Change the Sex

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Ep. 86 with Lesley & Brad

“Get clear about what you want.”

Brad Crowell

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Show Notes

What are the preconceptions around sex that are impacting your life? Today Brad and LL, discuss tools needed to have a new mindset around sex.

If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]. Or leave a comment below!

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

  • LL Running patterns
  • Confidence that can grow from vulnerability
  • Learning the tools and skill sets to communicate in sex grows roots into other areas of your life.
  • The sexual messages taught in childhood
  • There are different seasons of sex

Episode References/Links:

Transcript

Lesley Logan 0:01
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

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Lesley Logan 0:46
Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the open convo I had with Celeste Holbrook in our last episode. If you haven’t yet listened that episode, feel free to pause this now. Go back and listen to that one and then come back and join us or listen to this one. But here’s the deal, y’all got to listen to the episode …

Brad Crowell 1:04
You have to go back and listen to it. (Lesley: You have …) Though you have no choice. If you haven’t yet listened to that episode, you have to.

Lesley Logan 1:10
One of them, I mean, I don’t want to say that I have favorites but one of my favorites. (Brad: Yeah) Just was a … (Brad: Pretty powerful.) It’s really powerful. And it’s also not a conversation people have enough. And we have to have her back like have to her back because we didn’t even talk about bodies yet. Like there’s just so much to talk about. So (Brad: Sure) Celeste if you’re listening, let’s talk. (Brad laughs) Okay, so I am days away from being on Level Up MVMT, my friend Erika Quest platform to teach my workshop – Talk Less, Teach More, which means we are just a couple weeks away, not even two, I think our second our WE+LLthy Mindset 2.0. Which is a four week program for teachers and fitness professionals, where we are going to help you go – From Failure to Flow. And there’s so much science on flow states and like we all know that failure is not actually failure. But like it’s hard and you can know it but then do you know it. So you’ll want to join us. We’ll start on April 8 with that. So it is all over at the levelupmvmt.com, which is just levelupmvmt.com, don’t put the dot there that I made that up. (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 2:13
Yeah. levelupmvmt.com. Right. (Lesley: Mm-hmm. m v m t)

Lesley Logan 2:17
Okay. What is the question that we have this week?

Brad Crowell 2:20
Okay, so LL you mentioned you were a runner. Well, how often do you run and how far are you running?

Lesley Logan 2:28
Okay, so um, I was a runner. I’ve been, I’ve been a runner and like many different stages of my life. So I was a runner in high school, and then I retired but then I came out of retirement …

Brad Crowell 2:41
You retired after high school? (Lesley: Yeah) You’re like,

Lesley Logan 2:44
I retired in high school… (Brad: I’ll hanging up my shoes.) Yeah, (Brad: I’m good.) I retired in high school.

Brad Crowell 2:48
… were you like in 10th grade, like, “Oh, I’ve retired.”

Lesley Logan 2:52
Junior high, Junior year, Junior year, not Junior high, Junior year. Um, no, I just had a lot going on for my senior year. And like, if y’all don’t know, I had, like, I had to pay and to make money. So I had to work. And so I couldn’t actually be on a team and work. So, I I had, I didn’t like my coach. So I was like, you know, “I’m just not gonna run.” And then I went to college, and they found out I was a runner, and they’re like, “Oh, do you want to run.” And I was like, “What’s the scholarship?” And I was like, “That is not even nearly enough money to make me want to run for you.” So I would run for myself. But it wasn’t until I think 2011 that I actually got back into running again. And I was really good at it, actually. (Brad: Hmm) And that’s because of Pilates, it really is and and then also a couple good running coaches, but I retired from competitive running and I was actually sponsored in 2013 when I broke my and before I broke my leg. So anyways, I after I healed my leg break, I always ran three-ish miles every single morning or four mornings a week we’re in LA around UCLA. Then we moved here, and that stopped because it was hot. It was thought, it was fire. That’s the temperature here, fire in the summertime. So like I …

Brad Crowell 4:04
So on a scale from one to fire. (Lesley: Yeah) How hot is it in Vegas?

Lesley Logan 4:08
Fire! (Brad laughs) (Brad: Oh okay, just making sure.) So, so I actually basically stopped running when we moved here. And that was like one of my favorite things to do. Anyways, once it gets colder, I actually do pick up running and I only run probably two miles now. The honest truth is ladies, we don’t actually need as much cardio as we do. And so I I I’m trying more as I’m I’m 39 so like I’m approaching the the years where like menopause is a thing … (Brad: Is that mean I’m 39?) It means you’re almost 40. (Brad: What the hell?) Yeah, that’s what that means. So, he’s like literally is almost 40. (Brad laughs) So, anyway, at any rate. I’m just for me, I am trying to be conscious of like, “Why am I running? What is the purpose of this and like, how does this help me?” Like ease on through to the other side of what will be menopause someday and people don’t make it sound fun. So, anyway, I work on strength training. So I’ll… if you’re, the question is “How often do I run?” I run four days a week, a couple miles and that’s all I do. Now, do I miss it? There are days when I think, “You know what, I’m gonna do a half marathon again.” And then I remember that I have to run a half marathon. And to be honest, like, I have so many other things I like to do. And so if you don’t like running, know that there are other things you can do to get your heart rate up. You can get your heart rate up doing Pilates, like if you do Pilates with my classes, you’ll get your heart rate up. (Brad: Yeah) If you like … (Brad: even in 15 minutes) Yeah, you will, you really will like you like when you do a class with me on OPC, I will get your heart rate up. (Brad: Yeah) And it’s the kind of heart rate that like goes up and down, up and down, which is really good for training your heart for those kinds of things, as opposed to just like keeping it up the whole time. But if you don’t like running, don’t run. If you like it, go do it. I mean, running groups are so much fun. You can make really great friends doing it. I just got like …

Brad Crowell 4:08
There’s a epic community of runners here in Vegas. And we see them outside the gym when we go. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And they they meet up on the mornings (Lesley: Mm-hmm) and they run and like …

Lesley Logan 4:53
They have like three groups. They have like really fast people than they have regular people and they have walk… like people bring their dogs, they wear tutus like it’s a whole thing. (Brad laughs) So like, if you are, if you do like running and you’re wanting new friends or to be around positive vibe people, check out running groups. (Brad: Yeah) But yeah, I am, I know that my running days are coming to a near end because it’s starting to heat up in the mornings and I just won’t do it. I won’t run in, I won’t want in hot. (Brad: You mean this year?) Yeah. (Brad: Yeah) So, I like I take the summer off. (Brad: Yeah) (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 6:44
She … I just found out that she’s been running since November.

Lesley Logan 6:46
Yeah, he does (Brad: Like …) does even know. Like I was mentioned it and he goes, “You run?” And I was like, “Oh, yeah, in the morning.”

Brad Crowell 6:52
Cuz I thought (Lesley: when I’m free.) she stopped.

Lesley Logan 6:54
Right. Because I stopped for the… I stopped for the fire season.

Brad Crowell 6:57
Yeah. For the fire, you stopped for fire. (Lesley: Yeah) And now you run for non fire.

Lesley Logan 7:02
I run during that, I run during that… (Brad: You run for snow.) run for this, I run when it’s cold. Okay, you gonna hear sounds hilarious. (Brad: Yes) Okay, this is what I run in. I have this like puffer coat that goes to your knees. It’s not my Canada Goose, nice… nice one. It’s like, but it’s like one of those down (Brad: Oh, yeah) puffer coats that everyone wears. It’s black, it’s like the puffy thing it goes down to my knees. I wear that to run in. So, I run in like, even in shorts, sometimes with it on and I run (Lesley laughs) two miles in it, and I get really hot. And then I (Brad: Oh, my gosh.) can … and then I walk like the last mile home. And I am in a perfect temperature state. But like yes, I’m not running in running clothes. I’m running in a puffer coat …

Brad Crowell 7:46
You look like a soccer mom running two miles.

Lesley Logan 7:48
I think I look like a homeless person.

Brad Crowell 7:50
Yeah. There ya go. (Lesley laughs) … Yeah.

Lesley Logan 7:52
But that’s okay because here’s what I don’t want to do. I really don’t want to invest in running gear. I don’t want to buy another running jacket. I don’t want any of those things. And I like it because it goes all the way up to my face. So it keeps my neck and my cheeks warm and all that stuff. And (Brad: Yeah, that’s nice.) so, anyways, you know, it’s me if you’re like, “Is she running from something?” (Brad laughs) No, she’s not. She’s just running. (Brad: Just running.) But I do look like I might be running from something (Brad laughs) cuz of the outfit that I’m wearing.

Brad Crowell 8:22
That is amazing. (Lesley: Yeah) All right. Well, now let’s talk about Cel… Dr. Celeste Holbrook. (Lesley: Yeah) Celeste is a safe sex or sorry, is a sex educator, speaker, author and proud mom of twins. She is very excited about that. She’s on a mission to provide safe spaces for individuals to talk about sex, so that they can grow confident, confidence routes that sprout into other parts of their lives.

Lesley Logan 8:56
Yeah, well, speaking of that, so one of the things that I wanted to bring her on was I was telling her I, before we started recording, and then we brought it up when we were recording, like, I just feel that a lot of that… that something that holds women back is their ability to be confident in the bedroom, feel sexy, feel like they can ask for what they want. I know nothing about this stuff. I, this is not my area of expertise. And she had said, you know, like, if you are able to ask for what you want in your most vulnerable spaces, such as when you’re naked and having sex, then you can ask for a raise at work, then you can do things like basically like just being in that position is very vulnerable. And if you can actually say, “This is what I’d like to do right now. This is how I’d like to feel right now. This is what I want.” Then can you imagine like when the waiter is like, “Hey, would you like this?” You be like, “Yeah, that’s exactly what I want.” Like you’re not gonna like, “I don’t know, is it okay if I can have it with like the dressing on the side.” Like you’re (Lesley laughs) you’re just gonna start realizing that like you can ask for what you want and other areas because a no where any of those other areas as vulnerable as the one you were in, (Brad: Right) when you were in the bedroom. So or wherever you’re having sex, like you can have it wherever you want. I guess we probably should have said at the beginning of this episode, “If your kids (Brad: Oh) are with you, this is probably the time to now put your airpods in.” (Brad laughs) Oop.

Brad Crowell 10:16
Yep. Yeah, we’ll, we’ll have to, we’ll to add that in on that. (Brad and Lesley laughs) Good point.

Lesley Logan 10:22
Yeah, so um, anyways, learning the tools and skill sets to communicate in sex grows roots into other areas of your life. And I really, really, really want if this at all intrigued you. If you’re like, I don’t know, maybe it made you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you felt like I don’t that like also curious. Please follow her on Instagram, because her reels will make you laugh, even though they have dildos in them or other things that she’s showing. And, and that’s her mission. And I think if you can laugh, like comedy makes things a little bit more comfortable. (Brad: Sure) Yeah. What did you like?

Brad Crowell 10:55
Well, I, speaking about that, like intro of like, “Are your kids in the room kind of a thing?” She said something very powerful. At the end, she said, “We make shame, by being ashamed.” And, part of her mission is to normalize the conversation about sex. And she was specifically talking about her kids. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) And she said, “Look, I still get a little weird about it with my kids. This isn’t like, you know, everything is like fair game now. I might as well just talk about at all.” I don’t think that’s what she means by that. But she was talking about how does she, how does sex become normal in just like … Like, well, actually what she said, she said something else that is very applicable. She said, we watch you know, YouTube for like cooking shows, (Lesley: Mm-hmm) or we watch TV for cooking shows. Right? Or, you know, how do you chop down a tree? Or how do you like whatever, like plant, you know, a cactus garden. But we we don’t watch. There’s nothing that is like that for sex. (Lesley: No) Except for you know, (Lesley: performative) performative sex, (Lesley: Yeah) you know. So, porn, obviously, is what she’s talking about. She didn’t say that. But you know, so the only, you know, or actually, it’s not even just that, it could just be movies. I mean, (Lesley: Mm-hmm) you know, the way it’s portrayed in film …

Lesley Logan 12:17
Oh, my gosh, in the movies, everybody is having morning sex. And I’m like, “But don’t you need to brush your teeth?” Like, (Brad laughs) no, but seriously, like, (Brad: That’s true.) that breath is not going to be good. That is not going to be a fun kiss. And then also, like, “No, don’t go down there. I’ve been sleeping. And this whole time I sweat when I sleep.” Like there’s nothing, nothing… So you watch these movies and you’re like, “Oh, I can’t do that. And so there’s something wrong with me because I am, I have to brush my teeth.” Like, you know, so it’s this weird thing.

Brad Crowell 12:45
Right. We blame ourselves, but back to, you know, normalizing the conversation and talking about kids. You know, she, she’s been, you know, she is a sex educator. Right? So she actually has dildos in her office. Right? And so she said her daughter came by the other day and said, “Are you talking about penis anatomy, Mommy?” You know, like, that, to me is a little jaw dropping, but also how like refreshing because it’s not this weird, taboo, like …

Lesley Logan 13:16
I’m so excited for her children and then like the other people around her because also like, you’re correct. It’s not this weird taboo thing that you (Brad: Yeah, I mean …) like go through life hiding, sneaking, trying to figure out and (Brad: Yeah) probably not going to fig… like, anyways, it’s just going to create a lot of shit.

Brad Crowell 13:31
Well, brings back a lot of terrible memories for me about like, you know, the only thing I was taught about sex was “No.” (Lesley: Don’t have it.) That was it. That was it. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, and and like, you know, my parents sat me down and had the sex conversation, but it was literally like … (Lesley: Did they?) Yeah, I was probably like, 12 and I’m pretty sure my grandmother was involved. (Lesley: Oh, my God.) But, uh, but it was basically it was …

Lesley Logan 13:54
The grandmo…? (Brad: Yeah) Oh (Brad: Yeah) shoot that, but she would have been like a nice comic relief there.

Brad Crowell 13:59
I mean, I was 12. So it was awkward. (Lesley laughs) But, you know the reality is, you know, that, what I took away from all of that was aside from just the, you know, anatomy was, “Don’t fucking have sex.” Like, that was like, basically, they couldn’t have hammered that home more. And …

Lesley Logan 14:15
Yeah, I was told if you have sex, you’re gonna get pregnant, like everyone. And then anytime any girl got pregnant the first time she had sex, they made sure that I heard the story. Or worse, like if a person got like AIDS from having sex the first time. Like, (Brad: Right) it was like all about the fear.

Brad Crowell 14:29
It’s like, it’s like that this is your brain on drugs (Lesley: Yes) kind of stuff. (Lesley: Yes) You know, like crackling in the pan. You know, and, and I think that, like, it creates this incredibly fear based, you know, (Lesley: Well …) it creates anxiety, like, you know, then all of a sudden … it’s so dumb to me because she experienced this too when she said, you know …

Lesley Logan 14:50
It’s literally why she became what she became because (Brad: Yes) all of the messages she was given, literally caused her to not be able, like her body was like, “No, like, I made me this thing of fortune themes.” You’re like, “How we know?” (Brad and Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 15:03
Well, she said, she said that, you know, she was told, “Don’t have sex, don’t have sex.” So she didn’t have penetrative sex until she was married. Right? And that, to me is wha… is the weird thing is like, the whole time we’re like, “No, no, no, no, no, this is wrong. This is wrong. This is taboo. It’s taboo.” And then all sudden, it’s like, “Now it’s fine.” It’s like, it doesn’t work like that, like … (Lesley: That it’s all the thing to be…) you don’t just like switch it suddenly.

Lesley Logan 15:25
I know but we tell kids all the time, “Don’t talk to strangers and then go get candy from a stranger. Don’t don’t let, don’t let men touch you. Go sit on that man’s lap.” Like know what, like, you know, like with Santa Claus and Halloween, like we do this all the time. But like, it’s not, it’s actually not great. And especially on this level, it’s, you’re gonna spend most of your adult like most of the life you have is at an age where you could totally be having sex and like, and it can be something that’s really pleasurable. And we actually put, it actually the way we talk about it and the way we raise people. Look at how many people get divorced. Look at how many people are not feeling fulfilled. Look at how many people feel ashamed or (Brad: Can’t communicate.) communicate. (Brad: Like any of that stuff.) Yeah. (Brad: Totally) Or, and then there’s all these other things. It’s like, it’s, you know, it’s, I don’t know, that’s a simple thing. But like, it’s very simple. If we actually just stop creating shame around something, (Brad: Yeah) we would stop being ashamed. We’d have a normal conversation about it. (Brad: Yeah) Anyways, you… FYI, Brad and I were raised (Lesley laughs) very religious, if you haven’t figured that out. And and I want to say if you were as well, Celeste is an amazing person to reach out to. She …

Brad Crowell 16:31
Yeah. Just to say that clearly. We were, we were raised very religious.

Lesley Logan 16:35
Yeah. (Brad: Yeah) Yeah. And she works specifically with people who are raised in that purity culture. (Brad: Yeah) And she really does have, it’s not like, you know, like, it, it, I love the way she has this conversation around it. And I think it’s really great for those who have been that place if you’re wanting to explore having more confidence in this area.

Brad Crowell 16:56
Yeah. (Lesley: Okay) Yeah. All right. Finally, let’s talk about the BE IT action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Dr. Holbrook?

Lesley Logan 17:07
Well, are you going first?

Brad Crowell 17:09
Yeah, I think I will. She said, “Write down how you want to feel around sex. Get clear on your desires, and then talk about it with your partner.” And I thought that was so refreshing because it’s, you know, we bring a lot of strange things to the table when it comes to sex, such as, like, obligation. Right? Or, you know, or, or, like, judgment or performance, or, you know, like, you know …

Lesley Logan 17:41
Well, there’s also just everything that’s already in your head about how, how you feel about yourself. So like, you know, it’s hard. Like, if you have, if you as a I’ll just speak for myself, because I am a woman. But like, if you don’t like how you look, or you don’t feel like you look good enough, you don’t feel sexy. And if you don’t follow these things, like …

Brad Crowell 17:59
It’s definitely gonna make it complicated to have sex.

Lesley Logan 18:01
Yeah. So if you can write down how you want to feel around it, and you can get clear on that with your partner …

Brad Crowell 18:07
By the way, I don’t think it’s any different for guys. (Lesley: Probably not.) You know like …

Lesley Logan 18:10
You know, actually, so there was this amazing insight of Brené Brown’s book – The Gifts of Perfection, I want to say it’s that one, but it might be another one, forgive me. Anyways, there was this like, group thing, and this woman was talking about her like cellulite on her legs. And and she like, was like, “No, people won’t have sex with me, because I have all this cellulite, whatever.” And this guy sitting there, he’s like, “It’s not about the fucking cellulite. We actually don’t want to be rejected by you. And we just want to have sex with you too. And we’re feeling the exact same way.” And it was like he had this like outbursts. And it was I remember reading and crying because I was like, “Oh, my God, we’re all just walking around (Brad: Yeah) wanting the same thing and feeling exactly the same shitty way.” (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 18:53
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know, and so what I what I think is really powerful about writing down how you want to feel around sex is first off, it forces you to actually think about it, you know, and it changes the, it changes the way we look at it. Like, if this is how we, you know, there’s innately sex, sex is pleasurable, or it’s supposed to be. Right? And, you know, pleasure is defined different ways, of course, but, you know, we are supposed to, you know, enjoy it, and it’s supposed to be a pleasurable thing. So how do you actually want to feel specifically, and then that will force you to get clear about what you want. And then talk about it with your partner is… I don’t think that’s normal. Mo… I think that most people don’t do that (Lesley: No, no) you know.

Lesley Logan 19:45
They just would have sex and then and then somebody is left probably feeling like they didn’t get what they wanted, but they didn’t say what they wanted.

Brad Crowell 19:52
I mean, not necessarily but (Lesley: Maybe) like, but you know, may… like there’s certainly like an organic connection. (Lesley: Yeah) And like there’s there’s certainly a chance that that, you know, you are just fulfilling each other. But there’s also the chance that you’re not.

Lesley Logan 20:06
Yeah. Yeah. And also your partner is not a mind reader. (Brad: Right) And I know we keep talking about this as guys and girls. I’m so sorry for those of you who, who have same sex sex, like, please, you know, so sorry. Like, also with your partner there. So (Brad: Yeah) yeah.

Brad Crowell 20:21
Yeah. It’s, it’s just about, you know, like fulfilling each other’s desires. And that creates pleasure. Right? And the communication part, I think, is like, the biggest part.

Lesley Logan 20:33
Yeah, I mean, always and everything, but I agree. So my biggest takeaway (that is a dog moaning that is not one of us.) (Lesley and Brad laughs) I’m just pointing that out (Brad: aww) on a particular episode it could be… (Lesley laughs) (Brad: Okay, okay) So my biggest takeaway was write down the sexual messages you got growing up, and what was their lasting impact? And I this is really (Brad: Hmm) important, because, (Brad: Yeah) she brought up things that people say to girls growing up, and I had never like, as she’s saying them, I was like, “Oh, my God, literally got that. Yep that. Yep. Oh, that too. Oh, that too.” And, and, and, and anyway, like, I didn’t realize some of the things that I had been told so often through my high school years that were like, not from my parents, and not from these people. But like, literally was sent home from high school because I didn’t wear a tank top that was an inch and a half thick. And I got fined at school, went to a private school because my skirts kept getting too short, because I was growing. And that literally made me feel like I’m responsible for everyone’s freaking feelings all the time. And so like, they just think that there’s if you listen this episode, and she said things that resonate with you, like, think back to other things that you were said, about what you wore, or what you did, or how you could be affecting people. And like, I mean, I remember being in college and that was when a judge like said to a woman who was wearing jeans “well you got raped because you’re wearing jeans”, and it’s like, these are things that yeah, it’s a whole thing. It’s in Italy … (Brad: That doesn’t even make any sense.) I know. But these are things these things that are said have a lasting impact …

Brad Crowell 22:20
I mean, not just on girls, but but it almost becomes a permission for guys.

Lesley Logan 22:25
100% nail on the head. So like all and …

Brad Crowell 22:30
And that is actually just so I want to talk about it from the guys perspective. (Lesley: Yeah) Right? Like, then it becomes cyclical, right? Like, oh, I’m… so if the girls, you know, spaghetti striped shirt is too thin or whatever. And that could be a turn on for the guys, then now it’s on you’re thinking like, “Oh, that’s a turn on for me.” Well, then then if they’re, you know, so if they’re not wearing that, then maybe then you’re not getting turned on. Right? It becomes this weird negative thing …

Lesley Logan 22:59
Well, also becomes a thing like you should, you can only be aroused because of other people.

Brad Crowell 23:03
Yeah, that’s, that’s exactly (Lesley: Yeah, yeah) what I’m what I was going …

Lesley Logan 23:05
Yeah, exact… Okay. Yeah. So and I just was like, and it’s, it’s like, what is… And when she said it herself. In another talking point, like responsibility is like, like, killer of like arousal. (Brad: Of of, yeah arousal.) Yeah. (Brad: Yeah) And so it’s like, if women are all walking around, because we’re like, think that we’re responsible for your arousal, and you’re all walking around thinking, “Well, they gotta arouse me.” Then like (Brad: Right) no one’s getting aroused. (Lesley and Brad laughs) (Brad: Right) Like no one is. So, um, so I mean, there’s just so many things we could talk about. And I truly hope you listen to this, if you have a partner just send it to them, like does like you can just send it to them. (Brad: Yeah send them the whole interview.) If you’re unsure how to start the conversation, just send it. But like, there’s also the talk about sexual resiliency, which is like as we get older things change, like, The Daily did an episode on their podcast on a Sunday about having sex in your 70s and 80s. And I thought, I wonder how that is. And it’s actually you, there’s a lot of things you have to think about that you never …

Brad Crowell 24:00
She talked about pain and sex, (Lesley: Yeah) like, like, like she talked about… effectively, like breaking down the story that you that you grew up with. We talked about that a little bit, writing (Lesley: Yeah) it down. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, there’s just so much (Lesley: Yeah) in there. (Lesley: It’s great …) She talked about, like, points in your life where you have less sex, (Lesley: Yeah) or points in your life we have more and that’s okay.

Lesley Logan 24:25
You know, I just heard Michelle Obama on Oprah. Michelle Obama was talking about, like, you know, her and Barack are like, working towards like being married for like, 40 plus years. Right? And, and she’d said, you know, like, Oprah asked her something about, like, hard, hard years in there. And she said, “If you were told the beginning of your marriage, you’ll be married for 45 years, but eight of them will be awful, wouldn’t you like, take those odds? Rather than like, like, be married to someone for eight years, and then it’s awful and you quit?” And then like, you know, like, and then you go do it again and it gets like she just … (Brad: Hmm interesting) Yeah. So like, it’s, um, there are going to be years of your marriage that are going to be a little bit different. There’s many years and where you’re may or not even years, we’re not exact, but there’s periods of time. And it’s about communication and it’s about understanding yourself. And if you, if you keep going back to how you want to feel, I think that curiosity is going to help you articulate what you need, and at least explore as your body changes. And as you get older, and as your relationship changes, I think it’s just really, really cool. So I really hope you enjoyed this. I also really, really hope that you share it. I know, it’s weird to share a sex episode. Maybe you’re feeling a little weird about that. But like, what if but like, maybe that’s why you should, (Brad: Right) because truly, truly, like, if, if everybody had had a different upbringing around this, like, imagine where we’d be and where your confidence levels would be and where you’re like, like, you know, like, I just think that it’s, this is an important conversation for us all have. So, I am (Brad: Yep) grateful for her. If you want me to bring her back. You gotta let me know. (Brad: Yep) Share it, and then I’ll be like, “Oh, we got to have her back.” (Brad: Totally) So anyways, I’m Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 26:06
And I’m Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 26:07
Thank you so much for joining us today. We’re so grateful you’re here. How are you going to use these tips in your life? (Brad: Yeah) Let us know by sending us a DM on the pod. See, it’s private. You can send a DM and we’ll catch you on the next episode.

Brad Crowell 26:20
Bye for now.

Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of ‘As The Crows Fly Media’.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan
Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell
And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

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