Better Than A

Dating Coach

Ep. 132 with Lesley & Brad

“How you are choosing to give and receive love is a choice.”

Lesley Logan

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Show Notes

How can you finally stop repairing the same negative relationships? Brad and Lesley recap somatic dating coach, Lauren Zoeller, discussing past relationships, red flags, and how to transform your dating life or current relationships.

If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]. Or leave a comment below!

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

  • Upcoming things to note: AGENCY MINI, Cambodia retreat, Las Vegas Retreat
  • The best Book recommendations for personal growth and biz
  • How do you give and receive love? And is it keeping you in unhealthy relationship patterns?
  • Boredom as a driving factor and running from relationship to relationship to chase the high.
  • The difference between a life coach and a therapist
  • Exploring your past red flag relationships for growth
  • Why has every relationship ended?

Episode References/Links:

Transcript

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

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Lesley Logan
Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the aligning convo I have with Lauren Zoeller in our last episode. If you haven’t yet listen to interview, feel free to pause this now. Go back and listen to that one, and then come back and join us. If you don’t know about somatic coaching. You should listen to the interview.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, if you don’t know the definition of somatic, she explained it. (Lesley: Yeah.) Lauren because it was actually great as your very first question. Like, “Hey, cool. I’m all about life coaching. What’s the somatic part mean? Can you explain that?” And they dug in pretty deep. So yeah.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, I know. Well, it’s because I have a somatic therapist, and I didn’t really understand what that title was. And she would do her therapy. And it had somatic stuff, but like, I didn’t really I just was like, “Oh, we’re in the woowoo world. We’re just doing this.” But it’s actually not. It’s not woowoo would all it’s like totally legit science. You should totally… So go listen to it. But I love Lauren, and …

Brad Crowell
She, she’s powerful.

Lesley Logan
She’s powerful. (Brad: Yeah.) She’s super cool. And at the time that we’re recording this, I’m on the eve of hanging out with her for the weekend here in Vegas. (Brad: Yeah.) So talk about, do you mind, I just say I want to say this, because it’s nothing to do with anything. But if you’re trying to make friends, like, do the things that just that people do want to like, share and experience together. She is coming here with a couple other women. Because I was like, “We should all hang out. I live in Las Vegas. It’s a great place to come visit.”

Brad Crowell
Wait, really? (Lesley: Yeah. That was I said.) They came because you, you just invited them to come. (Lesley: Yeah.) That’s so cool.

Lesley Logan
I know. I said we should, well, I will, I won’t take all the credit. They know a mutual friend, they know Tori Gordon, who is a coach because who was a coach, and she was on our podcast earlier. (Brad: Yeah.) And they’re like, “Oh, yeah, Tori was talking about how we should all come to Vegas.” I said, “Well, now you’ve two reasons to come because Tori and I live in the same neighborhood. (Brad: Great.) And you should come.” And boom, set some dates. And now they’re coming.

Brad Crowell
That’s really cool. I didn’t know that. That’s fun.

Lesley Logan
Take action … I’m so excited. By the time you’ve heard this, I’ve already hang out. We’ve already had our women’s weekend and it’s going to be amazing. I’ll be talking about it on another episode. Anyways. We are also one month away from the time that you’re listening to this. From the PP retreat. The Profitablie Pilates business retreat here in Las Vegas. (Brad: Yeah.) So if you are wanting to hang out in a very intimate, not in like a sexual way, but just like small, that’s what I mean it by a small group, private event.

Brad Crowell
I don’t think anybody took it as sexual but but that’s fair to clarify. It’s an intimate setting, that’s a fair way to describe it. It’s, it’s actually a lot of fun and very transformative when it comes to digging into the customer journey that you may or may not be presenting to your customers. If you run a fitness business, or any kind of service based business, really, the principles do apply, and that we’ll be recovering that weekend. And our first one that we ran earlier this year was amazing. It was so amazing. So we’re really excited to be hosting a second one this year. (Lesley: It will be amazing.) It’s going to be amazing. (Lesley: I’m just gonna put amazing in there one more time.) Also, amazingly, I’m not sure that we haven’t set a date yet for next year. So it’s not 100% that we’re going to do it for next year. So if you’re thinking I’ll just do the next one. Just talk to us now because (Lesley: Yeah.) because it may not actually be one we want you know like we’ve got a lot going on next year like a lot.

Lesley Logan
A lot. And I’ll say I just want to say like putting off the growth of your business for next time. Can we just like talk about like …

Brad Crowell
Why wait nine more months to get started?

Lesley Logan
The people who are at our first retreat, several of them made their retreat investment back within a couple of months. Of just using our project management training, of using our launch training of all this stuff. (Brad: Yeah.) They are now working on things this right now, as second rounds of things that will have (Brad: Yeah.) even better outcomes. If they had not come if they waited till next time they would not they would literally be where they were way before March making what they, making what they made before March in a time when you make more money. So I’m just saying don’t wait till next time and Brad is right. We have not set dates and it’s pretty unclear whether or not we will have another one in the 2023 dates we …

Brad Crowell
Look, we’re hoping that we can do but (Lesley: We love it.) but but actually I also love going to Cambodia. So, yeah.

Lesley Logan
We love going to Cambodia but we also love vacation.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, there’s that. I would like to take … (Lesley: Yeah, so anyway …) and idea. (Lesley: That’s one month away. So …) That’s happening. Yeah, in the month. And then but what’s happening is before then.

Lesley Logan
Oh, Agency Mini. (Brad: Yeah.) Two, so it’s like about two ish weeks away. It starts on the 18th. And … (Brad: How it was a different than the retreat?) Okay, so Agency Mini, first of all, fold is very different. The retreat is at our house in person curated, very small group, very small group. (Brad: Yeah.) Agency Mini is not to say that it’s a big group, but it is a bigger group. And … (Brad: Yeah, it’s a couple hundred people.) It’s also online. We do one workshop, and we do one Q&A session, and then we answer your questions throughout the week. Whereas at the retreat, when you’re on our house, we have several workshops, several times where you guys are in coaching settings. It’s a very curated experience around what you’re gonna be learning. Whereas inside of Agency Mini, we have a very curated webinar and homework for you. But then the rest of the week, you can really ask us anything, we’ll be really honest with you.

Brad Crowell
But bigger, bigger picture, though. The retreat, we’re going to dig into, like I said, your customers journey (Lesley: Yeah.) and what you’re putting in front of them, when to graduate them from your first product, your second product, your third product, whether that’s digitally on your website, you know, or whether that is, you know, in your brick and mortar store. (Lesley:Yeah.) Where Agency Mini is a, it’s a seven day taster of our ongoing coaching services, where you can we are going to dig into, we’re going to help you clarify, you know exactly what it is that you offer your clients, how to connect to those clients, who those clients actually are. Right. And and then we’re going to open it up for questions about anything throughout the week. So you know, and that’s going to be virtual.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. So profitabliepilates.com/retreat is retreat and profitable, profitablepilates.com/mini is for Agency Mini. (Brad: Yeah.) So you should sign up for that. (Brad: Yeah. Join us.) Also, by the way, if you join Agency for Mini, you get a lots of goodies. So just saying (Brad: True.) you’ve been thinking, “Oh, I want to coach with them,” and you sign up for that. This is the time. So anyways, I’m so excited. September is, September, October are like going to be so … (Brad: They’re very so fun.) We’re going to be like we’re going to be in several states … (Brad: It’s gonna be a whirlwind.) It’s a whirlwind.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, it’s gonna be crazy.

Lesley Logan
Gotta get my sleep on. Anyways, we have an audience question.

Brad Crowell
We do. You’ve answered this before, but it’s been a long time. I just inserted that. What are some books that you recommend? Do you have any new ones?

Lesley Logan
Yeah, so I don’t recall which recap we answered this question. But I would say it’s probably 100 episodes ago.

Brad Crowell
I was gonna say, I think it’s been like a long time.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. So of course, I have been reading a lot. And by reading I mean listening. But I actually am reading a couple books like physical books. Currently, as we’re doing this. So here’s my new top books that I’ve been talking about a lot. And I’ve read it. There’s they’re not in, like, inclusive of all the books that I’ve read, but like what I think listeners of this show would really love. We Should All Be Millionaires, Rachel Rogers. Rachel Rogers, if you’re listening this episode. Hi. Big fan over here. Want to be on the show? If you know Rachel, please do the intro. I’m just putting out there. I’m asking for it. I want I want Rachel Rogers on the show. That book is amazing. It’s so good. I and Brad, love reading it.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, we’re I’m like, I don’t know, third of the way through it right now. Halfway, I’m not sure.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, it’s so good. Chatter. I believe it is by Ethan Kross. I think that’s who it’s by. Yes. And I have DMed him, he has not responded to me. So I am not, (Brad: Ethan Kross.) I’m not rejected yet. And I will not take no for an answer from that man because he is amazing. That book is so it’s so awesome at identifying why you’re talking to yourself and the thoughts you say. And then also how to like snap yourself out of it, which I just frickin love. You know, I love action. So, Action Steps so that’s a great book and then Rejection Proof. Oh my gosh, he did reject me for right now. Not permanently, he said to come back to him later. He’s just not doing podcasts right now. That’s okay. Jia Jiang, I got you. My peeps are gonna find you. We’re gonna get you on the show. Anyways, Rejection Proof is so good. If you’re afraid of being rejected. Brad has a course about being rejected (Brad: I do.) on our Profitable Pilates website.

Brad Crowell
Yeah. We’ll put the link to that in the show notes. (Lesley: Yeah.) It’s called How to be rejected to success with 200 noes.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, so and then this book was just like so so good. I’m really into it and then I’ve talked about it before actually talked about it with Coach Lee a couple weeks ago on that episode, but I started doing E-Squared again, and it’s Pam Grout. Hi, Pam. Hi, hey girl hey. (Brad: Hey girl hey.) I tagg you on a post or three. Not a stalker, but just same (Brad: Big fan.) big fan, big fan over here. Anyways, um, I had I read Pam Grout’s book, eight years ago, seven years ago, and I actually did one of the experience I put Brad’s name now. And then he called me. (Brad: I did.) And then the other woman’s name down, I just put the two together. She’s the woman from the other company that’s been hitting us up. (Brad: Oh, that’s crazy.) How crazy is that? But she did also call me while we ran into each other. Anyways, you’ll hear that on on Coach Lee’s episode. But the point is, I’ve been doing all the experiments and I did the experiment one. I started on a specific date at 11am. And then I decided to meditate on like receiving abundance. And at 11:03 during the middle of my meditation, the experiment came through. Oh! So you all have to do E-Squared. Okay, those are the books. Do you have anything add to that?

Brad Crowell
Those are, those are great. No, I’ve been reading political books, and also some novels. (Lesley: Yeah.) So yeah, less if you if you if you are looking to find a new world to experience that has nothing to do with reality. There’s a lovely, incredible, 20 something books here series (Lesley: Oh, are you doing YA?) No.

Lesley Logan
No, young adult, you’re listening to a young adult?

Brad Crowell
I don’t know what that is. (Lesley: Oh.) So no, it’s his name is Michael J. Sullivan. And he is a he’s like a, he created his own fantasy world where he’s got different, different times of the timeline. So like, you know, he started off, (Lesley: Oh) he started off with a thief and a soldier and the two of them get paired together and have to go to that. And he wrote, like, I don’t know, 12 books around this. They’re still out …

Lesley Logan
So not necessarily like a book for 20 somethings. It’s just a 20 year long.

Brad Crowell
No, no. He’s written 20 novels. (Lesley: Yeah. Okay.) No, (Lesley: Sorry.) 20 books.

Lesley Logan
20 books. So not YA at all?

Brad Crowell
I don’t know what YA is? So, no.

Lesley Logan
YA is a ti… is like a section of books. It’s called Young Adult. It’s like your twilight …

Brad Crowell
Oh, yeah. I never I never got out of that. Yeah. (Lesley: Yeah.) No, it’s a …

Lesley Logan
Like not goosebumps. But you know, something like that. Like …

Brad Crowell
I mean, sure, these are these are applicable for all ages, actually. The but but then, in that, in that timeline, he was referencing, you know, the history 3000 years ago. And then the next set of six books he wrote was from 3000 years ago. (Lesley: Oh, my God.) And then now the new books he’s writing are in the middle, between these two timelines on a … (Lesley: I can’t handle it.) It’s amazing, actually. And you fall in love with the characters and yeah, I mean, he is, he’s mind blowingly good at what he does. It is incredible. The books are just fantastic. So (Lesley: Okay.) yeah.

Lesley Logan
Let’s talk about Lauren. (Brad and Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell
We don’t go to the same movies, y’all. Just saying.

Lesley Logan
We don’t. We also don’t go to bed the same time or wake up at the same time. We are an anomaly. If you are like, “I want to be married like Brad and Lesley.” I’m just gonna go out right now you have to be very secured …

Brad Crowell
We have so much in common when it comes to being entrepreneurs.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. And we … like, like the things that we love to do for fun. Our so opposite. (Brad: Yeah) We just do them on our own.

Brad Crowell
So, Lesley’s got a green thumb. No, she doesn’t.

Lesley Logan
No, no. She doesn’t. (Brad: I’m teasing.) But my Mammillaria by not touching it whatsoever is doing great. (Brad: Yeah, yeah.) My plant in the window. It’s not doing so good. I don’t know what to do about it. Anyway. Hi, let’s talk about Lauren.

Brad Crowell
Let’s talk about Lauren Zoeller.

Lesley Logan
All I can say is Lauren … as like our guests listening to these recaps …

Brad Crowell
I know. They’re probably, “What the hell?” (Lesley: When did they talk about me though?) Okay, cool. So, Lauren, helping women and men find conscious partnerships. Lauren Zoeller is a Somatic Relationship Expert, aka Dating Coach who overcame her own patterns of shame to now lead women into aligned lives. Lauren is more than a matchmaker. She’s here to guide individuals to keep the relationships they find, and in the process, discover a deeper love for themselves.

Lesley Logan
So aka better than a dating coach. (Brad: Yeah. Better than a dating coach.) Just to like, help my new friend out. She’s more than a dating coach.

Brad Crowell
Well, yeah, well, I think I think that, again, if you go back and listen to her definition of somatic, it will help you understand how different she is from you know, just, you know, she’s not Hitch you know, I think you you probably had the best example, I’m just going to pull it back up. You said, people who date the quote on quote, “date the same person over and over and over again, until they learn their lesson.” Right? She helps you, like understand why you might be repeating things, but just in a different time and a different with the different people. (Lesley: Yeah.) But you’re still repeating the same thing.

Lesley Logan
If you’re watching us on the YouTube channel, you got the air quotes. If you didn’t, Brad, his inflection should hopefully help you understand the air quotes are in there.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, Brad is very good.

Lesley Logan
It’s better than Joey from Friends that air quote. I’m sorry. (Lesley and Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell
What was one thing that you love that Lauren said?

Lesley Logan
Thank you for asking. One thing I love that she said was “how you receive love as a child shapes how you expect to be loved today. Often those who had a frenetic childhood are chasing the high of chaos”. And she went on a little bit like how do you give and receive love? And is it keeping you in unhealthy patterns is a question she’s having (Brad: Yeah.) she’s haveing you ask yourself. So take a moment. How do you give and receive love? And is it keeping you in an unhealthy patterns? So, you know, we all know The Five Love Languages and things like that. But like actually think about it like the way you’re giving and receiving love. Is it actually helping you? Have loving relationships? Or is it in this chaotic, unhealthy pattern? Like these are important things. And then she also had some other examples like boredom as a driving factor and running from relationship to relationship to chase the high.

Brad Crowell
Well, that’s good. So so what she was talking about, which I thought was really amazing because I, I don’t I never I never thought this way. But she said if you had chaos in your childhood, and actually she specifically was talking about helicopter parents. And she said, if your you know, parents were in, and then out and then in and then out and there was this chaos happening. You often expect that later on in life. So if you end up in a stable, you know, relationship, it doesn’t mean stable is good or bad. It just means it’s the opposite of what you expected. So more often than not, you’re inclined to feel like, this is boring, or this is safe. Or this is kind of … you know, and …

Lesley Logan
It’s like when Carrie broke up with Aidan, everyone. She broke with Aidan because they didn’t fight. And …

Brad Crowell
I don’t actually know any idea …

Lesley Logan
Sex in the City. Everyone who’s listening is knodding their head, we all know, because that was a big deal. There was a whole thing.

Brad Crowell
So glad I wasn’t there for that one. Okay. Yeah, it’s like, guys, it’s like, Oh, my God. It’s like when Carrie broke up (Lesley: Stop.) with Aidan (Lesley: Okay.) because they didn’t fight all the time.

Lesley Logan
No, but it’s I think people need examples sometimes …

Brad Crowell
I think it’s a perfect example. I just was not there with you on that one.

Lesley Logan
It’s fine. Everyone who’s listening is with me. (Brad: Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.) They’re all with me …

Brad Crowell
No, it’s a perfect example because, you know, and then conversely, if you had a relatively stable, you know, or quote unquote, “boring”, you know, like, like childhood love from your parents, and you find yourself in a chaotic relationship. You may be like, “I can’t do this,” you know. And anyway, I thought that was really interesting. I never thought about that before …

Lesley Logan
Yeah, yeah. And also, so first of all, Lauren has an incredible course. And she has a bunch of services. There was also the book, Getting the Love You Want, which is a very interesting book about explaining the old brain, the new brain, and like, how, when you first get a relationship, you fill all of your own holes. So … (Brad: Harville Hendricks) Yeah. So you fill all your own holes to so people like look, “I’m this like, perfect, amazing being and there’s nothing crazy wrong with me here. Don’t like I’m so good. And your partner, by the way, is doing the exact same thing.” And then after a few months, it’s so exhausting trying to fill those holes. But you don’t even realize that you’re doing it on a subconscious level. So (Brad: Right.) you think that that person, the person you’re with is filled the holes like they’ve solved the problem. So and then when both of you start filling your own holes, you’re like, “You change. They change, blah, blah, blah.” Actually no, you both just started to be your fucking selves. (Brad: Interesting) Yeah, and so a lot …

Brad Crowell
Well she does, Lauren talks about that, at the very beginning. She talked about like, you know, being lonely and filling that loneliness with someone who you know, you shouldn’t be with.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. Oh, totally. Who hasn’t done that, (Brad: Yeah) like 17 times not personal. Just, I just know, I’m still I’m watched. But I think it’s like, it’s … (Brad: Calling you in behalf of a friend.) Yeah, calling for a friend, actually. Anyways, it’s a great book, if you’re like, “I don’t know, if I’m gonna read the book.” He was on Oprah. And you can like get the Cliff’s Notes version, or you can just work with Lauren. But the reality is, is like, we have to stop pretending that how we were raised is um not affecting the lives and the choices we have now. And then also we have to understand that like we are making choices. You may think things are happening to you. And this is just the people that are around you. And these are the only options but we all actually have choices and when you start to recognize that like how you are choosing to give and receive love is a choice. (Brad: Sure.) Even if you feel it’s subconscious, it can actually be a conscious decision. When you make those changes, you can actually start to change the patterns of the day you have and find the person you want to have and look at Lauren, look where she’s at right now.

Brad Crowell
Yeah. Interesting. Wow. Yeah. And what she’s referencing is having moved through a very tumultuous time in her life to finding a place where she can be herself. (Lesley: Yeah.) With someone that she loves in a business that’s functioning and all good things. (Lesley: Yeah.) So again, worth listening to. One thing I loved that she said, was she helped define the difference between a therapist and a life coach. (Lesley: Which I knew you would love.) Yeah, well, she is a life coach, therapist, generally speaking, has degrees in therapy, and they, you know, like help you dig into the past. Right. And so you’re really breaking things down and trying to uncover, you know, where you came from. Whereas a life coach is helping you plan and look at your future. And I thought that was such a clear distinction, such an easy way to understand the difference between the two …

Lesley Logan
I knew you love it. (Brad: Yeah, that was great.) I was like, “Oh my gosh, Brad’s and I fucking love this definition.” And also, by the way, you could have a somatic therapist, (Brad: You can.) life coach, (Brad: Yeah.) and so you, like somatics is really amazing. Again, if you like, “What’s somatic?” Listen to the other episode, just gonna make you do it. But you can have both and like, you can also have a therapist and a life coach, because one could be dealing with one thing and one you could be doing. (Brad: 100%) So you know, just that there are different things. But I loved how she explained it. I agree with you on that love.

Brad Crowell
Yeah. All right. So finally, let’s talk about those BE IT action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your conversation with Lauren Zoeller? She summed it all up with one, one solid action BE IT action item. She said, look at the patterns that have shown up in your relationships, and write them down. Why has every relationship ended? And is there a common thread?

Lesley Logan
Yeah, and I think you can look at friendships, as well as in family relationships, as well as love relationships. Like I think like, you know, we’re not, we are different, with different people ish. But we all kind of wrote this thing. So like, if you look at how you how maybe a family member and you had a falling out, or a friend you had falling out, I bet you there’s some common threads. And I think that can be worth journaling about. I’m not saying shame and judge all yourself, please. That’s not what I’m saying …

Brad Crowell
But it’s still a hard thing to dig into and look and review. And, you know, I mean, I think that it’s easy to avoid. Let’s just say it can be easy to avoid thinking about this stuff. (Lesley: Oh yeah) So when you start to uncover it, it may be a little bit uncomfortable. You know, because if you’re honest with yourself, you know, how much a part of the ending of those relationships where you? Obviously, it takes two people to be in a relationship. So you were clearly a part of it. How?

Lesley Logan
Yeah, and I think like, it’s not like we’re saying you should take all the blame, because that’s not it at all. (Brad: No) But you should just actually look at like, what was your role in it? And like, if you’re like, “Well, listen Brad, my person cheated on me.” Okay, that’s fine. I do not blame anybody who was cheated on, like as the reason for that, because that’s a whole other ball of wax. But you can look at the red flags, that you ignored at the begining of the relationship that (Brad: Yeah) got you in relationship with someone who cheated on you. (Brad: Sure.) And there, and so you looking at those red flags that you ignored, those are choices. And you made those for specific reasons. (Brad: Yeah.) And there’s nothing wrong with the choice you made. But then you can actually have this like, red flag marker. So when you’re on a date, and you see that red flag and you go, “Oh, here I am with the same pattern of dating this person who is doing this out of spite…” (Brad: Exactly. Yeah.) And one thing, put a stop sign up. But you get to say, “Hey, you know, you said something. I just would like to go back to that. And just kind of explore that a little bit. (Brad: Yeah) Could you mind like, like, just give me a little bit more from that.” And if they like dig a hole that’s just like, wow, that’s red flag just became a frickin fire, run. (Lesley laughs) (Brad: Yeah) Run away.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, I mean and it may be, I mean, there’s, you know, in a yet last steps, so we were talking about or so in our last recap, we’re talking about clients and firing a client. Same thing, I mean does, we’re not necessarily talking about love relationships here. We’re talking about relationships, right? So it could be you keep taking on clients that you, you know, I don’t know, maybe, you know, we teachers, as a teacher, we all feel like we can help someone, but maybe we think we can help them emotionally in addition to physically and maybe that is like consistent issue. Because after a while you’re fried, you’re ready to move on to the next person, but now they’re your client, you know, and it’s possible that you’ve been doing this over and over again. You know, who knows? There’s just a It’s interesting to go back and take a look. And like what what Lauren said, look at the patterns that have shown up in your relationships and write them down. Why has every relationship ended? And what is that common thread?

Lesley Logan
Well, I’ll be really honest. Like we would not have dated had I not like looked at the red flags and like been playing that game. And like looking at how all of the people I dated before you ended, I was like, “Oh, wow, there’s a common interesting theme.” And so when you came on, like, I challenge you a couple of times, like, … you relate to something I said, “That doesn’t, I don’t like that doesn’t work for me.” You know, and like, we had to talk about it. So like, it’s not like, if you see it, you’re like, “I have to run away right now.” No, you can actually have a conversation around it, (Brad: Sure.) and then like, say things and it really does allow you to have an adult relationship where yes, there’s vulnerability. But what …

Brad Crowell
I don’t even think I asked you like things, you know, in that sense, I, I actually, I don’t, I didn’t have a plan when I was going through my divorce. But I did write things down. Because I couldn’t keep it in my head anymore. I just couldn’t juggle it all. Because it’s so much as thinking about, you know, it’s like replaying every conversation I ever had, ever. And, you know, you know how it is, it is right, and but what it allowed me to clarify, were the things that were important to me. And so when I went when we began to date, I literally had a list. I actually …

Lesley Logan
I had a list. I had a list. I deleted my list after you dumped me because I was so mad at you. Because okay, so he came over with beer, and I’m fucking gluten free.

Brad Crowell
Oh, I did that.

Lesley Logan
And he came over with beer. This is not the first time I told him I was gluten free. This is the third time I had to tell him I’m just gluten free. And he brings us beer like, “Hey, I brought this beer.” I’m like, “I’m gluten free. I can’t drink it.” And he’s like, “Oh, yeah, that’s right.” And then he proceeded to take two hours of telling me everything he liked about me, and then why we couldn’t go on a date. And I had this list and you checked off everything on the list, but I literally had written out remembers I’m gluten and dairy free. And I was like, “Fuck this list. It’s not fucking working. I he meant everything and he fucked this up and he fucked that up.” And I deleted the list. And then 10 days later, you’re like, “Hey, I’m at Trader Joe’s. I know you’re gluten and dairy free. So I got you some veggies and hummus.” I’m like, “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

Brad Crowell
You know what? You know what I did. I actually went home and looked up. What is gluten free? Because I didn’t know. You were like, “Yeah, I can’t eat bread.” I was like, “Oh. Well, okay, I guess she can’t eat bread.” So I didn’t bring bread. But I actually looked it up. I was a dairy was pretty straightforward.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. (Brad: But gluten that I didn’t know.) and Yeah. But that’s if I didn’t know you had a list. I have, I have a list anyways, obviously it worked out for us. But it’s because you both … reflected on past relationships and how they ended. (Brad: That’s pretty funny.) And hey, I’m so happy we’re together. We’re celebrating seven years this fall. (Brad: What? That’s crazy.) Yeah. Anyways, I’m Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell
I’m Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan
Thank you so much for joining us today. First, I’m grateful you’re here. I hope you enjoy these. You can always give us feedback on our podcast at beitpod.com/tellme and we want to know how you’re going to use these tips in your life. Give us a tag, tag @laurenzoeller. Let us know and please share this with a friend who is having needs in their relationships that need to be met. (Brad: Yeah.) So we can help them out with Lauren’s amazing tips and we’ll catch you in the next episode.

Brad Crowell
Bye for now.

Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of ‘As The Crows Fly Media’.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan
Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell
And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

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