How to Rise Above Bullying

Ep. 295 with Andi Kay

“When you’re focusing on your own growth, that’s like winning.”

Andi Kay

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Bio

After experiencing cyberbullying herself in 2009, Andi researched bullying during her studies at the University of California Irvine. For over 10 years, Andi has studied bullying and how it affects both children and teenagers. In 2017, Andi founded Bloom Foundation – a 501c3 organization that provides social-emotional learning programs to girls experiencing bullying. Bloom Foundation teaches emotional intelligence and tools on how to navigate bullying before, during, and after it happens. Andi has spoken to over a thousand young girls and leads trainings and workshops to educate and empower others.

Show Notes

Dive deep with Lesley in this episode as Andi unfolds the layers behind the realities of bullying. Discover the profound impact of Andi’s strategies for personal growth and the tools available to help victims of bullying redefine their narrative.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected]

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

  • The profound effects of bullying in today’s digital era.
  • Why healing is a powerful tool against bullying.
  • Andi’s innovative methods as healing tools against bullying.
  • Why kindness and visualizing self-worth are crucial.
  • Why it’s essential to return to familiar healing resources.

Episode References/Links:

Transcript

Andi Kay: Sometimes you feel like you’ve been buried because of all those negative things that are feeling like they’re piling on you. And this is where you really want to establish those things are not you and to take some moments to separate those things from you and what you truly believe about yourself.

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INTRODUCTION

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

Hey, Be It babe, thank you so much for being back with us today, I’m excited for you to hear about our guest today. So you if you’ve been a longtime listener, then you know that our companies each donate to a different charity. And so Profitable Pilates donates to the Cupcake Girls, which is an organization that is to support sex workers’ rights and human trafficking, and OPC, now, this year is supporting the Bloom Foundation, which is anti-bullying, and foundation. And actually what they do is do a lot of work to support children and teenagers who are experiencing bullying. And guess what, even if you’re an adult, which you probably are listening to this, you will actually learn a lot because I think that we forget that we probably all experienced some sort of bullying. And in our lifetime, and what’s going on today, because bullying can happen. All 24/7 anywhere someone goes and can be done so anonymously, that we may not feel equipped and may not know what to do. And so I really am excited to partner up as a as a donator, to the Bloom Foundation, because, you know, you can’t have all the goals in the world. But if somebody is telling you that you’re worthless, or worse, you shouldn’t be here. It doesn’t really matter how many tips I give you. It doesn’t it just like it doesn’t matter. And I am on a mission, I really do want all my missions, mobilizing Pilates, because I know it makes you a better person. But like you can’t even think about doing Pilates, if you are just hearing these voices in your head telling you crap. And so Andi Long, our guest today, is the founder of Bloom and she created this because she is a victim of bullying multiple times over many years in different schools online. And she has created workbooks, and and workshops to support children and teenagers today. And her foundation does that for so many. And for my journal earth who are listening, she’s got a journal for you. So we’re going to talk about bullying. And really we spend more of our time on how to what to do if you’ve been bullied, which I think is really important. You can you can you can give to yourself or you can give to a teenager or kiddo in your life. I really do hope that this is an episode you’re able to share. And check out the Bloom Foundation and support them however you can maybe by sharing what they’re doing, or by buying a box for someone you know who’s been bullied. Truly, anti bullying comes when we as leaders step up. And oftentimes those people who would be the most amazing leaders, they’re quiet because somebody told them that they weren’t, they weren’t worthy. And that hurts my soul on so many levels. And so we got some great beat action items for you. We’ve got some great things that you can do to love yourself to find yourself worth and to grow from what you’ve gone through. Thank you. And here’s Andi Long.

All right, Be It babes. I’m excited because our guest today is somebody that I I actually reached out to a client of mine to find out well who she knew about a certain topic and and then not only did she provide me with somebody who I could talk to on this topic, she provided me with the person who helped her go through a really challenging time. So our guest today is Andi long and our topic is bullying and anti bullying and how we can prevent it and all of these things and it’s all an Andi’s doing both truly the Lord’s work comes to this topics. Andi, will you tell everyone who you are and what you’re rocking at?

Andi Kay 4:37
Yes, thank you for that introduction. And I’m so glad she connected us. It’s just been so amazing, to be part of your community and be here. So I’m Andi and I, I experienced some cyberbullying when it just started. Because we as I mentioned it was dial up internet at the time. So back in 2001 I believe and when I was 11 so navigating that I’ve realized that there’s this need for resources that go beyond anti bullying, there’s a need for a safe and supportive space where if you are experiencing bullying, you can know you’re not alone. And you can know that there are people who care about you, and want to see you bloom and grow through what you go through. So that’s where the heart of Bloom Foundation came from. And we started this in 2017. And since then, has just been really here to encourage and empower young woman to grow through what they go through and be leaders as well grow into leaders who can influence change. And you know, it’s really fun to kind of help this next generation and see them just really be leaders in their space. It’s been amazing.

Lesley Logan 5:43
Yeah, I mean, it’s incredible. So, y’all, if her name sounds familiar, if you’re an OPC, member, then you saw our community chat, we had Andi come in and really talk about like, her story, and like, what can happen when bullying happens? And, you know, Andi and I are probably similar ages, and I think many of our listeners are we know what a dial-up internet is and you’d think like, it’s easy for us to think like, oh, my gosh, bullying was, was hard back when we were kids, but was like, they didn’t have access to us when we left school. However, in your case, not not so much. Even with dial up internet, there was these websites that were just built. And you didn’t go through at one time, but like, multiple times, over the course of many years of people just really saying awful things to you on the internet, and anonymously, which makes it even more, like makes you paranoid. So you, you, you went through this tragic time, and that’s turned into what you created. I guess, like, in all of these years of you going through your healing, and then these stories you see, like, what does bullying like, how does bullying really affect, not just the person, but maybe the people around them as well?

Andi Kay 6:50
Yes, yeah. I think your story, bullying, nowadays, the effect is different than than before. And so the effect now, you’re seeing we’re seeing a just because it’s so accessible, and it can be accessed 24/7 definitely an increase in anxiety, and depression. And then of course, those who are around the person who’s being bullied, can also have that sense of hopelessness, not sure what to do. And just this overload sense of why right, like why me, and it can lead to like victimization, which is hard as well. But I do think that there can be an opportunity or a shift to being a little bit more this is happening to me, but I can grow from it. And it doesn’t have to define me. But yes, we’re the effects of bullying and cyberbullying, especially, because it can feel so pervasive, are really tragic. They can lead to suicides and school shootings, eating disorder is just really heavy, terrible things. So it’s very, like severe.

Lesley Logan 8:06
Yeah, it’s an unfortunately, it’s not like, it’s like one person who was bullied one day did something terrible, it’s like happening, it’s happening more often more frequently. And it’s, you know, that pervasiveness of like, it’s not just them at school, it’s happening to them in their own phones. And they have to use their phones to call them like, they have to use their phones to connect with their friends. So it’s not like they can just like avoid that person. And, and also, like, because of social media, like you can block one bully, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t make a new profile or start again, like it’s really can be really difficult. What are some things that you can, if you are someone who’s been bullied, or going through some bullying that you can do to support yourself? Or if you know, someone who is that you can help support them?

Andi Kay 8:57
Yes, yeah, that’s where a journal comes really in handy. So all of our lessons are compiled in here. And it really takes you through this path and kind of a progression and journey, where you kind of address where you’re at today. And then there’s tools and prompts here to help you move forward too with more confidence in yourself. And so I’d be happy to share a little bit more about that. But.

Lesley Logan 9:21
Yeah, let’s do it. So you guys, if you’re not watching on YouTube, Andi’s holding up a beautiful journal, How to Bloom, and it is something that the Bloom Foundation has created. And I love this because you are correct, you do take people on a journey, and I think that’s what healing is anyways, it can’t just be done in one session one hour. So yeah, let’s go through them.

Andi Kay 9:42
Yeah, yeah. It’s like building that muscle right and getting stronger as you do. Yeah. With other things. So we start out with my story, and I shared it here and where I experienced those things, heard terrible things about me, and then we encourage you to write your story, where you’re at now. So that’s one of the first things that you do here is writing your own story. And that’s just a way to be mindful and reflect on where you’re at today. And how do you feel? What do you what is your current chapter? So that’s the first part. And I don’t know, are you a big journaler? Or do you enjoy journaling?

Lesley Logan 10:23
I can’t read my own writing but I, but I do, I do like to write and I, there’s something about writing that for me, I can remember it better than typing it into a note, I’m just not gonna remember that I have to do it. But if I write it down, like I can, I can also not need to reread it. But there’s, it’s like, it really is like a mind to body to paper.

Andi Kay 10:46
Yeah, I totally agree. Yes. And it’s a release almost. For me, journaling really helps me. So back in like those high school years, you know. So yeah, I just wanted to note that because right, I think there’s something about writing your own story, you could also write a letter to yourself. And that just is a very therapeutic experience, where you’re, you’re connecting with yourself, like through written word, which I think is very important. I just wanted to add that as an aside, but the first one is being buried. So this one is where we address your belief system, because, and going back to that, quote, they tried to bury us, but they didn’t know that we’re seeds. Sometimes you feel like you’ve been buried, because of all those negative things that are feeling like they’re piling on you. And this is where you really want to establish those things are not you and to take some moments to separate those things from you, and what you truly believe about yourself. So you kind of do a T-chart. So you’re writing like those negative things on one side, getting it all out on paper, because again, like you were saying, There’s something about it, right, just writing it down on paper, helps you get out of your head, and just more grounded. So you want to write that on one side on the left side. And then for each one, you’re going to address, you know those and put an empowering truth next to it. I just think this one’s so important. And that’s why it goes first. Even though it’s kind of intense, and like, you know, it might be fresh, but I think it’s so important to just do this. That way, you’re kind of clearing it out, and you’re able to see it again on paper and not just be in your head. So.

Lesley Logan 12:21
Yeah, I think that that’s so key, even if you’re like talking about it out loud, if you don’t like just sit down and like put it I teach her to so if y’all won’t remember those are but I feel like all of our listeners do. They’re all most of them are before the internet, you know, it’s just like drawing a line. And then you put the negative stuff on one side, and you list it out and you can really like it’s it’s cathartic. It’s very releasing, it just gets it out there. And so what do you do on the other side?

Andi Kay 12:50
Oh, yes. So that’s where you write like a neutral, something neutral, that speaks true to you. And so here’s kind of an example too, is if you’re, if someone’s saying you’re ugly, you put that on the other side. But then when you’re writing your neutral, empowering truth, you write something that feels good to you. So it does not have to be the opposite. Like, it doesn’t have to be I’m beautiful if you’re not feeling that it can be, you know, when I smile, I feel like I have a really good smile, or I like to help others in it. That’s a great quality of mine. And I value that, you know, writing down something that’s really true to you in the moment. But that can like just be a truth that you can hold on to. So. yeah,

Lesley Logan 13:27
Yeah, I also I liked it isn’t gonna be the opposite, because our brains don’t like dissonance. And so it’s not going to work if you write something down that you don’t like about yourself.

Andi Kay 13:37
Right? Right. You don’t have to go to the opposite extreme, either. But yeah, you just want to get to a more neutral space. So you’re not living on the other end of the spectrum, either. But yes, I think belief is huge. We watched that video yesterday too, where, you know, people are saying when you hear those things, they’re right here. So our goal, so I am saying it’s right, like by your ear. Yeah, our goal is to get that is just to have that separation. So I think this is one thing I would recommend doing. Yeah. And then oh, yeah, are you going to say something?

Lesley Logan 14:11
No, go ahead. What’s next? What should we do after we do the T chart?

Andi Kay 14:14
Okay, so after the T-chart you write your bucket list or actually, no, you do a timeline. So if we’re picturing a timeline, seven years ago, where were you and then seven years from now, where will you be and this helps put you again, to some distance and then perspective of, you’ve overcome some really hard things in the past seven years ago, and seven years from now you’ll be in a different place and probably honestly, kind of working through some hard things again, but that’s okay. Because you’re currently it just helps you see beyond your current circumstances, and also gives you gives you some like, a boost from your past as well saying, you know, I’ve come through hard stuff then. And the reason why I love seven years is because every cell of your body changes, but also it’s not like 10 years where you’re like, well, obviously, I’m going to be in such a different place. Or like, that’s too far for me to think about.

Right. Like a 12-year-old thinking about 10 years from now. That’s after college.

Yeah. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 15:16
It’s so hard.

Andi Kay 15:17
It’s so hard. But then 19, right. 12 and 19. You’re like, Okay, I mean, still a significant jump, but it’s also like, tangible enough to be like, okay, I’ll be in my teens, you know, but exactly. And then, but twelve minus seven is five. And that’s a huge, but you know, just to see like, okay, I’ll be in a better place. So, I love that one and timelines can be helpful, too.

Lesley Logan 15:42
Yeah, I think I do love that, that comes in into play. And also, I think, for any parent, it’s like, you know, it’s helpful. It’s like, so helpful for them to just get some perspective on their life. Because, you know, part of it’s like, oh, my gosh, you’re young, like, some of this stuff is just like, life. Life is just so hard. But also like, teaching them how they can, this is a great tool for them to have in their whole life, because there’s other things that happen besides bullying, that you can, you know, this perspective, timeline can be helpful for.

Andi Kay 16:10
Yeah, I use it all the time, when I’m stressed, you know, as a business owner too, you’re like, five years from now, seven years from now, where, you know, you’re goal planning to, and you’re knowing that the current problem is going to be different, you know, in a matter of time. So, it really helps you I think, now that I’m saying these out loud, too, I feel like these exercises just really help you get out of your head, you know, and that’s the thing with bullying, it can really get into your head and these exercises help you. Yeah, just give them a clear perspective.

Yeah, so the next one is habits. And it’s called budding in writing, but it’s all on habits. And so this is taking into account what are those things you love to do and making sure you’re doing them. When I experienced bullying, I was watching a lot of Twilight at the time, I was eating a lot of ice cream, staying in bed, like not going outside doing the things that I love to do. And that wasn’t great for my mental health. And so it’s, it’s kind of funny, I mean, I think you just need that reminder, like, do those things that are good for you, and that you love to do when you were little or that you know, make help you make you feel good, right? I have a great example yesterday of Pilates. And, you know, I think what I love about that, too, is the community. So I think when you’re doing a lot of these activities, you can also find a really great community that ends up being your good friends, right? And like, even if you’re experiencing some bullying at school, like what if you joined, like a book club or tennis club? Or you know, and then you found friends there. I’ve heard some great stories of like, video games too, even like, finding video game meetups or something, you know, if you’re, and that that ended up being a really supportive space. (inaudible)

Lesley Logan 18:03
I agree, I think have a because as you mentioned, like you were going through bullying and all the decisions we’re making, like, of course, it’s okay to watch Twilight, of course, it’s okay to eat ice cream. But like, if you’re doing those things as to avoid, cope, and like kind of like they start, they start to become the way that you’re living. It’s an avoidance thing. And then you’re not even living your life. And so it becomes even harder to do the things. So it’s like, creating habits around how you want to be and how you want to feel is going to help you feel like you’re in control and not let that the bullying be in control.

Andi Kay 18:37
Exactly. Yes. Yeah. Focusing on that. So this is kind of yes, a shift of focus. And almost, yeah, navigating. Yeah, you said it well (inaudible). That was great.

Lesley Logan 18:53
What happens after we do that?

Andi Kay 18:55
Perfect. So after that, you’re kind of identifying your purpose, and how you can choose kindness, even if you’re not receiving kindness, so you can choose to give kindness, even if you’re not receiving it. And I think there’s so many quick ways to activate this. So you don’t want to overcomplicate it too, here. And there can be very quick ways to make someone else feel better, which I think in turn will make you feel better immediately. I think one fun thing even to do like right away is to just think about someone you’re grateful for, and then write a text to them. I feel like so we’ve done this actually in in-person workshops. And we’ll take a moment to just pause and get out your phone write a text to someone that you’re grateful for. A lot of them will choose like their moms or you know some and their friend and they feel awkward doing it but then at the they get responses pretty quickly and they’re like that made my whole day I’m crying. Yeah, but sometimes we’ll cry and I’m like, it’s so sweet, you know, but I think sometimes we can forget at how we can be such vessels for kindness easily. But it changes the, changes your mood immediately. So it’s not only for the receiver of that kindness, but also for you. Yeah, I think this is a fun one. It’s like how do you activate that kindness? And then I think you do, you can eventually find your purpose through that too, by finding like how your unique strengths lead to maybe, yeah, your your purpose in life. So.

Lesley Logan 20:28
Yeah, I love that one so much. Because I, I think it can really teach. I mean, my goodness as an adult, if you’re being bullied, like, I hope all of these things are helpful, but like, especially for your kiddos for the teenagers in your life, like learning how to not just, like sit with the bully’s voice in your head the whole time and actually going like, well, here’s what I can do right now I can actually I actually have more power because I can make someone feel really good. Like, and I can do a quick text doesn’t have to be of anything I have to buy or do or anything like that. Yeah, I think that’s really special.

Andi Kay 21:00
Yeah, words, words are powerful. And I it’s, you know, when bullying happens, it’s usually it can be by words, verbal bullying, but you can use words for good, too. And it’s, it’s yeah, I like how you put that too. But yeah, super easy, super powerful things to do. There’s a quote, I really liked by Anne Frank, too. It’s no like, how wonderful it is that no one needs to wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. And it’s just like, Yeah, you don’t have to wait a single moment. And you can start where you’re at and start small. Yeah, I think that’s a really powerful quote, too.

Okay, so next is being watered. And this is about self-worth. Because, you know, we, it’s so important to address your, your sense of self-worth, I think, even as adults, you know, I’m learning that we could use boosts in self-worth all the time. But the reality is, and the truth is that just because we’re human beings, we are worthy of love and belonging. Brene Brown talks about this really well. And she’s just, I think, she’s so great at reminding us of our self-worth too. But this section, we really want to reinforce that you’re worthy, just as you are. That note, like what other people say, cannot take away your worthiness. And so how we build that back up is writing down 10 reasons to love yourself. And sometimes we time it kind of make it fun. Like, can you list 10 reasons in two minutes? But yeah, I remember talking about that with you yesterday. And you liked that too. (inaudble)

Lesley Logan 22:40
I love this. I was thinking about it all day long. And I was like, Oh my gosh, y’all listen to this, like, just like, think about, like, say out loud. You know, just tell yourself something that you love about yourself. Because I again, I think that that’s like, what a great place to really deepen and create self worth and have awareness around that. I think what a cool tool.

Andi Kay 23:03
Yes, yeah. And again, easy and accessible. But I think that’s great. Yeah, and maybe even do a challenge, like, do this daily for one week, you know, and then you’ll have 70 reasons, which is beautiful. I think that’s so cool.

Lesley Logan 23:18
That’s so cool. Oh, my God, I love this challenge. I think it’s the next Be It challenge. If we do one, it’s like you must post every single day on Instagram, what you love about yourself.

Andi Kay 23:29
Exactly. Let’s make it a trend. Oh, my goodness. That’d be great. Yeah, because it’s so good. And, and then you’ll have to get creative about it too. Right? I think that can be super powerful. But yeah, get creative of like, what are those things? And I think, again, this breaks up that negative self-talk that comes from absorbing what other people have said, and I think we just need to break that up as much as we can. We need to put distance as much as we can. And so I love this activity, too. And it’s actually super popular in our workshops, too, because it’s, I think it can be challenging to start. I think that sometimes we’re so scared to do this too, because we’re like, we don’t want to be perceived as overconfident or you know, things like that.

Lesley Logan 24:15
Oh yeah, I mean, how many of us listening hello, raise your hand and only one if you’re driving? keep one hand on the wheel. But like, Did someone tell you don’t brag. Make sure you’re humble. You know, like, oh, don’t say things like that. But people are gonna think that you’re self-centered, like, you know, they all do and so all we internalize was like, don’t ever say anything good about yourself ever.

Andi Kay 24:36
I know, and it’s like, Yes, I think I’ve come to realize too, it’s like if you’re not hurting others by doing that, then then do it like, brag about yourself, you know? (Inaudible) harmful, you know what I think but I know because we’ve heard that so many times. We just get so I won’t do that. But yeah, I’m working through that. too, it’s like, don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 25:04
Yeah, to love yourself. It’s like, one of the greatest things you could do.

Andi Kay 25:08
Hmm, yeah. And verbal verbalize that? Say it, it’s all good. We need more examples. I think of that, too. And it’s, it gives yourself permission too like, yeah, so. Cool, I just love that section. And I know you do too. But um, the next one is growing strong. So this one is about being curious and compassionate, and cultivating empathy. So that you can have a better understanding of what other people are going through to make them be in that place, too. So it’s, it’s kind of like, if you visualize flowers growing, it’s like, what’s underneath, like, the roots, like, what can you not see, but kind of is affecting the way that this flower, this plant is growing, or like what they’re doing. So and the purpose here is to, is to also shift your focus from yourself and see, you know, what might be going on with them? And how you can even be a light to others. And to know that, yeah, there’s a lot of things that we just can’t see, stories that we don’t know, we start out with writing your story, but sometimes we don’t even know the story of like, the person who is being a bully, right? Or, yeah, so (inaudible).

Lesley Logan 26:33
I think it’s like empathy is like the thing that like we’re missing. That’s why like, there’s like this epidemic of narcissism. Like, because we just were not able to, we’re not, I don’t think a lot of people are learning empathy, as they’re growing up. And like, what an incredible way to use a horrible time and in someone’s life, when they’re being bullied. To go through the whole process, you do the whole process to get to this part, but then getting to this part and going, You know what, like, they’re that person is hurting, and I like I don’t have to bully them back are get mad back, I don’t actually have to let that be part of my story. And I can still exercise some form of forgiveness towards that person. So I can move on in my life and what, and it’s really like empowering. I feel like for these young women who are going through learning this, like, because it’s these are steps, they can rinse and repeat. If if anything ever happens to them again?

Andi Kay 27:30
Yes, absolutely. But yeah, so well said again, and I think it’s you kind of release that. Release it, you know, and you let go and you move forward a lot. So I know some students are going into college now. So we’ve, they’ve gone through a program years ago, and now they’re going to college. And like, it’s just so cool. I’m so excited for them to take these principles and apply it there. I mean, hopefully, right. It doesn’t happen to them, like it did for me in so many different schools for some reason. But yeah, I think it’s so cool that they’ve like gone through the process. And then now they if they ever do encounter something like this in college, they can know how to deal with it. But also they’ve let go of the hurt and like for, you know, in some capacity have forgiven and moved forward, like into their college years. And I just, it’s so fun to think about. Do you know what I mean?

Lesley Logan 28:27
I do. any like, I’m just thinking about like your journey, like, obviously, like, unfortunately, kept happening. And I was just interviewing somebody on betrayal. And I asked her like, Well, if you’ve gone through betrayal, and you’ve healed if you did all the steps we talked about to heal from betrayal, like, inevitably, you’re probably gonna be betrayed again, just people, it just happens. And it doesn’t mean that they’re like, you’re a magnet for betrayal. But like, yeah, do you heal from it differently? And I’m wondering for you, like, obviously, these girls that you your foundation works with, like, they’re still going to school, they’re still in life, like, do once they’ve gone to this journal, do they find that like, if they are bullied, it is easier to tell, like to move past from or like, what have you do have any of this, have a stories like that?

Andi Kay 29:16
Yeah, I think I have heard stories of like going through another transition that’s really difficult and going back to the journal, like maybe six months later, and that it helped them and now they know they can go to this, because it is a rinse and repeat kind of situation. But no, that’s a good point. I’ve I’ve heard also, yeah, I mean, you can’t expect to not encounter it again, necessarily. And sometimes it can. I’ve I’m thinking back to this one youth organization. So it’s actually was the first student that I mentored and like went through the eight-week program with and it did continue to happen after like our eight weeks. You know, we’re done. But she did know like how to cope better, which was like just sucks. I mean, I’m so upset that it kept happening and you know that in school like, sometimes you can’t you leave it to the administrators a little bit, right, in terms of like how much you can do, but I feel good and I feel yeah, good that she had tools to use on her own. ,

Lesley Logan 30:29
Yeah, I agree like it would be so amazing like, okay, they’ve been bullied, it stops, they’ve done the journal like it’s over. But the truth is, like, for a lot of people, the bully still might be around. And so they are going through this and having to, to keep going through life knowing that this person is there, but that person is not the truth. And that person is not in control. Because they they have self-worth.

Andi Kay 30:52
Yes, yes. Yeah. And I have had adults use our journal too. And like, you know, they’re they go through their own environments with this, right, like, whether that’s workplace for, yeah, so I, yes, it’s transferable.

Lesley Logan 31:10
I mean, like, I feel like, it’s so crazy. I think many workplaces have so many bullies. Like, I just like, when you if you just watch the news, like our own, if you’re in the States, our own government has bullies in it. Like, it’s just like, that’s a bully, you know, and as a Pilates instructor, and even in the Pilates industry, like one of my teacher trainers, I was like, this is a fucking bully. This is what this is. And unfortunately, what ends up happening is like, these institutions get bad raps for these bad people. But really, like, it’s like, we got to call it what it is that person’s a bully. And as people who are being bullied, we need to do our own healing. So that that bully doesn’t have power because of the bullying is like, yeah, the bully gets their power from bullying, and affecting you and silencing you and making you cry or whatever. And if you don’t, if you can’t, if you’re not affected by the bullying, I feel like maybe I’m correct. Maybe I’m incorrect. Maybe I’m like living in a false world. When bullies don’t have the same effect that they had on someone? Do they leave them to believe someone else? Or do they become less of a bully? Like, how do we prevent them?

Andi Kay 32:21
Yeah, no, I know. And it’s case by case, right? It’s like the direction of it differs. But I think what you brought up is good. Because it’s like healing, right? Focusing on your own healing will be such a counter, I think, right? Like, where you’re not, yes, so upset or triggered by a bully, but instead you’re focusing on your healing. And your healing journey, you become stronger, you become more emotionally strong, and you become a leader. There are even some like definitions of bullying out there, where it really does perceive the bully as leader. And in even if you look back at like history, of where like of bullying, they do demonstrate, like this person has more power or more wealth or something like clearly defines that, which I don’t sometimes agree with. But I was going to say that I think when you’re focusing on your own growth then that’s, that’s like, I think, winning, you know?

Lesley Logan 33:25
Yeah, I agree. I agree. It’s, it can be so hard, you know, a lot of our listeners are parents, and you know, maybe their, their, this would be their worst nightmare for their child to be bullied or they’re going through it. Can they? Can anybody get this journal? Can they work with your foundation? What are what are some steps that parents can take if their kids are going through this?

Andi Kay 33:52
Yes, absolutely. And so yes, you can get the journal on Amazon. And I’m so excited about that. And then you can reach us at hellobloom.org. There’s a contact us form at the bottom and we’d love to get in touch. And teens can sign up for an Ambassador Program, which is nationwide too, so doesn’t matter where you live in the States. And follow us on Instagram, Bloom Foundation, we post pretty much daily inspiration there to help you stay motivated, kind of reminding you of these principles too, and we yeah, we would love to stay in touch with you there. That’d be amazing.

Lesley Logan 34:34
Yeah. How can how can people be involved with Bloom? If they’re, like passionate about what you’re doing? Like maybe they’re, they’re not someone who is being bullied. They’re not someone who is a parent of that. Like if there’s someone who’s like, oh my gosh, I just love what you’re doing and I want to help. Like, I want to help people who’ve been bullied to prevent bullying. Like, is that something that you guys need support with?

Andi Kay 34:56
I love that. Yeah. So I would say if you’re a teen, definitely sign up for the Teen Ambassador Program. But we also have a Bloom Box on our website. So order the box that comes with a lot of goodies too. And we’ll be adding a piece of like how to start your own Bloom Club or a chapter. So yeah, order a box and kind of represent Bloom, share the good news. We’ll also have some campaigns going on in May, and then October, too. October is National Bullying Prevention Month. And so we really want more voices around that time to highlight, again, bullying prevention, but also this need for bullying recovering support services, too. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 35:36
Yeah. One last question. Is there is there anything we can do that you’ve seen work to get administration, schools, law, local laws, laws in general to, to make to like make to understand that bullying is like, one of the worst things that was happening in our mental health that we are seeing in schools that is preventable? Like, is there? Do we have a congress person we should be calling? Is there a bill that we should be like, sign up for like, obviously, October, everyone gets your like, anti-bullying flag out? But like, what, what what steps can we take to kind of get people to understand that this is like, a really big deal. It’s why. I mean, we’ve all heard the studies are out that like, young girls, teenage girls, mental health is the lowest it’s ever been since they started, like tracking it.

Andi Kay 36:24
I love your passion. I’m like, Yes. Where is it? Google-ing already. You’re just like, yeah, I mean, yes. I so that’s a piece of what we want to do, too. We want to change legislation because in 1989 is when anti-bullying legislation and policies were implemented.

Lesley Logan 36:45
That’s the last time?

Andi Kay 36:46
Yes. For across the board, I know. I know.

Lesley Logan 36:52
That’s so far, everything, all the tools they use.

Andi Kay 36:57
Yeah. And anti-bullying. Yes. And we saw, you know, what the, it’s still almost looks the same, too. But, yes, you know, what a great question. Let me get back to you, though.

Lesley Logan 37:11
I get back to us. We’ll put that in the show notes. Absolutely. We’ll put it in the show notes. Well, we’ll bring it up on a future recap. Yes, absolutely. All right, we’re going to take a brief break, and get those Be It Action Items from you.

All right, bold, executable, intrinsic, targeted steps people can take to be it till they see it. You’ve given us some great tips with what your steps are for the journal but what else have you got for us?

Andi Kay 37:33
Okay, so I think number one writing a letter to yourself. And you can use dearfutureme.org to have it automatically sent to you. And you can choose when you want that sent in, you know, I don’t know if you did this in high school, but I just talked to a few students and they were graduating going to college and they started one in ninth grade. And they got one you know, as they’re about to graduate. So I think we can take that. So write a future letter to yourself, write a letter where you’re at now where you want to be what you hope to accomplish. And I think that ties in all those like the perspective taking too, that we talked about, so.

Lesley Logan 38:13
Oh, I love that. I love that there’s a website that will do it. Because I did, my, I wrote a letter to myself, um, I was in a New Year’s Eve yoga class thing. And I like wrote something to myself about, like, you know, just a reminder of how I wanted that year to go and how I wanted to feel. And it came. This is so funny. Actually, when Brad listens to this he’ll know, it came to me during the week that we were not speaking. It was like, it was like, after he dumped me for the second time before we’ve been dating. It never makes him sound like a good guy. He’s an amazing person. But it came and it was just like, just remember that you really wanted this year to be about these things. And like, you wanted to feel this way. And so honor those things. It was like such like, I was like, oh, that’s how I want this year to go. This is gonna go great. So anyways, but I that person just randomly sent it to me. That means you have to go to the post office, you could have lost it. So I love that there’s a website that could send it. That’s amazing.

Andi Kay 39:13
Right? I know it is. It’s really cool. But that’s a funny story. I love it. That’s great. I mean, I love that it came to you in the mail too. I think that’s special. So yeah, and I wish someone give them a letter say like in this timeframe send it to me, because, that, I like that too. Yeah. Old fashioned mail’s fun, too.

Lesley Logan 39:33
Yeah, I love it. I love it.

Andi Kay 39:36
Yeah, and I think that really connects you to your self. And then I do want to reiterate because we love it so much the 10 reasons to love yourself too, just take the time to do that. I think we should do that, that challenge, the Be It challenge, for seven days come up with 70 reasons to love yourself. And don’t be afraid to share it too, maybe share it with someone else today and then encourage them to do it too.

Lesley Logan 39:59
I love that I hope you all do. I hope, I hope you guys have like you and your buddies that (inaudible) coffee and like before you can even talk about how your day was, just write down 10 things you love about yourself that could really change the whole coffee.

Andi, thank you for the work that you do. I hate that you went through the journey that you went through, but I love that they’re, the future teenagers of this world have have something they can do to support them during this time. And you all, you heard it, you can get the workbook, the journal on Amazon, we’ll make sure those links are in the show notes. You can also go to the Bloom Foundation’s website to check things out. Being it till you see it is not an easy thing to do. But it’s especially hard if you are being attacked, for being yourself and from people saying things that rarely are true. So I really just I’m so excited that we’ve met I’m so grateful for the work that you do. I cannot wait to see how how Bloom grows. And everyone please share this episode with a friend. Share it with someone you know who might be going through this so that they know there’s people out there that can support them. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

Lesley Logan
‘Be It Till You See It’ is a production of the ‘Bloom Podcast Network’.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan
It is produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velasquez for our transcriptions.

Brad Crowell
Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

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