How to Dim the Light
on Diet Culture
Ep. 65 ft. Kim Barnes Jefferson
“No one’s giving you a merit badge if you dieted hard.”
Kim Barnes Jefferson
A overcomer of the cycles of yo-yo dieting and the toxic dieting culture, Kim Barnes Jefferson is an enthusiastic, spunky master coach and founder of Fit Girl Magic Society. She now dedicates her life to helping women over 40 understand why their bodies decided to give them the middle-finger and find confidence in their bodies.
Does food, dieting, working out, or hitting a certain weight captivate your thoughts? Lesley Logan and Kim Barnes Jefferson discuss how to overcome the negative dieting thoughts and trends to create real action towards a healthy mindset and body.
If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]. Or leave a comment below!
And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.
In this episode you will learn about:
- Over dieting & yo-yo dieting
- Finding three things that are challenging but doable
- What’s your “carrot?”
- Acknowledging the season your in – and the effort and goals that can be accomplished in the season
- Adult friendships and putting in the effort
- Your three non-negotiable’s
- Kim’s resources: https://kimbarnesjefferson.lpages.co/freeresources_v1/
- IG @kimjeffersoncoach : https://www.instagram.com/kimjeffersoncoach/
- Podcast: Fit Girl Magic | Healthy Living for Women over 40
Hey you, welcome back to Be It Till You See It. I’m so happy you’re here. I’m so excited for you to hear this conversation between my friend, Kim Barnes Jefferson. She’s the podcast host of Fit Girl Magic. And oh, she is amazing. She’s so special. And I think she’ll have you laughing but I loved our vulnerable, honest conversation. And too often I see people, I see women specifically, not going after what they’re here on this planet to do not, not seeing their incredible amazingness because they’re so focused on losing 10 pounds, losing 20 pounds, not being an “X- size”, you know. And they’re like outsourcing their confidence, to a number on a scale, outsourcing their worth and their value. Right? And so what I hope you gather from today’s conversation, is that the focus of trying to be something else is, is actually keeping you from sho… shining your amazing light. And there are options. And there are other ways, and there is possibility out there for you. And, and so I hope you enjoy this conversation, I hope that you see, you know, that there that that focusing on and outsourcing your worth to a number on a scale is actually keeping you from being it till you see it. And, and there isn’t a magic number. There’s no glow moment, as we talked about. That happens when you reach some sort of number. And so anyways, I just believe in you so much. I think you’re amazing. I think you have so much value and so much to give this planet. And I don’t want you outsourcing that to some random number that you’re waiting to be. And then you’ll do all those things. And so I’ve truly can’t wait for you to hear Kim’s story and Kim’s words. And I hope she inspires you the way she inspires me. I hope she makes you laugh, how she makes me laugh. And and let us know how this podcasts have landed with you. Let us know what your takeaways are. I can’t wait for you to hear her BE IT options. They’re amazing. And I’m just gonna stop yammering right on because you got to hear her words. So thank you for being here. And here’s Kim.
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and business fitness coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.
Lesley Logan 3:07
Hello, BE IT listener what’s up, babe? Okay, I got get ready, this conversation is gonna just go off because Kim and I, really it’s really random. She actually asked four people to like just send audio messages and a group I’m in about something (can’t even tell you what it was.) And I was like, okay, as a stranger, I recorded myself with a tip and sent it to her and end up on her podcast, Fit Girl Magic. (Lesley and Kim laughs) And like that’s one way to meet someone. And then we’re in the same group but because of travel and times we actually first met in real life in Los Angeles and fast friends from that moment, like just looked at her. I’m like, we just have so much in common and there’s so much that we align with so, Kim Barnes Jefferson is here with… I mean, I can’t wait. So tell us who you are, Kim. What you’re, what you’re all about? What you’re excited about right now?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 4:00
So, um, my name is Kim Barnes Jefferson, and I work with women over 40 who feel like their bodies gave them the finger. You know, (Lesley laughs) I, I it happened to me. And I know many women out there, your doctor tells you, “Oh, you know, you’re just 40. Like, it’s just what…” And I’m like, “No, I’m not going to accept it.” So that’s really my like, passion, my drive is that I really hate when medical doctors tell you that you just have to accept something. I don’t care what it is, like you don’t have to accept anything. Always ask more questions.
Lesley Logan 4:31
Oh my gosh, can you see? I mean already right there. As soon as I heard your tagline, “I help women over 40 who feel like their body’s gave them the middle finger.” We love bad words around here. (Lesley and Kim laughs) But also, like, I just think that’s so amazing. Like, we are taught for some reason to just accept things. (Kim: Hmm) We should just accept things. Oh, well, you know, like, I don’t know, I said something … like, “Well, you’re close to 40” and I was like, “I’m not that… I mean, yes I am but I’m also not that close yet.” Like, it’s not a (Kim: Right) countdown. (Lesley laughs) And then also, aren’t we living till 105 now? (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 5:09
I don’t get it. Like, I don’t know who this person was that says like, “At 40 like your body’s supposed to be this way. So like, you just have to accept.” And I’m like, “Why?” Like, like you said, you know, my Grandma is a hundred years old. Like, we’re living longer. She’s got her memory. You got to tell her to not mow her lawn. (Lesley and Kim laughs) She’s still really active. And I’m like …
Lesley Logan 5:32
Okay, I want to picture of your grandmother mowing her lawn. I really do. I’ll frame it.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 5:37
It’s a ser… and she lives in South Carolina. So it’s hot as balls there. (Lesley laughs) And she’ll be out like at noon mowing her lawn and my my aunt’s like, “The love of God. Could you stop.”
Lesley Logan 5:47
Okay, so tell us go back a second. When did you feel like your body gave you the middle finger? And what prompted you to be like, “I’m not accepting this word. I’m taking women with me.” So, because I think that a lot… I know that the listeners here a lot of them, late 30s but a lot of in their 40s. And, you know, I think that they’re accepting where they’re at in their life (Kim: Hmm) or when they’re at in their jobs. And you’re like, “Nope, that’s you don’t have to accept anything.” So what happened to you? (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 6:17
So I, I was a fitness competitor. And I I yo, I yo, yo-yodieted. I dieted my way into this. And, you know, I lived in a world of restriction, my world was this big with food. And I was always… I was either up 30 pounds or down 30 pounds. And finally my body was like, “Girl, we ain’t doing this no more.” And so I got to the point, I couldn’t diet anymore. I couldn’t do any more workouts. I was like, my body is not responding. It’s just like, “No girl, we are not doing anything for you anymore.” And I was putting on 10 pounds a year for like three years. (Lesley: Wow) And I remember I went to my doctor, and like my doctors, been my doctor since I was 25. And for my whole time with her, she’s always like, “You know, you’re one of my few patients that like your weight is just, you know, perfect.” So I was like, “Perfect. Yay.”
Lesley Logan 7:06
Thank you for my Goldstar. (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 7:09
Right. Exactly. And then I couldn’t lose weight. So I went like the first year is like, “Alright, let’s just, you know, winter weight.” And then the next year, the next year and finally, and I was like … “You know, Doctor, I’m like, I’m putting on 30 pounds this ain’t right?” But like, I’m like, “Is there anything medically wrong with me? Like, is there something I could do?” And she just like, “You know, Kim, you’re just over 40 now, and you should just stop eating sandwiches.” And I was like, “Bitch … (Lesley: Oh my God) I’ll eat sandwiches …
Lesley Logan 7:33
Oh my God. That sandwiches are not the enemy. It’s not the sandwich.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 7:39
… She never even asked me what I eat. Like, if I told her I’m like you know, like hanging out at Dunkin Donuts or eating McDonald’s. Then she said, Kim cut out McDonald’s, she said cut out sandwiches and I was like, “Okay.” I’m like, “Let me just put sit on my hands because I know my husband will not bail me out if I kill this woman today.” (Lesley laughs) And that was literally it. I drove home. And I was like, “There’s a, there’s an answer. I don’t know what the answer is but there’s an answer.” Like, I know that, I know I did this to myself, like I over… overtrained and under dieted. I know that, I know that about myself. But I’m like, “I know there’s a way out of it.” And so for anyone who’s listening, there is a way out of it. One, you gotta be ready. And it ain’t gonna be overnight.
Lesley Logan 8:21
What are some signs though, because in case people are not aware, I think a lot of people just assume diets are the way you do things. And we all just put you on a diet all the time. (Kim: Yeah) And for the record, like, just in case you don’t know. And diet doesn’t mean bad things doesn’t mean you’re like restricted eating. It’s (Kim: Right) like the regiment of what you eat food, like what you’re (Kim: Exactly) eating, what your menu is, right? So because I was, I told my grandpa I was on a gluten and dairy free diet. And he’s like, “You’re too skinny to be on a diet” and I was like, “Thank you Paps. We’re not restricted (Kim: Right) on on the calories we’re consuming, but we are restricted on those two items.” So how to like, what does, what does it look like when you are when you are over dieting? Like what are the signs and symptoms of that just in case people don’t know?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 9:11
So over dieting is that you know, we all grew up thinking that in order to lose weight, maintain weight, I have to eat less and move more. And so many of us I don’t know where this number came from, like I’ve been researching it, just of like to be able to find the source that if we eat 1200 calories. Right? So we get stuck in I need to eat a certain number of calories because that’s gonna keep me safe. (Lesley: Yeah) Or we always feel like I have to be hungry that you know, I have to like sac… sacrifice, suffer in order to lose the weight or maintain my weight. Or you know, like you said, give up gluten, soy, dairy, carbs, like give up, give up, give up, give up. And like you if chose to because it’s like for you that makes your body feel good. That’s different. (Lesley: Yeah. There’s a big difference.) I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw that some influencer that I don’t even know. No… you know, no more whatever.
Lesley Logan 10:06
Yeah, no, it’s true. I lived in LA. And so these women would go on this one particular trainers plan who was endorsed by a certain celebrity. And they’re like, “Yeah, I’m on this diet, and I do 600 calories a day.” And I’m like, “So that actually scares the hell out of me.” (Kim: Yeah) And I’m just gonna let you know that as soon as you’re not doing 600 calories a day, you’re gonna gain so much weight. And you’re just like, your body is not because it’s used to only having six… like, it’s gonna, I don’t know, I don’t know the science of it, because I don’t study that. But like, as women, we were advertised to do this to ourselves. Many of us have been on many restrictive diets. And then we do this for ourselves. And then what happens is, yes, 40 happens and things happen … But a lot of those things that are happening, right, because we… our body says, “F you, you (Kim: Right) like did damage to me.” So what were the signs and symptoms of the damage from restricted dieting, like what does that look like?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 11:07
Well, you know, it’s funny, it’s, you know, hindsight is always 20 20. You know, when you’re in the thick of it, you’re like, “This is awesome.” (Lesley laughs) Like, you know, because I was just getting all… I was I was a trainer at the time. So I was getting all the accolades, like, “Oh, you look so good. You look amazing.” (Lesley: Yeah) Like, I’m just getting clients because of how I looked. Now, I’m like, “No, I want a client to come to me, because they have reached that point where like, “I don’t like how I look anymore.”” So what was happening me was like, I was just neurotic. (Kim laughs) I was neurotic about what I ate. I was neurotic about, you know, how many times I went to the gym like my life revolved around my food and my workouts.
Lesley Logan 11:42
Yeah, I know that. (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 11:45
You know, I, you know, it’s funny because I was on another podcast a couple days ago. And I was talking about like, I hate to make this like analogy. But it’s the only one that I’ve found that really works. Is that like, you know how an alcoholic just reaches their rock bottom their point where they’re just like, “I cannot take another drink. I just can’t.” (Lesley: Right) And that was me, I was like, “I can’t spend too much more time thinking about eating and exercise. I can’t do it anymore.” And I’m on the StairMaster and I’m crying. I’m crying on the StairMaster. It’s my birthday. And my husband texts me he’s like, “Ah, I found a place that can make bland fish and greens for you for for dinner. So you know, get home by 7:30 and we can go out to dinner.” And I’m like, “Seriously.” My husband had to call a restaurant and tell them how to make my food. And I was like, I at that point, I burst into tears. I was like, “Is this my life?”
Lesley Logan 12:38
Yeah. (Kim: And …) I’ve been there. I understand that I, Oh, my God, I want to cry for you.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 12:43
Yeah. And I was like, on the number one bus coming home and I’m like, crying and like, “Yes, everyone cries in a public transportation. It’s fine.” (Lesley and Kim laughs)
Lesley Logan 12:54
Y’all, she still lives in Boston. So if you’re like what my Californians and (Kim: Right) you know other suburbans, like, you ride the bus in Boston, you ride the train like, yeah, so I …
Kim Barnes Jefferson 13:03
East coasters. Yeah, we take public transportation. So yeah, I was … (Lesley: Oh, my God) I was riding the public transportation while I was crying.
Lesley Logan 13:10
Ah, and so you know, Kim, thank you for sharing this. So I think like, what when I hear stories like that, though, again, I have also been there. We’re like, food is like food and exercise are like the number one priority. But we tell ourselves, “Oh, we’re being healthy.” (Kim: Yeah) “Oh, look at us taking care of ourselves. Look at this self care.” But really, if we ask ourselves looking back, because you are your own boss, I am my own boss. How much, how much should we move the needle forward in our business? How much should we reach our dreams?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 13:38
Well, it’s funny, because that was like the beginning of my business. So of course, like, I was like, “Oh, I was like, I gotta like, do this because it’s my money. Like, if I don’t look like this, then I won’t get clients. If I don’t get clients and I won’t have you know, the luxuries of lights.”
Lesley Logan 13:53
Oh, that’s an that’s an oh great way to like just really wrap it up with a bow of neuroses. (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 13:58
Oh, my God. I like, I like, I look back and I’m just like, “Why wasn’t I institutionalized?” Like all the crazy thoughts that I had in my head. They were wrapped around food and exercise.
Lesley Logan 14:10
So yeah, so you know, and I mean, I hear that because as a Pilates instructor, I definitely felt like, oh my gosh, especially once we figured out what was wrong with my health, I started gaining weight. I was like, “My clients are going to leave me because I’m gaining weight.” And, and the compliments stopped but the truth is, is like, “I look way better now. 20 pounds heavier. My Pilates is so much stronger.” There’s all these stories we tell ourselves that are (Kim: Right) actually holding us all back. So, so okay, so you had this like rock bottom moment crying on your birthday. What birthday was this? What number?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 14:45
You know, honestly, I don’t even remember what the birthday it was. I just remember it was my birthday. And I just remember like, “Oh my God, like my husband just can’t take me out to freakin’ dinner.
Lesley Logan 14:52
Yeah, because I won’t because I’ve made so many rules around what I can eat. (Kim: Yeah and I’m like …) Yeah, so um, so after that moment, and, you know, like, fast forward, you stop restrictive eating, and you give yourself some freedom. What was that like? It’s not, I imagine that’s not easy to do. And your body, like has some freak outs with that. So what does that look like?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 15:15
Yeah, it was scary. It was like, it was literally like diving off. Like, you know, you see this, like, people dive off like a high cliff. Like, that’s what it felt like for me. So my first thing was, like, I was like to say to my husband like, “You know, what, we’re going anywhere you want for dinner, and I don’t care what’s on the plate, I’m just gonna eat.” And I was like,” I’m just gonna eat,” and I’m like, “I’m not gonna, I’m gonna do my best to not overeat.” And the next morning is like, “I’m not going to the gym tomorrow.” And I was like, “I did that.” And it was like, I just started doing like, these little experiments, like so many people, even myself included, always think that, like, you have to, like the light switches on or the light switches off. (Lesley: Right. But it’s a dimmer) It’s a total dimmer, and I’m like, I was like, “Alright, I need to figure out what dim looks like for me.” And so I would like play with these little things like, “Okay, can I go out to dinner and tell myself that I’m only going to have two glasses of wine?” Versus it being like, “Ah, just keep the drinks coming and then keep the food coming.” Like, could I just go out and like make a decision, like, “This is how the night’s gonna happen for me.” And like, I’d say, 80% of the time, that’s all worked out. I was like, “What? I could decide?” like, I’m not like driven by like, you know, the night like, so many of us get caught up in like, the moment.
Lesley Logan 16:28
Yeah. And well, what you’re saying is what I’m hearing is like, instead of going… you restrict yourself to having none of those things. (Kim: Right) And then there’s the other side where it’s like, zero control whatsoever. And some people might hear that and go, Well, you only have two that’s isn’t that restrictive, but you’re like, “No, I’m making a decision (Kim: Right) that I’m allowed to have two drinks, should I want them. And that’s enough.” And like, and then you’re like, “Oh, look, I could do that.” Like I think … it’s especially people have never been super restrictive. Like they don’t realize that like giving yourself permission but with a limit is not restrictive. It’s like it’s actually like really helpful to making those changes in your (Kim: Right) life happened.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 17:08
Cuz I was like, you know, I was like a frickin’ you know, sailor out on leave. If I told my… if I was like, “Oh, I’m not dieting tonight.” And I was just like, “Bring it that on”
Lesley Logan 17:17
Sailor on leave. (Lesley laughs) On the East Coast, don’t y’all have that thing I saw on Sex in the City. When the … (Kim: Oh, yeah. Fleet week) What they call that? (Kim: Fleet Week) Fleet Week. So you (Kim: Yes) were like, so you either like super restrictive bland fish, they’re, you know, calling around (Kim: Or Fleet Week) to fancy restaurants in Boston, or it’s Fleet Week. (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 17:39
Yeah. Yeah. That’s, that’s how I was. And I one … one of our really good friends. He ran a restaurant here in Boston. And we would I would go there and I’d walk in the door. And he’d be like, “Are you on the wagon, Kim or off the wagon, Kim?” And I would go in there at the door, my craziness. They would like I would literally go to the window and be like, “Alright, this is what I need.” And they would make it for me. (Lesley: Wow) And I was like, I don’t know if that’s like, great. Or the fact that I’m like, so like, I literally used to go there, like, three days a week so … everyone in the place knew us. So I would be like, “Hey, this is what I’m having for my salad today. Bla bla bla bla bla,” and they will make it.
Lesley Logan 18:19
They were your personal chefs. (Kim: Pretty much) I mean they’re, I mean they’re providing a service and they want to make you happy because they like you. And I think like what’s very interesting, though, is that like, somehow you still had people who loved you around all the (Kim: Yeah) neuroses, but I want to know, like, when you like, figured out your damn switch? What freedoms did you experience in your business and your relationships and your life? Like, what what does that look like? Because now you, you’re living with, like, you know, your dim, like, and you can move the needle up and down. So what is how did that happen? Like, what happ… what did you feel? How that happened? What did it let you, what did it allow you to do? Because if your focus is always on, “What I’m eating, and when I’m working out.” (Kim: Yeah) like you can’t do a lot of other things.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 19:04
No, I really couldn’t. I was barely like, you know, I felt looked back. I was like, “God, how did I like get clients?” Like, my whole … my whole world is about me. Like how … like, how did I care about any of my clients. (Lesley: Yeah) Um one of the biggest like, I say, like, my kind of point that I knew I reached my like, like, top of my mountain was I went on vacation for 30 days. Never done that ever. And usually vacations were like, “Woooo.” Right? It was like Girls Gone Wild (Lesley laughs) when I’m in vacation. Mine is like the wet t-shirt contest. And I went on vacation and I said, “Okay, I…” and I was going to Australia and I was like, “I don’t want to be the ugly American. I’m gonna what can I do so that not always thinking about getting in my workout, food, so forth.” So, I gave myself non negotiables and I said, “What feels easy? What can I do but still not feel like “wasn’t enough, Kim, you didn’t do enough?” And I was like, “Okay, I know I could sleep, sleeps amazing. I know I can get in steps because we’re not getting a car, we’re walking everywhere we’re taking public transportation. And I know that I can eat a big ass salad.” Because every place on this planet, you can get a salad, (Lesley: Yeah) and I’m like so… I do those three things every single day, I will feel like I am like, at least not laying down and just like letting the world come out at me. And that was like, the most freeing thing. So I was like, I stepped on the scale one before we left. And then I stepped on the scale, the day we got back. And I only put on two pounds in 30 days. And I (Lesley: On a vacation) was like … on a vacation (Lesley: without your things) that I didn’t, I didn’t weigh or measure a damn thing, I just ate by how I felt that I wanted to eat that day. Some days, there were a couple more drinks than I then I had the next day. Some day were no drinks, but I was like, “These are the three things I’m just going to focus on and everything else is just going to fall in to place.” And that was like the that was like, my like, “Oh my God, like I can decide. I can choose.” And the two pounds was probably, I was on a plane for 15 freakin’ hours.
Lesley Logan 21:10
Right? Right. Right. Right. Right. We don’t give ourselves that, “We’re so hard on ourselves.” So that’s incredible. So now, you this is… did you just keep that mindset going? Is that how (Kim: Yeah) live your life?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 21:22
So now is like, you know, those three non negotiables? Like, that’s just like, what it’s like, I don’t even think about anymore. It’s like a habit. It’s like, you know, I don’t think about that everyday, “I have a salad.” I don’t think about every day, “I get usually 20,000 steps.” And I sleep, you know, minimum seven hours a night. And now of like, “Okay, Kim you’ve done it for so long.” Now it’s time for me to like, find another three non negotiable. So it’s like, you know, always trying to find three things that are challenging, but doable, right. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, all of us think like, “Oh, I gotta do these 50 hard things.” Well, and then you keep failing and then you get pissed at yourself. Like right now, like, my biggest thing is I might my biggest pet peave is that 75 hard thing. It’s just like, if you try to do something for 75 days, and you miss one day, you have to go back to the beginning. Like that’s not empowering.
Lesley Logan 22:09
Yeah, I know, I have friends who do that. And I look at it and there’s like something that’s like, “Wow, that’s amazing.” But also like, I study habits. (Kim: Right) I study how these things work. I study, studied with the behavioral science, founder of Stanford, who wrote the book, “Tiny Habits.” He’s the person who trained, James Clear who everyone reads “Atomic Habits.” I study with the guy. (Kim: Right) And he says, “We make habits around how things make us feel good.” (Kim: Yes.) And, and we we have to stop the perfectionism, we have to stop with the shame and the blame and the things (Kim: Yeah) because as you mentioned earlier, if y’all caught this when she was so obsessed with herself, in her bland fish, and on and off the wagon, and then so she’s off the wagon, so she shames exercises, and she shame, what all the things. She’s like, “I don’t even know how I got clients.” And so your a dream, here you are. Now you’re the woman, you’re the trainer, and you’re the speaker who helps women over 40, help their body, like help, how they feel about their body that just gave the middle finger? You, you’re like, how did I even do anything before that, because I was so obsessed with this. And so like, I think this is really important to talk about, because we cannot be it till we see it, we cannot do the thing we are here (Kim: No) on this planet to do if we are 100% obsessed with controlling something that actually has nothing to do with it. (Kim: No) Not like, like your what what I, what I just love about all the people I know in the fitness industry is like all of us have different bodies, and all of us have different shapes. And if all of us were in bikinis right now, you may or may not go those are a group of trainers right over there. (Lesley laughs) (Kim: Right. Right) That isn’t, that’s actually not a reflection of our talent and skill. It’s like we’re this is our body that we’re confidently wearing. And all bodies look different. And when you’re obsessed with what you eat, and how much, how many hours and how many calories you burn, you cannot show up for people. So giving yourself this dim switch, giving yourself these non negotiables that are easy for you to accept and do. (Kim: Right) They’re challenging, but possible. Tell us about the women whose lives you’ve been working on? Like what are your… what are your goals on like, how do you help them? What do they come to you for?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 24:21
So a lot of women but you know, they come to me, and they are in that, they’re caught up in the diet culture, you know, they want to lose 10 pounds, or they want to, you know, eat better, healthier. And one of the things I’m always telling them, it’s like, “Let’s get really clear about what that means for you.” (Lesley: Yeah) “Let’s get, let’s get clear about what season you’re in.” You know, I have a client, she’s an accountant. And from pretty much February through May, like she’s heads down like doing people’s taxes. And I was like, “Katie, is this a season for you to even think about weight loss or is this the season for you to be like, “What can I do to maintain what I have?” like so that I’m not eating cold pizza out of in the kitchen because they always bring them in food.” And I’m like, “What can you do? Like, what can you focus on?” So it’s for me, it’s a lot of like, having my clients lift their heads up from like all the malarkey that’s been, like, thrown at them to be like, “What works for you?” Because like, Lesley, see what works for you, ain’t gonna work for me, (Lesley: Right) what works for me, isn’t going to work for you. So my my, when I work with clients, it’s like, you’re an individual. So like, what feels easy? Like, what do you think that one thing right now, if you started doing it, that’s going to really open up the door for you. (Lesley: Right) And for many people, you know, like, one of my clients, Laura, she’s like, “I know, if my sleep,” she’s like, “If I got more sleep, I would be up earlier.” And she was like, “If I woke up earlier, I would exercise more if I exercise more, I would lose the weight.” And she’s like, and you know, “If I stopped more, I wouldn’t have more cravings.” So it’s like us kind of unpacking, what’s your three non negotiables? And it’s not like, I can’t give them to you. Well, I can, but I don’t want to …
Lesley Logan 25:52
Right. You can you can give suggestions. And you can be honest, like if someone’s like, “Okay, I can run 10 miles every day. And I can do this,” so you can be like, “Okay, so let’s actually talk about this, you’re in tax season? Do you have an hour and a half everyday to run?” (Kim: Right) No. “So can you go for a walk for 10 minutes every day?” (Kim: Right) “Can you drink X amount of water a day? Can you commit to seven hours of sleep?” Like those like you’re saying you’re so as a coach, or like, “Let me just call you out because that’s a little too much.” (Kim: Right) But like, also, you can it they have to be, they have to create them otherwise, it’s just another (Kim: Right) thing that they’re doing for someone else, really.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 26:29
Exactly. You know, I think about it, like when I worked in corporate … you worked, you had a corporate job too. So like, the, you know, head of the company set the goal, then it trickled down to your boss, and then your boss told you what you needed to do in order to help the company hit their goal. (Lesley: Yeah) What do you invested? Did you give a shit about that said “goal” that you were supposed to, like help the company with?
Lesley Logan 26:51
Only with the commission was good and achievable. And as soon as the goals came in, and they were not possible, I was not invested. I was like, “Nope.” (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 27:01
Right. Right. If there was, if there’s no money in it for if there’s like, I’ll be on first person to be hon, to be honest with you. Like, I like money I do. (Lesley laughs) (Lesley: I love money) And in corporate, like if I wasn’t getting a bonus attached to it, like, “What’s the incentive? I need a carrot.” And so I always tell my clients like, “You need that carrot, like what is your why?” And you know, one of my clients, Mandy, her “why” she’s like, “My kid is four years old, and I have no frickin’ energy.” (Lesley: Yeah) So that she’s like, “That’s my, that’s my carrot to keep going.”
Lesley Logan 27:32
I love that. I love that. So you’re you you work with them on their seasons. So (Kim: Right) y’all, there are seasons there are and we’ve had different guests on who’ve talked about even like, like a season of our cycle, right? There are weeks of a month that you’re gonna feel like, “I got this” and there are weeks of the month that you’re like, “Please bring a blanket, shade, sunglasses, turn the music down.” I don’t (Kim: Right) like whatever. But then there’s also just seasons every single one of us has a season that we’re in not just like that it’s you know, fall or summer but it’s like actually like this is your busy season like Kim and I we’re just talking… And before I start hit record is like we’re in very busy season as we record this right now. (Kim: Right) I’m wrapping up three companies for the year in four and a half weeks, and every minute counts. And so is this the season for me to start something new that is hard? No. But can I have ideas and think about things and I kind of make choices on on some things that are doable, but challenging? And then I can like maybe in December, I’m like, you know what I really have been wanting to learn pickleball because everybody here plays pickleball. I can learn that something new on my vacation. (Kim: Right) And then you know, so it’s I that’s what I hear you saying anyway, so
Kim Barnes Jefferson 28:46
You… You’re 100% right, because it’s like so I laugh because like so many people that try to like cram all this stuff into their life and then you feel like a failure because you can’t get it all done. But it’s like, you know what, but right now with the month of November, it’s not the time for me to take on anything new. It’s not you, it’s not me. It’s like this is just I have to honor that I I’m done with being busy. And you know …
Lesley Logan 29:09
Oh my God, I love that. I need a shirt, “I’m done with being busy.” (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 29:14
Right. Cuz like think about it. You ask anyone the people listening like think about anyone you ask. You’re like, “Hi Lesley, how you doing?” Ah, so busy. (Lesley: Yeah) That is like the first response not like, “I’m doing great today like it’s a fa… it’s sunny out or whatever. Oh, I’m so busy.” Like that’s become our like, cultural icon like …
Lesley Logan 29:32
… badge of honor. It’s a badge of honor, “Look how busy I am.” (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 29:36
Right. I mean you know, no one’s giving you a merit badge. You know, it’s kind of like when I finally, I saw my clients and they’re like, “I you know, I just I need to go hard.” And I’m like, “No one’s giving you a merit badge if you dieted hard.” I wish there’s no Mercedes because if there was a Mercedes for dieting hard, I would have like 10 …
Lesley Logan 29:53
Yeah … You’re like, “I did that already. 10 times over. I have yet, do you want my car lot.” (Kim: Right) You know what I don’t want to just say like, oh my tombstone, “Lesley Logan, she was busy.” (Kim: Yeah) Right? Like I am and that’s like, you know, one of the reasons why we hire as many people as we have on our team because like, I really am, like, I after we’re done talking today, I have my lunch break. It’s in the calendar because I do not eat through my lunches anymore. You know, (Kim: Right) because like, that is not serving me. And I think like, what’s really cool is that you’ve lived this, you know what these women have done because you did it to yourself. And (Kim: Yeah) you’re like, “Okay, ladies, here we go. This is what we’re stopping doing.” So, Kim, like, what are what are you, what are you excited about right now? Like, what are you working on being it till you see it right now?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 30:45
Right now, what I’m really excited about is that, you know, here we are, we spent, I don’t know, almost two years in like lockdown, right? You know, many of us have been, you know, kind of restricted in our movement. And so, right now, I’m working on this big retreat that I’m going to be hosting in next April. And it’s just, I really want women to like know what it’s like to just get together, like you have all of your Pilates retreats, and you know, that like, yes, the ladies come to the Zooms, and it’s great. It’s fabulous. It’s wonderful. But like, there’s a different energy when you’re in the room, and everyone’s like, “Oh, my God, you’re so and so. Oh, you’re so and so.” And it’s just like, you’ve been on this journey for so long together, and you finally get to be meet that person in person. And this this, like, the energy is so different, and the relationships that you build. And so I know, I’ve missed that during Rona. You know that?
Lesley Logan 31:32
Oh my God … I like, I can’t even wait as the time of recording this, y’all. Some countries have opened their borders. And I’m just like, I’m like watching like I’ve had people go, “Hey, can you commit to this? Can you commit to this?” And I’m like, “Nope, I am saving space, because the country I do my retreats in is going to open it’s borders. And as soon as it does, like I’m going and like that’s my Be It right now.” It’s like, I’m holding space, (Kim: Right) for these because I miss them. And I know that when people especially when women get together, there is it’s unstoppable energy that happens because, (Kim: Yeah) you know, I think, I mean, obviously, there’s still energy on Zoom. I was just on a Zoom (Kim: Right) call with 130 people and people were in tears about things are being said, the chat was hot, like the whole, like, we have figured out a way to have that encouragement and energy on a Zoom call, but nothing will ever replace it in person. And (Kim: No) I love that you’re like, ma… not just manifesting this, but you’re planning it, you’re putting it out there and you’re telling people like, we got to be together. I think that is just really cool.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 32:34
Yeah, it’s I was having a conversation with a friend. And she’s just like, you know, as adults, and we’ve talked… and Lesley and I’ve talked about this, like, as adults, like “How many people do we have is like friends?” Right. You know, if you have kids, you might be friendly with their parents of your kids. But like, “Are you like friends?” (Lesley: Right) And you know, as adults, it’s just challenging. Like, we all move around. It’s really hard to meet people that you just like hook in and you connect with. And so, you know, I’ve been fortunate that like, you know, Lesley and I met through a mastermind. I’ve had other women that have met through mastermind and then I’m like, “They’re my friends.” Like they might not be next door but there are people who I’m like, I could call up and, “Hey, I’m like Bali’s opened up, we should all go.” And they’re like, “You think? What time?” Like …
Lesley Logan 33:16
Yeah. Hold on when are we doing this? (Kim: Right) I know. It’s so true. I had this summer, because I made this be it thing that I was like, “I’m going to make myself more available to time with friends.” And like sometimes y’all that means like the … we’re recording this the day after I was up till midnight, two nights in a row. Because I had a girlfriend in town that I we get to talk to like once a month, generally. She’s also a business owner. I’ve had her on the pod and and I honestly wanted to go to bed but I was like, “Nope, I make time to be in relationship with my friends.” When that’s possible. Doesn’t mean I could have said “no.” But like I said, “I am the woman who makes time for her friends when they come to town.” And I had this other friend who, Kareen who’s been on the podcast. She’s like, “Hey, I’m gonna be in LA on this date. Are you on these dates? Are you gonna be in LA that day?” And I was like, “Oh, I fly to Maui, the next day.” Yeah, I’ll fly into LA for the day. I literally flew in (Kim: Right) I found it but I went online. The plane tickets were cheap. Y’all, doesn’t mean you have to say “yes,” but I was like, let me just see if I can afford the plane ticket(Kim: Right) ticket to fly in and out on the same day. And I did because it is so important when you you may not live in the same place as your friends but if you want to have friends you have to, you have to put (Kim: Make the effort) yourself in this even make the effort, it’s doesn’t just happen. Yeah, yeah. (Kim: Right) Oh my gosh, Kim, I mean, well, obviously could just keep talking. You’re really amazing. But I think there’s a lot of women who are listening as well like their body’s giving middle finger and they want to know more about how you help them. Okay, Kim, how do all these women get to follow you, find you, stalk you, work with you?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 33:52
I love stalkers. I love stalkers for sure. So you can find me on the socials. I’m Kim Jefferson Coach. So find me there @kimjeffersoncoach on the Gram, as well as on Facebook.
Lesley Logan 35:03
Amazing! You’re amazing. This is so fun. Thank you for having an honest conversation about sharing your life because I think I just think so often like our diets and our way of exercising the way we see ourselves keeps us from Being It Till we See It in so many ways. (Kim: Yeah) It just really does. And we really have to stop thinking that our bodies are the reason we’re going to have anything happen for us in this life. Now, they are the vessel that gets us there, but they’re not the ticket that opens your door.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 35:32
Oh, I love that. Because you right, because it’s like so many people, like, “When I do X, when this happens?” And then you get to that point. And then you realize, like, you know, I like to use example of Pulp Fiction, you know, that like shiny glow box that like, you know, when you lose 20 pounds, this glow box is gonna happen, you’re gonna be like, “Aahhh it’s not.” Like that …
Lesley Logan 35:51
You’re gonna step on the scale and the lights gonna stream down. It’s like, “aaahhh” (Kim: Right) (Lesley laughs)
Kim Barnes Jefferson 35:57
… It’s like, angels are gonna fly … you’re gonna lose …
Lesley Logan 36:01
And that one’s gonna give you the promotion, they’re gonna get the keys to your Mercedes. And then all of a sudden, your house is clean. And the food like no, none of that freakin’ happens.
Kim Barnes Jefferson 36:10
… Your kids are behaving like, (Lesley laughs) People have to realize like, “I gotta I gotta be happy now.” Like what are the things I could do to be happy now so that what I do lose 20 pounds, “Hey, 20 pounds. Awesome.” I can celebrate it. But it’s not going to be this. Like you said, “This key is going to open up some magic kingdom.”
Lesley Logan 36:27
Well, and also you’ll get to decide if you really need the … to lose 20 pounds. Like you’re just gonna be (Kim: Right) like figure that out. Okay, so before before I forget out of my pure joy and excitement for removing this glow box theory from people’s minds. BE IT action items, bold, executable, targeted, intrinsic steps people can take to prioritize themselves and be it till they see it. What do you got for us?
Kim Barnes Jefferson 36:49
So the biggest thing I always find three things that you can easily do every single day that makes you feel like you’re honoring your health. They don’t have to be hard. They don’t have to be you know, crazy. It could be really something like, “I’m gonna drink a glass of water first thing in the morning.” Like it could be something really simple. Second thing is just really ask yourself to find what does success mean like for you? Like don’t listen to all the other malarkey BS out there. What does success actually mean for you? And stop collecting information and just start doing shit. Just start getting shit done.
Lesley Logan 37:21
Yeah. Oh, I love it. I love it. I love you. (Kim: I love you, too) We’ll definitely have to have you back my dear friend. And we have to figure out how we can hang out and get our our coffee, travel, loving, husbands, partners in crime, together (Kim: Yes) as well. So we will work that out. Y’all, how are you gonna use these BE IT action items? How do you use this inspiration what Kim has said in your life? Screenshot this episode, tag Kim… @kimjeffersoncoach (Kim: Yep) on Instagram and the @be_it_pod and let us know. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast! One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram! I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of ‘As The Crows Fly Media’.
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.
Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.
Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.
And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.
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