was supposed to but like I, I was like waiting for the like someone to deem it fine, you know … (Lauren: Yeah) like say and you’re you’re doing a great job and you’re doing a great job. And it wasn’t until like my little my own rock bottom moment that I didn’t question the apartment I chose. I didn’t question like, this is where I’m gonna have my my clients. I didn’t question when I met Brad. I was like, “I’m gonna married that man.” He didn’t have my phone number y’all and also was still married, so. But I was like, “No, we’re gonna be married someday. I’ll wait till he’s ready.” And I didn’t question our move to Las Vegas either like those things. And so now when I questioned things, I’m like, “Why am I questioning this thing? What is what is it about this thing that I’m questioning?” Versus … Do you know what I mean? Like, it’s like a different (Lauren: Yeah) way of looking at it. It’s more of a sign like, (Lauren: Yeah) what is this over here? Why are we looking at it as a distraction? Like, what is or do I have work to do? So thank you for sharing that because I, I think a lot of people listening to this, probably have done the same thing and all of this stuff. And then when they don’t question it, they also are kind of like, well, then that’s almost like, too, it’s almost too easy. Like, (Lauren: Yeah) it should be harder than that. (Lauren: Yeah) There’s a negotiation process I have to do. So (Lauren: Yeah) what so now you’ve made the switch. You’re doing this, I know, you’re in the process of moving and everything to what is it that you are kind of being it till you see it right now? Like, where are you going with, like, what’s your next thing that you’re trying to grow into?

Lauren Zoeller
So I truly my life’s work is to get this work into as many people’s hands as possible. Truly, I want everyone to be able to experience deep, deep love from the space of a balanced nervous system from security. So, I am in the process now of writing a book. So my book will hopefully be out by this time next year, which is really exciting.

Lesley Logan
Oh, my God, you’re writing a book? Yes. Yes. This is amazing.

Lauren Zoeller
Yes, yeah. So I’m very excited about that. And just continuing to spread the message. I have a program called The Aligned Love Collective that has been going strong now for almost two years. And we enroll 20 to 30 women in it every month. And it’s changing lives. So it’s just a matter of getting this message to more people and getting the book out and doing some speaking.

Lesley Logan
Have you ever written a book before? Is this your first book? (Lauren: My first book.) That’s amazing. I want to go back to the first book because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And now I know. (Lesley an Lauren laughs) And now I know.

Lauren Zoeller
That’s what I hear from everybody.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh, we’ll have to have you back when the book is done. We’ll have to talk about the whole process and, and just let people know when it’s out. Okay, we’re gonna take a quick little break. We’re gonna edit that out everyone. I don’t know how this dog got in here. It’s like he was he was called in. Yeah, he called it okay. We’re gonna take a quick break, and then we’re going to find out how you can hear about do your course and follow your podcasts in just a second.

All right, Lauren, where can people find you, follow you, do the work with you? What do you got?

Lauren Zoeller
So you can go to my website, laurenzoeller.com. I’m also most active on Instagram and TikTok. So you can follow me on Instagram at @laurenzoeller and on TikTok at @coachlaurenzoeller. And it’ll give you if you go to the website and visit the Instagram will give you everything that you need …

Lesley Logan
Amazing. Amazing. Okay, we asked everybody how some BE IT tips. So bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action steps they can take to be until they see it. So what do you have for us?

Lauren Zoeller
So I my first tip would be if deep committed partnership is what you want to find. And I’m just giving this to you from a dating and relationship side of things. Look at the patterns that have shown up in your relationships and write them down. Why has every relationship ended? What is the common thread? And then go back and answer this question. How was I taught to give and receive love as a child? That’s the first question. Second question is, what version of myself did I create to receive love from my parents? And use these two questions and compare them against the relationship patterns that you have found out and he will know so much about how you show up in relationships and use that as your jumping point to start to go deeper into yourself about what may need to shift and what may need to heal so that you can have deeper partnership.

Lesley Logan
Oh, oh, I love this so much. I can’t wait to hear what people discover. So you all how are you going to use these tips in your life? Lauren and I want to know. So screenshot this episode, tag us on Instagram and TikTok. I’m also on there. I’m being it until I see it on TikTok. That’s where we’re like that’s my be at moment right now. I’m like, “I’m just gonna figure this out this elder millennial is showing up.” (Lauren: I love it.) So how are you use this tag us, share it on on Instagram and wherever else you do so that other people can hear this especially if you are listening to this and you’re like just love us and you’re like happily married. Send this to your single friends that you are like so tired of the patterns that they’re going through. If you truly love them you want them to have love like you do, then you send them this episode. You can just text it to them that way. It’s going to be great. So thank you so much and until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast! One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram! I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of ‘As The Crows Fly Media’.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan
Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell
And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

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