How to Build Confidence From the Inside Out

Ep. 364 Simone Knego

“Failure is actually an important part of how we grow. It’s not a stop sign.”

Simone Knego

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Bio

Simone Knego is an international speaker and award-winning author of the best-selling book, “The Extraordinary UnOrdinary You.” She is a two-time TEDx Speaker, and her work has been featured on ABC, NBC, and CBS and in Entrepreneur Magazine and Yahoo News. Her literary contributions have been honored by the National Indie Excellence Award and the NYC Big Book Award. Simone has not only summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, but she is also the heart of a bustling household with six children, three dogs, and one husband of 30 years. As the creator of the REAL Method, Simone continues to inspire and impact teams, fostering growth, and promoting self-discovery.

Show Notes

Lesley Logan hosts Simone Knego for an in-depth discussion on the often-overlooked impact of societal pressures on self-esteem and how to counteract these negative influences. She delves into the importance of embracing failures as growth opportunities, utilizing positive affirmations to bolster self-worth and the crucial practice of loving oneself. Simone also highlights the importance of regularly questioning personal desires to truly understand one’s needs, offering strategies for listeners to build a resilient, confident identity amidst external expectations.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected].

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In this episode you will learn about:

  • How to view failures not as setbacks but as essential growth opportunities.
  • Strategies for shifting your mindset to overcome negative talk and self-doubt.
  • The role of positive affirmations in strengthening self-esteem and confidence.
  • Simone’s 3 tools that can help build and sustain inner confidence every day.
  • How respecting your own reflections can enhance self-awareness and acceptance.

Episode References/Links:

Transcript

Simone Knego: I think people who are confident from the inside out, they are able to compromise, they are able to see when they’ve made mistakes. They’re able to admit when they’ve made mistakes. They celebrate their victories but they also celebrate when they figured out that they did something wrong and they can fix it.

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INTRODUCTION

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

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Lesley Logan
All right, Be It Babe. Hello, welcome back. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being awesome. My goodness, I can’t believe how long we’ve been doing this podcast and the time of recording this intro I just recently saw several of you listeners in real life. And I got to hear your favorite takeaways in person. Also, like the quotes you were saying. And some of you have listened to the episodes two times, and I just want to say like that means so much to me. When I started this podcast, because I really wanted to help women really, truly understand how amazing you already are. And for you to find that inner confidence. And so what I’m so excited about with today’s guest is she really is going to help you tap into your bold confidence. And she hasn’t the most interesting take on it that I have not heard. And so her name is Simone Knego. I happen to know her in real life. And she’s just amazing. And when I, when I am with her in person, like there’s just something about her that like you’re drawn to listening to her. She’s so thoughtful and insightful. As you will listen to her on this podcast, I think you will also get that as well. She’s got some amazing tips for helping you find your inner confidence, which is like the true confidence. Talk about like, confidence on the outside, confidence on the inside. And I just think this is gonna be a really wonderful conversation for you to listen to, and probably save it and listen to it again. So Simone, thank you for being here. Y’all, here she is. And I can’t wait to hear your favorite takeaways.

All right, Be It babe. I’m so excited because I have a wonderful woman here. I remember, when I first met her, we actually hadn’t met yet. I heard her introduce herself. I was like, this woman is a badass, she is doing amazing things. And I really was excited to get to know her more. And I’ve been lucky enough to see her in person a couple of times and also be on her amazing podcast. Simone Knego, thank you so much for being here. Can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock at?

Simone Knego 3:07
Absolutely. First, thank you so much for having me here today. I’m excited to be here. And same thing I when I first heard you speak, I was like, okay, this woman is amazing. Want to get to know her better. First and foremost, I’m a mom of six. I have been married to my husband for almost 31 years. I am a keynote speaker, author and podcast host and I love what I’m doing.

Lesley Logan 3:22
Oh my gosh, 30 years of marriage and six kids and a podcast host, and I mean, you’ve also like climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, you’ve written books like you’ve been on TEDx twice. So we can go a lot of different ways, I guess. I’d love to hear like, what got you started in doing what you’re doing to do always work for yourself? Are you always interested in helping people? Or did you do something before this and it kind of led to what you’re doing now?

Simone Knego 3:51
So I’m a big believer that it’s okay to change your mind. I have tried many things over my life. I started out as a certified public accountant. That was what I got my degree in. And the reason I got an accounting degree, I have a Bachelor’s and Master’s in accounting was because I failed organic chemistry and then got us D at the second time, and that was the end of like med school. So I had to move on and so.

Lesley Logan 4:18
Med school drop out to CPA.

Simone Knego 4:21
Yes. And I really wanted to act. But the words of my dad were while you live under my roof and I’m paying for your education, you’re gonna get a real education, which means you’re going to be an accountant because you’re really good at math. Okay, great. Thank you. And realized quickly that I did not love accounting, so worked at it for a couple of years, had a horse farm, taught horseback riding lessons were at a summer camp, I did all kinds of stuff. And then I had kids. I went back to school to be a teacher because I figured I have six kids. I kind of have my own classroom might as well, put it to work in the real world. And unfortunately, as we know, teachers don’t get paid enough for what they do. And I was paying my babysitter more than I was making. So that’s when I went into medical sales. And then from there, I started speaking because I was asked to speak at some volunteer events through charitable organizations, and I fell in love with it. And that’s when I realized I had a story.

Lesley Logan 5:28
That’s cool. Yeah, teachers don’t get paid enough. We say this a lot. And also, like, I was also thinking, like, my goodness, you could go you take care of other people’s kids all day long, and then you have a sick one at home, you’re never getting a break so.

Simone Knego 5:44
There was definitely no breaks happening there. But you know what, I love kids. So obviously I better, right? So it was fine.

Lesley Logan 5:51
Yeah, I think thank you for sharing like it’s okay to change your mind. It’s also okay to like dabble in things. I think so often people go, oh, that didn’t work out. So I failed at that. And that didn’t work out. I failed at that. And it’s like, actually, you know, you get to know yourself. And I imagine that you use different skill sets from each, each different stint you had in what you’re doing.

Simone Knego 6:12
I learned so much about myself by trying all these different things. And by failing at some of them, I mean, I think failure is actually an important part of how we grow. It’s not a stop sign it is. Okay, try this next time. So, sometimes easier said than done, right? When you’re in the moment of failure, it’s a little bit difficult. But it’s so important that we realize that it isn’t something that should stop us forever. It should just say, Okay, that didn’t work. What’s next?

Lesley Logan 6:40
Yeah, I know, I it is very difficult when you’re in it, like, you need someone around you, who also has that same mentality, to remind you that this is going to be a lesson that you’re gonna learn from, it might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Doesn’t feel good when you hear it, either, but like to get a reminder. Okay, so you got into speaking and you found you had a story to tell. I feel like a lot of people that first of all, their biggest fear is speaking in public. I know you had that acting love, but also like, was it easy for you to get into speaking? How did you take your story and put that out there because I feel like there’s a big journey between like speaking efforts in charities and then doing TEDx.

Simone Knego 7:19
I think the more you do it, the more comfort just like anything, the more you do it, the more comfortable you feel, the more you’re willing to put yourself out there. And really realizing that if my story can impact one person, it’s worth it, it’s worth standing on a stage and telling it and I’ve, I’ve changed even what I’m doing now. So now my speaking is really for women, women’s groups all about overcoming self-doubt, building bold confidence from the inside out. Which, when we think of confidence, I think a lot of people will look at someone say, oh, my gosh, they’re so confident, but are they really on the inside? Right? Is it just how they’re portraying themselves? Or do they really feel good about themselves all the time? And it was a learning process to get up on that stage and just be okay with, you know, still gonna make mistakes on stage. I mean, that’s life. And I’m big on just putting it out there. And I think it’s good for people to see other people get up and try something that they maybe want to try. But they’re too afraid to do it and then say, Oh, wait, they’re human. It was still fine. It was great. I learned a lot. And yeah, they still messed up. They’re great.

Lesley Logan 8:26
Yeah, there’s a law that I’m forgetting. But Chelsea Peitz, a mutual friend of ours, she posted it. She did it in a speech. And it’s like, actually, when people see someone, they look up to make a mistake, they don’t go, oh, they’re, they’re a terrible person. They made a mistake. They actually go, oh, my God, they’re human. And they trust you more. It’s like this really interesting thing. Okay, so. So I want to dive into this bold confidence. And like, what is driving you to do this venture that you’re working on, because you could do anything, and you could still have stuck with any of the things you’ve already done. So what made you want to dive into helping women specifically, have bold confidence?

Simone Knego 9:05
So it really started with my journey to Kilimanjaro? Because I was someone who struggled for years to believe in myself, I really struggled with self-doubt. And looking back and I talk about this now and I write about this now, I had a really, mentally and physically abusive boyfriend when I was a teenager actually just did a podcast episode earlier this morning with my daughter about dating culture and what’s okay and what’s not okay, and the things that we don’t talk about. But when I realized that that was really, it killed my self-esteem that it just brought me to the lowest levels. I didn’t respect myself, I needed to build myself back up and it took years for me to talk about it for me to realize what had happened to me. And when I was asked to climb Kilimanjaro, it totally out of my wheelhouse. It’s not something that was a bucket list item, but it was raising money for the Livestrong Foundation. So the philanthropic part made me very happy. And I was like, you know what, I’m going to do this, I’m going to do this and I’m going to put everything in, I’m going to change my mindset, I’m going to believe in myself. And that change kind of started so many different things for me.

Lesley Logan 10:19
Thank you for sharing about your dating history. It’s really interesting. Like, I think so many people, so many women get into relationships, and they do end up losing themselves because of it’s embarrassing to talk about it, you’re not really sure it was a red flag is that like, you know, there’s all these different things. I have a beautiful girlfriend who’s, who just recently went through a breakup and I was like, I was like, fully supportive. I was like, oh my gosh, whatever happened, like on your side. And then she told me all these things when I’m away. I’m like, I had no, I had no idea. If you’d told me one of these things had happened. I would have been like, girl, you okay? You know what, I think it’s so easy. So I love that you and your daughter have this conversation because it’s, they’re needed to have. So I think that that’s really cool. Also, like I’ve, I’ve never wanted to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. I’ve met many people who have most of them have done it to raising money. You know, after you climb that mountain, you know? And did it was, during the mountain, you were like reflecting like, what was like, was there a change and you came down at the high of the elevation?

Simone Knego 11:22
All of the above. Get, so the really getting to the summit, it wasn’t even getting to the summit, I’ve had people ask me, okay, if you didn’t make it, would you still feel the same? Well, I don’t know, because I did so, but hopefully, I would. Because again, I’m not a believer that failure stops you, it kind of opens the next door. But really, when I had to talk myself up, not down, I had to talk myself up so many times on the mountain thinking that, hey, what are you doing here, you have six kids at home, this is not in your wheelhouse, you’re not capable of this. And the whole time, I had to say to myself, you can do this, you put in the work, you set the goal, you put in the work, you are going to accomplish this, like you are absolutely going to accomplish this. And I have a bad knee. So that didn’t help with things. But it was really that change of mindset. And when I got to the summit was when I really kind of put it all together where I said that all these things, all of these negative thoughts that I have all the time, right, we have 6200 thoughts a day, and 80% of them are negative, that those aren’t what I’m going to let control how I move forward, it’s the positive ones and making more of the positive ones. And it really has made a difference for me and self-respect, self-worth, self-love. All of it is all part of that moment. And so I like to tell women, find your Kilimanjaro I’m not saying the specifically Kilimanjaro, but find that one thing that will kind of pull you out to where you want to be.

Lesley Logan 13:02
I agree with that I just heard, I was listening to some podcast. And this girl was like, so excited, cuz she ran a 5k. And she’s like, I never thought I would run like I never could run around the block without like being out of breath. And she was so excited and so proud of herself for like this 5k that she ran. And I think that to her could have been Kilimanjaro, because like that just seemed like so she’s like I hear about these people just go for a couple mile run. And I’m like, I can’t go for a couple mile, couple block run. So I think it’s true. We have to figure out what it is and also put you out of that comfort zone makes you challenge yourself. And you do have to change the story. So like I could hear, you know, it’d be so easy to oh, got this bad knee, I’m just not gonna go all the way to the top, or I’m actually gonna, I’ll raise the money, but I’m not gonna go like there’s so many different things you could do takes a whole superhuman level of finding yourself to do something that’s outside of your comfort zone. Can we talk a bit about the difference between like the confidence that we see outside from people and then that bold confidence that comes from inside? Like, can we talk about what those two things look like or feel like?

Simone Knego 14:09
So I think I see a lot of people who seem to be confident and then they go home and they struggle looking at themselves in the mirror. It’s kind of like what they put on for everybody else to feel like they’re that they’re strong and they’re and a lot of times when someone is confident on the outside and not on the inside, they tend to be a little bit rough around the edges with conversations. And basically, if you don’t agree with them, then you’re wrong. I mean, that’s how what I see a lot of the time. I think people who are confident from the inside out, they are able to compromise they are able to see when they’ve made mistakes. They’re able to admit when they’ve made mistakes. They celebrate their victories but they also celebrate when they figure out that they did something wrong and they can fix it. So there’s four things that I like to talk about when it comes to confidence from the inside out is really your respecting your reflection, embracing your failures, asking yourself what you want, and loving the woman in the mirror. Because I think all those pieces together really, it covers everything that has to do with self-esteem. And when you look at statistics that eight, almost 85% of people will say that they struggle with self-esteem. That’s a lot of people. That’s a lot of people that are struggling. And my daughter was asking me the other day, so why do you think it is I was like, it’s called society, we have these pressures that are put on us by society, to behave a certain way to look a certain way to have a certain job to drive a certain car. And that’s not real. It’s just like body image. When we talked about, on our podcast, she was talking about when you said, how every woman has a different body, there’s, you don’t have to be the super skinny person to be really strong with Pilates. She was like, I really never thought about it like that. We always think about that, if you’re super skinny, that means like, you’re super fit. And that’s not how it works.

Lesley Logan 16:12
No, no, I,um, I think that you’re correct. Society puts us pressures on us it affects, it affects the compass that we’re working from, you know, like, I feel like when you’re I watch my girlfriend’s as a little, little girl, and she posts these videos, and I just like, watch her like, this little girl has like, not really experienced the pressure of society, yet. She just hasn’t. She is just like, walking around doing her own thing, like smelling a rock, like just all these things. And then at some point, you know, you learn that you have to conform in a different way, and you have to mask certain things. And my husband, he is not diagnosed, but pretty confident he has ADHD. So he taps his feet all the time, they’re always shaking, he’ll start whistling and like doesn’t even realize it, like he’s got this, like, just these interesting things. And in school, he would have to, like, keep his leg still and not whistle and like that is kind of masking of like a personality, just so we can all conform. It can change didn’t change him. He is resilient in that way. But like, I think for me, like I definitely as a child go, okay, well, I have to do it like this. And if I do it like this, then I get the affirmation stuff, I get the affirmation that I did a good job, but I must feel good. And it was so interesting. Like, I went to college. And I still did all the things, and I was like, I don’t actually feel very good. I don’t really know why I’m here. Why am I studying this major? What am I doing? And I think it’s, it’s a very difficult place to be when you’re like, okay, now I’m gonna pivot, I’m gonna change these things. You have to figure out that inner confidence because the outside world’s like, why did you do that? How the work and it’s also the outside world, like, I’m just thinking of some other times where you go through a breakup, and people like, oh, but you guys were so great together, or you decide like, one of my girlfriend’s posted on Instagram, like, just being okay with people who decide to be child-free. And she’s like, you don’t know why they’re being child-free. Like, you don’t have to tell them anything. And I jokingly wrote like, oh, yeah, people will say, but she would have the most beautiful children as if that’s the thing the world needs more of. And it’s an interesting thing, when you make a decision in your life, and then the society, what they come out, you have to find that inner confidence, otherwise, you’re going to end up doing things for the wrong reasons.

Simone Knego 18:29
Absolutely. And I love that you brought up that, that part about when you make a choice for as a couple, as a woman as a man that you don’t want to have children. How that is seen as an outlier, which is so ridiculous, right? Like everybody chooses what they want to do. And people just assume something has to be wrong. It’s not like, hey, wait, we just didn’t want to have children or for us, they assume because we have six children and we adopted our youngest three that we’re super religious, that’s the thing that we get is that

Lesley Logan 19:03
You be your own version of suicidal.

Simone Knego 19:06
So no matter what you do, you get some weird ideas that our people have in their heads of this isn’t what you’re supposed to be doing like two kids, house with a picket fence, or 2.2 kids, I forget what it is now. But six kids is way out of the norm. And so there has to be a reason there has to be an issue that you’re solving in that moment or your problem that you have and that’s why you have six kids now that’s we just like kids and we wanted to adopt and it worked out great.

Lesley Logan 19:38
Yeah. Well, I mean, also like, people like you and your husband should, if you love kids, should have all the kids you want because you’re raising these beautiful people from, with inner confidence. I always joke when I meet people with six I’m like, great, thanks for keeping the average up for me. But obviously, you have six kids, so I’m sure you can see the differences from your boys and your girls, but also like, I do think that it’s, it can tell us particularly interesting pressure for women to have that inner, bold confidence you talk about and stick with the choice that they’ve made for themselves, whether it’s their career or whether they want to stay at home or go to like, all these different things. There’s these different pressures. And so to keep that compass steady, I mean, I feel like it’s not perfect. I feel like it’s a pendulum and you have to be aware of when you’re kind of getting out of that bold confidence.

Simone Knego 20:30
Yeah, I, and even yesterday, I was having a moment where I was frustrated about something, I’m late for my doctor’s appointment, and all these things are happening at once. And I was like, why do you always do this? Why are you making yourself wait, why are you doing and I was like, okay, hello, take a breath. These are such minor things like, just push it aside, you’ll get there when you get there. You can’t change that, you’ve already started this process, you can’t change the past. So next time you leave a little earlier and stop driving yourself crazy. I mean, just those kind of little things. I think sometimes like I call them our daily doubts, like the little things that creep up on us that we’re not allowed, you know, we’re not good enough to go to this party because all these women will be dressed a certain way. And I’m a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl. So when I go somewhere, I still, unless it’s truly like a formal event, I wear what I wear. And what’s really interesting about that, and I know I’m kind of random here, but when I go to something like that, in jeans and a T-shirt and it’s a nice cheap T-shirt, I mean, I still look nice, but I’ll have multiple women come up to me and they’ll say, I didn’t know we were allowed to wear jeans. I was like, I don’t think it’s about being allowed. I think it’s what you want. They’re like, oh, gosh, I wish I would have known I would have dressed like that you look so comfortable. And I am wearing these heels and they’re killing me. And so that’s part of the inner confidence is being able to show up as yourself and not worry about what anybody else is thinking of you. Because a lot of times what they’re thinking is I wish I would have done that.

Lesley Logan 22:04
Yeah, okay. Okay, first of all, love the daily doubts. And also, the conversation you just have with yourself in the car, it’s like, it’s a daily thing. I’m like, why did I do this? Why did I put these things back to back? Why didn’t I give myself 15 minutes in between what like all these things, and then it’s just like, then if you don’t stop it, it goes into a whole spiral that by the end, you’re like, I made the worst mistake of doing this.

Simone Knego 22:30
It becomes like Doomsday, and you’re like, wait, I was just going to be five minutes late to the appointment. And I turned it into this ridiculous cycle.

Lesley Logan 22:36
Yes, I mean, it’s also a pressure we can throw ourselves, my husband is late to everything and I don’t mean that in like a rude way. He’s like, Lesley, we can be five minutes late, like, it’s not the end of the world. It’s just a dinner, it’s going to be okay. And I am like, we should be early, you should be 10 minutes early, people should not be expecting that, like worried that you’re late or wondering if you’re gonna be respectful of people’s time. And he’s like, it’s a coffee, it’s gonna be okay. And so we have like, I was like, okay, well then, there’s, we had to negotiate. Like, if it’s something that’s really important to me, then it’s on me to say, I want to be here on time, because this is really important to me. And if it’s not, then I will do my very, very best to just chill out in the car and not worry about being late. I’m not perfect at it at all. But it’s helped me because this weird pressure that I put on myself, and it puts me in a doubt, a daily doubt. And then almost a doomsday so. So I love that. I also love that you brought up like inner confidence that can be just like showing up as you are and not waiting for the permission to be like, how can I show up? Like how should I, how should I show up versus like, how do I want to show up? I think that’s really beautiful. And I feel like it’s really cool because you can be this like little example, giving into your inner confidence and showing up as yourself and wearing the jeans and a nice shirt. Oh, my goodness, I went up T-shirt shopping the other day. I was like, are you kidding? Why are these T-shirts? $200? I’m like, okay, I’m going to Target. I will get there. I will look around and I see people in there they’re showing off in their style like when you can see that they have their own. This is like this is their brand is (inaudible) wear but like that’s how they are, like I wear tennis shoes with dresses because I just, I can’t wear heels. I just don’t feel good in them. So I always wear tennis shoes with dresses, and people are like oh my god that’s so funny. Like Punky Brewster. I’m like the adult version. Here she is. And you do give people permission. But I also just want to say to the people listening if that sounds like something you do, that’s a checkbox for this inner confidence and I think we sometimes don’t realize because that might come easier for us to just do that than we might not realize we have more inner confidence than we think we’re not maybe not giving ourselves credit for it.

Simone Knego 24:47
Absolutely. And then the sneaker thing I love as well. So I say that I gave up heels for (inaudible), for my birthday last week my girls bought me a really fun pair of sneakers because that’s what I want to wear. I want to wear stuff that’s comfortable. But that’s kind of my style that I don’t feel like I have to dress up for anyone else. Whatever I do, and this is I think a really important thing that I would love for your audience to take away is that what we do we need to do for ourselves. So the way we dress, it should be for ourselves, it shouldn’t be that we’re worried that the woman down the street is going to judge us if we don’t wear something that she wears, the way we show up at something, it should be about us. You want to get Botox? That’s about you. It’s how you feel good in your skin and not what anybody else tells you. Going back real quick to Kilimanjaro, when I first told people that I was going to climb it. I will tell you, my close friends were like, okay, that is amazing. And then the people that I didn’t know very well, you know, kind of gave me the ones over and we’re like, do you really think you’re going to make it to the top? No, no, I think I’m going to make it halfway. That’s why I’m doing it. So these pressures that we put on ourselves, when you hear negative things enough times from other people, you can understand why these thoughts will creep into our head because people will say ridiculous stuff to us all the time.

Lesley Logan 26:16
Oh, my gosh. I’ve told the story before but I’ll tell you, I, Brad and I signed up for like an artist’s way. It was a group that all the artists were together. And so we all were on week one together, week two together, I forget which week it is, I think it’s week two or three, but there are some questions that she asked you to journal about. And this memory came up of when I was really young. And I felt like eight years old. And I had made myself a grilled cheese sandwich. But I didn’t know how to turn on the stove at my grandparents’ house. So I grabbed my grandfather, I said hey, had like a plate with like butter on the outside, cheese on the inside sandwich. And I was like, hey, Papa, can you turn on, can you turn on the stove so I can make this grilled cheese sandwich? Many of you are probably stuck on the eight-year-old at the stove. I just want you to know like that was really normal for me. I’m just, that’s its own childhood trauma. He was like, are you an idiot? What is on their sandwich? Like he called me stupid for putting butter on the outside of my sandwich. I was like, well, I’m making a grilled cheese sandwich. And you put that’s how you butter on it to like go I don’t know, maybe people do oil. I don’t know. But that’s how I was raised. Right? And so my grandmother said, oh, Jake, just turn on the stove. She’s got it right, it’s fine. But I’ll tell you this, I actually never cooked. Like I, like my dad would, I would cook with stuff that my dad had prepared from like pancakes and French toast. But I never cooked at that house again. And then when I left my dad’s house, I never cooked again. Like it’s just so rare. It’s very, very rare from and I’ll just say I don’t, I can’t cook, I can’t cook. So I’m doing the artist’s way. And I’m like writing these different memories that I have. And I was like, oh my God, that’s why I can cook. I (inaudible) I can’t from someone else’s negative thing. And it’s so easy for those daily doubts that you’re talking about. They’re not really our voice. They’re just other people’s doubts that we’ve like, absorbed like a sponge and put on (inaudible).

Simone Knego 28:16
Yeah, we put all those upon ourselves and but yeah, you hear things enough time. And this is why I think it’s so important that so one of the things I love to do are positive affirmations. And if you would have asked me 15 years ago, I would have said, that doesn’t work. That would not work for me. I’m not talking to myself. I talked to myself all the time now. And it really does work. But when you see how people can absorb all the negative stuff, think about it, it makes sense that we can absorb the positive stuff, too. So if we’re constantly telling ourselves that we can’t do something, or that we’re not enough, why can’t we flip it and say, yes, you can do this. And you are more than enough. And if you say it enough times you do believe it, it really is about that mindset shift. And when you think about it that way that if we can believe all the crap, then we should be able to believe the good stuff as well.

Lesley Logan 29:11
Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna ask you like, is that, is that the only tool that you use to like flip the script or to stop your daily doubts? Or do you have other tools that you use to kind of build this inner confidence?

Simone Knego 29:24
I have other other tools as well. So that, that one I like to do. I do evening gratitudes so like a gratitude journal or and I remember my daughter said I have nothing to be thankful about today. I was like, Hello. Yes, you do. Let me tell you all the things and she was like, Okay, I’m never gonna say that in front of you again. No, you won’t know. So really, if I go through like the the different steps like embracing your failures, it’s really about understanding that your failures don’t equal your worth. Right so it’s all a stepping stone to the next, next section of your life and asking yourself what you want, I think is such an important thing, especially as women, I think that we forget to do that, that we either we’ve done the same thing for so long, we don’t actually know what we want. Or we have to do this because we’re in this part of our lives, right? We have to have this job, we have to do this work, we have to raise the kids, it’s all about everyone else. It’s all about our spouse, whatever it is. And we don’t ask ourselves what we want. So I have the, it’s really like a compass that you go through the different parts of the compass, asking yourself what you want, and that kind of, like, do I want to do I want to wake up negative in the morning, right? I mean, you have a choice every day. So it’s really looking at that compass of where your direction is going. And kind of following a bunch of questions to say, okay, yeah, no, I mean, I have a choice when I wake up in the morning, do I want to be negative? Do I want to be positive? Do I want to be happy, do I want and I know, there’s external factors. But it’s really important that we constantly ask ourselves what we want, so that we can get what we need.

Lesley Logan 31:06
Yeah, I think that’s a really beautiful, it’s very important because especially the longer you go, without asking yourself that the harder you have to spend more time thinking about it, and almost like, it’s like the Runaway Bride sitting where she’s like, trying out all the eggs, you know, it’s like, she doesn’t know what her favorite way of having eggs is. And it’s a simple, funny story, but also like, just reality, if like, if you just are doing so much for so many other people, you start to forget what you want. And then it’s going to take time to really go through that. I love it. It’s a compass. I don’t know, I didn’t know that. And I just like for whatever reason, like this felt like there’s a compass measurement for like keeping ourselves on this path. Simone, I could talk, we could go in more things, because I just think confidence is something that so many of my listeners are always how do you have it? How do you get it? What is it and it’s like, there’s, I love the way that you’re talking about it. Because it’s different than it’s different than the other ways I’ve heard it, which is like, just keep doing, just keep doing the things. You said you’d do. Then you’ll have confidence. And it’s like, yes, and that gets the perfectionist overachiever in trouble. That’s a really great tool for the person who is not perfect. We’re not looking for perfection or overachiever awards. We’re gonna take a brief break, and then find out how people can find you, follow you, listen to you.

All right, Simone, where can people work with you? How can they study your real method? What do you got for us?

Simone Knego 32:24
That’s where to find me is my website, Simoneknego.com. I have a new downloadable, which is the first step of my real method, all about respecting your reflection and tools and everything that goes along with it the work that we need to be doing, because like anything else, you’re building a muscle and you have to work on it. I’m also Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, you can find me, Simone Knego, K-N-E-G-O because I am the only one in the world with that name.

Lesley Logan 32:59
That’s awesome. That’s actually awesome. And you never have to regain your handle anywhere. And you have a podcast.

Simone Knego 33:06
Yes. So I have a podcast with my daughter called The Daughter Dearest Podcast. And it’s really so much fun. You can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts. And I also, I have a book and I’m working on my second book. My first book is called The extraordinary Unordinary You. And you can read more about my Kilimanjaro story, my children, it’s all about realizing what you’re capable of. And recognizing that the little things you do everyday matter.

Lesley Logan 33:32
I love it so much good stuff, I’ll have all those links in the show notes. Before I let you go, I mean, you gave us some really good action steps already. So but just in case you will skip to the end for the too long, (inaudible) action steps of bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted steps we can take to be it till you see it, what do you have?

Simone Knego 33:48
So I think the first step is really goes back to the respecting your reflection using positive affirmations on a regular basis. Don’t be afraid of them. Don’t, like, okay, so maybe they’re silly, right? But they work like keep doing it. Whatever you do. It just doesn’t happen overnight. You have to keep working on yourself. And again, if we want to say build bold confidence from the inside out, it really is you have to work at it doesn’t just happen. You’re not born with confidence. It’s like 20% of people are born with confidence okay, so the 80% of us, we got to work. And I would say the other thing is really learning to love the woman in the mirror. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others, we have to realize what we’re capable of put the work into our ourselves and really be proud of who we are so that when we look in the mirror, the first thing that we see isn’t what we don’t like, but the first thing that we see is what we actually love and that, that’s us and I think that is such an important thing for women to remind ourselves of.

Lesley Logan 34:46
Oh, I love that. That is beautiful. Okay, well, yes, because it’s so easy. The first thing I look at was like, oh gosh, my, I have a puffy eye. I’ve got this like you just like pick yourself apart and you’re like, okay, I’m gonna have a good day.

Simone Knego 34:58
Yeah, have a good day.

Lesley Logan 35:01
I love it also, here on the pod on Fridays, y’all, we do the Fuck Yeah Fridays, which is like just I celebrate the wins of our listeners and I share a win of mine, it’s mostly so people can hear, like, different ways that you could have a win. They don’t always have to be like, I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, which is a win, but also like, there was a little parts along the way that are wins as well. And so I started doing affirmations at the end. And I said, I hope people like these, because they can seem really like cheesy, cliche. Yes. But you know what, like, I whenever I read them, I repeat, I read them three times for the podcast. I go through my day, and I’m like, oh, look, I am pacing myself. Look at that. I’m sorry to find it. One of our other guests we’ve had on. She even shared, you guys, she used to put these affirmations on Post Its it’s all around her house and then but she was so nervous that people will make fun of her that she would pull them all down when people come over and then she put them all up when they would leave. And she’s like, now I just leave a lot because now I have the confidence to do that. But it’s a, there’s different ways to find those affirmations. And I think that’s a great way to remind yourself of awesome things if it’s not a natural phrase for you to say to yourself. So, Simone, thank you so much for being here. I really enjoy our talks and I can’t wait to see you in person again soon I hope. You all, how are you going to use these tips in your life? Let Simone know, let us know in the Be It pod. Share this with a friend who is needing some inner confidence and you just know they need it. This could be a nice little nudge. You don’t have to tell them why you could just send them the episode. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @be_it_pod.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan
It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell
Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

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