What’s Your Next Step?
Ep. 87 ft. Tori Gordon
“Pick the next right action.”
As one of TikTok’s Top 100 Female Creators, Tori Gordon is an Award-Winning Content Creator, Trauma Informed Breathwork Facilitator and Master Coach whose mission is to guide people and organizations to their highest potential and fullest expression through her Self Mastery Membership and School of Conscious Leadership, Coachable University. As founder of Coachable LLC, Tori believes that coachability is the biggest indicator of long-term success and most under-valued skill we can acquire. Through her engaging content, transformational speaking, highly experiential workshops, and integrated approach, Tori uses these and other spiritual principals to help those who have been suffering in silence release themselves from the mental prison of self-doubt and catalyze massive breakthrough. Today, her work reaches nearly 1 million people worldwide and has been seen on major media outlets like NBC, Fox News, CBS, Yahoo News and Business Insider. Tori is also the host of The Coachable Podcast, which ranks in the Top 1.5% of global podcasts worldwide sharing practical advice to help you unlock your inner champion. As a widely sought after mental health influencer she works with international brands like NatureMade and BetterHelp helping them spread their mission-driven messages with confidence and authenticity. Tori was also named one of the Top 10 Female Mindset Coaches by Yahoo News in 2020.
To learn more about Tori and how you can work with her visit www.torigordon.com or catch her on social media @coachtorigordon.
Achieving this vision of a life you want is hard, especially when life is uncertain. Tune in to today’s pod to gain impactful tips to reaching your highest potential despite life twists.
If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]. Or leave a comment below!
And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.
In this episode you will learn about:
- The change you want to happen, happens in the moment
- Recognizing how to surrendering to the moment
- Letting go of controlling the box
- What is the root of your control?
• Your recovery speed is building your resiliency
- The two sides of the pendulum
- Becoming accountable to the small goals that will build to your large vision
- Soul Mapping: tracking and bringing attention to your improvements
- “Just Move” – taking the next right step for you
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachtorigordon/
- Tori’s resources: https://torigordon.com/resources
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ToriGordon
- Podcast with LL: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-stop-stressing-over-the-details-start-taking/id1475408897?i=1000547655380
Lesley Logan 0:01
Hey, Be It babe. What are you doing today? How are you? What’s going on? Has anyone told you you’re amazing yet? Because you are, you’re so amazing. I am really excited for us to have you dive right in to this interview. Tori Gordon is just freakin’ the coolest. And she has so much wisdom to share her own life. And she does when she coaches people and I am really, really excited because, you know, being until you see it can be really difficult. It can feel a scary, it can feel uncomfortable. And it’s a little hard to be something that you’ve never been. (Lesley laughs) It can, you can get a little in your head about it. Right? And I think if you listen to this, in fact, I know as you listen to this, you’re going to hear all these little gems, all these little ways you can just be in “the now.” That you can explore where these fearful thoughts are coming from, where this sense of urgency is coming from. And the more you get to know yourself, the easier it is for you to do everything that you’ve ever wanted to do, and not with the hustle and the rush in the sense of urgency. And so she is a beautiful soul. And she’s got some great support for you. And there’s some awesome stuff in the show notes. And I do hope that you have some fun. I would really really love it if you could tell us what your favorite part and takeaway was of this podcast because I truly is what like brightens my day, you know? It’s, it’s, we’ve almost been out a year as this podcast comes out. And when I see the the shares of the favorite takeaways, when I see y’all doing and a BE IT action item, like I like it’s, it’s like the biggest high five, right? It’s the biggest compliment. And I ask, I say that because I think it’s really, it can get really hard to go, “How do I help this person? How do I let them know how much they helped me?” Honestly, for every podcast you love, not just this one. When you screenshot and share it, you are literally telling them how much you they’ve helped you. And so anyways, I think this podcast episode is going to be one of those ones that you’re gonna re listen to and re listen to, re listen to and write notes and oh, the BE IT action at the end of the conversation just kept going. And we had a little bit more fun. So enjoy this right after this message.
Lesley Logan 2:23
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.
Lesley Logan 3:08
All right, Be It listeners, I have the, really the one and only Tori Gordon here. I mean, I’m just so excited to have this woman and share her with you. I happen to have met her through a group that we’re in called Brand Builders. And she is just a fire and and a super attractor and she really makes you feel like you can do anything you want. And I got to be on her podcast who definitely have to go to The Coachable Podcast and listen to my episode. But Tori, tell everyone who you are, how did you get to be who you are in this world today? Because you’re, you’re killing it.
Tori Gordon 3:40
Well, thanks for having me, it’s always good to hang out with you and have time to just catch up. I feel like. Um, yeah, I love Brand Builders group, because it’s put me in contact with so many other amazing, mission driven people who are doing really cool things in the world. And um, that’s what my you know, my purpose really is, is really about giving people the tools, resources and experiences to transform their lives from the inside out. Like that really happens within us first. And then we see that play out in our reality externally. And I think a lot of us, you know, expect to create different circumstances or get different results before we do any of the inner work. But that’s that’s really the foundation of everything that I do through The Coachable Podcast, through my speaking and my workshops. I’m also a trauma-informed breathwork facilitator. And I’m online, I mean, I’m a TikToker and creating content really just to inspire people and to move people into action to take advantage of this one precious life that we have. The time and the energy that we have. They’re , they are greatest resources and we can never get them back. And that was something that I woke up to, you know, several years ago now. But it was this point for me, recognizing how precious life is, how much of a gift it is to be here around this moment with you having this conversation. And that change that we want to create going forward in our lives happens here. Like in this moment, it doesn’t happen in the future. It happens now and it happens in the moment after that, which is the now and the now and the now. So can we just learn to be in the moment?
Lesley Logan 5:27
Yeah. Oh my gosh. I mean, if you’re listening, you can now hear like, exactly why I had to have or did you catch the like filling your cup first that she said in a different way. But like, you gotta, you gotta be it, in it yourself first. You had to heal yourself first. And, and you also talked a lot about people waiting until something happens and then doing the work. And like, that is that’s like the opposite of being it. (Tori: Yeah) You know, that’s the opposite of how I feel. And so I think we have so much alignment there. And I want to I mean, I too, I think that’s how I actually didn’t know that your trauma-informed breathwork. And I was like, “Oh, I’m doing that right now.” I really love it. It’s like one of the best ways to get present. So what… (Tori: Oh my gosh.) So can you talk about like, what it, like, what was the the thing that got you to go, “I need to be in the now.” Like, was there a moment or was it just like the whole life just going, “I’m not being very present.”
Tori Gordon 6:16
Well, I think for me, it was the loss of my mother and my sister and I had a lot of losses in my life. But it was specifically after I lost my mom in 2018. I just realized how impermanent things are. And that I was always the person that was planning and like planning for the future, dreaming about the future, preparing to do things, but never, a lot of times never actually getting to the point where I was doing them. I was always just in that, that planning, preparation, dreaming mode, and visualizing what I wanted my life to look like. And it was after losing my mom that I realized, like, “Oh, there is no time to waste.” Because I’m not guaranteed that any of that is going to happen. All I have is right now in this moment, and I’m going to spend my my next moments, creating an environment, one where I want to be doing things I want to do that fill me up, that energize me. I want to put myself around people that inspire me because I, I felt an urgency and to live, to like live my life for myself right now and not later. Because a lot of us, I think we think, “Oh, I’ll put that thing off until later. I’ll get my shit together later. I’ll post that piece of content later. I’ll start that business later, when I have more time, more money, more whatever it is.” (Lesley: Right) And, and it’s all an illusion, like none of us have the control that we think we have. And so it’s we do to a degree, we can co create our lives. But thinking that we know how things are going to play out. Is is a lie that we tell ourselves. (Lesley: I mean, you can even …) So there has …
Lesley Logan 8:08
You’re so correct. (Tori: Yeah) like we just even right now you and I have how many zoom calls have you and I done? Like on our own and then together? And how many podcasts have you done, I done. And then today, literally no control over the technology that was starting out at the beginning. (Tori: Yeah) And so like, I think you’re correct, we have the opportunity to co create, and yet there’s only, there’s so many things that can change on a dime that you you (Tori: Yeah) can’t just wait for things to be a certain way.
Tori Gordon 8:35
Yeah, it’s it’s about how do I surrender to the moment? How do I surrender to what’s happening and be with it and allow it to be unfolding? Can I, can I make space for all of this to coexist, this chaos, this confusion, this anticipation, this anxiety, this excitement? Can it all, can I create more space within myself to be a home for all of it to coexist together? It’s instead of exiling, “Okay, I never need to feel anxious or I can’t feel this thing or I can’t, you know, everything has to go perfectly.” Because then we’re just setting ourselves up for disappointment. Life is uncertain. That is the one certain thing that we know is that life is uncertain. And that change is inevitable. And so how can we be prepared to show up but also be flexible in the midst of adversity or unexpected challenges that will arise because they will inevitably because life lifes. (Lesley: Yeah) Right?
Lesley Logan 9:34
Life lifes. And that, that’s the best. Okay, so I when you were saying like, not going no anxiety, none of this like because that’s the opposite, right? Like, (Tori: Mm-hmm) “Okay, I I know for my own self like I’m such a planner, planner, planner.” And then I’m like, “Okay, that that’s not going to work.” Like you know, everything is you have no control life lifes (Tori: Yeah) but how did you, how did you not swing all the way to the pendulum where it’s like, “Well, then I can’t have the anxiety. I can’t have this.” Like, how did you get all those to coexist? Because that to me is like a BE IT story in it’s own like, how did you get from like, “I’m over here in the planning mode” to like “I’m just going to be in the present mode.”
Tori Gordon 10:15
Mm-hmm. Well, because when we’re resisting anything, we’re resisting the nerves that we’re feeling when we go on to a podcast or resist, or we’re anxious about this thing that we are about to do. Like, we are not allowing life to be like, we’re not allowing ourselves to be with what it is, we’re saying it shouldn’t be this way. Like we’re fighting, like, we’re in inner conflict. And so for me, it’s, it’s a process of accepting what is and also being fully committed to creating a new reality. So I can be totally committed to an outcome, a goal, something, I’m moving towards a new reality I want to create for myself. I’m committed, and I have that vision in my mind, and I hold that, and I move toward that. I’m committed, but I’m unattached. I’m unattached to how that comes forward in my life. I’m unattached to exactly how I meet that person, or how this business opportunity unfolds, or how it has to look. Because when we, we expect, like when we put the how on it, then we’ve limited ourselves and we say it has to happen within this box in this this way, this time frame, and we miss out on the way the universe wants to bring that in. Like, it’s never gonna happen the way we think it’s gonna happen. Like we could have met… would you have expected like, this would be the way this conversation goes, right now? It’s like …
Lesley Logan 11:41
No, well, and I think that’s what’s (Tori: Yeah) fun for me is that podcasting is like a really great place to just just like, (Tori: Be enough) yeah, because (Tori: Yeah) if you don’t know, like, I know, a lot of podcasters, like, have set questions that they always ask people. And, you know, my husband has a format that he likes things to go because it makes sense for the editor. But I’m like, “Hmm. I’m gonna like I just want to know what’s going on.” Because (Tori: Yeah) also when we schedule things, sometimes it’s like two months ago, and so maybe, maybe why you’re excited to come on, then is not what you’re like, you know, (Tori: Mm-hmm) there’s this different thing. So I like to have the how be (Tori: Yeah) a little bit more optional. Was it easy for you to do struggle like ha… like getting out of the habit of, you know, trying to control the box, like, was it or like, (Tori: Yeah) how did that feel? Was there a moment you’re like, “Oh, my God, I’m doing it. I’m actually letting it be.” (Lesley laughs)
Tori Gordon 12:30
Yeah, I think it’s the human condition to want to control because we want certainty as human beings, because our brains are wired for survival. And we think if I can predict the outcome, and how it’s going to happen, I can protect myself from it. Because we’re always trying to protect ourselves from any threat. And that includes, most of us think, “Oh, because I’m feeling anxiety, that’s a threat,” or like, “I’m in danger, or something really terrible is happening.” And so the first thing I did was just learn about how my brain operates and works and how to not feed in to some of my the patterns that I had been falling into my whole life unconsciously. And really learn how to, like master my thoughts, the part of me that says, “It shouldn’t be this way. It needs to happen right now.” Like the part of me that feels that like, need to do it all and do it all perfectly. And it was a process of, yeah, learning the way that my brain works and how it’s designed to protect me and to try and predict the future and try to create certainty. And also, it’s like this paradigm of docs. Like, we’re trying to figure out the unfigurable. (Lesley: Right. Right.) And that that’s fu… like futile. It’s exhausting. It doesn’t like trying to like prepare about every scenario that could ever play out is and we do that because we’re afraid. Right? We do that because we’re afraid of looking stupid, the conversation going poorly, it not getting the ratings that we want, like people not liking it, people judging it, whatever it is. And so we think, “Oh, if I’m, I am ultra prepared, that won’t happen.” And then what happens when the unexpected happens?
Lesley Logan 14:14
Right. You have no plan for that, because it has to go this way. And you weren’t allowing yourself to be able to see other ways.
Tori Gordon 14:21
Yeah, well, when the unexpected happens, it’s like, the way I describe it. It’s like the Super Bowl was just last night. So teams, trust me, they come in fully prepared. They have watched the film, they have spent all season, all year prepping for this one game. They think they have every scenario played out of, “Okay, if this guy goes down, what are we going to do? If this guy gets hurt, if they go like they run this kind of play or this kind of defense?” But what happens when there’s a curveball? (Lesley: Mm-hmm) What happens when your best player? Like does get hurt, you’re not expecting it? What happens like sometimes you just got to throw an audible and go for it. But sometimes you’re like, “Oh my gosh, how are we going to come back from this?” And it’s the people that are able to be flexible in the midst of adversity or challenge (Lesley: Mm-hmm) that, that come back. (Lesley: Yeah) And because it’s, if we’re not, if we’re so rigid and so stuck, like I wasn’t, like, I’m not able to show up and perform, unless the circumstances are perfect. Then we would never we’re like … (Lesley: Oh, my gosh …) you’re only, (Lesley: no wonder …) we’re only doing so much. Right?
Lesley Logan 15:34
Well, and also, no wonder so many people are only doing so much. (Tori: Right) Right?
Tori Gordon 15:37
Because they’re expecting it to be a beautiful 70 degree day outside. And every you know, feeling their best and, and that’s just not life. Like some days, we’re not … like the conditions aren’t perfect (Lesley: Yeah) to get out there and do it.
Lesley Logan 15:51
Oh, I mean, here example, we, we had this whole thing that we planned and we sold. So like it is we told people, “You’ll be able to walk. You’ll be able to walk to our house.” And guess what, those Airbnbs aren’t walkable, they didn’t, they didn’t want people from local community renting them. So they’re not walkable anymore. Now, that doesn’t mean it’s not gonna be an amazing retreat. That doesn’t mean it’s somebody that’s and of course, I sold them this, they still have a beautiful house to stay. And they’re still they’re actually going to get a ride now to and from the place like, but it’s like having like getting stuck on. There was that moment with like, “But we told them this. And if it’s not perfect, then what are they gonna think?” And it’s like, well, nothing is perfect. And they’re going to see like everyone is doing the fucking best they can. (Lesley laughs) (Tori: Mm-hmm) You know? (Tori: Yeah) Yeah, so you have to be able to go, “Okay, well, then what’s the shift? What’s the pivot? How do we continue to offer the most amazing thing (Tori: Right) with challenges that were unforeseen?”
Tori Gordon 16:40
… Exactly, because and that’s resilience. (Lesley: Yeah) That’s what resilience is. It’s what do you do when you get hit and how do you come back? And do you keep showing up? And how quickly do you rebound?
Lesley Logan 16:54
Like the quick though, the speed at which you rebound is actually like, the lady on Shark Tank, the real estate lady, I (Tori: aha) heard her on an interview. And she said, because someone asked her like, what’s the like, like, “What’s your tip for success?” And she’s like, “It’s your rebound.” She said, what I saw for the salespeople who like if they lost a deal, the ones that went home and took the day off to like, decompress from that. They did worse, and the ones were like, and what and next, and what do I, what’s the next thing, you know?
Tori Gordon 17:23
Yeah. It’s that downtime of being able to recov… it’s the recovery. Like my recovery, I have a friend who was a pro runner for years and years and years. And he would run over 100 mile races, like … (Lesley: Those people are crazy to me.) (Lesley laughs) A marathon is like, what, 24? (Lesley: 26.2) Yeah, 26.2. So he was like running multiple marathons. (Tori laughs) (Lesley: Yeah) And when I heard that, I could not believe it. I was like, I had another friend who just run, ran his first marathon. I was like, he took a week to recover. He was like, “This is so painful.” And so I asked my guy friend, I said, “How was your recovery?” He was like, “But when you’re doing it all the time, your body just bounces back.” And so I think, whether it’s an entrepreneurial space, and whatever it is you’re doing, it’s the more you do it, the quicker the recovery, (Lesley: Yeah) because you’re prepare… like you’re conditioned, to bounce back quicker, as opposed to like, if you go in the gym, and you lift, heavy and you haven’t been in the gym for months, you’re gonna be … you like you’re what … Like, (Lesley: Yeah) I can’t go back to the gym …
Lesley Logan 18:26
The … (Tori: for a while) then you’re go back to the gym for a while and you’re gonna start all over again. But also, it’s that like whole … (Tori: Exactly) like, that’s that toilet seat thing. Like, if you can’t sit down the toilet, you did it wrong at the gym. (Lesley laughs) You (Tori: Yeah) didn’t prepare your body. And that’s not true. I guess some pe… there might be some other reasons legitimate for that. But you’re correct. And that’s like, that’s why like when you do, that’s why trainers y’all have like heart rate monitors on you, because they actually don’t want you living in the cardio zone the whole time. They want you to (Tori: Yeah) be able to challenge your body to go up and down and up and down. And like, I love to see how fast my recovery can be like. How fast because I’ll run with my dog and he has to stop and you know, do his thing. And I’m like, “Am I, oh, did I get calm?” And I’m like, “I like to do it.” You know what I mean because like that keeps you really resilient. It keeps you having more opportunity, you’re healthier, you’re stronger.
Tori Gordon 19:09
Well, and to go back to what you said about the pendulum, like the people that go to the gym, and they have the toilet seat moment. (Lesley laughs) Like that’s where you’re on one side of the pendulum, and like it’s in (Lesley: Yeah) extremes. And then you’re on the other side. It’s that in between, it’s the balance. It’s the be with what is and don’t like, it’s only our mind that tells us, “We need to go quicker. We need to do it all by a certain time.” Like, it’s the expectations we put on ourselves and the pressure we put on ourselves. (Lesley: Yeah) And there have been moments in my business where I’m like, “What am I in such a hurry for?” (Lesley: Hmm) Like, because when I get there, I’m going to be in a hurry to get somewhere else and then to do the next thing. And sure I have, I’m on a mission to serve people and there, but is it really because I’m trying to serve more people or is it coming from a place of, “I need to prove my worth, or I need to get validated because I got to the next stage or I got to the next level or whatever it is.” And so that the breathwork for me has helped me live in that. Tha… like, come back to the moment, that’s the thing about breath, it brings you back to the present. And it’s in that in between of the balance between the pendulums. It’s, it’s not one extreme or the other. It’s when I feel like I am, I’ve been doing 30 days of hot yoga, and it is hot. And there are moments where my heart rate gets super, super high. But then when I come back to the breath, it’s how quickly can I come back to that, like, relaxed, centered state instead of feeling like, “Am I dying?” You know, and that happens training. And it’s a process of getting your mind and body to that point, it doesn’t happen overnight. I think we got to get off of this like, like, fast, like, culture that we’re in where it’s like, “I need everything right now. I’ve got to be able to do it all and like, get the results immediately.” Like, the things that we truly want to accomplish will take time. Anything that’s good, takes (Lesley: Yeah) time, you know.
Lesley Logan 21:14
I guess, like my mind, like thinks about like, there’s the people who are like rushing to make things happen a certain way at a certain p… and like they’re in a hurry. And I love the question like, “What am I in a hurry for?” I think that’s really a valid question. You also write that down as your like, homework assignment. Like what to ask yourself, and then there’s the people who like do nothing, because they’re just waiting. (Tori: Right) And you’re right, there is that place in the, in (Tori: Mm-hmm) the middle …
Tori Gordon 21:38
And that tends to be where a lot of people, there’s either the hustlers, they’re like, gotta go go go, or the people who are kind of, like paralysis analysis and they (Lesley: Yeah) are shut… in shutdown. It’s like, one or the other. (Tori laughs)
Lesley Logan 21:52
Yeah, and so like, I think that some of those analysis paralysis, people used to be on the other end, and they like, burnt themselves out, or they got (Tori: Yeah) lost or something, or they’re like, “I need to stop doing that. So I’m just gonna stop having dates on anything.” So, I just wanted like, because I, I know, I know the listeners, listen to this, they’re gonna be like, “But Tori, do you have deadlines?” Like, do you have a deadline? Do you have dates on your goals? Or like, how do you do, how do you have date on something? But like, not get attached to that? What is your system for that?
Tori Gordon 22:20
Yeah, I mean, I definitely have dates on, on my calendar, I booked things in. I have, you know, like, I’m doing 30 days of hot yoga to see what my progress look like over that 30 day period. I think it’s really important to have check ins with yourself. And but the point of the 30 days isn’t to achieve a certain result. It’s to just notice and track the progress that happens within the 30 days, like, just by doing. Like, I show up, and I give my best every day, my best looks different day to day. But that’s the standard. I, my standard for myself, as it show up and give my best over whatever the length of time that you’re going to give yourself and give yourself permission that the best doesn’t have to look like it did the day before. But I show up in my give my best and I’m tracking what is my progress over that length of time. For bigger, like long term goals, the way we can like motivate ourselves to keep going is to, is to take the long goal over a year and to make it shorter. So the first three months, like let’s track our progress, how are we going to take this look… maybe you’re going to write a book. Okay? What’s the first thing we need to do? Create an outline? Okay, let’s make that into it’s goal, a goal in itself, (Lesley: Yeah) instead of sitting down and like, “Okay, I have a empty page. How do I write this entire book?” (Lesley and Tori laughs) Right? (Lesley: I know) It’s like, let’s just take our long term goals and chunk them down, and be accountable for that, and then set the next (Lesley: Yeah) piece of it. Because ultimately, we will get really overwhelmed with looking at something over a long term, and we’ll get, you know, we’ll lose our motivation. So back to kind of the working out analogy there was a time when I was doing like a 60 day challenge. And at the beginning, I like took my, measured my stats. So how fast could I run 100 meter? How many pushups could I do in a minute? How many, you know, whatever the, like measurements (Lesley: Yeah) were? I did that at the beginning. I did that 30 days in. And then I did it 60 days in. The important thing about doing it 30 days in, is that it really motivates you for the next 30 days. (Lesley: Yeah) Because I could see that I’m making progress. Right? I hadn’t gotten to where I wanted to be but I had improved in every single category that I started in. And that is like, “Oh, this is working.” And that re energizes you to keep going for the next stent. (Lesley: Yeah) And so those check ins with yourself across your goals is really, really important. So I have just like a kind of a process that I do with myself to see, like, how am I (Lesley: Yeah) how am I ranking? You know …
Lesley Logan 25:09
I like that and you created that for yourself. And I love that a lot. I, I’m a big fan of like breaking things down smaller, like, one of the, one of my friends were having lunch the other day. And she said, “Yeah, I’m, I just need to set aside time to work on my workshop.” I said, “What if you just set aside time to like, come up with the name of it?” (Tori: Mm-hmm) And then like, “What if another day you actually just wrote like, the hour by hour?” And then and then (Tori: Yeah) like, and she’s like, “What?” And I said, “I don’t even work on an entire project.” Like, “Are you kidding?” Like, I’m like, “I think I want to do this.” Okay, what’s one thing that I can think about with that, that like, conceal the deal. I’m like, I want to do, like we were to do two weeks away from retreaters coming to our house for business retreat, when that idea came up. I was like, “I want to do a business retreat. I want to do it in Vegas. And I want to ask them how long they want it.” (Tori: Mm-hmm) (Lesley laughs) You know, cuz like, but I didn’t go, “Okay, I’m gonna sit down and plan this whole retreat out just like in a vacuum.” Like, no one has time for that you’ll get … we’ll get overwhelmed by all the stuff that has to happen. Like, (Tori: Yeah) “Oh my gosh, I need to feed the people that to come up with these things.” There’s so many moving parts, and we’ll, Tori: Mm-hmm) we’ll overwhelm ourselves. We just won’t do it. So I love that. That’s so great. Okay, so thank you for sharing that. When you, so the process you go through yourself, we’re getting a little granular, do you do every week, do you do every month? Like do you have a process for like checking in on how you’re doing?
Tori Gordon 26:27
Yeah, so actually stole this from a friend of mine. And you might know him? Carry Jack, but he’s great. And he has a process that I’ve kind of adopted. And he calls it like “Soul Mapping.” And basically, it’s something you do every single week, I do it on Sundays. And you go through this framework of asking yourself, it’s a ranking system of one to five, five being the best, you killed it that week in this area. One you like got an F, right? And it’s, you just go through this process of asking yourself, like one is about digital detox, like, “How much time did I spend on my phone?” Right? “Did I… Was I good? Did I manage that? Or did I completely like, spent way too much time on my phone?” It’s time and nature, right? It’s things like, “Did I get do meaningful work this week? Did I take care, like spend time with people that I love? Did I play and make time for hobbies and things outside of work.” And those checkpoints are really helpful because just week to week, I can see where my priorities have been, and how I can, kind of realign those this week. So if I in a couple areas, I’m like, “I really, really dropped the ball here.” Typically, what I find is there’s never multiple weeks where I struggle with the same thing over and over again.
Lesley Logan 27:55
Right because you’re paying attention to it. (Tori: Yeah) So you’re like yeah, and what we, yeah. That’s …
Tori Gordon 27:58
Because you see, you’ll see what you track. (Lesley: Yeah) It’s like the second that I invested in crypto, you better believe I was tracking that. (Lesley laughs) Right? I was like, “Is my money going up or down?” You will see the result of what you track. (Lesley: Yeah) And so having a system whatever system works for you, is one that helps you just notice that progress because otherwise it seems like you know, “Oh, I haven’t really made any improvements.” But you really have, you just haven’t given yourself any credit and you don’t know what you’re looking at.
Lesley Logan 28:31
Right because you’re, yeah, and you’re not actually like you’re not it’s like, “I need more. I need to do more of this and you drink more water.” It’s like how much more? Do you need to drink a bottle more? Like be specific.
Tori Gordon 28:39
Exactly. (Lesley: Yeah) You’re not measuring it. So
Lesley Logan 28:41
You made think of my friend Nora. I have to I’ve got to bring her on it’s been a couple when you move and the pandemic time standstill everyone so, but I had her in my group and she has this whole thing like, “Are you a spectator? Or are you the star athlete?” Because the athlete would assess, the athlete is looking at game videos, the athlete is “Oh, I missed that ball. You know, I need to go back to the batting cages.” Like the the athlete is like troubleshooting being clinical about things. The spectator in the stands like, “You miss that ball. Ah.” Like just judgment, judgment, judgment (Tori: Mm-hmm) and so she like takes five areas like money, relationships, health, whatever. And you just ask yourself, “Am I spectator or am I athlete?” (Tori: I love that) And so fun, right? But then you can get even granular with your soul map and I think you could just like for those who are like, “This is a lot ladies.” You start with Nora’s so then you want to get more detailed, go (Tori: Yeah) to the one she just described.” And then and then you can get even more but I think we have to baby step our way into like assessing ourselves and getting honest because if you are someone who’s a super judger or you’re gonna, you’re gonna you need a little like bridge, you need like a booster into the space of being honest (Tori: Yeah) and welcoming yourself. Yeah.
Tori Gordon 28:45
Well, and what I’ll do for you guys in my membership community called Coachable University. It’s a program that I run, School of Self Mastery. It’s something that I have my students do every single week is, is this check in and when have a form that out and you just gave me an idea, I’m happy to put that into a doc… templated, you (Lesley: Great) know, something that people can download. And they can just go through themselves every single week and make it super easy. And there’s some good questions, you can ask yourself, the soul mapping frameworks there if you want to do that, and just give yourself a little rating. And it’ll tell you each of the different kind of topics to rate yourself in or areas to rate yourself in. But they’re also just questions like, “What went well, this week? (Lesley: Mm-hmm) What didn’t go… Where did I drop the ball? What do I need? Like, what can I celebrate?” (Lesley: Yeah) Those questions are also really helpful because, again, what we are measuring, and what we see is (Lesley: Yeah) what we’re going to take more action on and prioritize.
Lesley Logan 30:45
Oh my gosh, thank you so much. We’ll put that link in the notes, guys. It’s theirs… (Tori: Yeah) We always have good notes down there. So you’re amazing. Tori, this is so fun. We just scratched the surface. Okay, Tori, everyone’s gonna stalk you already. They’re like super excited about the soul mapping. But how can they find you follow you, get to know you? Where are you hanging out these days?
Tori Gordon 31:03
Yeah, I am on Instagram and Tiktok. I’m @coachtorigordon on both platforms. And then you can go to my website, torigordon.com. We have a lot of fun stuff there. We’re also just getting our YouTube up and running. So our podcast – The Coachable Podcast is live. The full videos on the YouTube channel. So if you go to torigordon.com, you’ll find all of the places that I hang out and a bunch of free resources and downloads too. If you want to find some other goodies that you can take home. That’s the best place to go.
Lesley Logan 31:34
You’re amazing. Yeah. I do like that. We put our, we put the podcast on YouTube as well. I think for a lot of people like to just watch things (Tori: Mm-hmm) like you know, so it’s so (Tori: Yeah) fun that you have all those resources. Thank you. Okay, last question, BE IT action items. Things people can do that are bold, executable, targeted or intrinsic that can help them be it till they see it.
Tori Gordon 31:55
Yeah, I think the biggest thing is know, like, know what you want? And that seems like something that isn’t really actionable but it is. It’s like, I’ve got a clarity guide that takes you through this process of, “What do I want? Like, where am I right now? Where do I want to be and identify what’s in the way?” Because we can’t create what we want to create in our lives unless we’re willing to look at where’s our point a. Like, what’s my current GPS location? Where am I headed to Bora Bora Beach, wherever you want to go? Like, what does that destination you’re headed towards? And then what’s, in between, like, what are all of the twists and turns that are really standing in your way from getting there. That is a process I think everybody should go through multiple times throughout the year. I mean, and you can do this for all areas of your life, because until we’re willing to look at what we’re avoiding, and what we’re putting off. Like, those are the things that are really keeping us from the the goals and the dreams that we have for ourselves. And sometimes that is a like a logistical thing. Maybe it means, “I need to save a certain amount of money.” Maybe it means, “I need to get a certification or I need to get more experience in X area. I need to get an internship or I need to, you know, apply, actually go apply for the job or create (Lesley: Right) the resume.” Right? Or it could be more subjective. It could be a belief system that you have. It (Lesley: Yeah) could be this this part of you that saying, “Hey, you’re not ready until you have all of these other things in place.” And we can start to identify what are the stories that are in the way but also just what are those logistical things, because until we identify them, … you can’t hit a target, you can’t see, (Lesley: Yeah) you’re gonna start to identify them. And then you can go actually execute on them.
Lesley Logan 33:45
You also can’t go to a place you don’t know where it is. And (Tori: Right) you don’t know where you’re starting from. Like, it’s like, if I asked you how to get to Atlanta, and you didn’t know where I was coming from, you might be able to go, well, if you know where the 40 is. I think the 40 goes in there. It might be the 10… Anyways, you know, but like you have to like you can’t actually, I’m not going to get there. And I’m like wandering around looking for Atlanta. So it’s I love that and also know what you want. It made me think of like Runaway Bride when she like doesn’t know how she likes her eggs. (Tori: Mm-hmm) And I remember watching her like try all these different eggs and like y’all like I know that’s a terrible 90s rom-com, maybe it’s early 2000s. But the reality is is like if you can just picture like, if you don’t know what you want, it’s time to go try out a bunch of different things like, go play, go, (Tori: Mm-hmm) go hike, go do something, go do something… (Tori: just take a class) Yeah (Tori: So, yeah) You can quit the class if you don’t like it after a few weeks, but maybe stay because maybe that resistance is actually just because (Tori: Yeah) what you need to assist you. You know,
Tori Gordon 34:41
That was exactly what I did. When I was at that point where I was confused and didn’t really know what I wanted. I just tried a bunch of things and that’s executable thing like that’s the executable thing. Go, sign up for the course. (Lesley: Mm-hmm) Go like take the dancing class, go get yourself in a cooking class, whatever it is because you’re right. A lot of people are sitting in their car, and they’re expecting to go on this amazing vacation, but they, maybe they have put the destination in their GPS, but it had doesn’t have their current location. And a lot of people are waiting to get on the road. Before they they want to know every twist and turn. They want to know, “Okay, are you going to take a right, take a left? Is it going to be like …”
Lesley Logan 35:19
… speaking with the GPS. (Tori: How far do I go?) My dad was taking me to get my hair done on Saturday. And because I don’t have a car, so he we go to the gym together and I was like, “Hey can you dropped me off this place and get my hair done. And he’s like “yea”. And he’s never been there, so I put in his GPS. And sure enough, we make a left and the road is closed. So (Tori: Mm-hmm) Google didn’t know that the road is closed, because it was like a Color Run or something. So we (Tori: Yeah) had I said, “Okay, well, we’re just gonna, go just take the street to … (Tori: rerouting, rerouting) … reroute, you know, but like, if we had got, “Well can’t go cuz that roads closed,” you know? (Tori: Exactly) (Lesley laughs) But people, but that’s what everyone that’s what you’re all doing. You would be like, “No one would ever do that.” Yes, you are when you don’t actually, like when you’re not taking action when you’re not doing the thing, because you don’t know what the twists and turns are, you’re doing exactly that you’re turning around at the road closer and going well can’t go. You know,
Tori Gordon 36:05
… And life doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t give you all of the steps before you go. It says, “Get going.” It says, “Go drive.” And then I’ll give you the next (Lesley: Mm-hmm) direction. (Lesley: Yeah) It’s like, you’re not gonna get all of them. But I’m going to give you the next direction that’s in front of you. And so I tell people, “just move.” Like, just get your body in motion, whether you’re going to go take a workout class, you’re going to go sign up for something, you’re, pick the next right action that feels aligned with what you want to do. And then that’s when you allow life to unfold. It comes back to what we were talking about at the very beginning, of be in the now, be with the next thing that you’re going to do in the present moment. And then allow the next thing to reveal itself in the universe to give you that next direction because it will.
Lesley Logan 36:50
Yeah. Ah, Tori, this is amazing. Like, we’re about to wrap it up. And then like more gems just got thrown at people. And I’m just so grateful for you. Thank you for being here. You’re amazing. And I know that we keep meeting up on these on these calls. And we’ll have to do a hangout, off, off of a recorded, (Lesley laughs) unrecorded (Tori: Yeah) hangouts. But, I just I’m so grateful for you everyone. How are you going to use what Tori is said in your life? Like, how are you going to be in the now? Do us a huge favor, screenshot this episode. Tag @coachtori, tag @be_it_pod and let us know and then do another favor and actually share it with a friend because that’s how her podcast grows, that’s how my podcast grows. It’s how we can continue to help you all of you, Be It Till You See It. Alright, everyone. Thanks so much.
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast! One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the @be_it_pod on Instagram! I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of ‘As The Crows Fly Media’.
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.
Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.
Special thanks to our designer Jaira Mandal for creating all of our visuals (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all video each week so you can.
And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each of our episodes so you can find them on our website. And, finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.
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