Finding the Why

Behind Your Beliefs

Ep. 160 with Lesley & Brad

“Do you know why you believe what you believe?”

Brad Crowell

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Show Notes

Who told you couldn’t do the thing you want? Who shaped your belief about money, faith, and relationships? This episode is a deep dive into helping you rediscover the why behind what you believe and the encouragement to become the person you want in this life.

If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at beit@lesleylogan.co. Or leave a comment below!

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

  • How do you plan for the next year?
  • Decide what you don’t want in the new year to lead what you do want
  • Starts acting as if you already are the person you want to be
  • The impact of the vulnerability in conversations
  • You never have to go through your struggle alone
  • How to ask better questions with intention
  • The separation of Depression and Anxiety
  • Why you need to be clear on why you believe what you believe.
  • New Year, New You is a lie.

Episode References/Links:

Transcript

Lesley Logan
Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I’m Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I’ve trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it’s the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring Bold, Executable, Intrinsic and Targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It’s a practice, not a perfect. Let’s get started.

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Lesley Logan
Welcome back to the interview recap where my co host in life, Brad and I are going to talk about the emotionally available convo I had with Jeremy and Zach in the last episode. If you haven’t yet listened to that one, pause this now, go back and listen to that one, or listen to this one and then listen to that one. I mean, honestly, I think you could do either order on all of our episodes. I also know from the download that some of you just do the recap. So I feel like everyone’s on the got a lot of people who enjoy the short version.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, I mean, it’s, it was a good recap. Those guys seem pretty cool. I’m a big Star Wars fan myself, so maybe we’ll be hanging out and doing Star Wars talking someday.

Lesley Logan
I feel like whenever I interview any men, they bring up Star Wars. I think there’s very few interviews with men that have not brought up Star Wars. (Brad: Many men) So maybe (Brad: wish death upon me) like, like maybe Michael is the only one. (Brad: Yeah, right.) So anyways, yeah, I thought they were really amazing. And it was a really neat conversation to have and there’s some very awesome BE IT action items that we get to talk about. But I just want to say it’s so nice to be back from Dallas on this like really short opportunity to be in our house together. That’s been a crazy, like we were we were talking about this in Arizona, or maybe it was in Cambodia. But how since end of August, we really haven’t been home for a full two weeks ever.

Brad Crowell
You have clearly stated find the fact that you can remember where we were when we were talking about this.

Lesley Logan
No. And then also when we were home, there are people here at the home. So like, right now we have like, seven, six days together in our home for the first time since (Brad: In a long time.) August. I don’t think we’ve had six days in our home (Brad: Oh really) together without anyone in our home. No. Five is the longest. (Brad: Wow.) Yeah. And that was between photoshoots and we had to go. Anyways, so I just got back from an amazing time in Dallas with Erika Quest. She is just I mean, she’s a fucking amazing person, one of my best friends. And we have now made this an annual trip to teach in Dallas and we’re actually going right back there, Brad and I exactly to where I just Pilates for our tour.

Brad Crowell
I was feeling left out. So (Lesley: Yeah, well you know …) you know I felt like crash the party and actually just take over and do it on my own.

Lesley Logan
Our Pilates lovers there were missing Brad and specifically also a workout. So we are going on tour and our first stop is in Frisco and … (Brad: Frisco) If there are any spots left in any of our classes that are tour, you can find them at onlinepilatesclasses.com/tour

Brad Crowell
Yeah, we’ll be doing two in Frisco and then Houston the next day.

Lesley Logan
Houston and then we head to Nashville. Hi Lauren Zoeller. And we’ve got a bunch of fan favorite people in Nashville. And then we are going to Atlanta to Joel studio. Just actually outside of Atlanta, it’s called Duluth. Don’t complain about the drive. If you live in Atlanta, you can do this. And then we go to Greensboro, which is like (Brad: North Carolina) hey, first time doing that. (Brad: Yeah it was first.) And then we’re going to do a little Christmas time. Then in Cleveland, then in St. Louis. And then we are home in time for New Year’s for our …

Brad Crowell
But we will be stopping through Denver for lunch. So (Lesley: Yeah, Denver keeps …) on the way home at post Xmas we’ll be fooding in in Denver.

Lesley Logan
We’ll be fooding in in Denver for lunch. (Brad: Yeah) We’re gonna pick a spot where maybe this spot we went to last year where people could just find food anywhere, that (Brad: It was perfect actually.) was pretty great. So (Brad: Yeah) we’ll figure out whatever the place that was. But if you are in Denver, and you want to be on that invite list, we’ll just watch out for emails and stuff. You want to go on the tour, go to onlinepilatesclasses.com/tour. Also a couple things if you’d like hanging out with us, we have actually announced our presale for the Cambodia retreat next year. Remember, we’re only doing one and we let our waitlist there’s no first so if you were not on the waitlist and you really want to go, well I hope there’s a spot for you. I’m sure there will be and if not just DM me and I will help you get that information. So you do not miss out on the opportunity to go to Cambodia with with us because we’re only going one time next year. (Brad: Yeah) So there’s that. And then finally, I’m so excited about this. You probably haven’t heard me talk about it for a while. And that’s because honestly, it keeps selling out. So, I haven’t even like brought it up. But if you have been following this path for a while you know that I have a mentorship program for Pilates teachers. It’s called eLevate, and we decided to do our first round here in 2022. It sold out with amazing, amazing crew. So we did a second round which are sold out. And then the third round, we’re actually going to kick off in May, and that of 2023, which I know you’re like, “Lesley, it’s only December.” Yes. But you know, mentorships are a big commitment. And we like to give people a lot of time to plan for them. And it does start in May. And there’s only a couple spots. So if you are a Pilates teacher who’s wanted to dive into the classical method, more understand how I was taught, become like a more of a master teacher, third generation instructor, things like that, if you’re wanting to, like, teach more, but not be burned out, this is the program for you.

Brad Crowell
Yeah or even explore classical, (Lesley: Yeah) you know if you’re coming from anonclassical foundational training, you know, this is a great opportunity to get into all that too.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, so you don’t have to be classical to do this, you don’t have to be contemporary to do this, you can be either or you just have to have been a teacher already.

Brad Crowell
At the time, we’re recording this, there are three spots available. But if they are filled full, by the time you hear this will be will will add you to the waitlist for the next round, (Lesley: Yeah) round four. So

Lesley Logan
So you’ll go to lesleylogan.co/elevate. And I it’s one of my passion. I frickin love this group of people. It’s just so fun for us. So anyways,

Brad Crowell
And you get the join the RAD alumni group.

Lesley Logan
I know once you graduate, there is a alumni group. (Brad: Great group of ladies.) And there’s like, you know, we’re we’re secretly behind the scenes planning, like a retreat just for Elevators. And so, (Brad: Yeah) yeah, anyway. Well, it’s not a secret that I told you about. You don’t know where it is or what’s going to happen. So that’s the secret. Anyways, (Brad: anyways) do we have an audience question to respond to before we start talk about Fit Mess.

Brad Crowell
We do. So we were asked, with all the things that you have going on in your life, in your business and your friends and family. How do you make decisions about the upcoming year? And how do you plan for the next year?

Lesley Logan
Yeah, well, that’s like, this is a great question.

Brad Crowell
Also a very broad question but …

Lesley Logan
It super broad. Well, well, well, this will gonna narrow it in to the Be It Till You See It podcast as the filter. (Brad: Sure) So first of all, very important that you ask yourself this, because if you don’t plan for yourself, you were you will be planned. Don’t worry. Like, (Brad: Yeah) it’s not like (Brad: It happens whether you plan it or not.) Yeah, it’s the same thing like when are, when Hilary says if you don’t brand yourself, other people will brand you. Like, if you don’t make goals. (Brad: Hilary Hartling) Yeah, someone else is gonna go, make goals for you (Brad: Right) like, so it’s important that you take time to set aside like what you want in your next year. And if you’re like, “I don’t know what that is” because some people like to do that. How do you want to feel then, like, what is that look like? So make sure you’re setting aside time. I like to journal, draw, go for a walk, think about things like that percolate on it a lot.

Brad Crowell
She was on episode 57.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. And so I’ll let Brad answer how he likes to plan his upcoming year. But first and foremost, I definitely throughout the current year, do retrospection that Kareen Walsh has taught us. She was episode, Brad will tell you in a second, and she has a free resource that you can learn how to do this retrospection. But I do it throughout the year, because I like to know how as the years going, like what I don’t want in next year, so that when the new year comes, I’m not like, “I’m doing the thing. I don’t want to do anymore.” And often what you when you know what you don’t want it to let you know what you do want. And then I well before, we’re probably actually probably plan the next year around beginning of Q four. Because we have to, and some things that we do happen the same time ish every year. So those things happen on that, like they’re already planned. But then the next thing I like to think about and it’s hard, this is the hard part, this is why this podcast exists is who do you have to be to have the thing you want to have next year and how can you start acting like it now so it actually happens, hello, be it till you see it.

Brad Crowell
Well, let me jump in (Lesley: Yeah) because that that’s a perfect segue. I’m in the middle of a book right now called The As If Principle by a guy named Andrew Wise… So Richard Wiseman.

Lesley Logan
If you guys know him, can you help me out? Because y’all I have been trying to find this man’s information. (Brad: Information) And I want him on the podcast.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, totally. Richard Wiseman, and a general summary of the concept is to make decisions as if you already are where you want to be. Right? So if you want to be here’s a here’s a great example. Let’s say you want to run a studio that has a team of 10 instructors. Today, you don’t have that, but you know that that’s where you’re going. So if you were going to set up a studio, how would you set up the studio? You would set it up as if you already had 10 instructors? (Lesley: Yeah) Right. So like, would you have a lot of space for a lockers? Would you have a, you know, like a spot for shoes? And like, you know, what are the expectations? How are they checking in? How are they clocking in as an employee? All these kinds of things, you make these decisions as if they’re already in place.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. And that doesn’t mean you spend the money on the clocking and machine or the lockers yet that might … (Brad: Yeah, not necessarily.) you hold that you you make sure that you have, you hold the space, and you consider that as you’re looking for spaces.

Brad Crowell
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, a lot of entrepreneurs will talk about this act as if you are already the seven figure business you want to be. You know, if you are looking to start a family, act as if you already have kids, how would you make a decision? I think, Lesley, (Lesley: Well …) talked about this before, in your personal life, when you were looking to meet someone and start a relationship, you were acting as if you already had a relationship happening, which was making coffee for two.

Lesley Logan
Making coffee for two people. Also making sure that I had evenings or time blocked off that I could not work in case I would go on a date or spend time with that person. (Brad: Sure) And I literally went to New York, my first Christmas being single, so that so that I wouldn’t go to my parents house for Christmas, because I was like, “No, I’m going to meet a man who soundly celebrates Christmas and will celebrate Thanksgiving with my family.” (Brad: Right) And so I’m not going to go home for Christmas, which really pissed him off. Sorry, guys. But I went to New York and said, and then guess what? We spend Christmas with your family. (Brad: Yeah) So worked out.

Brad Crowell
So you know, this concept of acting as if I think it’s really cool. I think it’s, it’s a, I think the hardest part is remembering to do it, to be honest. Because it makes sense to it’s very logical. I like it.

Lesley Logan
It’s because it’s easier to do the thing you already been doing and be the person you already are. And because that’s, you know that. So I think like, first of all, if you start acting as if and then you revert back to who you once were, it’s like, it’s okay, because you don’t need to be perfect. But also, if you notice that you did that, then you can make a change. Okay, what would I do next time? How can I like, (Brad: Sure) if you set an appointment based on the person you currently are not the person you want to be? Can you cancel the appointment? Can you reschedule the appointment? Can you block your calendar out so that that appointment doesn’t exist anymore? You know, there, it’s …

Brad Crowell
It’s constantly be it till you see it. I think it’s like a perfect parallel here. And I mean, it’s obviously why we’d love to get …

Lesley Logan
Yeah, so I want it. (Brad: Richard on pod.) So who knows it. (Brad: But um yeah.) But I love this question. I hope that that helps. I feel like it could be a little esoteric, but it’s like, think of it … Sometimes it is easier to think about, you don’t want to have happen in your life next year, to figure out what you want to have happen in your life and sometimes easier to figure out how you want to feel in your life next year at the end of it. And then what would be the things that have to happen to make you feel that way? And then finally, who do you have to be to make those things happen? How do you act like that person today? It is a consummate be it till you see it. It’s also like, how would Oprah do this? Like sometimes I have like, that’s what I have to think. (Brad: How would, what?) Oprah do this. (Brad: Oh, Oprah, Oprah.) Yeah, like, we have a big goal that we want to hit in our business. And I had to make changes in my life, in my routine and in how it worked to make us get closer to that this year. If I want to do it next year, next year. I like up the goal a little bit because you know you have to and because because you need we will I want more. And so it’s like okay, well then who do I have to be to that? And sometimes I think Oprah or I, I picture other female business owners who have done things that I want to do but it’s not exactly the same, but like it’s the it in the most general term, it’s the same thing. And then I’m like, “Okay, well, how would how would they do it?” Because they’re already there. And I could probably look back at examples of what they did, and then interpret it for myself. So anyways, I love these questions, y’all can send them in to the @be_it_pod on Instagram or you can send it into my team. You can send it anywhere to say this is for the Be It pod, you can also send in your bold moments. It’s where you take a BE IT action item.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, tell us your bold moments, yell us what’s going on for you. We’d love to shout that out.

Okay, now let’s talk about Jeremy and Zach from The Fit Mess introduced by through their wives, because I, they said their wives both had daughters at the same time. So (Lesley: Yeah) I’m guessing they met at like, you know, something to do with the kids.

Lesley Logan
I know. It’s made me, this totally made me think of like you and Eddie and all these friends because it’s basically because of Chanda Ashley, myself and a couple other wives that you all got together and expanded and made your own friends.

Brad Crowell
Well, Jeremy and Zach formed a quick friendship because of their love of Star Wars. They began to move to have more intentional conversations about their challenges and their struggles, mental, physical and emotional, which led them to the creation of their podcast, The Fit Mess. Zach and Jeremy are on a mission, to share their stories and struggles to empower men to discuss their feelings and emotions and to motivate them to take small steps each week towards a more fulfilling life. And then they also said that a large part of their audience is actually their girlfriends and wives of the men that they’re speaking to. But I thought it was really fun to, to connect with them to listen to them talk about their experience.

Lesley Logan
You know, I most like, not my football players, but many of the men that I taught in Pilates, I taught them because of their wives. So like, I would teach their wives and their was like, “Husband should be doing this.” And I’m like, “Okay, send them in.” And, and they would and so it’s what I had for a long time, I had more male clients than female clients. Because when you add like the the football players, and then the husbands, I was like, “Well, that’s all the intention that I had.” But you know what, there are great people that introduce great people. And I think that’s what’s really cool. So I really, they were talking about, you don’t have to go through your thoughts alone, other people in the same place. And you know, it’s so this happened when they realized that they were all like, sort of talking around how they were feeling and not really engaging. But when they finally just did, and were just like honest about it, they’re like, “Oh, wow, this person feels the same way too.” And, you know, I know that they were to my, how, like a lot of men go through this. But if you listen back to the episode, the recent episode with Jessica Valant, when we brought her back, she’s like, women are in the school line and they’re not talking about how they’re really feeling either. They’re not talking about what they’re really going through either. And so I love that they have a podcast, that they’re basically sharing this idea so that other men know you don’t have to go through this alone, that you can share your real feelings. But I think in general, what it sounds like is most people are not sharing their authentic feelings with other people in their lives (Brad: Yeah) until it’s like this big thing. And like, what if we actually did it throughout the day, throughout the week with the people that we see often?

Brad Crowell
Yeah, I think it’s, I think that’s a good observation. I think that’s funny that I didn’t actually I listened to it twice. And I didn’t actually think about that. But you’re right. If if the conversation is about sharing their feelings, genuinely sharing, you’re right. The implication is that people don’t do that especially men. So I I also thought they kind of had a laugh about their like, you know, oh, yeah the first time we went out to lunch, it was like, I guess we’ll talk about cars and sports and stuff that generally, I’m not into, you know, and I was laughing because I was like, “Oh, yeah, okay.” I mean, I’m into motorcycles, but I don’t really nerd out that much. I couldn’t like tell you about some 1965 motorcycle or something. I don’t know. You know, so.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. I did think of you on that because it’s true. Like, I think people have the assumption that that’s what men want to talk about. (Brad: Right) Just like they assume women want to talk about these other things like (Brad: Yeah) kids.

Brad Crowell
Family, marriage, wedding, whee

Lesley Logan
Like no one would actually wants you to ask her about the next wedding date, or when are they gonna have kids? Or if they’re gonna have like, no one, you know, one of my friends recently asked me because we’re talking about her kid, and she just said, hey, like, it came up in a way that was not actually like, “When are you gonna have kids?” You know what I mean? It was like, “Have you guys thought about that?” I don’t know how we would talked about it. And we had an honest conversation around it. But like, I definitely think that people have these like standard questions that they ask people at events, and none of them go deep at all. And it’s so (Brad: Right) and that’s why no one wants to go to anything. (Brad: small talk) No one wants to have small talk. So what if like one of my Breathwork coaches, she sends out an email every week and it says, “Hey, so and so how are you, really?” And I fucking love that. Because every time I read it, I’m like, “How am I really?” (Brad: How am I really?) You know what I mean? No one’s actually asked me that this week. You know, people ask me, “How are you?” But they’re expecting, “I’m good.” They’re, because they’re already on to the next sentence. (Brad: Sure) They’re not listening. So like, I love that email so much, because it lets me think like, “How am I really?” So, I don’t know, I feel I feel like whether it’s men or women or even non binary, I feel like we can all do a better job being it till we see it in the conversations that we want to have, asking better questions that actually allow us to, to learn more about the people that we’re having a conversation with. You and I are in a Mastermind and there was a couple girls that I’ve really never like I’ve I’ve talked to, but in this group of four, but then we like actually ask different questions. And I’m like, “Oh, my God, how come we’ve not talked for the whole year? We do the same thing. (Brad: I know) We’re going through the same thing?”

Brad Crowell
Well, it’s it’s definitely funny, you know, it’s one of those where, I don’t know, we, I guess you find yourself in the same group, or the same clique, or the same, you know, conversation over and over and over again. And this time, it was just the the it was very, it was happen instance. We were supposed to go to dinner with a group. And then plans changed, and we shut up the restaurant and then surprise, a whole another group was already there. (Lesley: Yeah) We bumped into them inadvertently, like, who knew.

Lesley Logan
Well, this guy is so crazy. So we made a reservation for five. (Brad: Yeah) And five people at six o’clock. And then, like, 20 minutes before, we’re supposed to have dinner, three of the five people. So well, two of them weren’t gonna come to that because one of them already been in the restaurant. No big deal. We didn’t call the change reservation we just showed up. (Brad: Yeah) We walk in. There are three girls from our Mastermind that we had not planned with. They did not have reservation, I’m like, “Great. You’re having dinner with us.”

Brad Crowell
Yeah. And we and we actually, like, you know, of course we know them. But like, we haven’t had a chance to hang with them to have like, one on ones and all the things and that was lovely.

Lesley Logan
It was so lovely. And like we’ll have to figure out how to have some of them on the pod because …

Brad Crowell
Yeah, we definitely went deeper than that’s the thing that gave us an opportunity to actually go deeper than casual like, “Hey, cool. How’s it going? What do you been up to?” whee next.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, well, we got down to like, we knew each other’s food allergy. So we’re literally at sushi dinner like, “You can have this. I can’t have that. You can have.” (Brad and Lesley laughs) You know what I mean? (Brad: Yeah that was fun.) Anyways, I just I love that their podcast and their relationship stemmed from this idea that they both had this problem. And they realized that they weren’t going through it alone. So they decided to go through it together and be the example of what they want to see in this world. They fucking love that. So what did you love that they said?

Brad Crowell
Yeah. Well, so I thought there was something really interesting about the very, very beginning of the pod. They, I can’t remember which one actually mentioned, the separation between or the difference maybe, between depression and anxiety, which I mean, obviously, they’re different. But what was what was really like, wow, I never thought about it like that before, for me was depression focuses on the past. Anxiety focuses on the future. (Lesley: Yes) And it was very casual. He just kind of threw it in when they were talking about the two things because one of them suffers from depression, the other suffers from anxiety. And they were like, “Oh, yeah, well, he’s always lived in the past. And I’m also in the future.” And I was like, “Wow, I never thought about that before.” (Lesley: Yeah) That’s very interesting.

Lesley Logan
That’s why we’ve been given today as a gift. It’s a present. Right, to be present. Like it’s a gift.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, there’s that. I mean, I …

Lesley Logan
Good luck with being present. But …

Brad Crowell
I’ve definitely gone through like moments of depression. But I think, for me, consistently through my life has been more anxiety. (Lesley: Yeah) You know, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, you know, fear of the pressure, the pressures of life that, you know, I have to meet these expectations, or, you know, I don’t know, pay the bills, even something as mundane as that, you know, and it creates that anxiety where one of my dear friends has suffered from depression. And I’ve always, I’ve actually, I’ve not been able to connect with that nearly as much because it’s not something that I struggle with as much. However, listening to them, just throw that one sentences was very revealing for me, oh, wow. Depression, you’re focused on the past, anxiety you’re focus more on the future. Very interesting.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. I think that’s interesting. I think some people know that without knowing that and I think some people need to be reminded of that because it can be, it can be hard if you’ve if you are more one than the other to relate to someone like you just mentioned. But also, if you are with someone who focuses more on the past, asking them questions that just keep taking in the past is not actually that helpful versus like someone who focuses a lot on the future talking about their future. When is your wedding? Are you gonna have kids? (Brad: Right) Are you gonna … what are you doing that? Like …

Brad Crowell
Oh, this is, (Lesley: you know) very inte… good good observation.

Lesley Logan
So this is really funny, because I have some friends who always want to ask things about the future. And like, I love that because obviously be it till you see it like, of course, I must be thinking about the future a lot. But if I live in the future ….

Brad Crowell
No, actually be it till you see it is focusing on the present.

Lesley Logan
Well, correct. (Brad: Yeah) No, that’s the point. But like, you have to know who you want to be in the future to be present in the thing during the be it. Right. (Brad: Yes, yes.) So which I do, but when people like I have a couple of friends who are always asking about the future, “When is this? When is this?” And I’m like, “Oh my God.” I just like, “You have no idea what you just put me into these are the things…” Because I can lean (Brad: Sure) anxious, more easily that I can lean depress. I’m not a depress, I don’t really. And that’s like, sometimes I wonder I’m like, “Is there so much I think about the past little bit more.” But like I don’t, I like you know, I’ve moved on, healed from it, dealt with it, decided how I feel about that. I’m good. And so I tend to shy away from people where the questions are all futuristic. (Brad: Interesting) And how are you to do that? What do you do that? What is this going to be? And I’m like, I actually can hear myself try to make the question shorter, or change the subject, because some of those questions can create anxiety, and I’m at a party and now I’m anxious. (Brad: Right) And I’m a high functioning introvert. So I’m already like, “I want to see all of you. I need to go lay down.”

Brad Crowell
That’s a great observation about the questions, you know, and I wonder, like, I wonder, I wonder about the psychology behind that. If it would make more sense to ask future questions to people who are suffering from depression, as opposed to (Lesley: Maybe we’ll bring my …) past questions vice versa, like asking past questions to people who are more prone to anxiety.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, so we should have a little like checklist like or a badge. This is my name. And I prefer questions about this. (Brad and Lesley laughs) Like, you know, you have your pronouns and then you have like I lean … anxious, I lean depressed. (Brad: Right) Please ask me only questions about …

Brad Crowell
Ask me about my future. Ask me about my past.

Lesley Logan
Oh, my God. It’s like, I think about my Uber profile that I haven’t filled out but I want to go like, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

Brad Crowell
Yeah, yeah. But if you have to ask, asked me about my future.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. Oh, not me. But yes. So well, maybe we’ll have maybe we’ll have one of my therapists on. I don’t like what my past therapists on to like answer. See if we’re on the right track here before.

Brad Crowell
Interesting, interesting stuff Physician.

Lesley Logan
This is a hypothesis right now, everyone, please don’t go like performing an experiment and blaming us. So.

Brad Crowell
Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, that’s really funny that you say that, because one of the comments that I want to say was Zach hat was my biggest fear is that I will give advice on our podcast that will actually hurt someone.

Lesley Logan
Because he’s so like, it’s so perfectly aligned with his anxiety.

Brad Crowell
So, you know, the disclaimer that you just gave that made me laugh. Yeah.

Lesley Logan
Well, I think I resonate with him a lot. But I it’s true. I’m like, please don’t like, you know, go, don’t, don’t go jump off a cliff. You know what I mean? (Brad: Yeah) Like, like, let’s experiment first in a safe place.

Brad Crowell
So funny. All right. Okay, now let’s talk about those BE IT action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items, can we take away from your conversation with Jeremy and Zach from The Fit Mess? So I’m gonna hop in real quick they’re, they each had one that worth, that they shared that was really, really great. I thought it was, I thought this one was really reflective of my life, and it was question your own beliefs. And this is a tough one, I think, you know, especially if you were raised religious, or had a very opinionated adult, you know, in your life, parent, or teacher. And I know, for example, that had I met you prior to my first marriage, there’s not a chance that we ever would have been together.

Lesley Logan
Oh, for sure. Don’t worry, same thing.

Brad Crowell
Yeah. Because I had a very specific conceptualization of right, wrong, rules, life, this is how it should, should not be, all those things.

The only reason that that changed was because I had an incredibly traumatic event happen, my divorce. And it caused a massive introspection, like reflection, internal reflection of like, what I do wrong, what could I have done better? I think I’ve reviewed every fucking conversation that she and I had ever had ever, you know, ever. And I analyzed it and thought about it and like, looked to see, what did I miss? How did I, how did I get to where it was? All this kind of thing. And there was so many instances of me deciding I wasn’t happy with myself in the situations that she and I had gone through that forced me to look at me. And that was like a unique moment in my life. I don’t know that I would have changed or reviewed or questioned my own beliefs. Have I not gone through this emotionally devastating event. Otherwise, I probably would have just, you know, kept on, keeping on. And I would have been the same person that I was. And my life wouldn’t be anything like it is today.

Lesley Logan
That’s true. Well, (Brad: That’s true.) I actually really loved when they said that. Because I think people say that, like you should question like, you know, because thoughts become facts, and then facts become me think let me know if you believe it. And like, we think we know, on certain levels, we hear that. But like, have you ever actually written down what you believe? And have you ever there’s like thought about like, do you know why you believe that? I’m not saying what you believe as you’re listening is wrong, or that should be like, like …

Brad Crowell
I think that’s key to clarify.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, cuz I actually don’t, I think a lot of people most of their beliefs have good intentions. But I do think …

Brad Crowell
Well, I mean, I don’t even know if they have intentions or not. (Lesley: Yeah, well, that’s …) It just their belief. (Lesley: Yeah.) Why do you believe what you believe?

Lesley Logan
And so not to like, look at your beliefs and go all these are wrong? These … your beliefs are not wrong, inherently. But do you know why you believe them? And is that belief aligned with who you want to be in this world? (Brad: Yeah) And who you who you want people to think you are in this world? And so I know …

Brad Crowell
And past who, you know, it’s also about yourself, like, are you comfortable with those? And why why I think that the asking, why do you believe what you believe? And (Lesley: Oh yeah) actually going back and, like, do you believe what you believe? Because that’s what you were told, you read in a book because of personal experience. I mean, there’s like only a few options of why you believe what you believe.

Lesley Logan
Yeah, I mean, like, think about what you about how you feel about money, your beliefs around that. Who told you that? Your beliefs around yourself, who said that? (Brad: Yeah) Um, your beliefs about other people and how, what their intentions are to other people? Who told you that? Because you grow when you are born, you don’t have beliefs. (Brad: Right. You don’t.) You are, you know, you want to eat, sleep and pee. Like that’s what like that’s what your whole intentions are. You know, and then they are passed along and like …

Brad Crowell
They are learned from somewhere.

Lesley Logan
They’re learn… and I have to say, like, I I don’t know how some some of the beliefs that my family had. I thought I didn’t believe but like my actions were otherwise when, especially when it came around money, but certain beliefs that like I remember certain family members having around types of people and kinds of people and things like that. I really disagreed with, but and I had to like ask myself was what I, why was, why was I in conflict with that? And what is going on there? And like how do I how do I feel about that? And I think as we get as adults, especially as like everyday, it’s feels like the world is burning down. It is challenging your beliefs. (Brad: Yeah) Now, if your reaction is instant, like oh, whatever, that’s okay. If you have taken the time to ask yourself why you believe that way, and why you’re reacting that way in the moment.

Brad Crowell
Yeah. And I think right now, what we’re what I’m envisioning in my mind is, you know, very foundational beliefs like religion and, you know, society, you know, other rising people and all that. However, it can be, it doesn’t have to be quite as foundational as that. Although this is foundational, not the minimalize it. But I again, I think it was Zach’s example was he was overweight as a kid. And so he was always told, you know, you’re not good enough. You’re the fat kid. And now he’s 43. And he’s not, you know, overweight anymore. But he still sees himself as that. He’s still in, like …

Lesley Logan
That’s a complicated, that’s it … That’s a complicated belief, because it’s, his, his, his thoughts, his beliefs are because what people told him …

Brad Crowell
Yeah, yeah. And when he was talking about this, he was saying, you know, why do I believe that? You know, and like, what, like, where did that come from? And is that something that I should still be holding on to?

Lesley Logan
And for the record, overweight or not? No one gets to tell you, you’re not good enough. You are good enough by being a fucking human being like, (Brad: Yeah) it doesn’t actually matter what the scale says, like, you are good enough. (Brad: Yeah) And I think like …

Brad Crowell
So it’s interesting, because, you know, I guess what I was saying was the pe… you know, like, the beliefs that I was challenging were beliefs that that I learned, people were sowing into me with the intention of good, whereas the beliefs that he was, has, has (Lesley: Yeah) learned and embrace were sown into him with the intention of hurt and negative and bad. Either situation you’re still embracing beliefs, and why are you doing that? And on should you be.

Lesley Logan
Yeah. This is, y’all that’s a tough, that’s a heavy BE IT action item. And and we gotta just stop there. But we have one more. (Brad: We do.) So good luck with that one, I think it’s important to do it around the holidays, specifically, before you hang out with your family. (Brad: Yeah) Because you’re going to hang out with your family and you need to, you need to be like really apparent, like, you need to do something really quick. You’re going to have conflict with them, whether you say it out loud, or in your head, if you are clear on why you believe what you believe, you will have less anxiety, depression, frustration, like inner turmoil, because you will be found, you will be like, this is this is what I believe. And that’s, and they believe that but like, I don’t have to believe that.

Brad Crowell
Right. You’ll be secure in your beliefs.

Lesley Logan
In the early part of this year, I, there was a situation that happened. And I called my therapist and I was like, “This happened. I can’t believe I did this … I thought I was over this.” And she said, “It’s actually okay, you got angry about that. What’s not okay is that you got mad at yourself for being angry about that. Like, it’s not okay that you judged yourself.” That’s where the work is. And so, if you do this BE IT action item homework, and you have a moment when you want to punch a pillow at your parents house at Christmas time, that is okay. (Brad: Yeah) Don’t get mad at yourself. Don’t punch them and don’t get and also don’t judge yourself.

Brad Crowell
Don’t touch them and don’t judge yourself for getting angry. It’s okay to get angry. That’s normal. That’s life as humanity.

Lesley Logan
You are, you’re supposed to feel your feelings. (Brad: Yeah) And it is part of the process. Just because you have done the work to figure out what your beliefs are. And then you go and put yourself in a situation where you’re frustrated by other people’s beliefs because you’re like how can you believe that. I love this person and they believe that I don’t believe. It is okay to be upset at that. It’s not okay to get upset at yourself for being upset that because you’re a human being who is in process and you will eventually get to a place where like you can let that go because you know that you’re doing the work in other places where it makes a difference. (Brad: Yeah) Anyways, my favorite action item after that heavy one which I don’t think that was our attention. But I’m just thinking about the person listening to this and I’m and not time of the year that they’re listening to they’re like, a lot, guys (Brad: Yeah) Good luck, let me know how it goes. One of, they said, Jeremy said, when, when you when you want to see change in your life, it’s more than just a desire, it is a decision. And so you have to see and believe that you are the person that can be and want to be that. So his example was he wanted to be a bike guy. So he didn’t just think I want to be a bike guy, someday I’ll be a bike guy, and like, look at bikers and go, I want to be a bike guy. I think there was like a cycle, actually versus like a motorcycle. But …

Brad Crowell
Yeah, bicycle.

Lesley Logan
So instead of just like wanting to be a bike guy, and someday being a bike guy, he like, rode his bike to work. So guess what? He made the decision. I want to see this change. I want to be this person. I’m going to do this thing to do to have that thing in my life. And I …

Brad Crowell
Yeah, he took took action on it. But also, before even he took action on it, he was specifically he was like, “Oh, it’d be cool if I was the bike guy.” And then he’s like, “No, it needs to be more than that.” It was, I am the bike guy. I am, I’m the guy. I’m the guy who gets up at five in the morning, and gets the, you know, bike, you know, uniform on and rides, you know, 10 miles to get to wherever he’s (Lesley: Yeah) going, you know, “I am that guy.” And he and he, like, he (Lesley: Yeah) made that decision before he even took that action.

Lesley Logan
Which goes back to the question we answered today, which is like, if you are that person who has these goals achieved at the next year, then what like what does that person do? That person puts on that? I think it’s like a singlet. That person you know buys these things, that person like has the fancy backpack that has all the things in it, like that you make decisions based on that person. And then you do the, then the actions follow and boom, you are that bike guy. (Brad: Yeah) And so I hope that like especially now everything that’s going on if there are changes you want to make in your life, make the decision to have the change happen now and then allow yourself to take action based on as if that change has happened before you seen the results of that change happening and that’s what makes the result.

Brad Crowell
I think we’re talking about New Year’s resolutions right now. (Lesley: No, we don’t do resolutions …) I’m aware (Lesley: We do …) but my point is the process of making change.

Lesley Logan
Well, because we we are we be it till we see it, we take messy action and we are we are not making resolutions because of who we want to be next year is just like getting like the up, the new update on the iPhone. There’s a new update. Okay, you know, download, implement let’s go like all of a sudden your phone has new things it can do because it’s like oh like like for example what is ours like a 13 plus or whatever. So but it has the operating system of something something point something, my phone isn’t go, “I’m a 13 plus.” It goes. “No I’m operating with this system.” Like it doesn’t doesn’t go, “Sorry guys can’t upgrade to that.” Like you know what I mean? Like it just goes, “Now I have these capabilities,” boom. So that’s to me …

Brad Crowell
You’re speaking my tech language here, Babe.

Lesley Logan
I, thank goodness because I was really just like riffing that. You know me, I don’t know anything about my tech but I have I wrote that blog years ago with Clare Solly, my slingshot friend. And I wrote like you’re there’s no such thing as like a new year, new you. It’s just the upgraded version of yourself based on the experiences that you have, and the decisions that you’ve made. (Brad: Yeah) The changes that you do, to be the person you want to be. Boom. I think you’re awesome. Thank you so much for listening. I’m Lesley Logan.

Brad Crowell
And, I’m Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan
How you use these in your life? What are you gonna do? Which one are you going to take action on right now? Which when you take action on the future? We want to know. And so what you need to do is share this with a friend, tag the @be_it_pod and tag The Fit Mess so they can see what actions you’re taking and until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell
Bye for now.

Lesley Logan
That’s all I’ve got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate this show and leave a review. And, follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over on IG at the @be_it_pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us help others to BE IT TILL YOU SEE IT. Have an awesome day!

Be It Till You See It is a production of Bloom Podcast Network.

Brad Crowell
It’s written, produced, filmed and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell. Our Associate Producer is Amanda Frattarelli.

Lesley Logan
Kevin Perez at Disenyo handles all of our audio editing.

Brad Crowell
Our theme music is by Ali at APEX Production Music. And our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan
Special thanks to our designer Mesh Herico for creating all of our visuals, (which you can’t see because this is a podcast) and our digital producer, Jay Pedroso for editing all the video each week, so you can./p>

Brad Crowell
And to Angelina Herico for transcribing each episode, so you can find it on our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

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