Boundaries, Making

Life Changes, and

Utilizing Complaints

Ep. 106 with Lesley & Brad

“You don’t have to compromise yourself to connect with people.”

Lesley Logan

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Show Notes

Embracing tension to create lasting, sometimes drastic changes for a life you are proud to live. What are you willing to do to have the life you want?

If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]. Or leave a comment below!

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In this episode you will learn about:

  • How LL and Brad disconnect
  • Putting a timeline on your goals
  • The weight of boundaries
  • You can’t compromise yourself to connect with others
  • Intentionally make decisions that align
  • Complaints are flashlights into areas that need change
  • What are you willing to do for the things you want?

Episode References/Links:

Transcript

Lesley Logan 0:01
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

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Lesley Logan 0:46
Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co host in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the passionate convo I had with Michael Unbroken in our last episode. If you haven’t yet listen to that interview, feel free to pause this now, go back and listen to that one and then come back and join us. Can I just say, “Go freakin listen to that episode.” I’m gonna just use his words, “Go fucking listen to that episode.” And by the way, when you listen to episode, maybe if you have children in the room, you don’t want them to hear the F word more than I say it or Brad says it …

Brad Crowell 1:11
There’s a lot of F words.

Lesley Logan 1:12
I know. But he uses them so strategically.

Brad Crowell 1:15
Oh, I mean, it didn’t bother me at all. I just I just had to read the transcript (Lesley laughs) while listening to it. I was like, “1, 2, 7, 10.5.” And I was like, “Okay. Alright, I’m in.” I mean, he speaks like I speak, he thinks like, he definitely is challenging, more challenging in that way than I than I think. I think he’s he’s embraced this willingness to to create tension (Lesley: Yeah) and confrontation in a in a matter of fact way like he’s not antagonizing you confrontation. But (Lesley: Right, right.) you know like, like, “Hey, this is the black and the white of it.” The you know the truth of things.

Lesley Logan 1:56
… the truth of things. And I think you’d like to tell us to people when we are in like coaching calls, you’re like pressure builds diamonds like stress is like there’s there is a good stress and so that tension that he creates, it’s it is forcing you to work with like even like, like take your mind on a workout to really get honest with yourself because I think …

Brad Crowell 2:18
It’s gonna make you, make you be uncomfortable, which he talked a lot about.

Lesley Logan 2:21
Yeah, yeah. Anyways, we could have called it ‘the uncomfortable conversation’, but we like the (Brad: yeah) positive words around here. (Brad: Yeah) Before we get into Michael Unbroken’s recap, I wanted to say we are days away from the Control Your Balance Challenge. (Brad: Yeah) And so those of you who have access to a reformer, we are kicking off a week long journey, the OPC teachers are joining me, we are facing some fears.

Brad Crowell 2:45
Sure are. Lots of balance. And you know, like challenging exercises that are easy to avoid.

Lesley Logan 2:52
Yeah, and also here’s the deal if you’re like, “Oh my God, I can’t do that exercise.” That’s why you should join us. (Brad: That’s a whole point.) The whole point is not that you’re going to roll off the reformer and roll back on and like you know, carry strug… this shit, you’re gonna actually …

Brad Crowell 3:07
I don’t even know that reference, but we’ll go with it. We’ll go with it.

Lesley Logan 3:11
Oh, that 9… the 96 Olympic team Babe, the women’s gold medal Atlanta, she landed, she the pommel hor… like, you know the, (Brad: Ah) what do you call it? Where they run, they jump, spring, land, she landed on one leg, on one leg she stuck it. (Brad: I vaguely remember this.) And she had that little tiny hop. Anyways, the Control Your Balance… off reformer is you land on one leg. Hello, so thank you for going in my journey, all the girls listening knew what I was talking about. (Brad laughs) So at any rate, the goal is that you are actually going to learn how to build yourself up to this exercise. And then if you are able to go on and off, great icing on your cake, that’s fine. But everyone needs to put icing on their cake if you’re going to leave the week with a tool, strategies, tips and confidence that you can apply not just to this exercise, but any other advanced or super advanced exercise. So you can go to onlinepilatesclasses.com/control to snag your spot. And did I mention it’s free? So (Brad: It’s free!) Yeah. (Brad: So you should join us.) Join me for a week. Okay, audience question, Babe. What do we got?

Brad Crowell 4:13
All right. So I decided to ask a question this week of us. (Lesley: Yeah, he gonna inspired by Clare.) I did. I got inspired by Clare. And I was like, “Well, I want to ask a question.” So basically, I want to ask this question to you, the audience members and then I’m going to ask this to Lesley as well and we … (Lesley: Well, I’m gonna ask it to you.) and then she can ask it to me and then we can all ask it to each other, kumbaya. A question is, “What do you do to disconnect?”

Lesley Logan 4:48
So that’s your question audience. So I hope you’re like you know, taking them I think you should answer it out loud wherever you are.

Brad Crowell 4:54
Yeah and disconnect. What I mean by disconnect is not necessarily from like devices or electronics, but that could be how you take it. But what I mean is like, we have our busy, crazy life our dreams, goals, like what we’re chasing. Right? And, but there always needs to be some kind of a reprieve from that. And so and that … (Lesley: Like a recharge.) it can’t be forever. Yeah, recharged.

Lesley Logan 5:22
You put your phone on charger at night, you got to put yourself on a charger at some point.

Brad Crowell 5:25
Yeah. So what do you do to disconnect or recharge? I like that.

Lesley Logan 5:29
Yeah, well, I’ll say, I think it has changed. Like, I think it will probably always change because like, what you need changes because we change. But um, for me, I remember using flights as a way to disconnect that was, oh my gosh. (Brad: Yeah) Oh my gosh, especially the flights to Asia where there was no internet. I’m like, “17 hours, no one can talk to me.” (Lesley laughs) (Brad: Yeah) And then I was so excited when I got off the plane. I’m like, “Whoa, let me see all the people.” It’s probably why people, I told someone this yesterday, at an event we were at, they didn’t believe when I said, “I was an introvert.” So I’m actually just really tired there’s a lot of people and they’re like, “You’re an introvert?” I’m like, “High functioning.” Like, I am going to like lay down after this and be really chill. So depending on how much recharging I need to be or where I’m at, I can go for, I like to go for a walk. I like to get … I like to workout those kinds of like movement meditations with myself are really recharging. I actually like to just sit in journal in the mornings, that’s I disconnect every morning that way, I mean, connecting to myself, and I love my new red light therapy. But I try to find disconnection time every single day. And I have to say shout out to Sam, who changed all of my ‘Do Not Disturbs’. All of them are on these amazing timers. And then like I don’t have to do them. So like I am disconnected from certain things at certain times of the day that don’t apply to like my day. And so you can’t like there’s like endless amounts of ways to disconnect, even when you have to stay connected. So what do you do?

Brad Crowell 6:58
I think that’s amazing. And I don’t disconnect. I guess I guess I guess there’s that’s true. There’s like a sense of distraction. So like, I’ll, like pull up a video game. And I’ll play a video game for a few minutes. (Lesley: … that’s a distraction. You’re right, that’s a better word for that. That’s not disconnect.) Yeah. Well, it’s, especially I got I noticed now, if I have a session, a hard session of thinking and concentration and focus, I feel taxed. Like I actually feel like, okay, you know, I need to, like not be in front of my computer right now. And that is maybe when I’ll go for a walk or listen to a pod. Maybe that’s what I’m making lunch. And I’m like, that’s kind of almost a sense of disconnecting, because I know I’m going to sit down for another session. But what I like in my mind, what I meant was kind of bigger picture. Every year being an extrovert, I I really gain energy from being around people. And I love to be around my favorite peoples. So my closest friends and we go once a year to Joshua Tree. And when this episode is coming out, we will have just returned from four days in the desert. (Lesley: I’m coming with this year.) And yeah, I’m very excited that you’re coming.

Lesley Logan 8:12
I took a break last year. I took a pause. (Brad: Yeah) And I’m so grateful because of that pause I booked a trip to Hawaii. (Lesley and Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell 8:19
You did. I got a text message when I came out of the desert. And it was like, “Hey, we’re going to Hawaii.” I was like “What? Okay, great, amazing.” But there’s something… So first off, I’m truly disconnected. There’s not even cell phone reception where we go, it’s just in the Joshua Tree National Park and they don’t cover most of the park. So you know, when you’re when you’re deep in the park, there’s just no bars of reception. (Lesley: Yeah) So you’re completely disconnected from that. You know, and you’re disconnected from email and you are, you know, your your, your, there’s no one able to get a hold of you. (Lesley: Yeah) And you’re not able to get hold of anyone. So, you know, you’re with you’d be prepared, you show up with everything that you need to survive because it is a survival. But also it’s amazing because it, I always find I get there and I’m stressed. Like when I get there, I’m like, “Oh my God, I’m gonna I got all these things that I didn’t finish or I got to do and all this stuff,” and then it takes about a day. And on day two, I get to wake up and I go, “Ah, right, I’m here on purpose, even though I know I have this mountain of stuff I got to do. I actually need this time to like be in nature and you know, put my feet on the ground and you know, drink a beer and hang out and you know, enjoy like walk among the cactuses” because there’s a million of them there. The Joshua Trees are unbelievably epic, and be with some incredibly supportive and encouraging and amazing people in my life and that is been something that I’ve done every year. We’ve only missed one year because COVID (Lesley: Yeah …) 2020 shut down the park. (Lesley: That’s because they cancelled us.) They cancelled us. But otherwise (Lesley: We’ll still go) it’s been something that we’ve been doing since like 2009, 8 9 10. No. So I met him and … so 2011 I think. So, (Lesley: Yeah) more than 10 years now. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 10:16
Yeah. Yeah, we I was like, “Oh, you and I were still gonna go because …” I mean, we’re going to be outside by ourselves the same, like by ourselves inside. But at any rate, that is a fun disconnection. And I think, you know, whether or not you can do full on camping trips, you have to find little pockets of time. And then ideally, a big pocket of time. I mean, all the people that I admire, when I hear they say that once a year, they take a week off, and no one can get a hold of them. (Brad: Yeah) A week off. And it’s like, “Oh, that would be amazing.”

Brad Crowell 10:49
Someday, we’re doing it.

Lesley Logan 10:51
Maybe this year, maybe this year. We’re gonna plan a a one week. You can’t get a hold of me. (Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell 10:57
I love it. Okay, well, I hope to hear from you, (Lesley: Yeah) how you disconnect and what it is that really recharges you and lights your fire. You can tell us in on Instagram, just send us a DM to @be_it_pod. And you know, if it’s something that you are okay with us sharing, we’ll repost or put it in our stories and all the things we would love hearing from you. It truly is why we do this. We love connecting with you. So make sure you reach out. And if nothing else, just say ‘hi’.

Lesley Logan 11:29
I love it. We really love to connect with you even though we want to know how you disconnect with us. (Lesley laughs)

Brad Crowell 11:34
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Connects with us to tells us how you disconnect …

Lesley Logan 11:37
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (Brad laughs) Okay. Here we go.

Brad Crowell 11:40
All right. Now let’s talk about Michael Unbroken. As an overcomer of trauma and abuse, Michael Unbroken is an author, speaker, coach, podcast host and he finally decided to accept, who finally decided to accept only the things that aligned with his ideal life. Michael is on a mission to end generational trauma, through education and information in his lifetime. (Lesley: Yeah) Now, I, I’ve read his statement multiple times. And I listened to him on his show multiple times. And I just want to say I love that he has put a timeline on his goals for everyone to hear, “In my lifetime, I want to end generational trauma. In my lifetime.” Right? He didn’t just say, “I want to end generational trauma.” No, he’s got a definitive date on it. (Lesley: Yeah) And that is, it lights a fire under him. Like, “I only have my lifetime to make this happen. So I better get moving.”

Lesley Logan 12:39
Yeah, I actually like that you bring that up. I I think that’s really extremely important. Because I think some of us are like, “By the time I’m 40. And by the time I’m this, I’m gonna do these things.”

Brad Crowell 12:50
Oh, that’s a timeline. But I mean (Lesley: That’s a timeline.) people, no, no I think people say like, “I always wanted to open my own studio.” (Lesley: Yeah) But then it’s like, okay, that’s amazing. But when?

Lesley Logan 13:01
When, when, when when? (Brad: Yeah) Yeah, somebody tried to tell me like, “Oh, I listened, this person and they like are anti goals.” And they actually to say, “You should have like just objectives.” And I was like, okay, so an objective is a goal. And you still have an any company who has objectives, you still have to put timelines on them. Because that is how the entire team knows what to work on. I think like people are just getting caught in the semantics. The point is, putting a deadline on something makes you take action towards it. If you don’t take action towards it, it’s not about excusing it away. And you’ll if you are someone who does you gotta listen to Michael Unbroken, because he is going to put some call you out on that in a good way.

Brad Crowell 13:42
Powerful and passionately.

Lesley Logan 13:43
Yeah, but also like, there is nothing wrong with you missing a goal. It’s only if you don’t sit down, reflect and understand what corrections you didn’t make so you continue on that goal. (Brad: Yeah) Or you are working on a goal that you actually didn’t want, and just sounded really good then I’m glad you didn’t work on it. And now you know, you’ve reflected, you can correct and continue. And I think like, I think it’s okay, in fact, I think it’s important that you put frickin timelines on things.

Brad Crowell 14:08
Well, what you just said, is hinting directly at with the the talking point I wanted to talk about today. (Lesley: Okay. So so you want to go in first in. It’s that your saying?) Yeah, let me jump in. (Lesley: Okay, go.) You said, “It’s okay if you if you didn’t do it, and you realize you didn’t want to do it. That’s okay.” So he specifically talked about well, he kind of said, “I wouldn’t be on this podcast if I didn’t check you out and find out that we aligned.”

Lesley Logan 14:38
Did you, do … I know when you listen to that you like, “Oh, Lesley love that.” (Brad: Oh, yeah, yeah.) Words of affirmation. I felt so loved, felt so safe. (Brad laughs)

Brad Crowell 14:45
Well, you know, I just I thought it was very strong. I thought it was clear that he knows himself, and that he knows what his goals are. And if there isn’t alignment, you know, then he’s not going to go. Now he used an example about going to a see a show a country singer show whatever. But the you know, the point is, and I think that the hard the hard part of this is, you are exercising that muscle that says no. Right? And you’re also learning, which kind of does hint at what you are going to talk about. But also he said I thought this was amazing. His summary of that entire section was, “If at any point, I feel like I have to bend or placate myself and chameleon, myself, who, who I am. And the only reason why is so that I feel connected to you. I refuse to do it.” And then he said, “But I still gotta do the damn dishes.”

Lesley Logan 15:52
Yeah. But I I really appreciated him actually talking about that. And that’s I had asked him like, “But what about bills? What about the dishes?” Because I think people use that excuse, well I still to do those things. So I’m gonna go to the country show, so I feel connected to you. It’s like, that’s actually not, that’s not the same thing. You do the dishes, because you don’t want to have frickin bugs. And you don’t have stinky house and you need to have clean dishes. You don’t need to go the country show to connect to that person. You can find other ways to connect that person if you want to be connected to them.

Brad Crowell 16:22
Yeah, I think there’s a fine line here that I want to kind of dig into because I value relationships. (Lesley: Yeah) And I also am open for compromise. Right. But and so I don’t think that …

Lesley Logan 16:35
You mean, when we went to the Crowes concert, and we went to the wrong, it was not what we thought we gonna be.

Brad Crowell 16:40
Yeah, we went to the Black Crowes. (Lesley laughs) Yeah, we … (Lesley: Not the Counting Crowes.) Yeah, well, you know, and that was an amazing concert. I’m glad we went. But we went there in order to connect with our friends, who we are, you know, we were are still, you know, making here in Vegas. And so that was the intention, the intention, for from my perspective, it didn’t matter what the music was. The point was to hang out with them so we can get to know them better, eat dinner with them, and then go enjoy some music. Right. And so, you know, I don’t know if it had been …

Lesley Logan 17:14
You would not have gone if it had been a country music concert. (Brad: I guess that’s …) Because they have been like, “Hey, it’s like Garth Brooks. Do you want to come with us?”

Brad Crowell 17:23
No, probably would have just said, “I’ll go to dinner.” (Lesley: Yeah) I guess that’s true.

Lesley Logan 17:26
So but there you go. So you can actually still also, there’s just, there are other ways to connect. If you want to connect with someone, you can also just say, “Hey, do you ever do these things? Or are you guys gonna go to dinner beforehand, because I’ll meet you for that.” Like, if you are, you don’t have to compromise yourself to connect with people. And I know from like, past relationships, I was in I they had to do all these networking events. And we’d go to these places, I don’t have to dress a certain way. And it’s like, “I don’t wanna dress like this. I don’t want to dress like this to connect with these people. I will, can we just go to a different dinner where I can dress look like I want to dress and if not let go without me. I don’t want to I don’t want to do that.” And you end up not being the person you want to be when you show up. (Brad: Yeah) And so then you’re not even connecting with them anyways, because you’re not you. You’re a persona and so …

Brad Crowell 18:09
Yeah. You’re not your authentic self.

Lesley Logan 18:11
Yeah, no, I frickin, I’m obsessed with like, agree and only the things and so that might make you have to stop and say, “Hey, let me get back to you.” Or like, read the text and don’t respond and then make a note to think about it and ask yourself if it aligns, you might it might take you a year or so to figure out what actually aligns. If you’ve been saying yes to a lot of things that don’t, you might not know what you want to say ‘yes’ to right now.

Brad Crowell 18:34
Yeah, take a pause, you know, definitely, that I think also, there’s a second part of this, which, you know, that I’ve talked about this before, there’s the whirlwind. And then there’s the steps that actually move your business forward or move your project forward. And, you know, I think that’s kind of what he was alluding to with the dishes, the dishes of the whirlwind, the dishes have to get fucking done. Someone has to do the dishes, right? And he even talked about his mentor who’s a billionaire. He’s like, “Even my mentor, someone who sometimes has to do the dishes.” Right? And he’s like, “So I got to do the damn dishes.” But when it comes to the other things around the whirlwind, outside of that stuff that like that stuff just has to get done. He really does intentionally make decisions based on alignment. And, and that’s something that, you know, I we would encourage you, I would encourage you. You know, I think the hard part is, maybe it’s a friend that you’re going to end up, maybe changing your plans with, but it could also be your spouse, right, and you’ve been I’m not I’m not opposed to compromise. “Hey, last night, we watched this movie. This night I want to watch this movie.” But also you know what? Maybe that compromise is like, “Hey, what if you just watched the movie on your on and I’ll watch my movie on my own.” And you actually also have alone time. You don’t need to be connected at the hip. You know?

Lesley Logan 20:06
Oh my gosh, you don’t?

Brad Crowell 20:07
I know. So weird. (Lesley: So weird. Okay, my turn.) Yes, your turn because like I’ve now hinted at yours like twice and I …

Lesley Logan 20:15
Okay. Well good you just basically hinted it again. So he talks about regarding boundaries, complaining isn’t changing anything. The greatest form of challenging the understanding of who you are, is by learning to say yes and no, based on your wants, needs, interests, values, moral character and boundaries. Ooh.

Brad Crowell 20:31
I mean, this is like, this is like the underlying foundation of how he carries himself. So why don’t you read that one more time?

Lesley Logan 20:38
The greatest form of challenging the understanding of who you are, is by learning to say yes and no, based on your wants, needs, interests, values, moral character and boundaries.

Brad Crowell 20:46
I think you should emphasize the word ‘your’ (Lesley: your) wants, needs, interests, values, moral character and boundaries.

Lesley Logan 20:54
Yeah. And also, so last week’s episode, one of the BE IT action items was get to know yourself. And if you were like, “Yeah, yeah, I’m in.” And then you’re like, “Wait, how the fuck do I do it?” Here you go. Take a piece of paper put wants on it. Next piece paper. Next piece paper you’re gonna need it. Needs. Next piece of paper, interests. Next one, values. Next one, moral character and next one, actually, the boundaries are going to fill in, after you fill out all those other things. Because guess what the boundaries are? The things that have to say yes or no to to make sure that those things happen. So if you want something that’s different than you have today, you’re gonna have to do something different than you’re already doing. Which means you’re going to have to say no to something so that you can do that, you’re going to have to say no to things you’re currently doing. We had to say, for me to do, all that we’re doing in our business, we’ve had to say no to a lot of people wanting me to do workshops. (Brad: Yeah) It’s not that I don’t want to do them. I’ve really like doing them.

Brad Crowell 21:22
I mean, it was also like, how the entire business worked before (Lesley: Yeah) we were intentionally telling people, “Lesley is available for workshops.” And then at one point, we were like, “Lesley’s not not available anymore.” And people kept asking, and I was like, “Ah that’s a really great opportunity. (Lesley: I know.) Can’t.”

Lesley Logan 22:06
I know I told a girlfriend yesterday. And she’s like, “Yeah. I’m get, I’m booked up for the year and they still have more calls.” I’m like, “Put a $10,000 price tag on it and girl.” Make it or make it 20. Make it a number that you can’t say no to. So that if you have to leave your house on a busy week, you can do that. But the point is, is like, really, you’re gonna have to like, let something go, you’re (Brad: Yeah) going to have to do that. And so that those boundaries are going to be created after you fill out all those other things. And it’s going to be a muscle. (Brad: Yeah) It is not going to feel easy to say no to someone that you usually say yes to or you like and so you want to say yes to like Brad says he’s like, “Yeah, I’m pretty good at compromising. I might just go.” It’s like, yeah, but what is that ‘yes’ taking you away from? Because (Brad: Sure) if you’re saying yes, that is taking you away from any of your wants, needs, interest, values, moral character, then your boundaries are not in alignment (Brad: hmm) period. And so I feel like that is an ongoing thing, you will do some boundaries. I’m super super, like so clear on it’s like, not even a problem. And then some, it just depends on the day, depends on who asks. You know, so you start to like, but you’d be really careful with that. Because if you are going to have a VIP list of people who get to break a boundary, you need to have that list. Otherwise, anyone can get on that list, because it just you know … (Brad: Yeah) boundaries. I also just want to talk about complaining isn’t changing anything. I, it’s okay to complain but if you have the same complaint more than one time, in a short period of time, you my friend have a very good magnifying glass, a flashlight on area of your life, you need to make changes. You cannot negotiate with that on me. I’m sorry. The reason Brad and I are even together is because a girlfriend of mine kept freaking complain about his stupid scarf she lost. And I had that scarf. And I had very few things in life at the time I just moved. I just went from being homeless for three months to actually having an apartment and I had that scarf. And I had that scarf and 18 legal boxes of clothes. And that was fucking it. And I was like, “I’ll give you his scarf. If you shut up about it but you have to get me a date with Brad.” So this is how much I don’t like complaints. I don’t mind hearing them. And I find myself complaining too. I’m not like, you know, so like, I don’t have a complaint. But Brad knows if I complain about something more than once I’m like, now I’m pissed at myself because (Brad: Sure) I hate it. And I’m pissed that we still are in this situation. (Brad: Yeah) And I’m like we have to delegate, delete, delineate or postpone this thing because it’s not working in the current thing and I am pissed about it … (Brad: delegate, delete or defer) Defer. I knew there was another D word. Anyways, my point is complaining isn’t changing anything. So it’s okay if you complain, but write them down and then notice if you’ve had the same complaint, go back to your wants, needs, interest, values and moral character, create a boundary around it.

Brad Crowell 24:59
Yeah. And I’m going to bring up a fourth point, because I just can’t help myself. There was so much in this episode. So seriously, go back and listen to it again(Lesley: Oh My god. The fucking best.). And then listen to it again. (Lesley: And again, you’re gonna pick out different things.) Yeah. So he said, when you were talking about change, he said, the, he was talking about a fixed mindset. And he said, “The worst possible thing that you could ever say, is, well, that’s just how I am, period.” Because that’s the ultimate fixed mindset, there is nothing that could happen, that will allow you to change that perspective on yourself. And he said, he literally said, “You’ve lost at life. If that’s what you’re saying, that’s just how I am, then it’s over for you. You’re not you will not change, there is no change that is gonna happen.” And obviously, if you’re listening to this podcasts, you want change. So take a quick look, if there’s anything, it doesn’t matter about, like, whatever it is, it could be relatively innocuous, it could be, you know, you’re you’re digging in on something that, you know, is is a 10 year argument between you and your spouse that where it’s like a big confrontation point. If you’re saying that’s just how I am, you know, you are unwilling to change. (Lesley: Yeah) And that is that is not going to help you move forward to get to the things that you want to be doing with this life.

Lesley Logan 26:27
Yeah. That’s, that’s really powerful one. I yeah, I couldn’t agree more, you have to listen to this several times and he has his own podcast. So if you need a kick in the pants every fucking day, (Brad: Yeah) you can go get it from him there.

Brad Crowell 26:43
All right. So finally, let’s talk about those BE IT action items. What both, executable, intrinsic, or targeted action items, can we take away from your conversation with Michael Unbroken? And I thought it was so cool. You you said, Lesley, you said listen this with so many takeaways already in this episode. But if you just had to tie it all up with a bow, what would you say? And I was like, “Oh, that’s clever. It’s a clever way to to summarize that.”

Lesley Logan 27:11
Well some … will give me all the action items in the conversation and like, “um.” So

Brad Crowell 27:15
Well, he said, “Ask yourself, ‘What am I willing to do to have the life I want to have?'” (Lesley: Yeah) And that was his one BE IT action item. What am I ask yourself the question, “What am I willing to do to have the life that I want to have?”

Lesley Logan 27:34
I would love to, you know, audience we are asking you a lot of questions. I would love to know what you are willing to do. I just, I really, I sat with that question. Because he was like, the last thing of my day that day. And so I just like, (Brad: powerful) was powerful. I think you were gone. (Brad: It was passionate.) Yeah, I think you were in Cambodia. And I was just like, “I just had time to think about it.” And I remember thinking, “Oh, there are some things that I still could get rid of.” It’s kind of like you clean out your closet. (Brad: Sure) And yeah, it’s cleaned out. And then you’re like, “There’s still not enough space.” Because there’s like more to clean out because you kept some things because of sentimental value, (Brad: Sure) you know? And the reality is, is that like, you might have to like, “Are you willing to, like throw everything away and start over? Just like start over?” (Brad: Yeah) Like, “What are you willing to do?” And so maybe it’s not drastic, but like, “Are you willing to wake up an hour earlier to work on the thing you want to work on?” (Brad: Yeah) Because you that is the only time you have peace and quiet? Like, “What what are you willing to do?” And so he also brought up a couple of bullet points that are just there just to like, reiterate this just to like, nail it in, no one is going to hand it to you.

Brad Crowell 28:51
No one is going to hand you what you want.

Lesley Logan 28:54
No, not even Oprah. Even if you wanted a car, I think you’d pay the taxes on that. (Brad and Lesley laughs) So no one gonna handed to you.

Brad Crowell 29:01
He also said there are no excuses. He said, “When you’re asking yourself this question, ‘what am I willing to do to have the life that I want to have?'” There are no excuses, just results.

Lesley Logan 29:10
I think that’s actually really freeing, because you can just excuse things away and like, you could just be in that world, or that spiral or that thing forever.

Brad Crowell 29:18
Well, think about this. There are no excuses, just results. Everything is a result, whether it’s a good result, or a bad result. (Lesley: Yeah) It’s the result of action or inaction. Is the result of your decision on that action or inaction.

Lesley Logan 29:37
Well also like, sometimes you’ll take the action and you’re not gonna get the result you wanted. But does that mean you don’t have to have an excuse for why it didn’t work? You can just go, “Okay, what happened? Next step, get results. Next step get results.” Like you don’t actually have to sit and excuse away the thing, it didn’t work because I had this, I had, like, I got sick in the middle of it, blah, blah, blah. It’s like nope. (Brad: I didn’t do it.) It didn’t, you didn’t do it, (Brad: Whatever it is.) and, okay, you’re not an asshole because you were sick. But you got to guess what you had to do? You get to do it again.

Brad Crowell 30:09
Yeah. And with what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? You know, before this, he had said, “Show me your calendar. And I’ll tell you, if you’re willing to do it.”

Lesley Logan 30:22
You’ll see a little gemstones in there.

Brad Crowell 30:24
Oh, yeah, there was so much. There’s, like a usually I, I can listen through and I, I understand it. And I, I actually slowed this one down. And I took my own notes on this, you know, even though Amanda produced this I, I was reading what she was writing, I was reading what he was saying. I was like, wow, and I kind of rewrote it in a language that I would use so that I could remake, make sure I remembered these points (Lesley: I think it …) because it was amazing.

Lesley Logan 30:51
I think it also depends on where you are in your life, too. Right? Like, you are a almost like my … likes to say, “Almost 40.” (Brad laughs) (Brad: Almost) And Amanda is just getting out of grad school in her early 20s. And then there’s (Brad: Sure) like … (Brad: perspective) So, I think, no matter who you are, there are a fuck ton of gems in this. (Brad: Yeah) And when Brad said relis… or re listen, save this episode, it’s really easy to do. You can do it on any place that you listen to podcasts, and then set, put, set a timer in your calendar for a month from now, two months from now, just a random day and time to re listen to this episode. (Brad: Yeah) You can put the link in there. So it’s really easy to click on it. And that way it comes up and you listen to it again. My bet you will he’ll he’ll hear different things from the episode just on the changes you’ve made to get the wants, needs, moral values that you want to have in your life. So y’all, Michael wants to know, we want to know what are you willing to do to have the life you want to have? I’m Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell 31:47
And I’m Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 31:48
Thank you so much for listening to us today. We are so grateful you are here. So really, no truly what are you going to do? Let us know by send us a DM at the @be_it_pod on Instagram and we’ll catch you on the next episode.

Brad Crowell 31:59
Bye for now.

Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of ‘As The Crows Fly Media’.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan
Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.

Brad Crowell
And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

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