How to Reclaim Your Power Back Through Breathwork
Ep. 310 Christian de la Huerta
“Deepen your relationship with the breath, it’ll change your life.”
Christian de la Huerta
With 30 years of experience, Christian de la Huerta is a sought-after spiritual teacher, personal transformation coach and leading voice in the breathwork community. He has traveled the world offering inspiring and transformational retreats combining psychological and spiritual teachings with lasting and life-changing effects. An award-winning, critically acclaimed author, he has spoken at numerous universities and conferences and on the TEDx stage. His new book, Awakening the Soul of Power, was described by multiple Grammy Award–winner Gloria Estefan as “a balm for the soul of anyone searching for truth and answers to life’s difficult questions” and has received a Nautilus Book Award, a Global Book Award, a Book Excellence Award, and a Nonfiction Book Award. I’m an award-winning, bestselling author, spiritual teacher, personal transformation coach and TEDx speaker. My latest book, Awakening the Soul of Power was described by music icon Gloria Estefan as “a balm for the soul of anyone searching for truth and answers to life’s difficult questions.” Themes include personal empowerment, women’s empowerment, conscious relationships, life purpose, spiritual transformation; hero’s journey; modern-day heroes. Why do we have an ambivalent relationship to power and end up giving it away? How do we avoid or better navigate power struggles? Why should men be practicing feminine power?
In this enlightening episode, guest speaker, Christian de la Huerta—an acclaimed spiritual teacher and author, delves into the profound effects of breathwork and mindfulness. Embark on a journey of self-discovery, and learn how simple practices can lead to significant personal transformation. Christian’s insights offer practical tools for emotional regulation and cultivating a deeper sense of self-awareness.
If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].
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In this episode you will learn about:
- The transformative power of breathwork in personal growth.
- Techniques for enhancing mindfulness and self-awareness.
- Understanding and overcoming the limitations of the ego.
- The importance of reclaiming personal power for a fulfilling life.
- Utilizing visualization and the mind’s potential for change.
- Christian de la Huerta’s Website – https://soulfulpower.com/
- Get Chrstian’s book “Awakening the Soul of Power” – https://a.co/d/fy9O7bJ
- Book mentioned, “Breath” by James Nestor – https://a.co/d/fmCCJqO
- Read about the prisoner of war, Major Nesmeth in “A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul” – https://a.co/d/dgY0oI7
Christian de la Huerta: I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with who were raped or who were sexually abused or some traumatic experiences like most of us have had. And that stuff gets healed and quickly. And you know, with all due respect to psychotherapy, and in the right hands with clear intentions and goals, it can be profoundly supportive and transformational.
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.
Lesley Logan 0:58
All right, Be It babe, get ready. This is one of the most unique, genuine, eye-opening, mindful, the last episode. Just gonna say it all right now. Christian de la Huerta is our guest, and he is an incredible author and just I mean, world-renowned person who’s gonna help you with your mindfulness. And I’m just really honored that we got to have him as a journey for us both. We both had a little scheduling thing. And you know, when those things happen was like, oh, gosh, I like hate canceling or I hate, like he had to reschedule the whole day. It’s like, all these things. And also, the best thing that happened is when this interview happened, because it was the best day for this interview to happen. And when you’re hearing it is the best day for you to hear it. It’s coming to you when you are ready to hear it. And I think that’s really important. Because I think we can be really hard on ourselves going, oh, gosh, I wish I should have learned that sooner. I should have done that sooner. Oh my gosh, I’ve only known this sooner. Your ears on mine are ready to hear it today. And we’re talking about healthy sources of power and finding your own and be more mindful. And oh my goodness, when you figure out sort of the ego on my mind was blown. So lots of good stuff in this episode. So here is Christian de la Huerta.
Lesley Logan 2:23
All right, I have an incredible, incredible guest today. I’m really excited. I think we’re going to learn so much about ourselves in this world. And our guest today is Christian de la Huerta and I am so excited to have him on the show. Finally, it’s been a long time coming. So Christian, can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock at?
Christian de la Huerta 2:43
Happy to be here with you. It has been a long time brewing. Well, I’ve been doing life coaching, executive coaching, retreats, you know, from a psycho-spiritual perspective for over 30 years now. I was born in Cuba, I was raised in the US since I was 10. So how you show that immigrant experience, and probably the the healing modality that I use most within my work, in addition to the cognitive, you know, personal transformational aspect of the work, I’d use breathwork as a healing modality, which is incredibly powerful and works very effectively.
Lesley Logan 3:25
Yeah, I know that well. Over the pandemic, I finally was able to, like dive in and get my own training under that because I, I loved it so much. I’m kind of like, oh, once I love something, I’m gonna go learn it. Because I like to. I like to know the ins and outs of how it works. Like it’s 30 years of coaching people in that way that you don’t look old enough to do that. I guess I want to know, like how you got started in doing that 30 years ago, because I feel like you know, you’re may have been too young to have the life experiences to do that. But maybe you don’t need that. So how are you? How did you get started? And and what led you to breathwork?
Christian de la Huerta 4:01
Well, I’m actually older than I look. Which I think is a testament to the breath work actually and to you know, meditation and having inner peace and being able to look at yourself in the mirror and smile at the end of the day and to sleep well I think that says a lot for for the quality of life and how we age. You know, I was I come out of the psychotherapy tradition. My dad was a psychiatrist. I was going for a PhD degree in psychology until I had my first breathwork experience. And then Lesley, I jumped tracks. I was so just blown away by it that I had to do it again. And I had to make it available to others. And I’ve you know, been all over the world. Sharing this practice with countless people. Yeah. And it just works, you know, it works fast. I haven’t really studied breathwork like the lot of studies they’ve done meditation and what’s happening in the brain when we meditate? I’m sure it’s a very similar process for breathwork. But they’re just now starting to research. What, what, how does it work? Exactly, yeah. But I think it’s ultimately a mystery. But I can’t argue with results, it works. And it has permanent effects, and it heals, I don’t know, anything more effective in terms of healing past trauma. And I’m talking serious stuff, I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with, who were raped, or were sexually abused, or some traumatic experiences like most of us have had, and that stuff gets healed and quickly. And, you know, with all due respect to psychotherapy, and in the right hands with clear intentions and goals, it can be profoundly supportive and transformational. And, you know, we all know that you can sit on somebody’s couch for for 10, 20, 30 years, rehashing the same old crap and nothing really happens. And the reason for that is, you know, that that trauma no longer lives in the mind, it’s descended into the body and has been semanticized. So it’s in the cellular, and the tissues of the body. So no amount of talking at it isn’t gonna really get to it. So breathwork, like, a couple of other practices, bypasses the mind, and it goes to the source of the trauma in the body, and it clears it. And amazing, amazing things happen.
Lesley Logan 6:26
Yeah, it is kind of interesting. You know, I came across, I did breathwork, you know, in some different yoga classes where people were trained, but I never really like, knew all the things about it. Like it wasn’t a practice of mine. And then I had a girlfriend because Emma’s a Pilates instructor one of the girls. So just Pilates is very big on breath, he actually has a quote in his book, above all else learn how to breathe. Most people, their lungs are a cemetery for disease, because they’re not actually exhaling, he was like, very big on like, gotta get the air out, and was very big on his breath. And so if you actually look at the Pilates exercises, very few of them ever hold the breath. Most of them are out moving the breath out. And he had like a breath aside, there’s this very big on it. So quite interested in this one girl in this class I was taking, she brought up, you know, the book Breathe, which I’m sure you’ve heard of a million times and more, but like she brought up and how like, our facial bones continue to change in our life. And I was like, hold on, what do you mean they continue to change? So I got really interested in like reading the book. And what I discovered in that book is what you just said, like, there’s still not a lot of information known about why it works. Just like the, you know, people were doing amazing things. And they’re like, oh, that person’s not a doctor, we’re not going to pay attention to what they’re doing. And I think that’s a shame for a lot of things in this, you know, a lot of the tools that work out there, because the people creating them, we’re not doctors, we don’t look at them. So I find it really interesting for the person who’s listening who’s like, you guys keep bringing up breathwork. What is it? And how, like, what are the benefits? Can we just like, take a one-on-one level on that? Can you explain to people like what when you talk about breathwork, what it is?
Christian de la Huerta 8:04
Sure, I mean, we should acknowledge that breathwork is a very large umbrella term. Right. So under there, we can find the type of breathing techniques and practices that you do at the end of yoga class. And there’s a lot of different I mean, there’s a lot of breathing practices for relaxation, to sleep better for stress reduction, there are other other reading techniques that if you want to, rather than reaching for the for the coffee cup after lunch, if you do certain breathing practices, it energizes you and brings focus to your mind, the kind of breath work that we’re talking about here, it’s longer you breathe in a certain way, in a certain conscious, intentional, connected way for about an hour, an hour and a half. Some practices even go longer than that. And amazing things happen. Just like not only does it heal in all those ways that we were talking about.
Christian de la Huerta 8:54
But people have incredibly profound altered state of consciousness. Like often, I’ll hear people, you know, from people who come Breathe with me that they got to the same place that they did on a sacred plant medicine journey. And I think part of what’s happening in both of those modalities, whether we’re used to talking about the breath, or those other kind of more shamanic experiences is that we’re tapping out of the limited ego mind, you know, that that sense of personal identity. You know, like, this is Christian, that’s Lesley, which is ultimately an illusion. It’s, it’s not real, but it’s both a helpful illusion and the source of all our pain and suffering. And once we pop out of that little limited perspective, then we have what we, you know, we call magic miracles because we like the terminology for it. Like a great metaphor to think about it a great visual if you put a baseball in the center of a stadium. That’s what the ego mind is, who we are, is actually the stadium and we’ve allowed this tiny, tiny, tiny part of who we are to think that it is all who we are. And to make really important, significant, consequential choices about our lives about our relationships, from its very small, limited and always fear-based perspective. So for anybody who is on a journey of awakening, or remembering or empowerment, first step, as far as I’m concerned, is understanding how the ego mind works.
Lesley Logan 10:29
That is, I’ve never had anyone describe it as like, the ego is the ball in a stadium, and we are the stadium, like, that’s freaking powerful to think that, like, we’re so much bigger than we give ourselves credit.
Christian de la Huerta 10:42
Yes, we’re like playing so small. And like, we were just now beginning to explore the potential of the human mind. It is so powerful. I mean, it’s so many studies of just even the power of visualization. You know, for example, one that I was looking up the other day, they compare to two different groups, you know, same kind of comparable groups in terms of what made up the group, one group went to the gym and had this particular routine that they did for X period of time, the second group did the same routine, except they only visualized it, they sat at home and they did this whole routine in their mind. After the you know, whatever the length of period it was the the gym goers I think they had like a 30% increase in body and muscle mass. The people who just visualize that had a 70% increase in body mass, almost half. The result just from using the mind. The power of the mind is just amazing.
Lesley Logan 11:43
Yeah, it’s, it’s I it made me think of the story. I can’t remember which book I read it in, but like there was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. And they, you know, every single day, they picture themselves doing 18 holes of the golf course, back home, like that was like how they kind of like, spent their day like distract themselves from being in this prison camp. And they’re not being fed all like, there’s not been protein there. decondition anyways, he finally gets out, he gets home to the States and his friends, like, what do you want to do? And he’s like, I want to go play a round of golf. And they’re like, 18 holes, you’ve been in prison for over a year, like you haven’t, there’s no way you have the stamina. And he had visualized doing a par on every single hole. And sure enough, he did it. Because like his brain had, like, memorized it so much. It’s like such a powerful thing. And we I finally we let our minds wander and let it say a bunch of things about to ourselves that aren’t even true. Like, I find that people don’t, either they think visualization is frivolous, and then they should be doing something else. So like, what are some steps that people should be thinking about when they visualize because I think that it’s actually, it seems so simple, and also so difficult for us?
Christian de la Huerta 12:53
Well, and the thing, I think that you just pointed to me, not only are we wasting our potential in terms of what we think about, but it’s worse than that, you know, we do we do such a number on ourselves with all the negative self-talk, we feed the self-doubt, we feed all of our words, I mean, the things we tell ourselves inside of our heads, we would never say to anybody else, that and that’s also part of understanding what the ego mind is, because that is the function of the ego mind. That’s, that’s where that that inner judge that harsh inner judge, it is the ego mind. So there’s a whole other layer of, of understanding. And so first step is becoming aware. So paying attention to our thoughts, and what’s in what we’re doing to become more mindful about what we’re thinking about, because we really, our minds have really limitless potential. And we’re not only wasting it, but using it for negative purposes, what I call the self-inflicted mind, F. Yeah.
Christian de la Huerta 13:55
And so, to me, that would be step one is to become aware of what we’re doing. Because the thing is that we’re going through our lives, and we don’t even know why we do the things we do. Like we haven’t examined our belief systems. We’ve just taken things for granted, because that’s the way our parents did them and their parents before him and their parents before that. But we haven’t really stopped to question for the most part. You know, why we believe in the things we do and why we do the things we do and why we get triggered? Why do certain people trigger us and others don’t? Certain situations? So if we want if we’re on a journey of personal empowerment, that those are like, rate beginning steps. Start paying attention. And even if you like, set your, you know, set your timer for the hour, you know, like it goes off on the hour, it takes 10 seconds. What am I thinking about? What am I feeling, what kind of emotions are coursing through my body just do like a mini check in. Just that you do that on the hour, it’ll you’ll become so much more self aware. And then what that buys us is the ability to choose. Rather than going through life, just reacting to stuff that we’re not even conscious of?
Lesley Logan 15:02
Yeah, you oh my goodness. First of all, this is hilarious while I was in while I was in Cambodia, I was doing some journaling. And I, one of the questions is like, you know, pump yourself like, what are you thinking? What are you doing? And I was like, okay, I’m just going to put a little reminder in my phone. And I’m just going to, like, let this time scroll. So just comes off at a random time. Like, I’m just like, that time because I wasn’t expecting it, right. And today, it came up and it was like, What are you thinking about right now? And I was like, right now I’m thinking I’m really tired. I’m like, Oh, I’m really tired. Oh, I should just take a nap. You know? Like, okay, I’m gonna go do that was the best thing I ever did for myself, like, and I think it’s so funny. Because like, I probably would have just gone the whole day going, oh, this is a long day. I’m having a really, you know, like, I wouldn’t have just like, so it seems so simple. But we need it until it becomes a practice until it becomes something that we’re doing naturally.
Christian de la Huerta 15:55
And not only that, but I mean, we don’t we you, you may have gone through the whole day, like feeling bad. And then the mind comes in and tries to add meaning to it. What’s going on with me? Well, it must be because I hate my job. Or it must be because this relationship, what’s wrong with it? Right? And then we get we get lost in those stories that we are making up in our minds.
Lesley Logan 16:14
Yeah and it stresses us out, which causes health problems (inaudible). Oh, my gosh, yeah. Okay, that is a great, that’s a great first step that we could all take simple, y’all and probably something you’re like, it should be harder than that. No, it can be it can be easier. We don’t have to make everything so difficult. I have a question for you, Christian. You said, your dad’s a psychotherapist. And like, I’m stuck on a little bit like, how did your parents take it when you’re like, I’m quitting school, I’m going to teach Breath, like I just kind of, and the reason this comes up for me is that, you know, a lot of people who listen to the show, they have these big aspirations they have these dreams they want to do, but they’re afraid of letting people down around them. Or they’re afraid of like what people will say or judge them for. And I guess I just wonder, like, I’m curious if like, your family was super supportive of you, and the and the change you want to make, because people who go to college and their parents went to college probably want their kids to. So like, how did they take that?
Christian de la Huerta 17:12
Yeah, I mean, I did, I did complete my four years, I just didn’t go to the grad school didn’t pursue the PhD. And in that sense, my dad was great, and both my parents were great, they just really wanted us all to be happy. They had a more difficult, challenging time with me, exploring, you know, spirituality beyond the confines and definitions of Catholicism, because they came from that religion in which, you know, they were taught that that is the one and only true path. And so that was a little bit more challenging for them, but then, you know, then they started to see the result, you know, they looked in my eyes, and they saw that, that sounds good there. And they saw the things that I was doing in the world were good things and making a difference in real human lives. So they came around, they came around to that. But I think you’re pointing to a really, really, really important point, which is how often and how frequently all of us have given our power away because of that fear of what somebody else was gonna was gonna think? Or you because of even the unexamined expectations or the assumptions that we make, before even having the conversation with them, we just assume that we know how they’re gonna respond. So we internalize it. And then we react. So at so as to avoid conflict. And I go, oh, my God, and the waste of human potential is tragic. Tragic.
Lesley Logan 18:37
Yeah, I think you said, assumptions. Like, it’s kind of funny how we would like, a lot of people will make decisions based on what they think someone’s gonna say.
Christian de la Huerta 18:48
Lesley Logan 18:48
And, and then, really, because our mind goes on wanders, we create a whole story. And then we get angry with them about a conversation they’ve never had. And then we avoid them, or they trigger us and they’re just like, hey, and it’s like, you’re like resenting them? Because you made a whole life decision based on what you think that they would have said, and they never said it yet. So it’s so funny.
Christian de la Huerta 19:11
Talk about tragic. And messed up. It’s messed up. And that connects to power and how many times have we given our power away? How many times have we said yes, when inside we really felt no, we really didn’t want to do it or it really wasn’t okay with us, but just for or, you know, we override our beliefs, our values, our preferences, our dreams. And we settle. We settle for an illusion of insecurity, or a false sense of security and we settle for crumbs of pseudo love, and and it’s all happening inside of our heads. It’s all made up inside of our heads. It’s really tragic.
Lesley Logan 19:55
So I guess and for the person who like has this now as I say, ingrained habit there live their lives. Like it’s not just one person, it’s like most people, you know, live their lives with these assumptions and giving their power away. It can feel like climbing a mountain to like, get your power back, like what is what is the step? Is it just going back to the awareness? Or like, how do we actually is it saying no, when you mean no, like what is, what is something people can practice, like, feel like they are actually taking control and being and bringing their power back to them?
Christian de la Huerta 20:27
All of that. And by the way, that’s I mean, I would say, go get my book, yes, to get it on Amazon Awakening the Solar Power, and it’ll walk you through it, it’ll walk you through the whole process of understanding the ego mind and why we do the things we do. And it’ll give you a different perspective, a different way of how to look at power, because that’s part of that’s part of the problem, you know, we’ve been conditioned to believe that power is a negative thing. And you would win, and then on top of that with, with phrases like, you know, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely, and who wants to be corrupted. And then, then on top of that how many of us have witnessed abuses of power, so we tend to associate power with abuse of power, and good people don’t want to do that. We don’t want to abuse power and cause harm. And then we’ve also been taught mistakenly that the emotions are weakness. We, especially men, little boys don’t cry. And so many faulty assumptions that go with that. Now, first of all, why don’t little boys cry? Why? Because only little girls cry, because the feminine is weakness, right? Somebody along the way decided that the feminine is weakness, like, wait a minute, that is so wrong. So not true. If you want to talk power, courage, resilience, let’s talk about the power of creation that exists in a female body. Like, seriously.
Christian de la Huerta 21:53
And to lighten things up a little bit. Betty White, you know, who left us last year was she was being interviewed, the story goes, she was being interviewed in one of those multiple celebrity group interviews. And somebody said something about having balls, and she goes, Wait just a minute, what do we get this association of courage and strength with balls, you thumped those little things, and the guy collapses bends over in pain. You want to talk, courage and strength and power, let’s talk vaginas. Those things take a pounding.
Lesley Logan 22:24
Oh my I love Betty White so much. That is the best.
Lesley Logan 22:32
But seriously, right. So that’s one faulty assumption. And then the, that the emotions are weakness, wait a minute, they’re not weakness, they’re not strength, either. They’re just energy. So what happens when you put all that together into the mix all those beliefs, it’s the beliefs about power, the conditioning, that’s the reason that we ended up overriding our true desires and preferences, and we end up settling. We hate conflict, we avoid confrontation. So what that for somebody who is on this journey of wanting to reclaim their power, there are a couple of first steps, you know, first of all understand our right understand your relationship to power and why you believe certain things about it, and then start paying attention, right? In the same way that you put that little timer to see what kind of emotions you’re having, or what kind of thoughts are going through your mind. Start noticing, start observing yourself going through your life mindfully. And when you find yourself saying yes, and when you and then when inside it really, doesn’t it’s not okay with you. Look at the situation. Why did I do that? Right? What was really going on there? What did I fear? Was I fearing rejection? Did I fear that I was going to end up alone? Did I feel that I was going to rock the boat of a relationship too much? Was it what kind of what’s what are my patterns? Do I tend to give my power away in personal, intimate, romantic relationships? Or maybe is it with authority figures, parental figures, bosses, coaches, spiritual leaders, that kind of stuff. And that’s how we begin to see the patterns, then we can begin to make choices accordingly, rather than just doing things unconsciously, because we haven’t even noticed why we do the things we do.
Lesley Logan 24:14
Yeah, I, that the whole, like, notice why we do the things we do. It’s really, you know, I told the story before on the podcast, but it’s like, in case an engineer listening, if you hear this, it’s really hilarious. My husband’s mom, she would make Thanksgiving turkey or the Christmas turkey and she would cut the top off the turkey. She put in the oven. And my husband was like, why don’t we cut the top of the turkey off? Like why? And she put it in the pan. She like cut it off, put in the pan, put in the oven. And she’s like, huh, I don’t I actually don’t know that. That’s how my mom did it. Let me call her. She calls her mom. She’s like hey, Mom, why don’t we cut the top of the turkey off? And she said because my stove. My oven was too small for the
Christian de la Huerta 24:58
It’s funny and tragic.
Lesley Logan 25:00
Tragic because that’s really a good part of the turkey.
Christian de la Huerta 25:06
But it’s a perfect example. I’m gonna I’m gonna quote you on that one.
Lesley Logan 25:10
It’s a great story. It’s so good, please do. It’s this funny thing. It’s like, what like, we we go through and it’s and I’m sure it starts with like when your kid you brought up like boys don’t cry, but also like parents get tired of questions kids ask. Little kids ask all the questions like we were born to ask questions. And somewhere along the way someone’s like, just do what I say don’t like just do it. Like, just, you know, like, and I can picture my parents doing that. And so I just stopped asking questions because you, you don’t want to be made fun of in class because people laugh at you. If you don’t ask a stupid question. If you ask a question, how, maybe your parents are tired? They are just exhausted. Like, just can you just do what I just go do it? You know, like, I don’t know. And so you stop, you stop asking those questions. And then it comes to you. And you don’t even know sometimes the questions to ask yourself. And so I know it sounds so simple, like, what am I thinking right now? Or why does it but those simple questions are like great, great questions to start with. I love them. Because it doesn’t have to be complicated.
Christian de la Huerta 26:06
Exactly. And that is so profound, because then what the mind knows the what the mind does those little minds that just didn’t know any better. We personalize things, things that had nothing to do with us. Like maybe our parents were tired or overwhelmed, or they just had a bad day. And they were short, or they said something that just burst out that they didn’t really mean but those little minds take it on as truth. And then we make up interpretations about it. Like there’s something wrong with me. I’m not worthy of love. Too much of this, too. Not enough of that. And then we live our lives from those misunderstandings. That’s all we were. Yeah. And that’s tragic. Because that gets in the way of every single relationship we’ve ever had.
Lesley Logan 26:49
Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know, you’re the first person ever say tragic when it comes to that. And I think it’s actually the best word. Because it is tragic that no matter what age you are, when you learn about like, oh, that I could ask myself these things, oh, I’ve been giving my power away. It’s there still years lost or still experiences missed out or there’s, there’s probably relationships that could have been had not even romantic, but just with family members we’ve avoided because we like we like create a whole story around it.
Christian de la Huerta 27:23
Exactly, exactly. The things yeah, the missed opportunities, the things that we have not even attempted because we were because we were afraid of fear of quote, unquote, failure. When you know, from my perspective, there is no no such thing as long as we’re learning from a project or something that didn’t work out or even a relationship that didn’t work out. It’s it’s not a failure, as long as we learned from it, and we’re becoming better human beings from it, there is no such thing as a failed relationship.
Lesley Logan 27:53
Yeah, yeah, that’s so true. I had, you know, some of my family got divorced for like, the second time, and they’re like, I’m just a failure at marriage. And like, well, both one of them ran for like 22 years, and one ran for 10 years, a lot of people would call those like, long relationships.
Christian de la Huerta 28:09
Seriously. I think they are by anybody’s definition.
Lesley Logan 28:12
Yeah. So like, I think, like, you know, I wouldn’t call it failure. But I love that you said like, if you’re learning from something, it’s not a failure. And so as long as you take the time to, like, learn what, what was good from that, what, what what did i where did I change myself in that like this, take some self-perspective and also learn like, oh, I gave my power away there, then you’re right. It’s actually just like, a really great experience that we can like, take with us to the next place.
Christian de la Huerta 28:36
Yeah, exactly. Not necessarily a fun experience. But if we’re, if we’re learning from it, then it’s worth well worth it to me, as long as we’re not going to repeat the same mistakes. Yeah. Which often begin even before the get-go, oh, how often do we sabotage relationships? Before we even get started. By attracting or falling for people who are not a match? Does that mean we’re better? Does it more worse, we’re just not a match. We’re in different places of life, we have different values, different dreams for life, or whatever it may be. And we fall for people who are not available. Yeah. And the tragic part of the hat is that our relationships don’t even have a chance. And then and that all comes from that fear that doesn’t even have a base on reality that it stems from those misunderstandings from childhood. And so there’s this journey that we’re talking about becoming aware of why we do the things we do. Yeah, it takes work. No question. Yeah, it’s not easy. Guaranteed. You know, sometimes I even say it’s a heroic journey to ask ourselves, why we do the things we do and to be able to, be able to be willing to dive deep inside and face our own demons, our own fears, our own self-doubt, but it is so worth it because the reward for doing that is freedom. Like we get to choose Everything in our lives.
Lesley Logan 30:03
We do. Um, my husband and I joke, we moved to L.A. the exact same year, so we moved 2007. He moved from Philly, I moved, I was born and raised in California. So I just moved from a different city. But we’re about two months apart, we literally worked within a block of each other many of those years, like just basically on the same street of the city for for we met in 2013. So six years later, right, they get into the bath. And so someone introduced us, and when we found out that we literally worked across from each other at that exact time for the last year, we’ve never seen each other never met, like just going through our lives. But as much as we are like absolutely this great match. I’m so excited. We also know if we had met any point between 2007 and 2012, we would have been like who is this? What a crazy like, we would never we had to go through the relationship we went through before that, and really examine like, what? Who am I like, why did I choose the person that I was just with? That was not right, like, we both went through this whole journey because of the ex that we had. That allowed us to go? Oh, hi. Yeah, and also like, the person I was when he met me, was a totally, I was just like, No, I’m nope, like, you can’t No, I’m not gonna hang out tonight. Like, it wasn’t like, Oh, I’m gonna say yes. Because like, I want someone to like me. It’s like, No, I’m tired. Actually, I’m tired tonight. So we’re, you know, and so like, but it’s so interesting how, you know, we, especially when it comes to relationships, we do fall for people who are unavailable, or we try to become something we’re not or we reason we make up reasons for Oh, it’s okay, that they said that, and like, I’ll just it’s I was being too much of this. And we just tell ourselves these things. And it’s really about that self-examination that we have to go through. And I know I kind of want to go into like, you have this amazing book, what made you write it? And you know, what, what are you hoping that people get from it?
Christian de la Huerta 32:03
That’s a great question. And, and, you know, I want to say first, that I’m an unlikely person to be stuck to be speaking about and writing about personal empowerment. Like I know, self-doubt. In fact, I know self-hatred, my entire adolescence was one long depression with suicidal ideation and fantasies. And flash forward to today. And no matter what happens in my life, no matter the circumstances, whether a relationship works out, or it doesn’t, whether a project succeeds or it fails in quotes, never, ever, ever, ever do I question my sense of self, my self-worth is unshakable. So I know if that can happen to me, it can happen in anybody. And that’s the kind of teaching and process that I share in this book. And it’s very, I know how busy everybody is. And I know that less and less people read, but I designed the book to make it very navigable, right to make it easy to work with. So the chapters are short. And they have practices designed at the end of you know, practices at the end of each chapter, designed to help us integrate the concept and the teachings. So that (inaudible)
Lesley Logan 33:12
I love that about your book, I’m sorry to interrupt, because too often I find a book and I’m like, okay, thank you for all this information. And like I don’t even know how to integrate it right now. And like, too much information is too much information.
Christian de la Huerta 33:26
That’s the point. Like, we don’t need more information, we’ve got information overload, like our brains are, like, tapped out, maxed out with all the information that’s bombarding us all day long. And so yeah, so those practices are designed to integrate the teachings so that we actually live from them and our lives get transformed. We don’t need information, what we need is transformation. And that’s what those teachings and those practices are helped designed to do. And what inspired it. You know, I think the original interestingly, the original de seed thought about that was my older sister. I’m one of nine kids in a large Catholic family. So further evidence that the you know, the Catholic Roulette is not very effective. And you know, I’m just kidding. Maybe my parents did want to have a large family intentionally.
Christian de la Huerta 34:19
But anyway, I’m really grateful for it. We’re really close and really tight and all of us within 12 years, so my mom was pretty much pregnant for 12 years. My older sister, I’m number two, the oldest is my sister, who, as a kid was a natural-born leader. I mean, like, not only was she boss around all nine of us, but the entire neighborhood and not in a nasty way. Like she would just say, hey, let’s, let’s go do that. And we would all say, yeah, let’s go through that. So we would just follow until she hit puberty. And then I don’t know if somebody said something to her that little girls didn’t behave that way or women didn’t behave in that form or but she kind of stuffed down natural leadership. And I never really understood it. So I think it’s that was one of the initial thoughts because the book is for everybody. Everybody struggles with issues around power. Yeah. But it has a particular dedication, focus on women’s empowerment. And it’s not to because I believe that the empowerment of women is the single most important thing that needs to happen in our world. It’s not to idealize women is not to put women up on a pedestal, women also abuse power. And it’s not certainly not to give women more crap to clean up in this mess that we have all created here.
Christian de la Huerta 35:41
It’s because as a world, as a species, we have been working, we have been functioning, so off balance, so off-kilter when it comes to this balance between the masculine and the feminine energies. And so I believe, I mean, I know like when it’s even more than I believe, I know that when women are in 50%, of power in this world, we’re gonna have a very different relationship to war, and poverty, and hunger, and education and social justice and how we treat the environment to all of it. So for me, it’s like a strategic approach, what is the one thing that I could focus on that will then impact all those areas? And that’s what I land on.
Lesley Logan 36:20
I love all of that. And I think it’s so it’s so needed. And I had Kelli Adame on talking about masculine feminine energies, because we have them all, we like both males and females have both. But everyone’s operating so much masculine. Because when women were told, well, you, you have to climb up, you have to do these things, you have to break the ceiling, everything has a masculine energy that they had to be and they’re like, okay, well, let me show you how I could be both I can be a mom and I can work and it’s like all these things. And so, yeah, it’s everyone needs to explore that feminine energy more. And also, you know, what positive good power can look like. And I think this is exciting. I’m excited. We’re gonna take a brief break, and people can find out where to get your book. And also, maybe follow you, listen to more of your amazing words.
Lesley Logan 37:07
Okay, Christian, where do you hang out? Where is your book at? How can people work with you?
Christian de la Huerta 37:13
Thanks for asking that Lesley. The book is available wherever books are sold. So you can you know, if you want to support your local bookstore, you can order it there. Or you can get it on Amazon or some of the other online bookstores. In terms of reaching me, probably my website is the best way to do it. And from there, they can access my social media, the website is soulfulpower.com. S-O-U-L-F-U-L power P-O-W-E-R dot com. And for your audience, anybody who goes to my website and gets on my email list, and we all know how easy it is to click unsubscribe, if it doesn’t work for you. And I’m not going to take it personally if you do, like I get how I get too much email too. So no worries if it doesn’t support your path of empowerment and remembering and discovery. But anybody who does get on my email list we’ll send them a sample chapter from the book and one that speaks about what it means to live heroically, which you and I have kind of addressed it a little bit today. Some of the ways what it means to live heroically in the 21st century will send them some of the power practices that we were talking about. And we’ll send them a guided meditation that I created in the midst of the pandemic, to which is about how to move into a place of trust in a time of chaos.
Lesley Logan 38:33
Very needed. I love that. Thank you for that gift. It’s wonderful. And and I mean, for the whole reason I’m just exploring it more if it’s like piqued your interest at all you guys, just like support more because you can unsubscribe if it doesn’t hit the thing. So easy to do.
Lesley Logan 38:48
Okay, Christian, you’ve given us a lot of amazing things. But you’re good with the action items. Do so you understand I like people to have something they can take away. What is something that’s bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted (steps) that they can take to be it till they see it? What do you have for us?
Christian de la Huerta 39:03
Yeah, you know, I go back to the breath. If you deepen your relationship with the breath, it’ll change your life. So and you know, it doesn’t have to be, it doesn’t even have to be like an hour, long, breathwork session. But pay attention to your breath. Notice your breath, put it on that timer, right in the same time, the timer goes off every hour, whenever whatever period of time you choose, check your breath. Notice how deeply you’re breathing? In addition, you’re going to check your thoughts what what kind of emotions are you having, and you’re just observing it right? It’s about becoming more mindful, more attentive, more aware of what’s going on with us. And notice your breath. Because the thing that happens is when we get upset if you pay attention to that, we start headed in the direction of an argument or we started getting stressed out in traffic. The first thing we do is we stop breathing. And we start taking really, really shallow breaths. And that’s what anchors those emotions in the body. And then you have to come spend a perfectly good evening or weekend retreat with me breathing to clear all this, all those emotions that we’re stuffing. Stop stuffing them. And one of the ways to do that is to keep breathing. So you start in find, find yourself stuck traffic getting frustrated, deepen your breath, slow down your breath. But it’s, it’s, it’s a habit we have to build, right? Because when the moment we’re just in the upset. So that’s the purpose of doing the timer on your phone is because that’s how you develop the practice. Hey, you know, take a minute doesn’t even have to take a minute, 30 seconds, and breathe deeply for 30 seconds it will change your life if you do it consistently.
Lesley Logan 40:50
Yeah, you’re so right on. There’s this one, the founder of SoulCycle. She said because they Tim Ferriss asked her like, do you meditate? She’s like, yes, for 11 seconds. And he’s like, what she’s like, I have an 11-second meditation where I hit play and the guy goes, inhale. Exhale. And that’s it’s 11 seconds long. And she’s like, I do that throughout the day whenever I need it. And it really helps like, just bring the nervous system down. And like, I don’t, I’m not saying that no one should meditate. But my goodness, if you think you’re so busy, you can take 11 seconds to like, take a (inaudible).
Christian de la Huerta 41:25
Yes, absolutely. If you like yeah, if you want to develop a vision practice great. But even if you do that, just that 11-second meditation. Yeah, do it. It’ll change your life.
Lesley Logan 41:35
Yeah. Christian, this is so wonderful. I’m so grateful for this talk. Just really enlightening and eye-opening for us all. Thank you so much. Thank you for writing your book. Y’all, go get it and make sure that you let Christian and I know what your favorite takeaways were from this episode. Share this with a friend if you’ve got a friend who you’re like man, she’s not just holding her breath all the time. She’s like holding herself back from things you know you don’t have to be the person that tells her that we can do it you know we can do (inaudible) podcast. And you know, let us know your greatest takeaways. Thank you, Christian for being here. Thank you for your amazing book and y’all until next time, Be It Till You See It.
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of the ‘Bloom Podcast Network’.
It’s written, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.
It is produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.
Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velasquez for our transcriptions.
Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.
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